Later that evening I Google all the news reports I can find about the two girls that were murdered. They were both under twenty. From the photographs I can see that both of them were dark-haired, pretty and, from the sound bites beneath their pictures, had their whole lives ahead of them. Well, yeah, I think . . . state the obvious, much? Both were working in Nantucket for the summer. They were both strangled and both of them had their wrists bound with fishing line. I have second thoughts for a moment about my decision to stay. But then Jeremy sends me a message.
Hello, beautiful, he writes, party tomorrow night at my house. Hope you can come. I’m looking forward to seeing you.
I can come, I type back, forgetting my promise just minutes before that I won’t go out at night. But I’m not going back to England. And I want to enjoy my last four weeks here.
I decide not to tell Megan a thing about what’s going on because I know that she’ll tell my mum and together they’ll plot an intervention to make sure I’m on the next flight home.
32
The whole of the next day I feel antsy. Images of the two dead girls flash into my mind every minute or so and I keep wondering about my sanity in staying. But then I think about Jesse and Jeremy too. It would be so typical of me to get murdered because I chose to follow my heart rather than my head (and possibly not just my heart but another part of my anatomy) but that’s how I want to live my life, I decide. Not dictated to by fear. (Just by hormones.)
I tell Mike and Carrie that Jeremy has invited me to a party at his house and they both agree that I can go, as long as I promise to call when I’m about to leave so they know when to expect me home. Carrie takes me into her bedroom and rifles through her drawers before pulling out a can of something and handing it to me. It’s about the same size as my inhaler.
‘It’s mace,’ she tells me. ‘Pepper spray. Keep it in your purse.’
‘OK,’ I say, taking it. Somehow, being given this makes the whole threat seem a bit more real. Up until now I was in a state of disbelief but holding the little can of mace I suddenly realise that they believe I might be in very real danger. This doesn’t make me feel any better. I remind myself that I’m only going to Jeremy’s house. He’s even offered to come and pick me up for which I’m hugely grateful. I had visions of me breaking down on some lonely street and . . . well, I’ve clearly watched too many horror movies.
As I stare at my wardrobe I wonder anxiously whether tonight is the night I’ll sleep with Jeremy. I have been thinking about my last chat with Megan. I’ve moved from thinking maybe she’s got a point to accepting that she almost certainly does. THE ONE does not exist. And even if THE ONE did happen to exist outside of a Disney cartoon, it’s most definitely not Jesse Miller, no matter how much I might want it to be. He’s made it patently – no, emphatically – clear he only wants to be friends. I should be grateful for having Jeremy and, like Megan says, maybe this is as good as it’s going to get. And if it is, I can’t complain.
I dress slowly, deliberately. I choose a dark blue dress that is more revealing than any of my other outfits. It’s got buttons down the front and sits mid-thigh. I look at myself in the three-way mirror. It doesn’t reek slutbags, but it certainly falls this side of sexy. I leave my hair loose and layer on mascara and lipgloss, feeling the nerves start to jangle as I ponder about what tonight holds.
I’m pretty sure Eliza will be there, though I’m hoping that Tyler isn’t back from Boston yet. I could genuinely do without seeing either of them, but odds are they’ll both be there, so I ready myself by pulling Megan bitchfaces in the mirror. Instantly I feel much more able to handle them.
Jeremy arrives on time to pick me up, much to Carrie and Mike’s pleasure. I swear they’re more like my parents than my real parents, which admittedly wouldn’t be hard on the part of my actual father.
We climb into Matt’s car and Jeremy drives us back to his house. He stops halfway there, parking along the side of the road in a darkened patch of street. I have a moment’s panic, but thankfully he’s only pulled over so he can kiss me (and not strangle me with some fishing wire), so I start to breathe again. Jeremy takes my face in both hands and kisses me for a very long time and we’re both a little flustered and breathless when he pulls away.
‘I’ve been wanting to do that all week,’ he murmurs, his lips still so close to mine I can feel their heat.
I smile and my stomach flutters in response. Yes. I can do this.
He puts the car back into drive and two minutes later we arrive at his house. The lights are all on downstairs.
