“Do you know what happened to me?” I asked. “I mean, about what happened after I left home?”
I was surprised that Shannon was the one to answer. “We know it all, Bobby. Everything. More than you, in fact.”
I didn’t like the idea that my little sister was so well informed, but what the heck. If that was the worst of my problems, I figured I was doing okay.
“What happened to you guys?” I finally asked. “Where did you go?”
All three exchanged looks. It was time. I was going to find out why my family had disappeared.
“Let’s sit down, Bobby,” Mom said softly. “We have so much to tell you.”
That made me nervous. It was as if she were getting ready to break some bad news and wanted me to be prepared.
“I’m good,” I said. “I’ll stand.”
Shannon sat down on a hunk of rock, hugging Marley, keeping him happy, which wasn’t too hard to do. Marley was a good dog.
Mom began, “Before we go any further, we want you to understand something. No matter what you hear, what you learn, you must remember that we love you. We have always loved you. Nothing will change that.”
Yikes.
“You’re starting to worry me, Mom,” I said. “And after what I’ve been through, that’s really saying something.”
“But you must know that,” she repeated. “It’s important to us.”
“I know, Mom,” I assured her. “And I love you too. Tell me what happened.”
Dad began. “Once you learned that you were a Traveler, we were no longer needed. In fact, it was important for us to leave. If we hadn’t, you might never have accepted your destiny.”
“So, you knew all about this from the get-go? Like, my whole life? You always knew I’d be chosen as a Traveler?”
“You weren’t chosen to be a Traveler,” Shannon said. “You were created to be a Traveler.”
I changed my mind. I sat down.
“You weren’t alone,” Mom added. “It was the same for all the Travelers. They were each put on their territory to grow up there, learn about its culture, become part of the world. It was all in preparation to try and stop Saint Dane.”
Dad said, “On each territory it was the job of the previous Travelers to mentor the new Travelers. To guide them and to give them a moral compass, based on their particular world, that would guide them during their difficult mission.”
I saw something on the edge of my vision. This time when I looked, I thought I caught a fleeting image, far in the distance. It looked like Kasha walking upright with another klee. It was Seegen. Her father. The Traveler from Eelong before her. Was she getting the same talk I was? Were all the other Travelers here in this barren, forsaken place learning of their true history?
“So the Travelers before my generation didn’t battle Saint Dane?” I asked.
“No,” Dad said with certainty. “They were preparing you and the others for the battle.”
I nodded, letting this sink in.
“But you guys aren’t Travelers. Or are you?”
“Not exactly,” Dad answered. “But we are the same as you. It was planned for you to have a Traveler mentor, but circumstances changed. Saint Dane saw to that. He was already at work before you became a physical part of Second Earth. Things had to change. We became your family, and Press was given the task of mentoring you.”
“So who bailed? Who was supposed to be my mentor if it wasn’t you guys or Uncle Press?”
“Alexander Naymeer,” Dad said flatly.
It was a good thing I was sitting down.
Naymeer was definitely a Traveler. But like Nevva Winter, he was corrupted by Saint Dane.
“Do you know what happened to him?” I asked tentatively. I hoped they didn’t, since what happened to him was that I had killed him. That was the kind of nasty tidbit you wanted to keep from your family.
“I told you,” Shannon said with a hint of thirteen-year-old impatience. “We know it all.”
So much for keeping things from my family. I jumped up and paced nervously. Though I had wanted to know the truth for so long, hearing it wasn’t easy. It was a lot to get my head around, and we were just getting started.
“Saint Dane told me we were illusions,” I said. “I don’t know, maybe I’m in denial, but it’s kind of hard to accept that none of us are actually real.”
“Because we are real!” Mom said with passion. She quickly stepped forward and took both my hands. “I told you before, sweetheart, the love we have for you, and that I know you have for us, isn’t a fantasy. Or a mirage. All that happened before you left Second Earth was reality. Everything we did. Everything we shared. It was real. We were given a gift. We spent more than fourteen years living on Earth, experiencing all that world had to offer. That can never be taken away from us. We were as human as anyone else.”
“But not anymore?” I asked.
She didn’t answer. At least not with words. Her sad eyes said enough.
It was an odd feeling to know that my family had known the truth all along and had been keeping it from me. I guess that was all part of the deal, but still. They were my family! Mom and Dad taught me not to lie. As it turned out, they were lying to me every day.
“You couldn’t know,” Mom said, as if reading my mind. “I’m sorry that we kept this all from you, but you needed to be a part of Second Earth. It was all about your being a normal person with the perspective and experiences of your territory. You were fighting for the people of Second Earth. In order to do that, you needed to believe you were one of them.”
I looked up at the starry sky, watching the colorful, charged clouds flying by. It was beautiful. Though as spectacular as that sight was, the ground around us was a total contrast. It was dark. Bleak. Desolate.
“What is this place?” I continued. “I’m afraid you’re going to tell me we’re really little green aliens from the planet Nimrod or something.”
