He ignored her and turned his face back to the sound of pacing outside the hedge. “Tell me. Why do you keep him away?”
Her heart stuttered. “I… don’t know him.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I could hurt him.”
“Yes, you could.”
She could feel the frown creasing her forehead. “I don’t understand this place. Is it a dream? I thought it was a dream. It didn’t seem real, but now I think it was. It is.”
The Fallen sneered. “Foolish child. Dreams are more real than you know. It has always been so. What is the world around us but a dream?”
“What do you mean?”
He shifted quickly, and she saw before her a nondescript human in glasses, then a giant black cat, then a pure gleam of light. Or had she? Before she could blink, the shining creature was sitting next to her again.
“What do you think I mean?”
“Are you real?”
“Very real.”
Their eyes met, and she felt a thread of connection that surprised her. “Who are you?”
“You know who I am. You will wake this time and remember it.” He lifted an eyebrow. “Unless your human mind rebels against that, too.”
“Rebellion,” she murmured, remembering what he had said before. “What am I rebelling against?”
“Who you are. Who he is.” He nodded toward the sound of the pacing man beyond the dark hedge, then the creature leaned forward and dropped his head to hers. “You will always rebel,” he whispered in her ear. “Against power. Against control. Against the will of others. It is in your very blood, Ava. I may have fallen, but you ripped the threads of heaven itself to get what you wanted.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“It doesn’t matter.” His voice vibrated with a peculiar resonance. It was excitement and dread. Curiosity and pride, all at once. “Or maybe that is all that matters.”
Her heart began to race. The angel pulled back and narrowed his eyes at the sound of the pacing man beyond the hedge.
“He does not understand yet,” the creature murmured. “Not yet. But soon.”
“Was it bad? To call him back?” Panic was a fist around her heart.
“You don’t ask the right questions, child.”
“What do you—”
“What is bad, what is good? These things are unimportant. You must only ask, is it necessary?”
He was necessary. Not the angel. The man beyond the dark hedge was necessary. She could feel it in her bones, though her head ached with confusion as she listened to him pace.
She wanted him, but he frightened her.
“Are you frightened of him or for him?” her companion wondered. “I don’t know. I know so many things about you. Where you sleep. When you dream. But I cannot interpret the emotions I feel.”
“Can you ever?” she asked. “With humans?”
“I don’t know that I ever tried.” He shrugged. “Maybe. Or perhaps I simply do not remember. I have existed longer than your mind can fathom.”
The man beyond the hedge continued to circle, growing ever more agitated. She could sense his desire to come to her. His desire to protect her from the creature that sat at her side. She knew this, just as she knew that she could not let him in.
“Not yet,” she whispered.
The Fallen smiled. “No, not yet.”
“What do you want from me?”
He placed a hand on her temple and whispered, “It’s time to listen.”
But it wasn’t a song she fell into. The images shot to her mind in glittering, violent life. Two dark eagles with golden eyes, wings spread as they screamed. They flew at each other, colliding in midair as blood dripped over her eyes. A wolf paced at her feet and a tiger lounged in the distance, watching with a lazy, glowing stare.
Only watching.
Jackals circled and laughed, but the laughter held fear, not glee. All the while, the great birds screamed as feathers and blood filled the air.
They tore at each other until one, claws dripping with blood, plunged his bladed beak into the chest of the other, ripping its heart until the great bird fell at her feet, staring into her eyes as she screamed.
“I will tear the threads of heaven to return. And you will help me, Ava.”
Tears were hot on her face when she woke. Ava gasped and sat up, but Malachi did not stir beside her. His bare shoulders twitched as if he was still dreaming. She looked at him, scooting away until they no longer touched. She had slept pressed against him, and her body revolted at the loss.
But her mind…
Somewhere in his sleep, he reached for her. He stretched his arm across the expanse of the bed until his hand lay resting against the skin of her ankle. His fingers closed around it, he took a deep breath, then he relaxed into sleep again.
“Why do you keep him away?”
She remembered everything from her dream. Unlike the misty visions she’d clung to when she’d dreamt of Malachi, her vision of Jaron was glaringly clear.
“You will always rebel… It is in your very blood.”
The thought made her shiver, so she stared at the broad expanse of Malachi’s back, mentally tracing the patterns that were no longer there.
In the silent darkness, a wave of doubt washed over her.
What had she done? It was Malachi, but it wasn’t. She had made love to a dream but woken with a man she no longer knew. A stranger who claimed to love her but had no memories of their brief life together.
“Imagine a person created for you. Another being so in tune with you that their voice is the clearest you’ve ever heard in your mind.”
Would she still hear him as she had? Or had their connection been permanently severed in death?
Had she heard his voice the night before? Had she imagined it? Maybe she’d forced herself not to listen for it, but a tiny voice whispered to her that maybe…
Maybe Malachi wasn’t truly hers. Not anymore.
“I think I’d pull down heaven if that’s what it took to keep you here with me.”
