She snuggled deeper into his arms. “Okay! Hold me close. G’night, Daddy. I love you.” And she was out, drifting deep into a sound sleep with only good and sweet dreams.
After a few minutes, Mack placed her gently back in her sleeping bag.
“You okay, Kate?” he whispered as he kissed her good night.
“Yup,” she whispered. “Daddy?”
“What, sweetheart?”
“She asks good questions, doesn’t she?”
“She sure does. She’s a special little girl. You both are, except you’re not so little anymore. Now get some sleep—we have a big day ahead of us. Sweet dreams, darlin’.”
“You too, Daddy. I love you tons!”
“I love you too, with all my heart. Good night.”
Mack zipped up the trailer on his way out, blew his nose, and wiped away the tears that still remained on his cheeks. He prayed a silent thanks to God and then went to brew some coffee.
3
THE TIPPING POINT
The soul is healed by being with children.
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Wallowa Lake State Park in Oregon and its surrounding area has been well referred to as the Little Switzerland of America. Wild, rugged mountains rise to almost ten thousand feet, and in between them are hidden innumerable valleys full of streams, hiking trails, and high-elevation meadows overflowing with sprays of wildflowers. Wallowa Lake is the gateway into the Eagle Cap Wilderness Area and Hells Canyon National Recreation Area, which sports the deepest gorge in North America. Carved out over centuries by the Snake River, it reaches a depth of nearly two miles top to bottom in places, and ten miles at times from rim to rim.
Seventy-five percent of the recreation area is roadless, with more than nine hundred miles of hiking trails. Once the domain of the prevailing Nez Percé tribe, the remnants of their presence are scattered throughout this wilderness, as well as those of white settlers traveling through on their way to the West. The nearby town of Joseph was named for a powerful tribal chief whose Indian name meant “Thunder Rolling Down the Mountain.” This area is home to an abundance of flora and wildlife including elk, bear, deer, and mountain goat. The presence of rattlers, especially as you get closer to the Snake River, is reason enough to hike cautiously, should you decide to venture off-trail.
Wallowa Lake itself is five miles long and one mile wide, formed, some say, by glaciers nine million years ago. It now sits about a mile from the town of Joseph at an elevation of forty-four hundred feet. The water, though catch-your-breath cold most of the year, is comfortable enough by the end of summer for a leisurely swim, at least close in to shore. Sacagawea, at almost ten thousand feet, looks down on this blue jewel from her snowcapped and timbered heights.
Mack and the kids filled the next three days with fun and leisure. Missy, seemingly satisfied with her daddy’s answers, never again raised the issue of the princess, even when one of their day hikes took them by some precipitous cliffs. They spent a few hours traveling the lake shore in paddle boats, tried their best to win a prize at miniature golf, and even went horseback trail-riding. After a morning trip to the historic Wade Ranch that sits about halfway between Joseph and Enterprise, they spent the afternoon visiting the little shops in the town of Joseph itself.
Back at the lake, Josh and Kate raced each other around the go-kart track. Josh came away the winner, but Kate was able to regain bragging rights later that afternoon when she landed three good-sized lake trout. Missy caught one with hook and worm, but neither Josh nor Mack could claim a single tug on their fancier lures.
Sometime during the weekend two other families seemed to magically weave themselves into the Phillipses’ world. As often happens, friendships had been struck up initially among the children and then between the adults. Josh had been especially keen on getting to know the Ducettes, whose eldest, Amber, just happened to be a cute young lady about his age. Kate seriously enjoyed tormenting her older brother about the entire matter, and he would reward her taunting by stomping off to the tent-trailer, all bluster and gripe. Amber had a sister, Emmy, who was only a year younger than Kate, and the two spent a lot of time together. Vicki and Emil Ducette had traveled from their home in Colorado, where Emil worked as an agent for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Office of Law Enforcement, and Vicki stayed home to manage the household, which included their surprise son J.J., now almost a year old.
The Ducettes introduced Mack and his children to a Canadian couple they had met earlier, Jesse and Sarah Madison. These two had an easy, unpretentious manner, and Mack took an instant liking to them. Both careered as independent consultants, Jesse in human resources and Sarah in change management. Missy gravitated immediately to Sarah, and both were often together down at the Ducette campsite helping Vicki with J.J.