‘My parents had an afternoon cocktail party,’ Jeremy explains as we walk up the drive.
I wonder why they didn’t invite Mike and Carrie but I don’t ask.
Jeremy takes my hand as we walk in through the front door. The remnants of a party cover the living room. Trays of empty champagne flutes and canapés are being cleared away. Jeremy’s mother, who I remember from that first day at the yacht club, looks up when we come in the door and frowns at us.
‘Mom, you remember Ren?’ Jeremy says, putting his arm around me.
I hold out my hand. ‘Hi, Mrs Thorne,’ I say as the frown fades and a fifty watt plastic smile brightens her face.
‘Oh yes, hello, Ren,’ she says. ‘Excuse the mess, we’re just cleaning up. We had a few friends over earlier.’
‘Of course. Can I help?’ I ask.
Mrs Thorne smiles kindly at me, possibly a little patronisingly. ‘No, that’s OK, Ren, we have help for things like that, though thanks for offering.’
‘Oh,’ I mumble.
At that point a girl in a tight black skirt walks into the room, carrying an empty tray at waist height. She stops on the threshold of the room, her mouth falling open.
I am aware of Jeremy’s arm still around my waist, burning into me like a scarlet letter. My cheeks flame. Tara’s gaze has slipped to Jeremy’s hand, settled proprietorially on my hip. Her mouth pulls into a grimace. She shakes her head at me and moves past without a word.
Oh holy crap, I think, as I watch her start stacking glasses onto her tray. She will tell Jesse. She’ll tell him and he’ll know I’ve been lying to him all this time.
‘Ren?’
Jeremy is talking to me. ‘Let’s go,’ he says, starting to pull me towards the door.
I nod and try to smile but inside I’m dissolving. I glance over my shoulder at Tara. She is still clearing glasses but her eyes are fixed on me, the judgement written clear on her face. I try to beg her silently not to jump to conclusions and not to tell Jesse (but really it’s not like the conclusions are wrong, and Jeremy’s hand is now resting on my butt as if to confirm them) but goddamn it I have no powers of telepathy and it’s clear from her mealy-mouthed expression that doing me favours isn’t high on her list of priorities. Jeremy’s mother appears beside her and starts directing her in her clean-up duties. She looks away.
Maybe this is for the best, I tell myself, thoughts flitting frantically through my head. Maybe this is the way it should be. No more lying. It’s not like Jesse is telling me the truth either. What right does he have to be annoyed? It’s not like we’re going out or anything. Or like he even fancies me. So, I can hook up with whoever I want.
Jeremy pauses in the kitchen and whips open the fridge door. He grabs a bottle of champagne and then, taking my hand, leads me back into the hallway. We pass a study. The door is open and I see Mr Thorne in there with Tyler’s dad and Sophie’s father. They’re drinking Scotch and look like they’re talking about something serious.
‘The business is suffering, just buy him out,’ I hear Mr Thorne say.
‘I can’t make the offer. He won’t accept. It needs to come from someone else,’ Tyler’s dad replies.
‘We own the plots on either side, maybe we could put in a bid,’ Mr Thorne says. Then he looks up and notices us. ‘Hey, kids. Hi, Ren.’
‘Hi,’ I say.
‘Don’t be too loud down there,’ Mr Thorne says to Jeremy. ‘
Your mother will not be happy.’
‘Sure thing, Dad,’ Jeremy answers and he pulls me with him past the study and towards the back door.
Music is blasting from the pool house in the distance. Inside, there are a few people I’ve never seen before, as well as some I’d rather never see again. I spy Eliza and Summer talking on a pile of cushions in one corner of the room. There’s no sign of Paige and I wonder why she’s stopped hanging around and if it has anything to do with the arguments she had with Parker and Tyler. Tyler is sitting on the sofa with Parker and another boy I don’t recognise, playing what looks like Call of Duty.
‘Hey, Jeremy, you’re up next,’ Tyler yells as we pass. ‘So don’t be long.’ He sniggers.
‘Who’s winning the competition? You or Tyler?’ I ask Jeremy, feeling a wave of heat wash over my face.
‘Huh?’ Jeremy asks.