“And I’d abandon it if you weren’t there.”
The memory of his words brought tears to her eyes, because as precious as that memory was to her, he wouldn’t remember it. He wouldn’t remember their first kiss or the soft laughter after they’d made love. He wouldn’t remember her anger and confusion or his quiet way of reassuring her with just a look and a hand. He wouldn’t remember the stories she’d told him about her family or the rambling memories of four hundred years of life that he’d shared with her.
Mind-boggling. Wonderful.
Gone.
He wouldn’t remember the night he mated her, drawing his magic onto her body or the passion that had united them as one. The stranger who’d come back to her had found the other half of himself, but Ava’s soul still felt torn in two.
Her hand reached out, tracing the curve of a bare shoulder. She tried to remember exactly what had once covered it, but she couldn’t. At her touch, his twitching body stilled, and she cautiously opened up her mind to his voice.
It was the same, but different. And just like before, it was startling in its clarity. Words tumbled over each other as he dreamed. She could hardly keep up with his mind. But one phrase whispered to her, over and over.
Vashama canem, reshon.
Come back to me.
This time, he was reaching for her. The dark hedge in her dream flashed into her memory, and Ava started to sniff. Malachi woke at the sound and immediately sat up, wrapping his arms around her.
“What is it?”
She shook her head but could say nothing. She’d never felt more confused in her life.
“Ava, please.” His voice was strained, and he rocked her back and forth. “I need to know how to help you. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what is wrong?”
“I don’t know… anything. You’re here, but I still feel alone.”
He went c
ompletely still.
She forced the words out of her mouth. “I’m so confused, Malachi. You were dead. I felt you die. I still feel that ache. But you’re here. And I was—I am so happy. I don’t know how to explain it.”
His arms dropped from around her, and he leaned away. His voice came to her so low she could barely hear it.
“I am no longer the man you love.”
She grabbed his hand, willing him to understand, even when she didn’t. “But you are. And… you aren’t.”
He rolled his shoulders. “I am not as strong as I was. My talesm—”
“Have nothing to do with how I feel about you,” she said quickly. “They never did. I didn’t fall in love with you because you were strong or fast or a good fighter.”
She couldn’t see his eyes in the low light of the early evening that filtered into the room. There was a lamp in the corner, but his back was to it.
“Why did you fall in love with me?”
She melted at the vulnerability in his voice, so different than the reckless confidence he’d always worn before.
“I fell in love with your mind, which understood me. Your humor. The way… you would look so stern, then just the corner of your mouth would turn up when you smiled.”
His face was still in shadow, but she thought she saw a smile tilt the corner of his lips, so she continued.
“I love the way you would take care of me. Of anyone you cared about. You were—are—one of the most thoughtful men I’ve ever met. And I loved how confident you were, because it gave me confidence. I thought you could protect me from anything.”
“But I didn’t.”
“You did. There were dozens of Grigori in that cistern, but I’m alive. You protected me. Even though it cost your life.” She could feel some of the tension leave his shoulders. “I’m just confused.”
“Are you sorry we made love?”
“No,” she whispered. “When I touch you, it’s like being home.”
“I feel the same way.”
She blinked hard to force back the tears. “But you don’t remember me. Or why you fell in love with me.”
“But I do love you,” he said urgently. “I don’t understand either, but when you’re in pain—as you are right now—I ache with it. I felt incomplete until I found you. Half-alive. Now you’re telling me you still feel that way, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
She couldn’t stop the tears that fell. She could hear the panicked sound of his inner voice, but she closed her eyes and whispered the spell to quiet him.
“Ava—”
“I need time, Malachi.”
“Don’t push me away.” His voice was low. Pained. “Please.”
“I won’t.” She admitted it to herself, “I can’t.”
As much confusion as she felt, she knew she needed him. She wanted the comfort of his body desperately, wanted the soothing sound of his voice. She wanted more than memories.
“This is going to take time.” She tugged him closer and leaned against his shoulder. Whatever her mind was telling her, Ava’s body shouted loud and clear that her mate was home. Wounded, but alive.
Her soul recognized him. Her body did, too. Her mind and heart would just have to catch up.
“A wound doesn’t heal,” she whispered, “just because it stops bleeding.”
“But it does heal.” He put a finger under her chin and tilted it up, so she looked into his familiar grey eyes. Pure calm. Pure determination. It settled her in a way she couldn’t put into words. It was as if her soul took a breath after holding it for too long.
“It will heal.”
They sat on the bed together, wrapped in blankets, enjoying the silence of the apartment. Ava had no idea where the others had gone. If she had to guess, they’d taken off right about the time things got interesting. And loud.
The clock on the small desk read 01:11. Midnight had crept by and dawn was far off, but Ava was wide awake. Sleeping next to Malachi had settled her energy and she’d rested better than she had in months.
The sex probably helped, too.
Her mind was clear, and her magic ran like a fluid line down her back. She could feel the mating marks he’d given her as if they were a living thing. She’d had so little time to get used to them after he’d marked her, and then he’d been gone and their power had dulled, though not disappeared, in his absence.