When I looked down at my mom for her answer, I blinked. She stood in front of me, holding my hands, but I could see through her. Literally. I could see Shannon and Marley right through my mom.
“Mom?” I gasped.
“It’s all right,” she answered soothingly.
It wasn’t all right. Mom was disappearing. Her hands no longer had substance. I quickly glanced to Dad and Shannon. They too were flickering, as if they were lights that were slowly running out of power. Dad walked toward us, wavering between solid and transparent.
“I told you that Solara wasn’t always like this,” he said soberly. Sadly. “This is what Saint Dane has wrought. His only hope of controlling Halla is by destroying all you see around you. Or at least destroying what it should be.”
I heard a quick bark from Marley. When I looked to my dog, he was gone. Disappeared.
“What’s happening?” I asked in a panic.
Dad said, “Our ability to exist as physical beings comes from all that surrounds us here. We are fed by the essence of Halla. It’s that very essence that Saint Dane has been methodically destroying.”
This was all getting a bit too cosmic for me. I needed answers, and it didn’t look as if Mom and Dad were going to be around much longer to give them. Shannon jumped up, ran to me, and kissed me on the cheek. It felt like nothing more than a soft, sweet breeze. She was nearly gone.
“I miss you, Bibs,” she said. “Don’t worry about us. Kick some ass, all right? We’ll be watching.”
She had called me Bibs since she was a baby and couldn’t pronounce Bobby. That had to have been real, right? I reached out for her, but too late. She’d disappeared. My sister was gone. Again. In the sky above me, I heard what sounded like rumbling thunder. I glanced up to see one of the dark clouds suddenly glow bright red.
“Mom?” I gasped in desperation.
My parents stood together. They were nearly gone.
“This is right, Bobby,” Mom said reassuringly. “You don’t need us. We only came to see you again, and let you know that we’re
fine. That you’re fine. You don’t have to worry about us any longer.”
“But…where are you going?”
“Nowhere,” Dad answered. “And everywhere. Shannon is right. We’ll be watching. Your job isn’t done just yet.”
“You can’t go!” I cried. “I’ve got more questions now than before!”
“We love you, Bobby,” Mom said. “We’re proud of you, and maybe most important, we believe in you.”
“I don’t want to lose you again!” I screamed.
“Then make things right,” Dad said.
A moment later they were gone. I had lost my family. Again. At least, I thought I had. In the dark sky above I saw two more dark clouds crackle with light. One flashed yellow, the other deep blue. What the heck was that about? I found myself standing alone on a shelf of gray rock on a desolate world that was supposedly my birthplace. Not at all how I thought the day would play out. But was I truly alone? As I said before, I felt the presence of life around me. It was more like a feeling of energy, or spirit, than anything physical. I know, that’s weird. It felt weird to me, too. But I wasn’t afraid. Not even when I caught glimpses of figures that could have been people who floated by. I kept turning, hoping to bring one into focus, but that didn’t happen. Could one of them have been Shannon, or my mom or dad? Was that what they meant when they said they weren’t going anywhere? Were they still right beside me, only in some kind of spectral form? Or had they flown up and become colorful clouds in the sky?
Solara. What was this place? Where the heck was this place? Okay, when was this place?
“Guys?” I called out. “You still here?”
I didn’t expect an answer, but I got one.
“Who you talking to?” came a deep voice.
I spun to see Uncle Press standing a few yards from me, with his hands on his hips and a smile on his face.
“Uh, Mom and Dad. I think,” I said, not really sure that that made sense.
“Try not to be upset with them,” Uncle Press said. “For keeping the truth from you, I mean. For that matter, try not to hold it against me, either.”
“I don’t,” I said sincerely. “I really don’t. But I’m a little numb right now.”
“It would be strange if you weren’t,” he said. “After all, your frame of reference is based on your life on Second Earth. That was the whole point. For all intents and purposes, you are from Second Earth. Right now all the Travelers are learning the truth about their real lives, just as you are.”
“So, they all came from here—wherever here is?”
Uncle Press nodded and gazed off into the distance. I saw sadness in his eyes. “I never thought it would come to this,” he said softly.
“Is it my fault?” I asked in a small voice.
Uncle Press shot me a look. “No. We may not have been as successful as I’d hoped, but it was not your fault. Nor was it the fault of any of the Travelers. This was brought on by Saint Dane.”
“Are you going to tell me who he is?” I asked.
“I am.”
“Are you going to tell me what this world of rock is?”
“I am.”
“One more question—”
“Only one?” he asked playfully.
“Okay, lots more questions. But one that matters more than any other.”
“Go for it.”
“Do we really have a shot at stopping him?”
Uncle Press glanced around at this strange world once again. An odd feeling came over me. I sensed that I wasn’t the only one who wanted that answer. Whatever forces were at play here, whatever beings inhabited this lonely rock, they all wanted to know what the future held.
“I’m afraid there’s only one person who can answer that, and it isn’t me,” he finally said.
“Then who?”
“That would be you, Bobby.”
JOURNAL #37
4
My heart raced.
