Chapter Seven
Heidi didn’t have that much to pack. Dana had given her some more clothing to bring with her and a few toiletry items to keep herself as cleaned and groomed as living in rebellion bases allowed. But other than that, she merely had Dexter and Sgt. Trist to keep track of.
After the conversation in the conference room Heidi had come to two conclusions: one, this was a mission for which she felt completely inadequate but hoped she could pull off for Dexter’s sake and two, Lt. Hugo really didn’t like her. However, the rest of the men seemed to be less wary and more hopeful. This made her even more determined to help and even more concerned about her lack of ability. And Lt. Hugo returned to his own base with Sgt. Hyuin the next day so she didn’t have to deal with Hugo for long.
When she’d mentioned to Dexter that she wasn’t sure she could pull it off, he offered to be the first to transfer his training to her, so that she could start out with someone she felt comfortable with. She had sat in his hut with him on the floor and put her hands to his head. She absorbed his memories of being trained, absorbed his knowledge of how to fight, how to survive, how to withstand torture… and it pained her to know all that he’d gone through to get as good as he was.
During the session, she took breaks and they spoke more about how he had grown up intending to be a ball player until the death of his parents. Because of this conversation, the next thing he thought of was his memory of his parents’ death and she saw it.
She released his head, dropped her head into her hands and cried.
“I’m sorry, Red,” he said. “I shouldn’t have shown you that…”
She shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I just hate that it happened to you. I could feel your fear and your pain at losing them and…” she stopped talking and more tears escaped. “It just isn’t right.”
“Yeah…”
Dexter warned the Sgt. Trist to be careful about showing Heidi painful memories. He was the next up. Other than Dexter, he was the one Heidi liked the best. He clearly liked her, didn’t think she was a spy, and was a good friend of Dexter’s. Heidi first transferred some of Dexter’s knowledge of the inner workings of the palace to Trist before she started to absorb his training memories. Unfortunately, he was trying so hard not to think of the rape and murder of his wife that he inadvertently thought of it.
Heidi melted on the floor and wept bitterly.
“I’m so sorry…” Trist said. “I was trying so hard not to think of it…”
Heidi shook her head and mumbled that she needed a minute. She hurried from the room and ran outside, breezing past Dexter as she did so.
“What happened?” he asked Trist, who was looking extremely ashamed.
“I… accidentally… thought about what happened to Jane,” he admitted.
“What?! Dexter cried. “Reece!”
“I’m sorry!!”
Dexter didn’t hear any more because he rushed out the door after Heidi. He had to search the base for awhile but he finally found her standing with her arms folded, watching a woman and her son—who was probably about eight years old—draw water from the well.
“Red?” Dexter said as he approached.
She stared, her expression stony, at the well and didn’t respond. She had stopped crying, but her face was tear-streaked, red, and blotchy.
“Trist shouldn’t have done that…” Dexter began.
“It wasn’t his fault,” she interrupted. “You try hard enough not to think of something and that’s all that you can think about.”
Dexter frowned. “Yeah…” He stood silently next to her, watching the woman and her son draw water from the well with his hands in his pockets, not knowing what else to say.
“He wished that he’d killed her,” Heidi said suddenly.
“What?” Dexter asked, confused.
“Sgt. Trist,” Heidi explained. “He wished that he’d killed his wife.”
Dexter’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Why would…?”
“He heard them coming,” she continued. “When he had to watch them violate her… he wished that he’d simply killed her when he heard them approach… so she wouldn’t have had to endure that… so he wouldn’t have had to witness it.” Her eyes began to water again. “He still feels guilty for not killing her when he heard them approaching.”
“Jeez…” Dexter breathed. He cleared his throat. “Look, maybe this was a bad idea. I don’t want you to have to see every horrible thing that ever happened to someone because of Ezar. I don’t want you to have to carry the burden of everyone’s pain.”
“No,” Heidi responded resolutely as she wiped her fresh tears from her face. She turned to face Dexter. “I want to help. I have to help. If I can help bring down Ezar after he murdered your parents and had Trist’s wife raped and murdered and… I have a feeling he had something more to do with my mother’s death than my aunt is letting on.” She shook her head. “He has to be stopped and I think I’m here to help stop him. So I’m not giving up.”
“I just don’t want you to lose yourself…”
She forced a weak smile. “Just tell your men to focus on their training memories,” she said. “Don’t tell them what not to think about… just tell them what to focus on. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed.
She turned and walked back towards headquarters with Dexter following behind.
After that she had gleaned knowledge from Commander Trevana and gave her the knowledge of the palace from Dexter. Now she was preparing for her first trip to a new base. They had a transport vehicle and both Dexter and Trist wore civilian clothing. Heidi was covered from head to toe in a concubine dressing. Her face and head were concealed by a veil and headdress. She climbed in the back seat with Dexter. Trist was driving
“I really hope I don’t let you down,” Heidi mumbled to him as they started the engine to leave. “If I can’t do this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Red,” Dexter responded. “I’m sure you can do it. And even if you can’t, it won’t matter to me.” He grinned. “We’ll bring down Ezar one way or another.”
