The SERVICE
Copyright 2015 George Kavsekhornak
"Do you know that my services, or to be more precise the service isn’t quite usual?"
"I've heard this before, of course..."
"I'm making people happy!"
"People? Are you not a human?"
"I'm just an average person."
"Are you an angel may be?"
"Are you kidding? I’ve no wings behind my back! You can be sure of this."
"Or a demon?"
"Look! Do you see the horns? And, I have not hoofs as well."
"What do you want to get in return?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"That's unselfishly..."
"Right."
"And what do you get if I become happy?"
"Do you care? Petr Sergeyevich, don’t hold me, it is a queue there. Sign the document, and you will be happy until the end of days."
"Why me?"
"Not everyone has luck!"
"But yet, what’s your benefit?"
"Don’t worry about it. Consider that I’ve this kind of job."
"And how it will happen?"
"Very simple – yep, and you are happy!"
"I refuse... Perhaps..."
"Don’t you like something? Worry about?"
"What if you hypnotize me, I will fall in love, for example, with ice-cream, will overeat on it and will die from a sore throat, but will be happy. Or you convince me that death is happiness, and I climb into a loop or jump off a bridge. And, you go to report to your superiors about another 'lucky man'. Forced to pass up until you don’t tell me how it works."
"Well, how queer everything is today! Why do you bother? There will be no any hypnosis."
"But... There must be some pitfalls. There's no such thing as a free lunch! Maybe there are some additional conditions, so-called 'small print'?"
"What have you borne? No additional conditions and there is no trace of stones! The service is like a service. And, mind you, free of charge."
"I'm still not ready..."
"Good. I will tell you how it works."
"I'm all ears..."
"Have you ever been happy? Do you remember that feeling?"
"Don't know, in my childhood, when my mother used to bake cakes with raspberry jam. They smell and taste, probably, made me happy."
"I'm not talking about fleeting pleasure, but for a long time, with awareness."
"When I defended diploma, I think. I’ve painted the town red for a week. That was happiness!"
"Oh yes! Think that here is identical."
"Yeah, and I ruin myself by drinking during a month? As you told, 'until the end of days'."
"You're exaggerating. You will have a long and very happy life."
"Okay, persuaded."
"That's nice!"
"What do I have to sign?"
"Here you go..."
"Yeah, 'I am, Petr Sergeyevich Besdomniy (TN: surname 'Besdomniy' translated as homeless) wants to be happy until the end of days.' Is that all?"
"What do you want? Do you think it must be The Treaty that would be consisted of one-hundred sheets?"
"I like to see the expected service description, responsibilities of the parties, the warranty."
"What are you talking about? Where do you think you came to the notary's office? Or to 'Horns and Hoofs company'? (TN: it’s from the novel 'The Little Golden Calf' by Ilya Ilf and Yevgeniy Petrov). The Service hired and guaranteed. Put your signature!"
"'Horns and Hoofs company'... What’s the catch?"
"Oh. Call next, I'm tired of you."
"Well, wait, I have to understand, I sign for the rest of my life."
"Let me help you. So think, where did you feel happy, and when it's most often happening?"
"I bethink, but will not tell you."
"No need. Now imagine that you will feel it every day and everywhere!"
"Good..."
"Not a word! Great! Here's a pen!"
"Thank you, I have my own, lucky one..."
"Oh, well, look at that, huh?"
"What?"
"One more time a centenarian!"
"Let me. Yes, indeed. Sheremetyev (Besdomniy) Petr Sergeyevich."
"Oh, I think it's a naughtiness of your novice again. He recruits them all."
"Let's not make hasty conclusions."
"Okay. What's with him?"
"For the first... 'Blue tolerance'. He pacified his pride. The second - 'blue'. It's commendable – he wasn't envy. The third is 'Blue tolerance.' Oh! Even wasn't angry - was very kind! In my eyes dazzled by this blue. What are you so happy? Just you shone by ultramarine fire."
"I've observed positive trends. That's great! I feel we have to press the blue button and to send our lucky man to the Top..."
"Let's see, let's see... The fourth. Aha! The '67 %.' 'Red tolerance. ' We will read more. The bottom line: had no pride; no envy; kind - had no wrath; but was sloth. So 100 minus ... I'm saying during 67 years had a sloth; generous; and didn't love taste dishes, so no gluttony. Oh! And, look the last one - 'had no lust', means and didn't love at all..."
"Stop! Love - this is love! And, it isn't simple love affairs."
