Kosai sat across the desk in Mearto’s office with a stack of books to his right. The stack grew as Mearto pulled volumes down from her personal library, carefully looking at each title, drawing her hand across the spine and then nodding before deciding. After she perused the books, she took out a piece of paper, ink, and pen and made notes on the piece of paper. After all the books had been scanned, and notes made, she put a few back and then handed the note to Kosai.
“On this note, you will find titles and page numbers. I will be back in two hours’ time and expect an oral report on what was read.” Mearto flipped a large hour glass and left the room.
The past week had been one elongated study session on the Awakening. Each morning, after breakfast, Mearto would escort Kosai to her office, pick out a stack of books, assign Kosai to read the sections that she had written down, lock the door, and leave for two hours. As soon as the last grain of sand dripped from the hour glass, she returned. Kosai gave his oral report on a portion of the Awakening, and the process would start all over again.
Kosai felt that the process was inefficient, mentally draining and a waste of his time. Each night, when Kosai retired to his bed, he stayed up for an extra hour reading the book that wrote itself, and re-learning what he learned that day. For whatever reason, the words from the book seemed to stick in his mind much easier than those in Mearto’s library.
For new Conduits, or those who were already attuned to the Faye, the Awakening was simple, painless, and was usually done in front of other students as an initiation ceremony. The Awakening was the process of gaining control over the subconscious part of the mind and involved hypnosis.
Each Conduit, in their mind, would be in a body of water. They would swim to the bottom, pick up an object and then swim to the nearest portion of land. The water was never very deep, eight to ten feet, and the shore was never far away. As soon as the object was brought on shore, the ceremony was complete. Usually, the object was a small trinket like a ring or a colored stone.
For those who were not attuned to the Faye, a Forced Awakening was extremely dangerous and usually deadly. Mearto insisted that the only way to prevent Kosai’s death was to prepare his mind through study. The body of water was almost always a sea in the middle of a storm, the object was often extremely heavy, and the shore was never close. If the person drowned in mental hypnosis, they died in reality. This was unfortunately discovered after a second attempt at a Forced Awakening in the early years of the School. The first and only person to survive a Forced Awakening was Mearto. With the Seer’s recent vision about Kosai defeating the Dark One, it made sense that Mearto was assigned to teach him.
Even with all the learning, Kosai was frustrated that he had not found a lead into who was leaking the route information and why. Each night, after spending an hour studying and re-learning, he stayed up until everyone in the room fell asleep, strategizing how he was going to complete his mission. There was no way to keep a close watch on the teachers in the night without being spotted or heard. There were no rafters, statues, or suitable corners to hide behind.
Mearto’s method of teaching also bothered him. She said for Kosai to point out the student that tried to kill him the next time he saw him. Instead of providing that opportunity, she had locked him away, after breakfast, brought him lunch and dinner, and then sent him away just before lights out. Was she really on his side? Or was what she said a cover to ease Kosai’s inquisitiveness about the situation? He wasn’t sure, but he thought of a plan to find out.
As soon as Mearto left the room and locked it, Kosai pulled the book that wrote itself from inside his shirt and set it on the desk. He opened to the sixth page, and pressed the book firmly on the desk so that the pages would stay open. He then bit the tip of his finger just enough to peel back a piece of skin and draw a small amount of blood. He squeezed his finger over the book, but before a drop could fall, words began to appear on the page.
“Your blood is no longer needed to unlock my pages,” the book wrote. “You are the first to unlock the pages, and to ensure you are the only one who reads my pages, you only need to lick your finger and press it into them.”
Kosai pulled his thumb back and licked the cut. He then licked his other thumb and pressed it onto the sixth page. The words faded and new words appeared.
“I see that you have a task to do, ah, and the books are in this room.”
“That’s only part of it,” Kosai whispered. “I need to know if there are any personal notes, a journal, letters, anything in this room that Mearto has written about me, or about the syndicate, or about the Seer.” The pages were blank for a while. Kosai tapped his finger on the desk and nervously watched the sand in the hourglass.
“There are a few personal letters that cover those topics as well as a journal. There is quite a bit in here that I think you would like to read.”