Monday broke gloriously, and the entire entourage was excited about its plans to take the Wallowa Lake Tramway to the top of Mount Howard—8,150 feet above sea level. When it was constructed in 1970, the tramway had the steepest vertical lift in North America, with a cable length of almost four miles. The trip to the summit takes about fifteen minutes in a tramcar that dangles anywhere from three feet to 120 feet off the ground.
Instead of packing a lunch, Jesse and Sarah insisted on treating everyone to a meal at the Summit Grill. The plan was to eat as soon as they reached the top and then spend the rest of the day hiking to the five viewpoints and overlooks. Armed with cameras, sunglasses, water bottles, and sunscreen, they headed off by mid-morning. As intended, they consumed a veritable feast of hamburgers, fries, and shakes at the Grill. The elevation must have spurred their appetites—even Missy was able to down an entire burger and most of the trimmings.
After lunch they hiked to each of the nearby lookouts, the longest trail being from the Valley Overlook to the Snake River Country and Seven Devils Lookout (a little more than three-quarters of a mile). From the Wallowa Valley Overlook they could see as far as the towns of Joseph, Enterprise, Lostine, and even Wallowa. From the Royal Purple Overlook and the Summit Overlook they enjoyed the crystal clear view, looking into the states of Washington and Idaho. Some even thought they could see across the Idaho panhandle into Montana.
By late afternoon, everyone was tired and happy. Missy, whom Jesse had carried on his shoulders to the last couple of lookouts, was now falling asleep in her father’s arms as they bumped and whirred down from the summit. The four young people, along with Sarah, had their faces plastered against the windows, oohing and ahhing at the wonders to be seen along the descent. The Ducettes sat holding hands in quiet conversation, while J.J. slept in his father’s arms.
This is one of those rare and precious moments, thought Mack, that catches you by surprise and almost takes your breath away. If only Nan could be here, it truly would be perfect. He shifted Missy’s weight to a more comfortable position for her, now that she was totally out, and pulled back the hair from her face to look at her. The grime and sweat of the day had done nothing but strangely enhance her innocence and beauty. Why do they have to grow up? he mused and kissed her on the forehead.
That evening the three families combined their food for a last supper together. Taco salad was the entrée, with lots of fresh vegetables and dip. And somehow, Sarah had been able to whip up a chocolate dessert with layers of whipped cream, mousse, brownies, and other delights that had everyone feeling decadent and satisfied.
With the remains of supper stashed back in the coolers and the dishes cleaned and put away, the adults sat sipping coffee around a blazing campfire while Emil shared his adventures of breaking up endangered-animal smuggling rings and explaining how they caught poachers and others who hunted illegally. He was a skilled storyteller, and his vocation offered a deep resource for some hilarious tales. It was all fascinating, and Mack realized again that there was much in the world about which he was naive.
As the evening wound down, Emil and Vicki headed for bed first with their sleepy-eyed baby. Jesse and Sarah volunteered to stay awhile before walking the Ducett
e girls back to their campsite. The three Phillips kids and two Ducettes immediately disappeared into the safety of the tent-trailer to share stories and secrets.
As often happens when a campfire burns long, the conversation turned from the humorous to the more personal. Sarah seemed eager to ask Mack about the rest of his family, especially Nan.
“So what is she like, Mackenzie?”
Mack loved any opportunity to brag about his Nan. “Well, besides being beautiful—and I’m not just saying that—she really is beautiful, inside and out.” He looked up sheepishly to see them both smiling at him. He was really missing her and was glad the night shadows hid his embarrassment. “Her full name is Nannette, but almost no one calls her anything but Nan. She has quite a reputation in the medical community, at least in the Northwest. She’s a nurse and works with oncology patients—uh, cancer patients—who are terminal. It’s tough work, but she really loves it. Anyway, she’s written some papers and has been a speaker at a couple of conferences.”
“Really?” Sarah prompted. “What does she speak on?”
“She helps people think through their relationship with God in the face of their own death,” Mack answered.
“I’d love to hear more about that,” encouraged Jesse as he stirred up the fire with a stick, causing it to bloom with renewed vigor.
