The sound of pawsteps inside the thorn barrier warned that the dawn patrol was preparing to leave. Hollypaw blinked gratefully at Brook. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Brook dipped her head and turned back to watch the forest. Hollypaw ducked through the thorn barrier just in time to avoid being swept aside by Graystripe, Sandstorm, and Honeypaw as they raced out. She knew what she had to do. She would become a regular apprentice like Lionpaw and Jaypaw, and work hard to serve her Clan as a warrior.
But first she had to tell Leafpool.
Stiffening her shoulders, Hollypaw nosed her way into the medicine den.
Leafpool was smearing honey onto a leaf. “Let’s hope this freezing weather breaks soon,” she muttered. “Longtail and Icekit both have sore throats.”
Hollypaw suddenly felt as if there were a thorn stuck in her chest. She was turning away from something she had set her heart on because she was not good enough. Sadness welled inside her. Should she be giving up so easily?
“What’s wrong, Hollypaw?” Leafpool looked up. “You look as though you’ve just lost our entire supply of poppy seeds!” Then her face grew serious. “You haven’t, have you?”
Hollypaw shook her head. “No. But I have something very important to tell you.” She forced herself to look her mentor in the eyes. “I can’t be a medicine cat apprentice anymore,” she mewed.
Leafpool blinked. “Why not?”
“I have to choose my destiny based on my strengths,” Hollypaw meowed. “I’m just no good at being a medicine cat. You must know that.”
“You are clever and hardworking. You can learn.”
“But it doesn’t feel right,” Hollypaw tried to explain. She tipped her head to one side. “Can you understand?”
“You feel like a fish swimming upstream?” Leafpool suggested.
“Exactly.” Hollypaw nodded, her heart aching. “If I change direction and swim with the current, I will swim so much faster.”
“So you want to train as a warrior instead.”
“I think it will be better for the Clan if I do.”
Leafpool’s eyes clouded with sorrow. “I feel as though I’ve let you down.”
“No!” Hollypaw felt a stab of guilt. “You’ve been patient and kind. It’s just not right for me.”
“You would have been a good medicine cat.” Leafpool flicked her tail. “But I see that you want to be the best at whatever you do.”
“I have to be, for the sake of my Clan.”
Leafpool stepped forward and brushed Hollypaw’s cheek with her muzzle. “You will make a wonderful warrior, Hollypaw,” she purred. “You have a warrior’s spirit—I have seen you being noble and loyal and brave, and now I see you sacrificing your ambition for the good of the Clan.” Her eyes shone. “I couldn’t be more proud of you.”
Leafpool’s words soothed the grief that pricked like a hedgehog at Hollypaw’s heart. “I must go and tell Firestar so he can find me a new mentor.”
“There’s no rush,” Leafpool cautioned. “You might want to think about it some more.”
“I’ve thought about it lots,” Hollypaw insisted. “I want to sort it out as soon as I can.”
“I’ll come with you,” Leafpool offered.
“Thank you.” The thought of facing Firestar made her paws itch. What if he thought she was being fickle?
Together they padded across the frosty clearing. Leafpool let Hollypaw climb the rockfall first and followed her up. Hollypaw announced her arrival at the den entrance with a nervous mew.
“Come in.”
Hollypaw stepped into the cave. The dawn light seeped in behind her, lighting the gloom. Sandstorm was grooming Firestar’s ears. She looked up as Hollypaw and Leafpool entered.
Firestar drew himself into a sitting position. “How is Longtail’s throat?” he asked.
“It’s not whitecough,” Leafpool reported. “Mousefur insists it’s just sore from his snoring.”
Firestar turned to Hollypaw. “What is it?” His green eyes were round with concern. “You look worried.”
Hollypaw shifted her weight from paw to paw. What if she was breaking the warrior code in some way? Surely Leafpool would have said something? She took a short, sharp breath. She had to follow her instinct. The Clan needed a medicine cat they could rely on, and she knew that wasn’t her.
“I want to become a warrior apprentice,” she blurted. “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a medicine cat.”
“And you think you’d make a better warrior,” Firestar guessed, narrowing his eyes.
“I know I would!”
Firestar looked at Leafpool. “Do you think she’s right?”
