“I have a feeling I know where this is heading.” And it wasn’t a good feeling.
“Let’s say she lives in the middle of nowhere because watching everyone go about their lives makes her bitter and reclusive. And it just so happens that a handsome hero gets lost in the woods and seeks shelter in her humble, witchy abode.”
“Hey!”
“Hold on, I’m on a roll here. So let’s say, this handsome hero has a special talent… he can heal souls. And the heroine scoffs at this, and his attempts to save her because she doesn’t think she has a soul to heal.”
“Alex…”
“It’s going to be a sad story at first. The hero will have his work cut out for him, but he can be persistent. He can see something inside the heroine worth saving. Something he doesn’t want to give up on, even when she keeps pushing him away. And as time goes by…”
“Stop.” She couldn’t do this. “You’re messing with forces you don’t understand. A fulcrum? Someone with the power to affect countless destinies? And you think she’s lacking? That’s very charming, I gotta say.”
“Then maybe she’s not,” he recanted. “Maybe she’s just… tired. Everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes. Even if it’s just for a second.”
“No.”
“One second in all of eternity isn’t the end of the world, Anna. You can work with this.”
She shook her head. “You still don’t get it.”
“What am I not getting? Because from where I am sitting, the fulcrum sounds like the perfect lead. Give her a worthy match and you will have one hell of a story.”
Anna sighed, pushing her plate away. “A wise man once said that every person has exactly the love life they want. Even if it’s no love life at all. If your fulcrum wanted a relationship like that, do you really think she couldn’t find it on her own?”
“I think sometimes people get so wrapped up in one idea or another they don’t always see what’s right in front of them.”
“Spoken like someone who knows.”
“Maybe I do.”
“You know what I am seeing right now?”
“What?”
“A man becoming the victim of romantic circumstance.”
The Second Stage Of Grief: Bringing Down The House
The rest of the day and night was silent. Anna retreated into her room and didn’t hear a peep from Alex for so long she thought he’d left. That would have been the prudent thing to do. But when she came down the next morning, he was still there, breakfast on the table. He glared at her the entire time she ate.
“Is this really working for you?”
“What’s that?”
“Avoiding the issue.”
Oh, she was the one avoiding?
“The book, I mean. Sooner or later, you either have to cough up a couple hundred thousand words or a couple million dollars for breach of contract. When’s your deadline?”
“August seventh.”
“Less than two months from now. And you still don’t even have a title.”
“What’s your point?”
“That you can’t hide from this forever.”
“Yeah, because that’s what I’ve been doing here for the past eight months. Hiding.”
“Oh, that’s not what you’ve been doing? Okay.” He shoved away from the table and came over to her side. Grabbing hold of her wrist he dragged her out of her seat. “If you’re so capable then you can get your ass to work and write one damn book.”
“Hey, knock it off!” Anna barely kept her feet under her as he forced her to her writing nook and pushed her into the chair. “Are you out of your freaking mind?”
“Yes! Congratulations, you finally did it. You drove a man abso-fucking-lutely insane! Now you turn on that thing and you start typing or I swear to God I will duck tape you to the chair.”
He’d completely lost it. Holy shit… “Let’s just calm down—”
“We’re way past calm, Anna. Do you realize I have never had an author not meet a deadline? Ever. And now here you are, blatantly throwing August seventh in my face. It’s pissing me off. And not because you’re being an uncooperative, contrary bitch, but because I know—I know— you have another bestseller in you. You’re holding back on purpose.”
She opened her mouth to argue but he spoke right over her.
“I am past the point of giving a damn about why you’re not doing this so don’t even try to bullshit me with excuses. Right now, I just want you to type. And I don’t particularly care if it’s the beginning of a novel or a letter of intent, just start typing.”
Anna was speechless.
“Type,” he ordered.
Slowly, Anna stood from the chair and went toe-to-toe with him. “You will want to dial down the volume,” she told him in a tone that said she was done taking his bullshit. “And step off.”
“Is that how you want to play this?” he replied in kind.
“No, I don’t want to play. I didn’t call you here, I don’t want you here. Whatever issues I have are mine and no business of yours. I could have called the police and had you removed and arrested for trespassing a week and a half ago. I didn’t. You’re fucking welcome. But as long as you are under my roof, you will talk to me with some goddamn respect. Is that clear?”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. He was breathing hard and his gaze kept shifting between her eyes and her mouth. She didn’t dare look away from his face but she could almost feel his hands fisting and opening at his sides. “Yeah,” he said. “We’re clear.” Finally he blinked and took a step back. A small one, but it still counted. “But you’re still going to write that book.”
Over And Under And ‘Round And ‘Round We Go
Anna was pissed enough that she did start typing. And it wasn’t a letter of intent, either. Seeing that she was finally doing what she had to do, Alex backed off, but he stayed close by, checking on her every so often. She didn’t need him to supervise anymore. Once she got going, the words flowed onto the page so fast her fingers had trouble keeping up. Every time she took a break for even a second she worried the idea was going to disappear. She couldn’t type fast enough to get the story out.