Mack hesitated. As much as he felt unusually at ease with these two, he didn’t really know them, and the conversation had gotten a little deeper than he was comfortable with. He searched quickly for a short answer to Jesse’s interest.
“Nan’s a lot better at that than I am. I guess she thinks about God differently than most folks. She even calls him Papa because of the closeness of their relationship, if that makes sense.”
“Of course it does!” exclaimed Sarah as Jesse nodded. “Is that a family thing, referring to God as Papa?”
“No,” said Mack, laughing. “The kids have picked it up some, but I’m not comfortable with it. It just seems a little too familiar for me. Anyway, Nan has a wonderful father, so I think it’s just easier for her.”
It had slipped out, and Mack inwardly shuddered, hoping no one had noticed, but Jesse was looking right at him. “Your dad wasn’t too wonderful?” he asked gently.
“Yeah.” Mack paused. “I guess you could say he was not too wonderful. He died when I was just a kid, of natural causes.” Mack laughed, but the sound was empty. He looked at the two. “He drank himself to death.”
“We’re so sorry,” Sarah said for both of them, and Mack could sense that she meant it.
“Well,” he said, forcing another laugh, “life is hard sometimes, but I have a lot to be thankful for.”
An awkward silence followed as Mack wondered what it was about these two that seemed to penetrate his defenses so easily. He was rescued seconds later by a flurry of children pouring out of the trailer and into their midst. Much to Kate’s glee, she and Emmy had caught Josh and Amber holding hands in the dark, and now she wanted the whole world to know. By this time, Josh was so smitten that he was willing to put up with any harassment and took what she dished out in stride. He couldn’t have wiped the silly grin off his face even if he had tried.
Both Madisons hugged Mack and his children good night, with Sarah giving him an especially tender squeeze before she left. Then, hand in hand with Amber and Emmy, they headed off into the darkness toward the Ducette site. Mack watched them until he could no longer hear their night whispers and the swaying of their flashlight disappeared from sight. He smiled to himself and turned to herd his own brood in the direction of their sleeping bags.
Prayers were said all around, followed by good-night kisses and giggles from Kate in low conversation with her older brother, who would occasionally burst out in a harsh whisper so everyone could hear, “Cut it out, Kate. Grrr… I mean it, you are such a brat!” and eventually, silence.
Mack packed up what he could by the light of the lanterns and soon decided to leave the rest till daylight. They weren’t planning to leave until early afternoon anyway. He brewed his final nightly cup of coffee and sat sipping it in front of the fire that had burned itself down to a flickering mass of red-hot coals. It was so easy to get lost inside such a bed of glowing undulating embers. He was alone, yet not alone. Wasn’t that a line from the Bruce Cockburn song “Rumors of Glory”? He wasn’t sure, but if he remembered he would look it up when he got home.
As he sat mesmerized by the fire and wrapped in its warmth, he prayed, mostly prayers of thanksgiving. He had been given so much. Blessed was probably the right word. He was content, at rest, and full of peace. Mack did not know it then, but within twenty-four hours his prayers would change drastically.
The next morning, though sunny and warm, didn’t start off so well. Mack rose early to surprise the kids with a wonderful breakfast, but he burned two fingers while trying to free flapjacks that had stuck to the griddle. In response to the searing pain, he knocked over the stove and griddle and dropped the bowl of pancake batter onto the sandy ground. The kids, startled awake by the clatter and under-the-breath expletives, had stuck their heads out of the tent-trailer to see what all the commotion was about. They began to giggle as soon as they grasped the situation, but one “Hey, it’s not funny!” from Mack and they ducked back into the safety of the tent, still tittering from their hideout while they watched through the mesh windows.
So breakfast, instead of the feast Mack had intended, was cold cereal with half-and-half—since the last of the milk had gone into the pancake batter. Mack spent the next hour trying to organize the site with two fingers stuck in a glass of ice water, which had to be refreshed frequently with chips that Josh broke off the ice block with the back side of a spoon. Word must have gotten out because Sarah Madison showed up with burn first aid, and within minutes of having his fingers slathered in the whitish liquid, he felt the sting recede.