“I believe that this is what she really wants.” Leafpool stroked Hollypaw’s flank with her tail. “She’s worked hard at her duties, and I’ve loved training her, but she feels her strengths lie elsewhere. And if this is what she believes, then she will make a better warrior.”
“I’ll remember everything Leafpool has taught me,” Hollypaw promised. “It might be useful one day.”
Firestar nodded. “Very well. Since Leafpool agrees, you can train as a warrior. I’ll find you a mentor as soon as I can.”
Hollypaw looked up at Firestar, wondering if he would say more, but he was gazing wordlessly at her. He must be trying to think of a suitable mentor. She turned and began to head past Leafpool out of the entrance.
“It must have taken a lot of courage to do this,” Firestar called after her. “I’m very proud of you.”
She glanced back at the ThunderClan leader. “Thank you,” she mewed.
She leaped down into the clearing, her paws light with relief. Suddenly she remembered that she had intended to go hunting this morning. Perhaps Lionpaw would come with her. She glanced toward the apprentice den, wondering if he was awake yet, and then she saw Jaypaw slipping in through the thorn barrier. Brook followed him in, looking relieved. From the way he stumbled wearily into the clearing, Hollypaw guessed her brother had been out all night. She hurried over to him as Brook padded toward the warrior den to get some well-earned sleep.
“You look exhausted!” she mewed. “Where have you been?”
Jaypaw’s eyes were bleary and his fur unkempt. “I’ll explain later,” he mewed. “I have to see Firestar.”
“You should get some sleep first,” Hollypaw advised. “Besides, Firestar is busy talking to Leafpool.”
“I have to see her too.”
What was he talking about? Had something happened? Alarm shot through Hollypaw’s tail, making it twitch.
Jaypaw tripped as he tried to climb the tumble of rocks up to Firestar’s cave.
“Let me help,” Hollypaw offered. “You’re too tired to manage alone.”
For once Jaypaw didn’t object. Hollypaw’s anxiety grew stronger, but she bit her tongue. He was obviously determined to speak to Firestar, and she wasn’t going to waste time arguing. Instead she laid her tail over his shoulders and guided him up the rockfall.
At the ledge outside Firestar’s den, Hollypaw announced her arrival once more.
“Back already?” Firestar called her inside.
He looked surprised to see Jaypaw with her, but before he could speak Jaypaw stumbled into the center of the den. He fixed his sightless gaze on Firestar, his stare so intense it seemed as though he could see the ThunderClan leader as clearly as the rest of them could.
“I need to train to be a medicine cat,” he mewed.
CHAPTER 18
Hollypaw stared at her brother in astonishment. Jaypaw had always been so sure that he wanted to be a warrior, ever since he had been old enough to pounce on a scrap of moss.
Firestar looked at Hollypaw. “Did you know anything about this?”
“No!” Hollypaw gasped. Firestar sounded as if he suspected they had planned it together.
Jaypaw looked over his shoulder at her, his blue eyes round with anxiety. “Hollypaw, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right.” Leafpool padded over to Jay
paw and brushed his ear with her muzzle. “Hollypaw has already told Firestar that she wants to train as a warrior apprentice instead.”
Jaypaw blinked. “Really?”
Hollypaw nodded. A tingle of hope pricked her paws. Perhaps this was the perfect solution! After all, Jaypaw had always known the herbs better than she did. But would Firestar agree?
Firestar looked at Leafpool. “Are you ready to take on another apprentice so soon?”
Leafpool sat down and wrapped her tail over her paws. “I would be honored to be Jaypaw’s mentor.” She dipped her head. “I think the Clan would be lucky to have him as its medicine cat.”
Hollypaw stared at Leafpool. Why does she look like she’s hiding something?
“What about his blindness?” Firestar queried.
Hollypaw bristled. Surely Jaypaw wouldn’t let Firestar get away with that? “He knows the herbs far better than me,” she mewed quickly.
“His sense of smell is incredible,” Leafpool agreed. “He can already tell an infected wound from a clean one a tail-length away.”
Hollypaw waited for Jaypaw to point out that blindness had nothing to do with it, but he only murmured, “I will try as hard as I can. Leafpool will soon see whether I can manage or not.”