In his presence, she could sense them again, like a living coat of magic.
She felt his palm at her neck.
“They’re glowing,” he murmured. “Your marks.”
“Do you remember giving them to me? At all?”
“No.” He hesitated. “It’s very hard to explain. With some things, once people tell me something that has happened, then it pops into my mind, like a puzzle piece fitting, and it’s as if that memory was never gone. Other times…”
“What?”
He shook his head. “There are blanks that refuse to be filled. Maxim tried to explain to me what happened in the cistern, but none of it seemed familiar. The only flashes I have seen so far have been of you. I can… hear you, sometimes. Hear you scream. Smell the water. But other than that—”
“Maybe it’s better you don’t remember.”
“I could find the scribe house in Cappadocia, but I had no memory of Evren, Max, or Leo. Only a little of Rhys. I had a single memory of us there. The rest came in pieces. Many of which I still don’t have.”
She rubbed his arm soothingly, tracing the new spells he’d written there, which were also glowing softly as he touched her. “And these?”
“I had nothing when I first woke. I’ve scribed these only in the last month or so.”
“They’re different.”
“How?”
Ava smiled. “They’re neater, for one thing. You did the first set when you were what? Twelve? Thirteen?”
“I would have started when I was thirteen.”
She nodded. “So they were messy. But… it was kind of endearing.”
He smiled back. “How?”
“You were this big badass, right? You always were. But then you had this kind of childish writing on your left wrist and forearm. Almost like a kid drawing on himself.” Her finger ran up his arm, over the sensitive notch of his elbow and the delicate skin there. His powerful body shivered under the touch.
“Ava—”
“There were certain letters I could tell you’d exaggerated. Made more elaborate, like a young man would show off.” Her finger trailed up the curve of his bicep and over his shoulder. “Then, as you grew up, you could tell you’d matured. The letters became neater. More economical. No boyish flourishes, just… utilitarian, I guess.”
“Did you like them?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
She laid her lips on the swell of his shoulder, where a particularly beautiful talesm had once lived. Now the area was bare, but the flesh pulsed with life.
He was a miracle. A gift. But not a gift without cost.
“Your talesm were beautiful and frightening. They were you.”
She closed her eyes and her tongue flicked out, tasting his skin. A noise left his throat, and he closed his eyes, letting his head hang down as his skin shivered under her touch.
“I could stay here for days, Ava. Talking to you. Touching you,” he said. “Making love to you and learning you again. But I don’t think we should.”
The thought was tempting, but she reluctantly agreed, so she pulled her mouth away from the salt of his shoulder and shifted away. “I know. We should get back to the Oslo house.”
“I don’t like the coincidence of Sari’s haven being compromised right when there is an influx of Grigori into the nearest major city.”
“You don’t think it’s a coincidence at all, do you?”
“No.”
She sighed. “I’d like to stop running. Just for a little bit. Think that’ll ever happen again?” She scooted forward, but he grabbed her hand before she could leave the bed.
&nb
sp; “We went to the ocean once, didn’t we?”
She smiled. Nodded. “Do you remember?”
“I remember you, standing near the waves. It was dark, and someone had lit lanterns that flew into the sky.”
She nodded, and her heart swelled. “Yes. That happened in Kuşadası.”
“See?” He kissed the palm of her hand before he smiled. “It is coming back to me even more now. Soon I will remember every moment.”
She tried to lighten the mood so she wouldn’t cry. “When you get to the part about remembering you need to put your towels in the laundry basket, focus really hard on that one, okay?”
“What?” He frowned, but she could see a familiar gleam of mischief in his eyes. “I have a habit of not putting dirty towels in the laundry? This is… shocking.”
“I’m guessing that bit hasn’t changed at all, has it?”
He grinned, and in that moment, he was the cocky warrior she hadn’t been able to keep away from so many months ago.
“Real,” she murmured.
Ava bent down to lay a searing kiss on his lips before he could stand. He held her head, fisted a hand in her hair to hold her close, before he finally let her catch a breath.
“Real,” he breathed out. “And yours. Everything else, we will work through. Together.”
“Okay,” she whispered, closing her eyes and nodding slightly, though he still clutched her hair in his hand. “Okay.”
It was more than a wish or a hope. It was a commitment. He’d been taken from her, but he was given back. A gift and a miracle. She didn’t know why or how, but he was alive.
There would be fights. Misunderstandings. But those were inevitable, weren’t they? Her heart knew him. Her soul did, too. They would learn each other again. And in the meantime, there would be no secrets.
“Malachi, in my dreams, when you’re not there… There’s someone—”
“Who?”
“Jaron.” The hand in her hair tightened, and he held her even closer. “He’s been there, Malachi. In my head. And he’s shown me things.”
He said nothing for a while, but he relaxed his hands and stroked the hair back from her face, soothing her. Touching her. As if to reassure himself that she was still there and unharmed.