When her wrists ached too much to keep going, she made herself stop. The sun had gone down, her eyes felt gritty, her back ached and Anna was pretty sure she’d given herself carpal tunnel syndrome, which just sucked so much she couldn’t even put it into words.
There was a glass of water, some aspirin and a plate of food sitting on the corner of her desk. The food had gone cold but Anna didn’t care. She hadn’t eaten or drunk anything all day and wasn’t particular about what she put in her mouth. It was hearty, and there was plenty of it. Anna was grateful. When she could stand without swaying on her feet and her headache was manageable again, she emerged into the living room.
Alex had the fire going and soft music playing. “How’d it go?”
“27K and a sore wrist good enough for you?”
“Come here.”
He had a bottle of massage oil and a blanket on the coffee table. Eyeing both, and the way he was rolling up his sleeves, she gave him a look.
Alex grinned. “It’s for your wrist.”
“Another one of your special talents?”
“Yep, certified massage therapist.”
“Male escort,” she stage whispered and he laughed.
“Tell you the truth, if I wanted to, I could do it. But why debase a perfectly respectable job with something so manipulative?” He waved her over. “Have a seat.”
Much as she wanted to protest, her hands could really use some TLC right now. She sat and proffered her arm.
Alex scoffed. He moved her to lie on the couch, put a pillow behind her head and covered her with a blanket. Then he sat on the coffee table, poured some oil into his hands and proceeded to massage her arm from fingertips to upper arm and back again. And sweet baby Jesus, but it felt good. “Listen,” he said, “I’m sorry I went off on you earlier.”
An
na sighed. “I forgive you. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
He did and for a blissful moment it was quiet, and she melted into the couch on the verge of falling asleep.
“Anna?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you happy here?”
What kind of question was that? “I am doing what I love and I have everything I need. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“What about being with someone you love?”
Anna opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. “You’re doing it again,” she told him softly.
Alex shook his head. “No, I get it. I’m not…” He blew out a frustrated breath. “Hey, how about we go see a movie? You’ve been working hard, you could use the break and to be honest I wouldn’t mind going out among people for a little while. What do you say?”
“I’m pretty tired, Alex.” Yeah, she loved writing and the kind of story dump she’d just had was what she lived for. She adored every second of losing herself in a world of her making. But it took a lot out of her.
“I didn’t mean right now, obviously. But maybe tomorrow. We could make a day of it. I think I saw something about Shakespeare in the park. And the weather is supposed to be nice.”
“Do you think it’ll change anything?”
His fingers stopped massaging and instead clutched her hand a little tight. “You never know,” he said, briefly meeting her gaze before looking away.
Anna sighed. “I have to say it, don’t I?”
“Nope.” Alex resumed the massage and loath as she was to stop him, she did.
Anna took his hand in hers and sat up, patiently waiting for him to meet her gaze. When he did, what he saw in her eyes made his shoulders slump. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“I want to. You deserve that much.”
“Right,” he said bitterly.
“You are the kindest, most generous, most attentive man I have ever met. I mean, you cook, for crying out loud.”
He chuckled.
“You deserve someone who will appreciate you for all the little things you do, as well as all the big ones. Someone better than me.”
“Shouldn’t that be up to me to decide? What if I found someone just as kind and generous and blah-blah-blah? What if I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her? What if living in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere sounds like—” He must have realized what he was saying because he cut himself off. “That’s stupid, I know that. All I’m saying is… I’ve never… there is something here, Anna. Can’t you just give it a chance? One date. Or two, to be fair. Okay, best two out of three.”
Anna smiled.
“See? I make you laugh. That’s got to count for something.”
There was no other way. “Remember when I told you how this would end?”
“No, it doesn’t have to be that way. You can choose a different path.”
“So can you.”
“Is this where you tell me I’m not the one?”
“Yes, and that I’m sorry. I hate saying this because I know you’ve heard it so many times before but…” What more could she say?
Alex searched her gaze. “If not me, then who?”
“I don’t know.”
“What if he never finds you?”
That one hurt. “I don’t know that either.”
“Then why not try something else? Even if it’s just for a little while?”
“Because it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. What you need, Alex, I can’t give you. Please don’t make me break your heart.”
Too Late
Anna went to bed early to give both of them some breathing room. But when she woke again around midnight, she could still hear him downstairs, talking on the phone and the few words she caught told her he was talking out something personal. She’d never felt this awful in her life.
The next morning, breakfast was waiting for her as usual but Alex wasn’t there. He hadn’t left a note, her phone showed no texts or messages. Anna checked his room to see if he hadn’t skipped out on her but his stuff was still there. She should have left it at that. She was going to, she really was, but then some morbid curiosity made her step over the threshold, something she never would have done under normal circumstances. Anna liked her privacy too much to infringe on someone else’s. This time, she couldn’t stop herself.
Alex had made himself at home in the guest room. His clothes were neatly hung in the closet, his toiletries set out on the sink in the bathroom. He’d made his bed and his suitcase was stashed under the table in the corner. The laptop he used was charging and there were some books on the nightstand, opened and stacked one on top of the other as if he was reading all of them at the same time.