This was it. I was going to learn the truth. The whole truth. About my existence. About Halla. About Saint Dane. As I stood with Uncle Press in that stark, dark place called Solara, I realized that I was finally going to learn it all.
“Just tell me right off,” I said. “You’re not going to give some mysterious half answer that’s going to drive me nuts, and say something like: ‘Don’t worry. You’ll learn it all in time,’ and then disappear again, are you? Because that would really piss me off.”
Uncle Press laughed. It seemed odd under the circumstances. Then again it was so perfectly Uncle Press. At least that part felt right. I needed to hang on to anything familiar when it happened by. Those little things were my lifeline to sanity.
“No, it’s time you knew it all,” he answered.
Phew. Great. Except that’s when my heart really started racing. I guess I wasn’t so sure I was ready to know it all. I liked being Bobby Pendragon from Stony Brook, Connecticut. I liked my old life. The hope of getting it back kept me going for years. Now it seemed the biggest illusion of all was that I actually had a shot at returning to normal. Or at least what I thought was normal. I had to hope that the new “normal” was going to be something I could learn to accept. Not that I had a choice.
“Let’s walk,” Uncle Press said, and led me across the surface of the mysterious, dark world. We walked casually, as we had done so many times together at home. Or rather, on Second Earth. Every so often I glanced up at the dazzling, colorful clouds that careened across the sky. It was a constant reminder that this was nothing like home.
“Solara is the essence of Halla,” Uncle Press began, gesturing.
“Yeah, that’s what Dad said,” I replied quickly. “Gotta tell you, not impressed so far. Though the whole cloud-light-show thing is kind of cool.”
Uncle Press smiled and continued, “I guess you could say we are on the outer edges of existence. But not in the physical sense. The fact is, Solara is everywhere. Or at least, everywhere that intelligent life exists. We are as old as humanity, and we will exist for as long as humanity exists.”
I didn’t comment. I figured it would be better to just let him roll it all out.
“Solara was created from the energy that is mankind. All mankind on all the worlds of Halla. Solara is their spirit. It is the sum total of all intelligent life that ever was.”
He fell silent, letting that sink in.
“Oh?” I responded nonchalantly. “Is that it? Wow, I thought it was something more complicated than that. I thought maybe we were aliens or superheroes or something else that was, oh, I don’t know, tricky to understand. Phew.”
Uncle Press gave me a sour look.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped. “Created from energy? What is that supposed to mean? If that’s your whole explanation, I’d just as soon you didn’t bother.”
He smiled. My tirade didn’t throw him. I guess it’s hard to throw anybody who represents the sum total of all intelligent life that ever was. Whatever that means. Sheesh.
“Give me a chance,” he said, cajoling. “I know this is hard to understand.”
“You have no idea.”
He continued, “Each life that exists in Halla is unique. Everyone is different, no matter what world they are from. Everyone chooses their own course. One person could be a criminal, while someone else becomes a judge. One person cares for others, while others only care for themselves. One individual might have the talent to create a painting that stirs emotions, while someone else can’t draw a straight line. But the person who can’t draw a straight line might have an aptitude for mathematics that would make the artist’s head spin. Some of that is inherited. Some of that is learned. There are so many paths to travel. So many choices to make. What drives it all is the spirit inside each individual that makes him or her unique. To understand Solara, Bobby, you have to know that that spirit, the force that makes an individual who they are, is so powerful it cannot die. Even after a person’s physical body gives out, the spirit that made them who they are lives o
n…and becomes part of Solara.”
“You’re telling me this is…heaven?”
“No,” Uncle Press said quickly. “This is not a reward. This just…is.”
“Good,” I replied with a chuckle. “Because it looks more like hell.” I was trying to be glib. I think it was a defense mechanism, because what I was hearing was kind of freaky. Uncle Press didn’t laugh with me. He was suddenly all business. I gave up on glib.
“We exist because mankind exists,” Uncle Press explained. “The sum of energy that animates and informs mankind is such a powerful force that, once released from its physical shell, it creates its own reality.”
“Solara.”
“Yes. Solara isn’t governed by time or by space. It is pure intellect. It is not just a reflection of life, it is life. All life. The world you see here exists on the outer edges of physical reality. This rock is the foundation of all that is. It is the most elemental form of life. It is the beginning, but not the end, because there is no end. Halla is always expanding, therefore, so is Solara. From here we can observe every time. Every place. Every thing that has ever existed. Like I said, it is the spirit of all there is. Solara is the essence of Halla.”
I stopped walking and stared at my uncle. How else was I supposed to react?
He gave me a sympathetic shrug and said, “I know it’s hard to fathom because you’re looking at things from the perspective of someone from one of those worlds. From Earth. This isn’t exactly something that’s taught in school.”
“Yeah, I must have missed that class,” I replied. “But I’m from Second Earth, right?”
“There is only one Earth, Bobby. The territories existed in different times because of the turning points Saint Dane targeted. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“No, wouldn’t want to do that,” I shot back. “So you’re telling me that every person’s life force leaves his or her body when they die and becomes part of this greater entity? Solara?”