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His eyes darted, and I wondered if they had deserted their countrymen. The punishment for that was severe and I didn’t have the heart to enforce it now. But as it turned out, his news was worse.
“My king, the battle did not go well. They are the few who survived. ”
I hardly dared ask. “Roden?”
“He was taken prisoner. My lord, we will fight as long as you command it, but things are not good. ”
I scuffed my boot against the dirt, and then looked back at him. “Lieutenant, you will order the immediate retreat of our men into the forest. Get them as deep as they must go to be safe. ”
He bowed. “Yes, my king. ”
As he began rounding up our men to pull them away, I continued looking for any signs of Tobias and Amarinda.
Then, with more horror than I could absorb, I realized where they must be: behind a woodpile at the edge of camp. I couldn’t see them, but Fink was standing in front of the pile, his sword so heavy that he could barely hold it with both hands. Fink was trying to protect them.
I kicked at the horse beneath me, urging him toward the woodpile. Several of the Avenians followed, swarming me like rabid dogs. But I had no time for them, and dispatched them as fiercely and quickly as possible.
However, another Avenian on a courser horse near the woodpile had spotted Fink, who yelled in terror. From behind the woodpile, Tobias leapt forward. He grabbed the sword from Fink’s hands and pushed him aside.
Tobias swung wildly at the soldier, who quickly knocked him to the ground. The Avenian then turned his sights on Amarinda, who had also emerged. She started to run and the soldier kicked at his horse to follow, but Fink crossed between her and the horse, the sword in his hands again. He was so short that his sword came at the soldier at a sharp angle. It pierced the man’s armor beneath his knee and the man cried as loudly as Fink had just yelled. He collapsed forward, blood spilling from the wound.
When Fink saw me coming, he said, “I did that! Me!”
“You acted as a knight should,” I said. When Tobias and Amarinda were closer, I turned to them. “You were supposed to leave. ”
“We tried,” Tobias said. “But they came too fast. ”
I slid to the ground and gave Tobias the reins for my horse and the fallen soldier’s as well. “Get into the forest. We’ll gather there. ”
“But I already sent the wounded on ahead. ”
“There is nothing ahead, Tobias! Look around us!” Then I lowered my voice. “There will be more wounded in the forest. Mott is amongst them. ”
That was all Tobias needed to hear. Once they were mounted on horses, Fink led the way. Tobias and Amarinda pushed him from behind, hurrying him into the cover of the woods.
By that time, the battlefield had mostly emptied of Carthyans. I wanted to stay and fight, but nothing I did at that point would end in any way other than with my death.
I never run.
That was what I had said once to Gregor, the former captain of my guard. And now, I had not only ordered the retreat of my army, but I was forced to retreat with them as well.
What was left of the Carthyan camp belonged to Avenia now. The land was littered with our wounded and dead, and if I didn’t find a way out, the rest of us would be dead by tomorrow.
I didn’t look back as I escaped into the forest.
Of the thousand men who had been stationed at Falstan Lake, fewer than a couple hundred had made it into the forest. We took refuge deep within the thickest part of the woods where little light from the stars broke through. A few fires were already built, and my soldiers huddled around them, exhausted, broken, and without hope. Tobias and Amarinda were busy treating the mildly wounded, but the more seriously injured remained in the wagons. Nothing could save them.
And then there was Mott, his life teetering at the edge of death. I stood beside the wagon that had carried him here, feeling more helpless than I ever had before. Tobias had already bound the stab wound, but Mott was still struggling for breath and falling in and out of consciousness.
“What can be done to save him?” I asked Tobias quietly.
Tobias only shrugged. “Everything was left behind in our camp. All the bandages, and medicines, and tools. I found an aravac plant to help with his pain. But I can’t save him. Not here. ”
Until his last drawn breath, I would never give up on Mott. How many times had he expressed his willingness to follow me into the devils’ lair and back again? War had come, and he had indeed followed me down the darkest of paths. He remained there now, hovering in the shadows between life and death. I had to lead him back out again. But it would cost me dearly.
I bit on my lip as I considered my options. Or, if I was being honest, there was only one terrible choice left. It had always been in the back of my mind, as if I knew from the beginning that something like this would be inevitable. Once the decision was made, every other random possibility I’d ever considered came together in my mind like a completed puzzle. To Tobias, I said, “If you had those supplies, could you save him?”
“I could probably save many of these men. But —” Tobias’s eyes narrowed. “No, Jaron. Whatever you’re thinking —”
“I’m thinking that Mott is going to die!” I hissed. “I already lost Imogen and it nearly destroyed me. We’re going to lose this war too. I will not lose any more lives. ”
“What about your life? That camp is crawling with Avenians. You cannot sneak back there!”
“No,” I mumbled, “I can’t sneak in. But I will get those supplies. ” He called after me when I strode away, but I refused to acknowledge him. The last thing I needed was rational advice.
Amarinda found me several minutes later as I was at the edge of our refuge, saddling a horse. Her fists were clenched and her shoulders thrown back. I recognized that posture from the many times Imogen had been angry with me. Now Amarinda said, “I know where you’re going. Jaron, I am begging you not to do this!”
I had no interest in quarreling with her. For better or worse, nothing could change my mind at this point. “Tobias must be desperate if he sent you to stop me. ”
“He sent me too. ” Fink appeared from behind her. “Please don’t go. ”
I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. With my eyes still on the saddle, I said, “This has to be done, Fink. Even if you don’t understand that yet. ”
“I understand it plenty. They’re going to kill you!”
Did he think my fate was any better if I stayed in the woods? Even if none of us wanted to say it, we all knew there would be another battle tomorrow, far worse than today’s disaster. No matter how hard we fought, or how cleverly I planned, by sunset tomorrow, several hundred more would be dead. I would be one of them.
“What would Imogen want you to do?” Amarinda asked. “If she asked you to stay here, would you run so openly toward your own death?”
My voice was gentle when I spoke to her. “It’s never been a secret that I’ve had no desire to be king. Why did people think that was? I always knew how this might end. ” Then I turned back to the saddle to tighten the straps. “But it’s all right. I understand now what Imogen did for me, and that’s what I’ve got to do for Carthya. ”
“Imogen would —”