Chapter 13 – To What Do I Owe The Pleasure?
She was surprised by how invisible she was amongst the crowd. When she coughed, no one asked if she was okay, and not a single person in Allay knew about her predicament except for Tyuin and his most trusted advisors. She took a deep breath and savored the moment, even taking Kace’s hand and giving it a squeeze. Surprised, he shot his head towards her and she gave him a warm smile. For the time being, she was an equal.
Just one of the people.
Everyone was talking excitedly as they stood in Allay’s meadow, located just in front of the castle’s entrance. The trek there had been a long one. After being escorted out of the back halls and the dungeon in which they had entered, they were then put back in the carriage and taken to the entrance—a gate that looked very similar to that of the one in front of the courtyard. After entering, Remi realized that they had come in through the western wall. There were a few well-kept gardens, covered by sheets and blankets to help with surviving the recently chilly weather, and there were several fruit trees, but otherwise there wasn’t much to see.
After making it past the produce, they came upon the meadow, where most of the village was already in attendance. They wouldn’t get to see the village yet, but Remi didn’t mind. She was excited to see so many people not trying to compete or kill one another. They worked in harmony, and they were eager to please their leader who was only looking out for their best interests.
It was a strange dynamic to behold, for other than Kace, she only knew people that were looking to take advantage of others. Even her best friend had betrayed her in the end. That’s not to say there weren’t treacherous people in Allay, but at least the ratio of good and evil had to be more balanced. She could only imagine what her parents would think of such a place.
They had navigated through the crowd to get a better view of the castle, and she didn’t mind when others bumped into her. They didn’t hold back. They didn’t treat her as anything less. She was ever so grateful for it was the little things that made all the difference.
When they had finally made it to the center of the mob, she took in the castle before her. It was magnificent and surprisingly new, as if it had been built only a few years ago. Boasting a modernized look, it looked more like a museum from the front than the castles her people would describe. Gigantic pillars in the form of powerful men and women held up the roof, and the steps leading up to the open entrance were made of polished white stone. There were several fountains around the exterior, with more powerful men and women in the center of them, just smaller in scale and size. She wondered if they were important to Allay’s history and seconds later she decided that they were. Tyuin didn’t seem like the type to erect statues of random faces around the castle. They had to have meaning.
She noticed that children were happily playing on the steps and splashing through the fountains. Armored guards were in line at the top of the stairs but not one made a move to break up the play. They all acted as if this was normal.
“Tyuin’s going to speak from here?” Kace asked and Remi pointed above, up to the roof and towards the miniature balcony sticking out of the middle of the top, jutting out like a plank with an iron fence around it.
“That’s where,” she said. “It’s the only place he would be able to see everyone.”
“I gotta say…this is kind of exciting.” The meadow was beautiful. Perfectly cut grass. Wide open spaces. It was so big that it was able to hold the entire village with ease. There was plenty of room to walk around and some people were even sitting down.
“Isn’t it?” she perked up, nearly jumping up and down in joy. “I can’t wait to see the village, and meet some of the people around here.”
“Definitely, I—” he paused as he stared at her forehead. He immediately burst out laughing. “What’s all that mud on there?”
“Oh this?” she asked, scraping a fingernail gently against the caked mud. “It’s to cover up you-know-what.”
“It looks so bad,” he laughed. “People are going to think you’re dirty.”
“But not you-know-what,” she chuckled. “Or weak, I might add. That’s what I’m most excited about. No one knows me here. I can start over on my own terms.”
“That doesn’t mean your illness might not flare up.”
“I know, but I think that if I take care of my health and not exhaust myself, I can walk around here normally. Just look around you. Not everyone here is a fighter. I could become a merchant, or make weapons or perhaps craft something. I don’t have to be a warrior.”
“But what you can do…it’s a shame to waste your talent. In a lot of ways, you’re stronger than I am. What you did back there to Olivia and Eckard…not everyone can do what you can.”
“But that was just a means to an end. My training. Leaving the village,” she stopped to sigh and glance around her once more. The people were beginning to sing a song she did not know. A light and hearty tune that even made the children cease their playing and join in the chorus. She longed to jump in as well.
“Your training was for what?” Kace asked her, drawing back her attention.