“Not now, later, tonight probably,” Kosai paused and looked at the stack of books. “Right now, I need to finish my assignment.” The pages were blank again. Kosai took a breath and remembered the first lesson; patience.
“Good, more on the Awakening I see. Do you know why Mearto wants you to read these books? You are the only one who can defeat the Dark One for reasons you do not know. I will, in time, reveal those reasons to you. If you die during the Awakening, not only this school, but the world will have lost all hope.” The pages were blank again and Kosai thought about his mission. Was it important compared to defeating the Dark One? Should he abandon the orders of the Captain? Was there a way to do both?
“What can be more important than defeating the Dark One? I have read your blood and I know you are seeking the one who is leaking the trade route information. Be patient and focus on the task at hand. You will do your assignment, and when you give your oral report, suggest practicing. You will see.” The words faded away and new ones began to appear, but they were not from the book that wrote itself, but from the stack of books that Mearto had pulled from the shelves.
Kosai read the portions of the books that his book showed, reading more stories about past students and their Awakenings. The last section was not a story, but a report on what Conduits were supposed to do with the objects after the Awakening.
“Once the Conduit brings the object ashore,” Kosai read aloud, “the connection to the subconscious can be made speedily, but with significant limitation at first; hence the need for communion with the Faye. During communion, the conduit must, in his mind, destroy the object that was brought from the sea. The object and mental capacity of the Conduit will determine the time of this task.” Kosai looked at the hour glass. The last grains of sand were dropping. Kosai quickly closed his book that wrote itself and placed it in his shirt.
Mearto came into the room and closed the door gently behind her. Kosai stood and turned to face her. She looked at him, at the books, and then back at him.
“What have you been doing this whole time? Those books haven’t been touched since I left! I don’t have time for this!” she chided. She walked to the desk and looked at the note she had written and shook her head. Kosai stood still, breathed and thought hard about what he was going to say. “What am I going to tell the Seer? Don’t you understand why you are here?” Mearto crossed her arms and glared at Kosai.
“Neither do I,” Kosai finally said.
Mearto shook her head and leaned forward slightly.
“What?” Mearto asked.
“You said you didn’t have time for this. Neither do I. I understand that my Awakening could kill me. We need to practice, and prepare for the Awakening. Reading books, though helpful, isn’t going to solve the problem.”
“It is reading that is going to save you from the Awakening,” Mearto said placing a hand on the stack of books. “You need more mental preparation. This isn’t like training at the Capital Barracks where you have a few bruises and sore muscles. This is just as serious as real battle. You need more preparation. Read these books in the next two hours. T
hat’s an order,” Mearto said in a militaristic voice. She walked to the door.
“No,” Kosai said just as she placed her hand on the doorknob. Mearto released the door knob and turned back to Kosai.
“Insubordination, I am sure the Captain would love to hear about that.” Mearto smiled and turned to the door again.
“Someone tried to kill me, if you remember, and what have you discovered concerning that? I am sure the Captain would love to hear that my instructor is suspect in an attempted murder,” he said. Mearto turned and froze. Her eyes were like ice storms. Streaks of lightening flashed in her pupils.
“If I wanted to kill you,” she said as she ran up to Kosai, grabbing his collar, lifted him and pushed against one of the bookcases-- Kosai fighting back the urge to break the grip and counter her strong grab-- “I could right now, in this very room and I could make it look like suicide. Do you understand?”
“Then, why don’t you?” Kosai asked with just as much intensity. Mearto released her grip and the storm in her eyes calmed.
“Because someone else in this school is trying to and it doesn’t end with the boys who attacked you in the library. While you were busy studying, I have spent my time watching the students, reading their expressions. There is a group of boys that stay close together and have a close association with one of the teachers that was against your coming here. One of the boys, Shàn is his name, had a bruise on his left check. The day after you were attacked, I watched the boys and tried to approach them, but Theo, the teacher who is against you being here, intervened. Recently, I asked them about the encounter and they denied the whole thing. They said that you came and attacked them.”
“Why not ask the Seer to See what happened?”
“There are very strict rules about what the Seer can or cannot See. Every time he Sees, he loses a portion of his life. I have asked the Seer to See what happened, but he has declined to do so, trusting that evidence and truth will prevail.”
