***
“Was Maura watching Penny today?” I asked Violet hurriedly as the three of us went storming into the house.
“I think so. Why?”
“Because she's coming with us.”
“What about Mom and Dad?” Violet asked, and another look passed between James and me. He had told me that my parents had basically been voted off the island, or in this case, the ship. I figured that the time to tell my sister that little detail would be much later, once we landed on Pangaea. But the question I faced right then was whether I should lie and say that they would be meeting us there, or if I should just dodge the query entirely.
If I told the truth, we would never be able to convince her to go. She would die for two people whose actions were responsible for her very premature and tragic death. But if I lied to her, I revoked her right to make the decision for herself. She would surely resent me for it, someday, but I had no time to deliberate on the permanence of such resentment. In fact, I had no time to contemplate whether I cared about being resented by her, at all.
James solved the dilemma for me when he said, “Right now, we just need to get your stuff together. Everything else can wait, Violet.”
She nodded and scampered off to her room.
“Only necessities, Vi!” I called after her before my eyes came to rest on him. His gaze met mine, and he looked away, feeling, no doubt, awkwardness at standing in the home of two people whom he had only seen on television. Or perhaps he felt awkward because of our earlier squabbles.
“Thank you.” I murmured to him, not only because I was truly grateful, but also to diffuse the tension.
“For what?”
“For answering her. My mind started racing there for a moment, and I could not come to a decision.”
“I didn’t know you were making a decision on whether or not to tell her, or I wouldn’t have intervened. That’s your decision, Brynna. But if you want my opinion on it”
“No. You were right. I should not bring it up now. I should not tell her until we are safely on Pangaea. Then, she can hate me if she wants.” I was nodding as I spoke, realizing as I spoke my logic out loud to him that it made quite a bit of sense. “But until then, she and Maura know nothing.”
“Fair enough. Is there anything that you want here?” James asked me as he observed the foyer of my parents' lavish home. I found myself scanning the familiar surroundings, feeling nothing but an icy resolve to feel nothing. Even as I took in the sight of the two-sided staircase I had come hurtling down as a child on my rush out the door every morning before school, I was expressionless. Even as I glimpsed the kitchen with its warm yellow walls where Maura had made me breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, my heart was not stung with even the slightest twinge of pain. As I looked at each formal picture of my mother, father, and siblings placed apart in perfect distance from the last that adorned the walls, I only frowned slightly and closed my eyes until every terrible feeling that could possibly roar to life and every acidic tear that could emerge into my eyes fizzled away into nonexistence.
As I said, I had always been good at feeling nothing.
“There's nothing here for me, James. There never has been.” I walked past him, beckoning for him to follow me, “Maura!”
“Who is that?”
I heard the voice that had been ever-present in my life for as long as I could remember and instantly, the harried anxiety I felt lifted. It was for a moment as brief as death but it was a moment I have never been able to shake. I found myself running to meet her as she came into the kitchen, followed closely by my youngest sister, Penelope.
“Brynn!” Penny exclaimed, her excitement upon seeing me as refreshingly childish as it always had been. Despite the circumstances growing ever dire as the time progressed, I couldn't help but smile as she threw her arms around my middle and squeezed me as though she hadn't seen me in years.
“Hey, turnip.” I greeted her softly as I leaned down to kiss her forehead.
“Maura, Brynn came to see us before pick-up day!”
“I see that.” Maura said through a joyful chuckle as she wrapped her arms around my neck. She broke away from me abruptly and held her hands up in mock apology, “I'm sorry. I know you no longer like hugs.”
Maura had come to America from England about ten years before I was born. She had been an exchange student set to attend Yale the following fall. However, her scholarship fell through when she met my father there. He enticed her with his charisma and good looks, only to drop her abruptly when she became pregnant with their child. She found herself so despondent as a result of the sudden breakup that she stopped attending classes. For years, she took every job she could in order to stay in the country before my father contacted her out of the blue many years after their last meeting to tell her that my mother was pregnant and they would be needing a nanny. He offered her good money and a place to stay for which he would help her pay.
I try to think that my father did all of that to assuage the damage he had done to her. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I try that only to be snapped back to reality by the fact that the only reason he hired her was so he could have a woman on the side who would take care of his needs when my mother shunned him. I feel no sense of regret for Mom, but I do feel slightly sorry for Maura.
“Young and naïve...” She had told me once after imbibing a little too readily one night, “Don't ever fall victim to their wiles, my dear. The only person who will pay for it in the end is you.”
After many more of those drunken conversations, I finally got up the nerve to ask her why she didn't tell him, in colorful British terms, to go screw himself. England surely would have been a welcome sight after so many years. Even though my own home was as painful to view as a particularly nasty roadkill pile on the side of the freeway, she had no reason to hate her home country. Why didn't she return to it?