“Very well.” Firestar nodded, looking a little dazed. “Leafpool will be your new mentor.”
Jaypaw dipped his head.
“But first,” Firestar went on, “we must tell Brightheart.”
Jaypaw’s ears twitched. “She’ll be hurt.” Hollypaw could hear anxiety in his mew. Her brother had never gotten on particularly well with his mentor, but he was clearly worried about her feelings.
“Maybe Brightheart could be my mentor,” she suggested.
Firestar shook his head. “Her skills were perfect for training Jaypaw, but not for you.” He shifted his paws. “She will be a mentor again very soon; don’t worry.”
“What if she doesn’t understand my decision?” Jaypaw mewed.
“It’s up to you to make her understand,” Firestar answered. “I may be able to tell the Clan what to do, but I can’t tell them how to feel.”
“I’ll make sure that she knows my decision has nothing to do with her,” Jaypaw promised. “This is something I have to do.”
His mew was oddly flat. Hollypaw felt a ripple of unease stir her pelt. It was almost as if being Leafpool’s apprentice wasn’t Jaypaw’s choice at all, but something that had been forced upon him.
Leafpool glanced at Firestar and Sandstorm, the sort of meaningful glance that told Hollypaw that they wanted to exchange words in private.
Taking the hint, she bowed her head. “Shall I fetch Brightheart?”
Firestar nodded. “Yes, please.”
“She’s in the warriors’ den,” Jaypaw told them.
Hollypaw’s whiskers twitched. It was weird that Jaypaw was always totally aware of what was going on in the camp. She bounded down into the clearing and padded over to the warriors’ den. Sticking her head through the entrance, she called Brightheart’s name.
Brightheart was sitting up in her nest, washing, her warm breath billowing in the gloom.
“Firestar would like to see you in his den,” Hollypaw told her.
Brightheart stopped, her tongue still half out, and stared at Hollypaw. She looked as if she was about to ask why.
Hollypaw ducked out of the den. She did not want to give Brightheart time to speak. She knew she would not be able to hide the truth, but she also knew that it was Jaypaw’s duty to break his news to his mentor. She slipped into the apprentice’s den before Brightheart emerged. It seemed a good time to visit her new home. The scent of the yew was strange, and the nests were all empty. Jaypaw’s nest would be hers now, she guessed. She sniffed it out and gazed around the shelter, happy at the thought of sleeping among her Clanmates. After the nursery, her nest in the medicine den had seemed cold and lonely. She wished some of the apprentices were here to welcome her. Everyone must be out training. The thought brought a prickle of excitement. Before long, she would be out with them.
When Hollypaw slipped out of the den, she saw Brightheart scrambling up the rockfall to Firestar’s cave. Thornclaw lay by the halfrock, sharing tongues with Whitewing. Spiderleg was dozing in the early morning sunshine below Highledge.
Foxkit and Icekit burst from the nursery entrance in a flurry of fur and whiskers.
“Don’t stray into the clearing,” Ferncloud’s voice called from inside the den. “I don’t want you getting under anyone’s paws!”
“We won’t,” Icekit replied.
Icekit flicked her brother’s russet-colored muzzle with her tail. Foxkit retaliated with a lunge that sent her tumbling toward Hollypaw.
Hollypaw steadied the snow-white kit with her paw.
“Hi, Hollypaw!” Icekit glanced up at her, then spun and leaped at her brother. She tumbled him over, grasped him with a paw behind each cheek, and began to pummel him enthusiastically with her hind paws.
“Tuck your head in, Foxkit, and give her a good nip!” Hollypaw called.
Icekit squeaked and let go of her brother. “That’s not fair,” she wailed. “You’re helping him.”
“It doesn’t look like you need any help!” Hollypaw mewed.
Foxkit hurled himself at his sister.
“Duck!” Hollypaw warned the snowy kit.
Icekit rolled out of the way just in time, and Foxkit skidded past her into the frosty grass outside the apprentice’s den. He turned and, crouching low, prowled back toward Icekit.
“Not so fast,” Hollypaw advised. Icekit was waiting with her chest pressed to the ground and her tail lashing excitedly. “Let her come to you.”