“How convenient,” Kosai said quietly.
“I see you have some reservations about the Seer,” said Mearto, amused.
“My opinions are my own,” Kosai said shortly. Mearto laughed. “But what of Theo? Why didn’t he approve of my coming?”
“The decision was already made by Principle Daius that you would be coming here. Daius brought all the teachers in conference to make the announcement. Theo explained that you would most likely die during the forced Awakening and that it would aid the Dark One, not hinder him. There was something more in his tone though. I pressed him for more information and possible alternatives and he yielded without any force.” Mearto paused, turned and looked at her books. “When you were attacked, did Shàn say anything to you?”
“When I asked Shàn why he attacked me, he said it was because the Seer told him that I was going to destroy this school. After I knocked him out, I ran up the stairs, which was when I ran into you. Then I approached the Seer and he denied the claim.”
“And do you believe him?”
“I’m not sure what to believe or who to trust.”
“Interesting…” Mearto turned away from her books and walked around her desk. Kosai stayed where he was and watched as she ran her hand along the book case, her fingers bouncing on the spines of the books. “If the Seer did See you destroying this school, and if he shared that vision with Theo, then there is a good chance that both want you dead. It is only a guess for now, and we would need some evidence against them, but I can’t think of any other reason that someone would want you dead within these walls. What do you think?”
Kosai shivered. When he was on an escort in the desert, instinct took over. To him, the threat of death hid behind every sand dune and shadow. This was different. Knowing that your enemy was close and targeting you created a different, chilling, almost paralyzing sensation. Kosai shook the feeling aside and focused on the present. Perhaps Theo was the one betraying the routes. He thought back to what the book had told him. The most important thing he could do was to focus on his Awakening.
“I think things will reveal themselves in time,” said Kosai, “but for now we need to prepare for my Awakening.”
Mearto smiled and turned her attention back to Kosai.
“That is one of the more intelligent things you have said since you arrived.” Kosai blushed a little and was confused on how to respond. Unable to find a quick retort, he began to ask about something he had read about Mearto’s Awakening.
“Earlier this week I read that you are the only one who has ever survived a Forced Awakening,” Mearto frowned and looked down at the floor. “What was it like?”
“My ocean was dark and fierce. Lightning slashed in the sky and there was so much rain. At times, as I rode the swells, I felt that I couldn’t breathe. It took me two attempts to dive down to the bottom of the ocean. I found my object and swam for, what seemed to me, two whole days till I found shore and then I lost consciousness. I woke a week later.
“If you would have read your assignment, you would have known that each Conduit must destroy the object they retrieve from the sea. What you will learn next is that you must continue to destroy the object through daily communion with the Faye. Most objects are trinkets, but mine, no. My object was a child, a child that I will raise in the future, and each day I must destroy it. No one will ever understand that pain.”
Kosai was silent. He pictured the horrific event in his mind for a split second and then shut his eyes tight to block out the mental picture. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to help her, he wanted her pain to stop, but he couldn’t think of the right words to say.
“That’s terrible, horrible… why? I, that, that isn’t right,” Kosai said, stumbling over each word. Mearto looked back at Kosai, frowned and placed a hand on his shoulder. A faint smell of lilac and sea salt wafted in the room.
“It’s okay Kosai. There are things about the Faye, that no matter how long we research or meditate, we will never understand.” Mearto removed her hand, sat in her chair and gestured for Kosai to sit as well. “Each object that is retrieved from the sea has significance and carries a message. Part of the Awakening is to find out what that message is.” Kosai was about to speak but Mearto held up a hand for silence. “I have often meditated on what the child exactly symbolizes and what the message is, and I am to this day unsure. It could be that I should be childless for my life because my child or children will do terrible things. It could be that only one will do terrible things.”
“I’m sorry,” said Kosai. He looked down and stared at the floor. “I couldn’t do that, wouldn’t do that. I never would have asked had I known it was something like that.”
“I know,” Mearto said softly. “And I am telling you because you need to know. No matter what your object is, you must learn to destroy it. Never forget your own purpose. You are the only one who can kill the Dark One. Your Awakening is the key for that to happen. That is why we need to focus on preparing you for your Awakening, and try to keep you alive until then. I doubt you would survive a second encounter with Shàn and his friends.” She turned over the two-hour glass and started to leave the room.