“It was to get away from my people,” she finished, looking steadily into his eyes. “And find a place in which I could call home. I enjoy fighting…but I’m also realistic. There’s no way I can make a career out of this. My body won’t allow it.”
“That doesn’t sound like you,” Kace said, shaking his head. “From what I’ve seen, you can do anything you set your mind to. That’s what I’ve admired from the beginning. You’ve never used your illness as a crutch, so why start now?”
“I’m being realistic,” she iterated. “That’s all. If I can have the opportunity to live a long and fulfilling life, why not take the chance?”
“But you love fighting,” he scoffed. “I can see the determination in your eyes when you’re trying to prove someone wrong. I can hear it in your voice when you speak boldly of what you’re going to do to your enemy. If you genuinely don’t want to fight, you don’t have to. But don’t let your illness be your excuse. Stop fighting because it’s what you want…is it what you want?”
Remi was about to speak, but then she stopped. She pursed her lips. “I don’t know,” she said finally. Kace gave her a quick hug.
“I’m not trying to take your spirits down,” he said. “But I don’t want you to be hasty in your decision making either. Let’s enjoy this night for now. We can talk about all that stuff again some other time.”
“Okay,” she whispered as he broke the embrace. “And thanks for actually stating your opinion. Usually people tell me what I want to hear because they think my mind is as fragile as my body.”
“Neither are fragile,” he said firmly. “Not unless you want them to be.”
The crowd suddenly roared in delight, jumping up and down as they put a fist up in the air, pumping it towards the balcony above them. Tyuin stepped out onto it with a huge grin plastered across his face. His people cheered and shouted at the top of their lungs and he took it all in. Crossing his arms and closing his eyes, he let the people celebrate. He didn’t care how long they took to stop. They needed this.
Five minutes passed before their voices began to die down, and he opened his eyes to examine them. They looked good. Healthy. A little plump. Bright-eyed. Happy in the countenance but worn in the hands. He couldn’t ask for more. They were getting more educated by the day, and their base collective strength was increasing with it.
Yes, they would survive the war. The world needed people like them.
“My people,” Tyuin called out to them with all he could muster. The crowd erupted once more and he pumped a fist into the air with them. When he eventually put his arm down, they followed. They quieted down, and a number of shushes could be heard throughout the meadow.
“The rumors are true,” he said, bringing the sound of the crowd down to complete silence. “Paragon has been attacked, and though we don’t yet have confirmation, we can assume that th
is is the beginning of the Great War. We are fully aware of the stakes. After the Great Collision, we were all subject to its ramifications. Should we die…we cease to exist. Forever. I know what some of you are thinking…that it is better not to fight. That slavery is better than certain death. I understand your fears completely. In the past, death was seen as a part of life. When someone died, we had comfort in our beliefs. That we could see our loved ones again in the future whether it was in the afterlife, or another life through reincarnation, or some other means. In my youth, I considered what we now face—that death could mean an erasure from existence. And I didn’t want to believe it. Not because it wasn’t a possibility, but because it was simply the saddest. We all want to believe in immortality, and that we can keep living on—growing, improving, learning, meeting new people, falling in love all over again with new concepts and things.
“The lack of a future denies us purpose,” he said with a clenched jaw. “And as a former Prattlian, that maddens me to no end. To face the fact that all I have learned and strove for is meaningless…for my existence to matter no more than if I had never been born…it’s sickening. I can’t die. I won’t die. We finally have immortality. Finally. After centuries of searching for it, it has been attained, and now, before we’ve only begun to taste of it, it is being snatched from us all over again. I won’t allow it.
“Those in Cimmerian think too highly of themselves. They believe that we should either become slaves or die while we can all co-exist just fine. The marking system has been in effect for twenty years and no war has resulted because of it. Surely we could come to some kind of agreement…but it appears those days are gone.”
He let his words sink into the crowd as each person evaluated how they felt.
“But that doesn’t mean brighter days aren’t ahead,” he declared boldly. “Cimmerian has dealt the first blow, but they will not deliver the last. There is nothing to fear as we have survived far worse. The tyrant, Thorn. The Yama invasion. We have already been to Oblivion and beyond, and if Cimmerian thinks they’ll be able to easily take us down, they’re in for a rude awakening!”