‘Call of Duty,’ I say, pointing at the screen. Parker seems to be whipping Tyler well and truly.
‘Oh, that,’ Jeremy says. ‘It’s a tie right now. But by tomorrow I think I’ll be in the lead. Wait here,’ he suddenly says, ‘I’m going to get us some glasses.’
He leaves me in the middle of the room. I see Eliza glance across at me and pull a face before saying something to Summer, who then whispers something to Eliza that makes her laugh. God, that’s getting so tired. I pull a Megan-face and the smile on Eliza’s face dies. Jesse was right – why was I even pretending that I could be friends with people like this? Everyone’s either ignoring me or laughing at me. I will never belong among people like this. They’ll always just look at me as the help.
But then Sophie comes bouncing over to me and I remember that they’re not all like that. She’s wearing a white summer dress and her blonde hair is hanging loose. I see Matt leaning over the sofa behind Tyler. He glances up and waves at me. I raise a hand, but am then enveloped in a hug by Sophie.
‘Hey,’ I say.
‘I haven’t seen you for ages,’ she babbles. ‘What have you been doing?’
‘Trying to avoid getting murdered,’ I answer.
Her eyes go wide. ‘Oh my God, you must be so scared. I hadn’t thought of that.’ She pats me on the arm. ‘You’ll be alright. You’ve got Jeremy to look after you.’
I smile at her and decide to change the subject. ‘How are things going with Matt?’ I ask.
‘Really good. He’s like, so sweet,’ she says, smiling from ear to ear.
I look at Matt, who bends to whisper something in Tyler’s ear. Tyler glances up and sees me. His eyes light up and he says something back which makes Matt’s jaw tense and a frown shoot across his face.
I can’t help but feel a growing sense of disquiet and I’m still thinking about Tara and what she’s going to tell Jesse. ‘Where’s Paige?’ I ask Sophie, more for something to say than because I care and to make it look to the boys that I am not giving a toss about whatever they’re saying about me. Since Paige friended me on Facebook I’ve not heard a word from her. I guess she was trying to boost her friend numbers. I make a mental note to unfriend her tomorrow.
‘I guess Paige isn’t coming,’ Sophie says, glancing around the room. ‘She’s not talking to Tyler anymore.’
‘Why?’ I ask, suddenly interested.
‘I’m not sure. Maybe because he hooked up with Summer? That’s what Summer says, anyway.’
She shrugs.
Jeremy comes back then and hands me a glass of champagne. He clinks my glass and I take a sip. ‘To us,’ he says, holding my gaze.
Sophie giggles and backs away. She beckons to Matt and I watch them head outside.
‘So, do you want to go somewhere quiet?’ Jeremy whispers in my ear.
I shrug nonchalantly. ‘Sure,’ I say and the butterflies start to bat their wings. Oh God. I take another sip of champagne and follow after him. We pass Tyler and the boys who are shouting at the screen as their fingers pump the controllers.
‘He shoots, he scores!’ Tyler yells.
Parker winks at me as I pass. I ignore him. He is gunned down in a hail of video game bullets and I suppress the smile.
Jeremy leads me to a door and into a bedroom. For a moment I hover in the doorway, staring at the double bed in front of me, wondering what the hell I’m doing. I glance back over my shoulder but everyone in the room seems to be ignoring us, they’re all too busy playing video games, making out or smoking outside. Jeremy seems to sense my hesitation because he puts a hand on my shoulder, ‘You OK?’ he asks.
‘Um, yeah,’ I mumble.
I hear him click the door closed behind me and then a second click follows as the lock turns. I spin around. He smiles at me, a little embarrassed. ‘I just thought it would be nicer not to have the guys burst in on us.’
‘Right,’ I say.
Jeremy takes my champagne glass and puts it down carefully on a dresser and then he takes my hands and pulls me over towards the bed. He is looking at me the whole time, his blue eyes fixed on mine, a small smile playing on his lips which reminds me of Jesse, except the way Jesse smiles makes my pulse speed up beat and my head spin. I scream inwardly and shove the memories of Jesse far away. Now is really not the time to be thinking of another boy.
Jeremy pulls me down onto the bed. He wraps a hand behind my neck and gently tugs me towards him.