“What, and leave you?” She had asked with a bitter laugh, “I shudder to think of it, Brynna Claire.”
But, I digress...
“Have I ever liked hugs? Isn't that the real question here?” I asked her, and I narrowed my eyes at her and pursed my lips in a surprisingly good-natured show of sarcastic teasing.
In response, she rolled her own and looked up to the heavens for the answer as to how to deal with such crassness. I heard James laughing to himself in the background.
“And who is this?” Maura looked from me to James and back again, “Are you making friends in the city?”
“I guess you could call him that, if by friend you mean, 'irritating gangly cling-on with no sensitivity.'”
James was still smiling as he reached his hand to Maura for her to shake.
“You've been dealing with this for twenty-two years? You have my greatest sympathy. I'm James Maxwell.”
“Maura Taylor. I suppose you could call me Brynna's nanny. Or former nanny, as she’s clearly all grown up now, if she’s being accompanied by…” She closed her eyes, furrowed her brows slightly, and shook her head, a gesture of hers I knew signaled discomfort and confusion. “I’m sorry, you're her...”
“Friend.” He replied simply.
All confusion and discomfort evaporated, and her gaze bore into his sternly.
“You better be only her friend, James Maxwell.”
“Okay!” I threw my hands up in the air, “Can we get serious for a moment?”
“I was being very serious.” Maura informed me, and I didn't have time to decide whether she truly was or not.
“Look, I know this is all very exciting, given that you have not seen me in ages, and I have this striking fellow following me around…”
“And now I’m striking. A second ago, I was gangly…” He murmured.
“Shut up, James.” I said over my shoulder without looking back at him before looking at Maura again, “I have to tell you something, and it is serious. It is gravely serious, and you might want to sit down...”
“Oh, dear Lord...” Maura closed her
eyes and grasped one of the chairs around the kitchen table, “When is it due, Brynna?”
I had not utilized a DVD-spewing box in front of a convenience store or even visited my local library in quite a while. If I had, I certainly had not told her about it, as both occurrences would be quite unremarkable. Besides, both would not warrant the sudden change in her demeanor and the way she immediately went pale.
Perhaps she believed that I had gotten myself into debt with some loan sharks in a smoke-filled casino, though for the life of me I didn't know what had given her that idea. Even though I was vastly intellectually superior to the neanderthals that frequented such establishments, I had never had an interest in gambling. Plus, the closest casinos were miles away. Someone who had no interest in gambling would not drive hundreds of miles away to gamble.
“Whoa...” James said suddenly as he realized to what she was referring, “Ms. Taylor...”
“Is that who you are, Mr. Maxwell?” She asked sardonically, “Are you the father?”
“Is he the what now?!” I exclaimed, my eyebrows raising in alarm, “Maura, you think I'm pregnant?”
“I told your parents you were not ready to live on your own. With your potential, Brynna Claire, how could you just throw it all away... After everything I've told you! After I told you about what happened to me...”
“Are you serious right now?! Biology, history, and anthropology would dictate that in order to conceive a child, one must...”
“Don't even start the rambling, overly intelligent monologues with me!” She snapped furiously. “That might work on your parents who are so thick they don't even realize you're being facetious, but I am well aware of the fact that you try to weasel your way out of conflict with...”
“Would you just let me tell you that I'm not pregnant before you suffer heart failure? I am trying to save your life here, Maura!”
“And you try to use your dry sense of humor to distract me...” She calmed down, my words settling into her mind enough that she could comprehend their meaning, “Oh. Well, you should have said that right off!”
“Well, I apologize for alarming you. I did not realize you thought I was so thick-headed that I wouldn't be able to properly utilize contraceptive methods.”
“She drives me mad, James.” Maura looked at him wearily as she eased herself down into the chair she had been gripping throughout her tirade. “Absolutely mad...”
“I've only known her for a little under twenty-four hours and I can sympathize. Believe me, I can.”
“Alright.” I turned my gaze to Maura. “I want to say everything I need to say before you cut in.” I looked back at him after registering exactly what he had said. “Shut up, James!”
“See? I can sympathize.” He repeated coolly, and I fought the urge to pick up the nearest heavy object and throw it at his head with all my might.
“What I am about to say is going to sound ridiculous. But I can promise you right now that we are not playing a practical joke nor have we ingested any illegal substances. Okay?”
“Alright.” Her tone conveyed her uncertainty as her eyes looked between the two of us again.
“The world is going to end.” I paused, not realizing that in the moment of silence, I gave her the opportunity to laugh.
“Is marijuana still illegal?” She asked through her hysterical giggles.
“That's random...” I turned my head on the side slightly as I always did when I was confused.
“You said you two hadn't ingested any illegal substance. That was a hot issue a couple of months ago. Legalizing marijuana, I mean. So did they? Is that what's going on here?”