The crowd howled in unison, pumping their fists back into the air as Tyuin leaned over the edge of the balcony.
“For every one of them that perish, that is one less person that threatens our existence! They think they can come to our doorstep and take us down but we have already defeated them all! They are nothing more than ghosts coming to haunt our homes and we won’t allow it! Years ago we formed an alliance of Allayan and Prattlian that still holds strong to this day. We are wiser and stronger than we ever were separately, and our union will see us through eternity! No matter what happens, we must never give up the fight. We have been through far too much to turn back now!
“And to prove to you my confidence in all of you, I have ensured that tonight will not be a night of sorrow, but of celebration. To our future, to our victory, and most of all…to us!”
An makeshift orchestra began playing from within the castle and the village quieted down so that they could be carried away by the festive ambience. Vendors began wheeling out their wares and food on wagons for people to sample. Some began testing their fighting prowess against each other. The children went back to their play and Tyuin simply watched from above—a smile that refused to leave his face. If the King was confident and happy over what was to come, what reason did the people have to fear?
“He’s smart,” Remi said aloud. “He doesn’t know for sure that there will be victory, and inevitably, people will die. But at least they don’t have to think about that for now. Even just one more night of carefree fun could do wonders for their morale.”
“As it could for you,” Kace replied. “Come on. Let’s not let this night go to waste.”
“What are we going to do?” she giggled and Kace grabbed her hand.
“Whatever we want,” he said, drawing her closer. Before she could inquire further, he swept her away, literally taking her off her feet. As the orchestra picked up the tempo, Kace carried her around, dancing with her so fast and wildly that she could barely form a thought.
And that was rare.
After a couple minutes of failed attempts passed, she stopped trying to think and instead gave herself to the present. People became a blur. Colors collided. The children’s laughter raised her spirits and the mood of the people was intoxicating. She didn’t fight Kace. She didn’t fight anything, and it was a liberating feeling like no other.
She didn’t have to worry about what people thought of her or what her next move was. She didn’t have to wallow in self-pity and wonder what the point of living was. She simply enjoyed herself, and once she felt that, she realized that she wanted to live.
Not exist.
Live.
To feel joy as many times a day as possible and not just accept what was.
She realized that if she had the strength to commit suicide, she had the strength to fight for what she wanted. She had spent so much time caring about what others thought about her that it consumed her, when at the end of the day, she didn’t actually care about them all. She didn’t blame the others before her that had gone the way of self-inflicted death. In reality, she had once envied them above all, but now she saw that they had only done what they felt was best. They didn’t see an out, and neither did she until now.
Now she saw that she was in control of her life.
That she could actually have fun.
That she could laugh from the heart and no one would make fun of her.
That she could fall in love.
And be loved back in return.
On a whim she kissed Kace, and for her, it was the bravest thing she had ever done. For he was the only person she had in her life that actually cared about her, and she wasn’t sure what she would do without him. Yet, she had to take a chance. Because life was short and love was once thought forbidden. Not to mention that she actually had feelings for him.
Negativity began to seep into her mind but she cast it aside. At worst, he would leave her. At best, she would get closer to her goal of daily happiness. Either way, it was worth the risk. Wasn’t anything of value worth fighting for?
“Remi, I—” he began, pulling her away.
“—I’m going to fight,” she declared, her smile so contagious that his lips began to curl up instinctively. “I’m not going to care about what illnesses I have. I’m not going to let it dictate who I am and how I live my life. Overcoming it…if anything, it will just show how strong I really am.”
“Remi—”
“—I’m living life on my terms now. For better or for worse. I won’t know what I can accomplish until I try.”
“Remi.”
“What?” she huffed. She hadn’t realized how fast she had been talking.
“Are you sure you’d want to be with me?”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He was the one who was afraid of being rejected?
Remi laughed and threw her arms around Kace’s neck. He slowly put his arms around her waist and she began kissing the nape of his neck tenderly.
“You have nothing to worry about,” she whispered. “You’re the only constant I’ve ever had in my life, and I know that with you…my days will be happier than they’ve ever been.”
Kace grabbed her wrists and pulled her arms off of him.
And then he kissed her.
She felt weak in the knees, but she figured that in this case…there was no cause for alarm.