She smiled and shifted in her seat. “So are we going to be doing training the entire time we’re there?” she asked.
“Why?” Dexter asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I just thought maybe we could do something else for awhile,” she replied. “You know, something fun. You said you had fun every now and again—debauchery and shenanigans…”
Trist began chuckling loudly from the front seat.
Dexter frowned. “I really don’t think you want to do any of the stuff I do in my off time,” he mumbled.
“Why not?” she asked.
Trist laughed harder. “He’s talking about getting drunk and hitting on drunken women,” he piped up. “Not something a respectable girl like you wants to be involved in.”
Dexter’s frown deepened and he looked away from Heidi, folding his arms.
“Oh…” Heidi said finally. “Well, maybe there’s something else recreational we can do.”
They arrived at the base without any trouble. They only had to pass through one Imperial border stop and they just stuck to their cover story: Dexter was taking his sister to be a concubine for a wealthy gentleman in the province of Yuka. The guard on post was clearly bored and just waved them through without comment.
The second base they arrived at was likewise concealed in a cluster of trees that was really a collection of steel columns made to look like trees. Dexter showed them the tattoo on his shoulder and they were immediately allowed entrance. Moreover, when they got there, several of the men knew both Dexter and Trist.
Heidi stood back as Dexter greeted friends of his, though he soon brought her forward and introduced her around as well. One Private—his name was Washburn—looked over at Trist after Dexter introduced Heidi and raised an eyebrow. Trist shrugged and grinned.
Washburn’s wife, Greta, took Heidi for a
walk around the base and showed her where she and Dexter would be staying as well as where their well and garden was so that she would be able to access the water and food while she was there.
They returned to headquarters and Trist was standing outside waiting for her.
“Lt. Hathaway is preparing the new recruits,” Trist said. “He has to interview them and make sure there are no Imperial spies. So we have a little while. Come with me. I have a surprise for you.” He smiled and started walking, waving to her to follow him.
“Where are we going?” Heidi asked.
“I told you, it’s a surprise,” Trist replied. “Lt. Hathaway wanted me to take you. He said he’s sorry he can’t take you himself but he has to screen the new recruits. He’s the lieutenant so it’s kind of his job.”
Heidi jogged along behind Trist. “Do all you rebel soldier guys walk so fast?”
Trist chuckled and slowed down. “Yeah, sorry,” he said. “We’re trained to move quickly.” Heidi realized as he said this that she already knew it from the knowledge she’d absorbed from Trist, Dexter, and Trevana. But it was still difficult to keep up when she wasn’t used to walking so quickly.
He turned a corner and a building came into view—not another hut but an actual building. It was, of course, nothing compared to the buildings controlled by the empire, but it was made of steel and it was larger than headquarters by about 100 square feet. From the outside it was nothing more than a large steel box. Heidi assumed it was an armory, but why weren’t there any guards outside of it? Trist led her up to the front door and pulled it open for her.
“After you…” he said and waved his hand towards the entrance.
Heidi gave him a confused look but walked inside. As soon as she did, her jaw dropped. The walls of weapons she expected to see were nowhere in sight. Instead the building was covered wall to wall with books. Between the walls were bookcases also containing books and a few chairs and tables set up for reading. Here and there people sat reading or studying from the open books.
“It’s a library,” she mumbled.
Trist, who had sidled up next to her, nodded. “Yep, probably the only one in the world not filled with ridiculous Imperial propaganda. The lieutenant thought you might be interested.”
Heidi just looked around in awe and nodded. “I am…” As if her feet had a mind of their own, she began traveling, almost floating, down the aisles of books, her fingers tracing and fluttering over the spines. She wanted to start reading but it was so overwhelming. Where should she even begin? She picked up a book at random.
“The Handmaid’s Tale,” she read and then looked up at Trist. “What’s a handmaid?”
Trist shrugged. “Beats me, I’ve never read any of these.”
Heidi was shocked. “Never?!”
He shook his head.
“You mean you have all these books constantly at your disposal and you’ve never taken advantage of them? Are you crazy?”
Trist chuckled. “I’m not much of a reader; I’m more of a doer.”
“But sometimes reading is the way you learn the right things to do,” Heidi argued. “Here…” She slapped The Handmaid’s Tale into his arms. “Take this one and read it. Then tell me what a handmaid is.”
“Why don’t you read it?” Trist asked.
Heidi waved her hand around. “Do you see the mountains of things for me to read,” she said. “I’m going to need some help. And what good is fighting for freedom from Imperial oppression if you’re not going to take advantage of the freedoms that you have. Knowledge is power, my friend.”