I sighed heavily and muttered, “I told you to let me say what I needed to say before you cut in.”
“You're...”
“I had a dream, almost ten days ago now.” James cut me off to blaze forward with his tale without worrying how she might take it. “I saw the world ending in an explosion. I don't know what caused it, but I know that I couldn't shake the awful feeling that I had after seeing it. So, I went online and I did some searching. At that time, over one hundred people reported having the exact same dream. The details were the same, down to the most insignificant things, Maura. The time between this strange silence and the blast, for instance; we all said it was about a minute and a half.”
“And this source is credible, why?”
“God, I don't know...” I chimed in sarcastically after exhaling my cigarette smoke out of the back door, “Because over one hundred people described the same thing down to minute details?”
“Was it a message board or was it instant messaging? Unless you were talking to someone and you both retold the details at exactly the same time, what was to stop these other individuals from just reciting your dream back to you? Perhaps they were pulling some kind of cruel practical joke on you.” Maura said reasonably.
“One hundred people were pulling a practical joke on me? People from England, Iran, France, Zimbabwe, China, not to mention a variety of different states here? That doesn't sound very logical, does it?”
“And the world ending soon sounds logical?”
“Look, I don't care if you believe us completely. I just need you to believe me a little bit. I need you to allow yourself to feel however much belief will convince you to go, pack a bag, and come with us, Maura.” I implored, and for good measure, I reached out and grasped her hand in both of mine. She looked down at our joined hands in surprise and then looked back at me.
“Come with you where, Brynna?”
“We're leaving.”
“Where exactly are you planning to run? Where can you go to escape the end of the world?” The conviction I needed to hear in her voice was non-existent, at least not yet. She was merely curious to hear with what I would respond.
“We're leaving Earth. No, do not even laugh right now!” I snapped at her as my anger bubbled over its already dangerously steaming pot abruptly. I stopped, took a breath, and spoke again, this time with my usual air of cavalier, logical, and arrogant calm.
“The people in power have known that this was coming. Something has been going on behind closed doors that would cause this. So, they were proactive and built an escape. I am sure you've heard about the other planet that they found.”
“Yes. They're calling it Pangaea, aren't they? Don't tell me that's where we're going.”
“That's where we're going. It is fit to support human life. All life, actually. It is our best chance. It is our only chance, Maura. I am going to say something now that will convince you. If it doesn't, then you do not know me as well as I think you do. Okay?”
“Alright.”
“I want you to look at me and look at Penny.” Penny had climbed into my lap at the beginning of the conversation and was grasping my arm in both hands, looking terrified despite not understanding the magnitude of the situation. However, our tones and my own shameless beseeching for Maura's belief were enough to convey that whatever was happening was serious enough to be worried about. Plus, children are the most instinctual of us all. They can sense the entirety of the worst possible scenario long before adults get even the slightest whiff of malevolence.
“I want you to think about Violet and Elijah.” My brother, Elijah was away at college. We were stopping to get him on the way to the launch site. He would need no convincing.
“You have been with us all since the days that we were born. I have this one chance to convince you that what I am saying is true. I have this one chance to tell you...” I stopped, unable to continue. To say what I was going to say next would be the greatest showing of weakness I had ever allowed myself to succumb to without a fight.
“What, darling?” She pressed me gently.
I heaved a great, reluctant sigh and looked at her.
“I need you to come with me. I need you.”
I looked away from her eyes when I saw tears rush into them suddenly. Everything I had ever learned about suppressing my emotions had been learned from Maur
a, and now she was outwardly showing that I had moved her with what I had said. I hated myself for admitting it out loud. Maura had not needed to hear that just to convince her to come with us; she had needed to hear those words from me for many, many years. When I went to let go of her hands, she squeezed mine even tighter.
“Look at me.”
I shook my head ever so slightly, my eyes darting around for something to focus on.
“Calm down,” She whispered, “I'm not going to cry.”
My eyes raised to look at her cautiously, and sure enough, she was telling the truth. She had swiped her tears away before they had a chance to fall.
“Are you packed? Are you ready?” She asked me, and I nodded. “Did you bring your spare glasses?” I nodded again, “Good girl. Give me ten minutes to get your sisters ready and to grab some of Elijah’s things.”
“Okay. I am sorry to scare you so randomly.” I replied, my voice steady. I did not want to embarrass myself by showing anything that even remotely resembled fear. It was not enough to convince Maura, in her infinite wisdom of all of my quirks and flaws; she saw right through my steely exterior into my fearful heart the way she always had, from my birth until the very moment we found ourselves at currently.
“Darling, if this all comes down to you being the one who will save us…” She put both of her hands on my face and smiled slightly, “…then I'm not scared at all.”