“When we will practice for the Awakening?”
“When you’re ready,” she said as she closed the door leaving Kosai to his assignment. Kosai pulled out the book and opened it to the sixth page. He licked his thumb and pressed it firmly into the page.
“She didn’t take well to the suggestion,” the book wrote, and then the words faded.
“No, she just turned me to the books again, but I was able to glean some information from her and she was able to glean some from me. She wants to keep me alive, and neither of us trusts the Seer, but, why doesn’t she?” Kosai said to himself.
“That will be a reading for this evening.” The words faded away and were blank for some time. Kosai knew that when that happened without any formal dismissal, he was to be patient, and so he sat, waiting, and watched as the grains of sand dropped. “If you wer
e to begin practicing on your own for the Awakening, Mearto would have to start teaching you. It would be dangerous, and you could possibly die unless she is there to guide you.”
“Use my own life as a bartering chip,” Kosai said to himself and the book. “I don’t think I would even need to swim downward, just keep myself afloat. How much time do we need?”
“The Awakening is like dreaming, only these are dreams you will always remember. In the Awakening, it may seem like only a couple of minutes, but it could be a few hours. For you to taste a portion of the Awakening, and for the experience to be effective, we need to start soon. First, some instruction.” The words on the page faded and new ones from another book began to appear.
The new text explained the process for the one who was overseeing or conducting the Awakening-- the different words and tones to use to coax the soon to be conduit into a subconscious state as well as how to coax them out in the off chance that things grew too difficult. The book presented the text on how to retreat from an Awakening first, but Kosai skimmed over the text and mostly disregarded it. To get to their subconscious state, they needed to relax and be completely still. Once the words were spoken to lull them into a subconscious state, normal conduits were already in their body of water. On the rare occasion that they were not, there were other words and phrases that led the conduit to the water. The main strategy however, was to get the conduit to focus on the energy inside them and visualize it as a body of water, and then to go to that body of water.
Once a month for two days, the guards from all over Tessír would travel to Port Rasmú to swim. The new recruits would go to Port Rasmú every week until they learned how to, and then would go once a month. There were government ships that would travel between Tessír and Caite, shipping cargo back and forth. Guards were requested to protect the ships, as well as ensure that none of the goods went missing during their transport. Mutiny and shipwreck were rare, but just in case, the Captain made sure that his guards knew how to swim.
Magnus was the lieutenant in Port Rasmú, and he was an excellent swimmer. He would teach the class and his guard would assist. The recruits would wade out to their waists, and first learn how to float. Lieutenant Magnus would then show them how to move their arms, how to turn their heads to breath, and always emphasized the importance of relaxing.
The recruits looked like fish flopping in a caught net. Arms and legs thrashed about, water splashed everywhere, and the guards went nowhere. When Kosai swam, he was surprisingly calm. Each stroke was smooth and powerful. When Kosai breathed, it was controlled. Lieutenant Magnus noticed this and kept Kosai at Port Rasmú for two months to assist in teaching the other recruits to swim confidently on their own. The Captain was slightly surprised, but more pleased with Kosai’s success than anything else.
“You must remember these words,” the book wrote. “Look inside yourself, search for that energy that the Faye gives all, let your mind travel there, feel your grip on consciousness slip away and let it slip. Be in the water, be part of the water.”
Kosai read the words over and over again, committing them to memory. As he remembered the words, word by word began to disappear until the page was blank. Kosai closed the book and put it in his shirt, took a breath, closed his eyes, and relaxed his body. He could feel his heart beating, his chest expanding and contracting with each breath.
“Look inside yourself,” Kosai said softly. As if waking from sleep, a small purple light began to appear, no larger than a pea. “Search for that small amount of energy that the Faye gives all.” Slowly, the small speck of light began to grow, first to the size of a coin, then a fist, then the size of a shield, until everywhere he looked was a bright, purple light. “Let your mind travel there, fell your consciousness slip away and let it slip.” As soon as he said this, he was falling. The purple light faded into a dark blue, and then blackness. His heart beat faster, he began to breathe harder. “Let it slip,” he said again. He calmed his body, and let the vertigo engulf him. He could feel his body turning, pointing downward. Wind flowed across his face. Beneath him was the water. “Be in the water, be a part of the water,” he said calmly.