He chuckled again. “All right, I’ll read it.” He opened it and flipped through the pages absently as he followed her around.
She continued walking down the aisles, randomly selecting books. She would read a few of the first pages and decide whether she was interested. If she was, she added it to the pile that was quickly becoming a tower in her arms. Trist started laughing again.
“You going to read all of those this afternoon?” he asked.
Heidi frowned. “Oh… I can’t check them out and take them home?”
Trist shook his head. “Unfortunately, no, you have to read them here,” he said. “This is the only library filled with real literature, like I said, so we have to be careful to guard the material in it.”
“Oh,” Heidi said, disappointed. “Well, maybe I’ll come back some other time, then. This is amazing but with everything I’m doing here today I don’t think I have time to sit and read.”
“What are you doing other than training new recruits?” Trist asked.
“Well,” Heidi smiled slyly. “I was kind of hoping you’d help me with something.” She leaned forward and let him in on her plan.
Trist laughed heartily. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said.
“Although, the ‘training’ I’m doing really does take a lot of energy,” she admitted. “Maybe reading isn’t the best use of my time right now.”
“Well, the new recruits won’t be ready for you for at least another hour,” Trist pointed out. “You could probably read a little.”
Heidi considered this for a moment and then looked through her stack of books. She picked the smallest one out; it was probably the only one she could finish in an hour.
“Fahrenheit 451,” Trist read off the cover. “Hmm…”
Heidi read the back cover. “Seems appropriate… it’s about the freedom of the written word.”
She and Trist found an empty table and sat down. She placed the stack of books she’d chosen down on the table and then immediately opened Fahrenheit 451 and began devouring it. It did not read like other books she had read. It was a story with intensity, with details about emotions and places and events. It wasn’t like the empty, structured history books she’d read, or the scientific, step-by-step arithmetic books her Aunt Reboa had taught her from. She got caught up and soon forgot that she was in the rebel library. Instead, she was stealing books and hiding them in her house with Guy Montag.
“Miss Grace? Miss Grace?”
Heidi started and looked up. Trist was standing next to her now, rather than sitting in the chair across from her. When she had begun reading, he had as well, though Heidi didn’t really notice due to her absorption in her own book. He held up The Handmaid's Tale.
“This is pretty intense,” he said. “I didn’t finish it but I’ll come back. I want to see how it ends.”
“Did you find out what a ‘handmaid’ is?”
“Apparently it’s a concubine,” he said. “A woman used for reproductive purposes.”
“Like what I’m pretending to be?”
“Well, sort of," Trist said. “But the concubines in our world are not like in this book and they’re not called ‘handmaids’. I think this book is a work of fiction.”
Heidi nodded. “Yes, my aunt taught me about fiction. Stories that aren’t true but that are written for fun or to make some larger point through allegory and storytelling.” She smiled and held up her book. “Mine is, too.”
“Well, it’s about time to get back to headquarters,” Trist said.
Heidi frowned. “I guess I’ll have to come back too,” she said and dropped the book on the table. She hadn’t quite finished it and was disappointed that she would have to wait to do so. “Don’t forget to finish yours because I want you to tell me the story once you’re done.”
“Why don’t you just read it yourself?”
Heidi waved her hand at the stack of books on the table. “Do you see the amount I have to read here?” she said. “I told you I’m going to need help.”
Trist laughed harder. “You’re quite a person, Miss Grace,” he said as he led the way to the exit. “If I was twenty years younger I’d be taking you out for a night on the town.” He considered this for a moment. “Well, I guess not. I’d like to but I couldn’t do that to the lieutenant.” He opened the door for her.
r /> Heidi’s brow furrowed. “Which Lieutenant?”
“Hathaway,” Trist replied as if the answer were obvious. They walked from the library and headed back towards headquarters.
“Oh, I thought you meant Hugo because he doesn’t like me,” Heidi said. “Why would Dex care?”
At this Trist’s laughter became raucous. “You’re kidding, right?” he asked and at Heidi’s confused expression he laughed even harder. “He’s got a huge thing for you.”
“A thing?” Heidi asked.
“Yes,” Trist said. “You know, a crush, romantic feelings… even love perhaps…”
Heidi felt her face fill with color. Her eyes went wide and she stared straight ahead. She continued following Trist but no longer saw the sights breezing past her. In her mind she saw Dexter and wondered… wondered… The only other boy she’d ever been attracted to was not at all like Dex. He looked extremely different. He was romantic and spoke sweetly. Dexter was neither of those things. He was realistic and straightforward. And yet… he was intensely real to her. He was strong—not just physically—and kind and protective and she could tell just by looking at him that he felt things deeply, but kept them to himself. She knew that even though there were times that he let her read him, he was still holding things back from her. But he apparently trusted her enough to let her read some things from him. Moreover, he trusted her in spite of the appearances that made Lt. Hugo and even Commander Trevana wary of her. And he cared how she was used—if she was used—and if she was respected.