‘You’re so beautiful,’ he murmurs and then he kisses me.
After a few minutes I am suitably relaxed and when Jeremy presses on my shoulders I let him push me fully down onto the bed so I’m lying on my back. He lies next to me on his side and starts to slowly undo the buttons of my dress, leaning over to kiss the skin he’s laying bare. The champagne has made my head a little dizzy, enough that I am not thinking completely straight. I’m trying to go with the flow – to not tense up and, most importantly, not to think about Jesse. I open my eyes and stare at Jeremy. He has a look of thorough determination on his face which makes me freeze. My hands cover my chest and he looks up at me in confusion.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks.
‘Nothing,’ I say.
‘I really like you, Ren,’ he answers. ‘I thought you wanted—’
‘I do,’ I say, stuttering. ‘Um, I just—’
He dips his head and kisses me on the lips. ‘Then shhhh,’ he whispers. ‘It’ll be fine. I know what I’m doing. Don’t worry.’ His hand slips between my thighs.
I turn my head. Do I want this? I feel completely paralysed. I should want this.
And then the sound of shouting and yelling bursts through the door and we both sit bolt upright on the bed.
‘What the—?’ Jeremy is on his feet almost instantly and crossing to the door. I notice that his shirt is undone and wonder briefly how that happened; when that happened.
I barely have time to clutch my dress closed before Jeremy yanks open the door. The first thing I see, through the open doorway, is Jesse. He’s holding Parker by the collar of his shirt, his fist just inches from Parker’s face. ‘Where the hell is she?’ he’s shouting.
Summer is behind him, screaming.
Tyler is sprawled over the table in the centre of the room, though whether he’s fallen or been pushed isn’t clear. I can’t take anything else in, and at that point Jesse turns his head anyway and sees me, still sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching my dress, open-mouthed with shock. Jeremy is standing half-naked in the doorway.
Shit.
As soon as he sees me, Jesse lets go of Parker, who staggers backwards, his eyes wide. I see in that instant that they are actually all scared of Jesse, despite their bravado. None of the guys want to go up against him. I guess I wouldn’t either, after what he did to Tyler.
I stand on shaking legs, my eyes fixed on Jesse the whole time. There’s so much rage and betrayal flying over his face that I know I should feel scared but I don’t. I’m feeling guilty (weirdly) and I’m feeling ashamed but I’m not feeling scared.
‘You shouldn’t be here,’ I say quietly as he takes a stride towards me, ignor
ing the threatening postures of all the boys who close in on him.
I see his eyes fall to my dress, which I’m still holding together, and a scowl passes over his face. Jeremy is barring the doorway and Jesse stares at him coldly. ‘Get out of my way,’ he growls.
‘No,’ Jeremy answers.
‘Get out of my way, please,’ Jesse says, holding his gaze. ‘I need to talk to Ren.’
‘Jesse,’ I say again, in a pleading tone, aware that everyone in the room is now staring at me. I’m not sure what to say. I just want him to calm down and get away from here before someone calls the police.
‘You can’t just burst in here. You’re trespassing. Someone call 911!’ Tyler shouts.
‘No!’ I yell at the same time as Jeremy.
‘Just leave, Miller,’ Jeremy says, lowering his voice. ‘And we won’t call the cops.’ He glances back at Tyler over his shoulder. ‘Don’t call the cops,’ he says, shooting him a look I can’t decipher. ‘We’re dealing with this ourselves, remember?’
Tyler shoots Jesse a vicious look and then backs away, putting his hand on Summer’s arm and pushing the phone away from her ear.
‘I’m not going anywhere without her,’ Jesse says, nodding his head in my direction.
I put my hand on Jeremy’s arm. ‘Let me talk to him,’ I say. ‘It’s OK.’
What I want to say is that I can get him to calm down. I just want Jesse to leave without the police being called. I cannot believe he has come here to the house. I’m betting Tara called him and told him that she saw me with Jeremy and that’s why he’s turned up. But why? What right does he have to just show up like this, burst in and demand I leave with him? And more to the point – is he freaking stupid? This little stunt could get him arrested.