Foxkit stared at his sister, his eyes defiant. “She won’t dare come near me!”
Icekit wriggled closer, unable to resist her brother’s challenge. Foxkit waited until she was so close that her breath billowed in his face.
“Get behind her now!” Hollypaw urged.
Foxkit darted out of the grass and shot behind Icekit. By the time she had spun around he had jumped onto her back and was rolling her onto her side.
“You two are going to make great warriors!” Hollypaw purred.
A flash of ginger-and-white fur caught her eye. Brightheart was leaping down the tumble of rocks. Hollypaw felt a pang of sympathy. Jaypaw had been Brightheart’s first apprentice. She must have been eager to prove that she could make as good a mentor as any other warrior. Hollypaw hoped Jaypaw had persuaded her that his decision had nothing at all to do with the way she had been training him.
“Show us a fighting move!” Foxkit was reaching up to Hollypaw’s shoulder with his forepaws, tugging at her pelt.
Hollypaw ducked down and, twisting like a snake, rolled over onto her back.
“Wow!” Icekit breathed. “You’re really quick.” The white kit’s gaze flicked across the clearing, and she suddenly looked nervous. “Firestar’s coming,” she whispered.
“I’ve decided on your new mentor,” Firestar announced, stopping in front of Hollypaw.
“You’ve got a new mentor?” Foxkit mewed in surprise.
Firestar gazed down at the little kit. “She’s going to train as a warrior,” he explained.
“I thought she was training to be a medicine cat,” squeaked Icekit.
Hollypaw felt a prickle of unease. She still couldn’t help worrying that she had broken the warrior code.
“Hollypaw knows best what lies in her heart,” Firestar meowed.
I do, Hollypaw thought.
Cloudtail came hurrying through the camp entrance. “I’ve told him,” he called to Firestar. “He’s on his way.”
“We’ll have an apprentice ceremony later,” Firestar told Hollypaw. “But I’ve called your new mentor back from the hunting patrol. If he agrees to take you on, you might as well start right away. You’ve got plenty of training to catch up on.”
Hollypaw nodded, unable to speak because her throat seemed to have closed up with
excitement.
The thorn barrier quivered.
“Firestar?” Brackenfur hurried toward the ThunderClan leader, panting. He must have run all the way back. “What is it?”
Hollypaw flicked her tail happily. Not only was Brackenfur a great fighter, but he was also clever and thoughtful; she trusted his judgment as much as his strength.
“Would you be willing to take on Hollypaw as an apprentice?” Firestar asked.
Brackenfur’s gaze shot toward Hollypaw. “What happened?”
Hollypaw tensed. Was he going to say no? After all, she had already let one mentor down. “I-I don’t think I’m cut out to be a medicine cat.”
Brackenfur gazed at her a moment longer; then he turned back to Firestar. “I’d be pleased to train her.”
Hollypaw felt a wave of relief.
“Good,” Firestar meowed. “I’ll leave her in your paws, then.” He turned and padded away.
Brackenfur looked Hollypaw up and down. “You’ve got some catching up to do,” he warned.
“I know, and I’m going to train extra hard.”
“Good.” Brackenfur flicked his tail. “We’ll do battle training every day to begin with.”
“Great!”
Brackenfur stared at her with his head to one side. “I’m not going to ask what made you change your mind. If you’re going to be a warrior, I want you to concentrate on the present, not the past. You’ve made your decision, and I expect you to stick to it.”
“I will!” Hollypaw vowed.
Brackenfur kneaded the ground with his front paws, his shoulders flexing. “Are you ready to start training right away?”
Hollypaw nodded.
“Good. You can join our hunting patrol.” He headed back toward the thorn barrier and raced out of the entrance. Taken by surprise, Hollypaw pelted after him, her tail fluffed out. Her first real hunt!
Brackenfur didn’t slow down to accommodate her shorter legs, and Hollypaw had to run twice as fast to keep up with him. He raced up the slope and headed through the forest. All the time Hollypaw had spent sorting herbs had exercised her mind more than her body. She realized with a jolt how much fitter the other warrior apprentices must be.
Brackenfur glanced over his shoulder as she struggled after him. “We’re nearly there,” he encouraged.