About that time Josh and Kate, having completed their ordered chores, showed up to ask if they could go out in the Ducettes’ canoe one last time; they promised to wear life jackets. After the initial mandatory no and the required amount of begging from the kids, especially Kate, Mack finally gave in, reminding them once again of the rules of canoe safety and conduct. He wasn’t too concerned. Their campsite was only a stone’s throw from the lake, and they promised to stay close to shore. Mack would be able to keep an eye on them while he continued packing up the camp.
Missy was busy at the table, coloring in the book from Multnomah Falls. She’s just too cute, Mack thought, glancing in her direction as he worked to clean up the mess he had made earlier. She was dressed in the only clean thing she had left, a little red sundress with embroidered wildflowers, a purchase from their first day’s trip into the town of Joseph.
About fifteen minutes later, Mack looked up when he heard a familiar voice calling “Daddy!” from the direction of the lake. It was Kate, and she and her brother were paddling like pros out on the water. Both were obediently wearing their life jackets and he waved at them.
It is remarkable how a seemingly insignificant action or event can change entire lives. Kate, lifting her paddle to wave back in response, lost her balance and tipped the canoe. There was a frozen look of terror on her face as almost in silence and slow motion it rolled over. Josh frantically leaned to try to balance, but it was too late and he disappeared from sight in the midst of the splash. Mack was already headed for the water’s edge, not intending to go in but to be near when they bobbed up. Kate was up first, sputtering and crying, but there was no sign of Josh. Then suddenly, an eruption of water and legs, and Mack knew instantly that something was terribly wrong.
To his amazement, all the instincts he had honed as a teenage lifeguard came roaring back. In a matter of seconds he hit the water, shoes and shirt off. He didn’t even notice the icy shock as he began racing the fifty feet out toward the overturned canoe, ignoring for the moment the terrified sobbing of his daughter. She was safe. His primary focus was Josh.
Taking
a deep breath, he dove under. The water, in spite of all the churning, was still fairly clear, with visibility about three feet. He found Josh quickly and also discovered why he was in trouble. One of the straps on his life vest had gotten tangled in the canoe webbing. Try as he might, he couldn’t yank it free either, so he tried to signal Josh to push himself deeper inside the canoe, where breathable air was trapped. But the poor boy was panicking, straining against the strap that was keeping him caught under the canoe rim and underwater.
Mack surfaced, yelled at Kate to swim to shore, gulped what air he could, and went under a second time. By his third dive and knowing time was running out, Mack realized that he could either keep trying to free Josh from the vest or flip the canoe. Since Josh in his panic was not letting anyone near him, Mack chose the latter. Whether it was God and angels or God and adrenaline, he would never know for sure, but on only his second attempt he succeeded in rolling the canoe over, freeing Josh from his tether.
The jacket, finally able to do what it was designed for, now kept the boy’s face up above water. Mack surfaced behind Josh, who was limp and unconscious, blood oozing from a gash on his head where the canoe had banged him as Mack had righted it. He immediately began mouth-to-mouth on his son as best he could, while others, who had heard the commotion, arrived to pull him and the canoe with the attached vest toward the shallows.
Oblivious to the shouts around him as people barked instructions and questions, Mack focused on his task, his own panic building inside his chest. Just as his feet touched solid ground, Josh began to cough and throw up water and breakfast. A huge cheer erupted from everyone gathered, but Mack couldn’t have cared less. Overwhelmed with relief and the adrenaline rush of a narrow escape, he began to cry, and then suddenly Kate was sobbing with her arms around his neck, and everyone was laughing and crying and hugging.
Somehow they all made it to shore. Among those who had been drawn to the scene by the panic and noise were Jesse Madison and Emil Ducette. Through the mayhem of cheers and relief, Mack could hear Emil’s voice, like the repetitious chant of a rosary, whispering again and again, “I am so sorry… I am so sorry… I am so sorry.” It was his canoe. It could have been his children. Mack found him, wrapped his arms around the younger man, and emphasized strongly in his ear, “Stop it! This wasn’t your fault and everyone’s okay.” Emil began to sob, emotions suddenly freed from behind a dam of pent-up guilt and fear.