Splash!
Kosai hit the cold icy water. He couldn’t breathe in. He opened his eyes. Water surrounded him. He took a minute, waited till he knew which way was up, and then oriented himself. With what little strength was left he swam upwards. The strokes were clumsy at first and he hardly moved, but the need to breathe set triggered adrenaline, and he raced upward.
When he broke the surface, he gasped and tried to tread water. He looked at his arms and chest, and then looked at his legs and feet. He was completely naked. A wind blew behind him, splashing wave after wave onto his head. Kosai tensed at the cold. He sank beneath the water slightly and then kicked upward again. When his mouth broke the surface, a swell came and lifted him up, and then down and then crashed on him, forcing him down into the ocean. He tried to kick to the surface, but his muscles were stiff. With each kick his legs throbbed more and more and seemed to become heavier and heavier, as if molten lead was being poured into his thighs. The adrenaline had already worn off.
You idiot, Kosai thought. You can’t die, not here. Kosai kicked harder, rising slowly to the surface. Kick, kick, kick, kick, he said to himself repeatedly. He reached the surface again and took a breath. The ocean turned to a dark blue, and Kosai fell upwards, out of the ocean. The night sky turned back to the dark purple, and then to the bright purple light. The light shrank until it was the size of a pea. Kosai opened his real eyes and saw Mearto standing over him.
“You idiot,” she scolded. “You can’t die, not here, not like this. There was a reason I told you no. You’re not ready.” Kosai was shivering and coughed. He ran his hands through his hair, expecting to find salt water, but instead it was sweat. “You are so pathetic.” She took one of her cloaks that hung on a hook and threw it around Kosai. “I take it you learned your lesson.”
“Yes,” Kosai said. He coughed a second time. “Next time I will get straight to diving.”
“Fool!” Mearto yelled.
“I am sure you had weeks of preparation!” Kosai barked back. “I don’t have that much time.”
“No, as a matter of fact, I didn’t have weeks of preparation. It was decided for me, and it was tried. But I lived for a much different reason.”
“And what was that reason?”
“That is none of your business! You almost died. I saved your life. By right, your life is mine. And don’t talk to me about you not having that much time. The time you have here is what I give you.”
“And the time you have is what the Captain gave you.” Kosai stared at Mearto and wrapped her cloak tightly around him. Mearto stood, scowling over him.
“Don’t you understand that you are no use to anyone dead? It’s over for all of us if you’re gone. Why are you so adamant about getting yourself killed? Why do you want to force my hand?” She paused, turned and looked at the bookshelf. “You have something else you’re supposed to do here, aren’t you? Becoming a Forced Conduit is just your foot in our school. There is something else, something that the Captain wants you to find isn’t there? Why else would you want to hurry the Awakening? You threaten to kill yourself, I succumb to your desires to hurry the process, leaving you time to do something.” Kosai coughed again and began to shake. “And I think I know what over. It’s about the trade routes, isn’t it? The Seer thinks that I am the one leaking the trade routes, and with you being a Forced Conduit, it fits perfectly into his strategy to have you watch me.” The scent of lilac and sea salt filled the room as she spoke. Kosai nodded. He was too weak to come up with another story or explanation.
“The Captain told me though to keep an eye on everyone,” Kosai said, “not just you. He thinks that the Seer wants me to watch you so that he can go unnoticed. It doesn’t rule you out as a suspect, but yes. That is why I need to hurry this up. Every day I sit here and study, people are dying.” Mearto chuckled a
gain.
“You are too weak to be left alone right now, but I think this evening, you and I should go out. I’ll prove to you that I am not the one behind it all, and perhaps you and I can work together on this.” She sighed and smiled. “A little more than a week and someone is trying to kill you, you almost kill yourself, and I discover that you and I have more in common than I first thought.”
“So, it seems,” Kosai said dryly through his teeth.
CHAPTER 12