“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Trist's voice pulled her out of her own head suddenly. “I thought you knew. It’s fairly obvious if you’ve known Lt. Hathaway for any length of time. I’ve never seen him latch on to any one person they way he has to you.” Trist thought for a moment and then shrugged. “But then I guess you didn’t realize that because you’ve only known him since he’s known you.”
“No, I knew that,” Heidi said and at Trist’s confused expression she explained. “I’ve talked to enough people about him and learned enough of his story and… read him enough… that I know all of that. I guess I just thought he thought of me as an innocent that needed to be protected. I thought he was merely being the attentive soldier.”
“He certainly does want to protect you, Miss Grace,” Trist agreed. They rounded a corner and came in sight of headquarters. “But it has nothing to do with paternal or soldierly feelings, believe me. Lt. Hathaway is different around you than he is around other people. I’m not really sure how to explain it other than to say that he tends to move to your rhythm… if that makes any sense.”
“It does.”
And strangely, it made perfect sense. And it was exactly what she always felt herself doing around him… especially when she was reading him. This made her wonder briefly if the intensity of her feelings had anything to do with how her gift had grown since she’d known him. But she wasn’t able to think about it long because they were entering the door of headquarters.
Dexter was waiting just inside. She felt her heart jump when she saw him and wondered if that was because of the revelation Sgt. Trist had made to her… or if it was due to her own excitement at seeing him.
“The recruits are in there,” Dexter said as she approached. He waved to a room where many able-bodied men and women sat. “They’re ready whenever you are.”
She smiled and nodded at him. “Okay…” She glanced around and realized that Trist had left.
“Did you like the library?” Dexter asked, grinning.
Her smile widened. “I loved it,” she said. She stared up at him for a moment and then cleared her throat. “I’d better get started.” She pointed to the room where the recruits waited.
“Sure,” he said. “You can meet them individually in here.” He led her to a room with a small table and a few chairs. “Wait here and I’ll bring the first one in.”
“Okay,” she agreed and sat down in one of the chairs at the table to wait.
Dexter left and returned with a man no older than Heidi a few moments later. The man seemed wary of Heidi but sat down in the chair across from her.
“So…” Dexter said to her. “Do you need anything?” He backed towards the door.
“Wait!” Heidi exclaimed, standing up suddenly. “You’re not staying?”
“Did you want me to stay?”
“Yes.”
He grinned. “Okay, then I’ll stay.” He found a chair and pulled up to the table. “This is Justin Heger,” he said, gesturing to the new recruit.
“Hey,” Justin Heger greeted.
“Nice to meet you, Justin,” Heidi said as she sat back down. “My name is Heidi. I’m just going to touch your head and you’re going to see some memories like they’re your own memories. It won’t hurt at all and it will only last a few minutes. And then you’ll have all the training you need to be a rebel soldier.”
Justin Heger swallowed nervously. “Okay…”
Heidi worried her lip. “I can wait until you’re ready if you want.”
“No, it’s okay,” he responded. “I’m ready.” But Heidi could clearly tell that he was not.
She leaned forward. “This isn’t going to work if you close your mind to me,” she said. “So it’s best if you feel comfortable with me first. Why don’t you tell me why you want to join the rebel army?”
He frowned and looked down at the table. “My family was killed for refusing to pay more taxes to the Emperor,” he answered. “We had already paid taxes once this year and they came back and demanded more. My father refused and they killed him and my mother and my older brother. I barely escaped with my younger sister.”
“That’s terrible,” Heidi said, her face full of empathy. “Emperor Ezar stole me from my aunt just a few weeks ago. I was in the middle of celebrating my birthday and they just came and took me away. And when I told the Emperor I couldn’t do what he wanted—not that I wouldn’t do it, that I couldn’t do it—he sent me to be tortured and I barely made it out alive. I just got lucky and D—Lieutenant Hathaway was there and he rescued me.”
“It was mutual,” Dexter mumbled.
“My aunt is likely in an Imperial prison camp if she’s not dead,” Heidi went on. “And I’m starting to believe that my mother was killed by Ezar as well.”
“Wow…” Justin Heger breathed.
“So I understand…” Heidi explained. “…your desire to bring down the Emperor…” She held out her hand. “You can trust me.”
Justin Heger relaxed and reached out his hand to hers. He placed it gently in her palm.
Can you hear me?
“Yeah…” he said aloud.
I need to touch your head to be able to really put the memories in, okay?
He nodded. “Yeah…”
He leaned forward and Heidi placed her hands on his head. She breathed slowly, opened her mind, and began pouring the information into him.