"I agree, I agree. But love is a sudden, unexpected thing, I mean that is real, so do not be so unceremoniously. So his despondency was rolled over, press the 'red', and he will burn in hell fire forever!"
"Stop your pathos! There are flames from your back already. Let me think... Over 67 percent... It's the trick of your novice - dickens! Why did he choose some 33 old ones? Is he trying to carry favor? I hound White-winged on him!"
"Okay, I will talk to that noob. But imagine he makes people happy!"
"This is your point of view. Happiness is a feeling to be fleeting, intact, from the bottom of the heart. And, your novice, bring human happiness to the point of absurdity and, naturally, this leads to exorbitant angst and despondency. Solve the problem with him, would you be so kind. And, real happiness - this is the state memory of that fleeting that pierces in a heart, in thoughts, in a soul that is most importantly!"
"And let's ask Petr Sergeyevich. Why?"
"Good. But, please, without your fiery splash-proof."
"Then, without your 'blue' calm."
"Agree! He is staying there, in the queue at the gate. Call him, but don't scary him or we will not know anything useful."
"And buttons must be covered."
"Use your wing. Okay, kidding. Here is a newspaper. It seems like we are in counting-office!"
"Welcome, Petr Sergeyevich. Appease, that is calm down, don't be afraid. You had lived your life in dignity. But, tell…"
"What did you inspire to agree to 'the service'? Do you think that was the way to be happy?"
"Good day, my name is Petr Sergeyevich Sheremetyev…"
"We know, we know."
"For my understanding, must I be sincere?"
"Of course!"
"And enough with the questions. Tell, please, Petr Sergeyevich."
"At 33 years old, I somehow became disillusioned with life. 'It will be so forever! Really?' I thought. From home to work, from work to home, there wasn't development, one was remained – the despair. It was a right time to put a noose around my neck. And, there was a strange ad in the newspaper... 'Dear Petr Sergeyevich Besdomniy, our service awaits you. You will be happy until the end of days. Come, you will no regret'."
"Did you go there immediately?"
"Certainly not! I considered it for a cruel joke, and even threw out the newspaper in the hearts. But the next day I got a call. A woman begged me to come, and said, 'Your happiness is waiting for you!'"
"You remember everything very well! Great!"
"I never forget it."
"Please, continue P
etr Sergeyevich."
"Don't you really know what happened next?"
"Yes, we know, we know. But we are interested in your motives and feelings."
"Good. I came there and... I agreed. At first nothing unusual was happening, I felt nothing. But then I thought that was the same miserable: no money, no wife and no interesting work. As you probably know I'm pretty quickly become rich – I have found a half-empty purse, but with a lottery ticket. I have won a tidy sum and invested funds successfully. Bought everything I needed and even more... I became quite famous in my 35 years. But, I'm a modest person and wasn't proud of my achievements. I subconsciously understood - it's all the result of 'the service'. In general, I began to receive all that wouldn't have wished. My even fleeting dreams come true very quickly. I felt happiness."
"Really?"
"Yes, I felt, but couldn't tell that I was happy."
"How was it possible?"
"Try to explain, Petr Sergeyevich."
"When the person receives all that will wish, it leads to despondency. Man misses failures and disappointments. There is nothing to compare light feelings of pleasure, if there are no dark sides of grief."
"Had you lost an interest in life?"
"Not quite so... Happiness has become a routine thing for me. There was an enthusiasm for life, of course, but... The spark has been missing. So in my life co-existed happiness has given by the notorious 'service', and longing."
"It's clear."
"I'm happy for you! Thank you, Petr Sergeyevich."
"And, what about me?"
"Wait outside, at the gate."
"Thank you and goodbye!"
"Yes, goodbye."
"Well, you see, you can't make people happy by force. Withdraws him, who gave happiness. I'm for blue button."
"Good or evil... All this is the most ephemeral things."
"Leave a philosophy to the people."
"Okay. Send him on the 'blue road', and I will talk with my novitiate."
"Next!"
The End
About the Author
George Kavsekhornak was born in Leningrad. Now he lives in Saint-Petersburg (Russia). He writes stories in the style of "urban fantasy" when a number of amazing and necessarily things want to be shared. He writes, on the one hand in the style of openly expressing respect for images created by the classics of Russian literature and the legacy of the plot metamorphosis foreign fiction, on the other hand.
Connect with George Kavsekhornak
I really appreciate you reading my book! Here are my social media coordinates:
Visit my website:https://vk.com/kavsekhornak
E-mail:
[email protected]