They were hard covers with the paper sleeves removed and set aside so nothing showed except the bare, lackluster books, but the gold leaf on the top spine caught her attention. Anna argued with herself over the wisdom of spying on the man’s choice of reading material for all of three minutes before that damn cat killing curiosity got the better of her.
She stepped closer and read the title. A Game of Hearts by Anna Nym. She picked it up to look at the one under it. The Three Sorrows by Anna Nym. The one under it was Sea Nymph by Anna Nym, then Drifting, Tide of Destiny, and finally The Sun Stone King. Her entire series. Alex was reading all of them. She could tell by the way the spines were bent that he hadn’t just randomly opened them to scan a page or two. He was actually reading some pretty wordy romance novels—six of them all at the same time.
Holy crap. How did he keep them all straight?
“They’re good.”
Anna flinched and dropped the stack of books. Blushing scarlet, she turned to face the doorway and Alex standing in it. He must have just returned from his run. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to, you know. Spy or anything.”
He shrugged. “It’s your house. And it’s not like I have anything to hide.”
Anna picked up the books and set them back on the night stand. “Um, I lost your spot in the pages. Sorry. Again.”
“Anna?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop apologizing.”
“Okay. Sorry. I mean—”
Alex closed the distance between them in two steps and caught her face in his hands. It happened so fast Anna’s brain didn’t have a chance to catch up, and then he was kissing her and she froze. It was a passionate kiss, needy. The kind that stole a woman’s breath away and made a man weak in the knees. A no holds barred, I-want-you-here-and-now, end all be all kiss.
And if Anna was anyone but herself, it would have changed everything.
Instead it made her heart break for him.
When he pulled back a little to gauge her reaction, Anna closed her eyes, unable to bear the sight of his hope.
He sighed and released her. “I’ll be going into town in a bit,” he said. “Do you need anything?”
Anna shook her head.
“Okay.”
She left his room and hid in her own until she heard the taxi drive away. The birds had gotten so used to the comings and goings they no longer fell silent when a car drove up. Anna listened to them for long minutes until she had convinced herself that what just happened hadn’t really happened. She almost succeeded, too, but then she remembered how hollow his voice had sounded and she plunged right back into reality.
Obviously, doing nothing wasn’t the way to go. When the dead silence inside the house got to be too much, she emerged from hiding and returned to her computer and her two hundred thousand word long noose.
This time her sore wrist made her slow down. She took breaks often, worked out the kinks, had something to eat, and then went back to it. The story taking shape kept her busy enough not to dwell on her own life, and her emotional state steered the plot in a new direction which—if she could pull it off—would make future volumes viable. It was a good, productive day for Anna and she took advantage of every second of it.
Eleven hours later, she had anothe
r twenty thousand words to her name and Alex still hadn’t returned.
Worried about him, she called Mina.
“I saw him earlier. He was going around town like a sleep walker. I guess you finally set the record straight, huh?”
“Yeah,” Anna said on a sigh. “I guess you could say that.”
“You okay?”
She didn’t deserve to be asked that question. “He kissed me.”
Mina gasped. “No!”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And nothing changed. No fireworks, no sparks, no warm fuzzy feeling of belonging. It was a good kiss, too.”
“But the lips were all wrong.”
Anna nodded, fully aware that Mina couldn’t see her. “I saw it coming, Mina. I should have done something to keep it from happening.”
“And you’re sure you don’t want to give him a chance?”
Doing that would be the cruelest, most selfish thing Anna had ever done. “He is like a storybook hero. He could actually be the perfect man, if there is such a thing. I mean, Jesus, Mina, he made brownies and cookies for a fake charity bakeoff. Any woman in her right mind should be falling head over heels for him.”
“But you’re not.”
And that was what sucked about this whole mess. “No,” she replied at length. She wasn’t a cursed princess, or a damsel in distress. She didn’t want a hero to rescue her. She wanted a partner to fight by her side. Alex was too good for that. He was the kind of guy who would take a bullet for someone, even though they were perfectly capable of ducking for cover. Anna didn’t want his emotional blood on her hands. “So what does that say about me?”
I’ll Be Seeing You
8 AM on the dot, Alex knocked on her bedroom door. Anna was already awake and dressed, sitting on her bed and trying to think of a reason not to leave her room. Today was Alex’s last day as her consultant. She knew from the noises she’d heard since six that he’d already packed up his stuff and the suitcase was waiting for him by the door. It felt like a divorce.
Nervous, she opened the door to find him dressed in his suit again. “Hey,” he said.
“Hi.”
“I, uh, called Kristina and let her know you’re writing. She’ll want a progress report when I see her tomorrow.”
“Oh. Yeah, sure. Of course.” She went downstairs with him and showed him the file she was working on. It wasn’t much yet. If she could keep her pace going, Anna could finish the first draft in two or three weeks but her hands were telling her in no uncertain terms that was not going to happen.