‘It’s OK,’ Mr Miller says, walking towards me. ‘They might have done us a favour. The insurance company are coming out to pay a visit tomorrow. I just need to get this all cleared up, now they’ve taken the pictures.’ He gestures to the bikes lying on the ground and the chaos of fishing tackle, helmets and bicycle pumps that lie sprawled across the inside of the store. Whole shelves have been knocked down and the contents thrown everywhere. A rack of T-shirts is the only thing left standing. Mr Miller is surveying the scene with me. I look at him briefly and note the way his shoulders are sagging in defeat and his eyes are heavy with bags.
‘You know Jesse had been sleeping in the store?’ he says to me.
I shake my head. I hadn’t known that.
‘He kept saying something like this was going to happen and I didn’t believe him. I’m just happy he wasn’t here when they attacked the place.’ He glances quickly at me and his voice is thick when he says, ‘I think they were really after him.’
My mouth falls open. I stare again at the destruction. If this is what they did to the store, I can only imagine what Tyler and Parker would have done to Jesse if they’d found him inside. But he wasn’t there, thank God. I shudder inwardly and have to wrap my arms around my chest.
‘He told me he was giving you a ride home.’
I turn to Mr Miller. I nod. Somehow I feel like this makes the vandalism of his shop my fault.
‘It’s not your fault,’ he says as though he’s read my mind. ‘Like I said, I’m just glad neither of you were inside.’ He puts his arm around my shoulder and squeezes. ‘It’s all going to be OK, Ren,’ he says and for a moment I almost believe him.
‘Can I help at all?’ I ask, waving my arm at all the mess.
‘No,’ he says, ‘you get on.’
‘Is there any way of getting hold of Jesse?’ I ask.
He shakes his head grimly. ‘Not on the boat. I’m sorry. I told him to get out on the water, get some space. He wanted to stay and help clear up but being around all this . . .’ He sighs. ‘Well, it’s just going to make him madder than he already is. I don’t want him getting any ideas for revenge into his head.’
I wince. I want so much to tell him what Jesse has planned, because what will happen to him when Jesse goes to prison? But I can’t. Jesse would never speak to me again. But I’m never going to see him again anyway I tell myself, so why not? It might be my only chance. But I just can’t. I can’t betray him.
‘He likes you, you know.’
I look up. Mr Miller is smiling at me. I smile back weakly, thinking not enough.
‘I haven’t ever seen him so taken with a girl before. Don’t you go breaking his heart now.’ He says it lightly but I don’t mistake the tone in his voice, the worry. ‘He’s been through a lot in the last year.’
My hand clutches at my stomach. I can only shake my head and I turn around quickly and head to the car so he can’t see the tears falling down my cheeks.
I spend the rest of the day sitting by the harbour with a hot cup of coffee in my hand and another slowly cooling on the seat beside me. I am watching the waves for Jesse. He’s out on a boat called Morning Sunshine. But I see no sign of it and I’ve gone so far as to find and ask the Harbour Master who says she doesn’t expect Jesse to be back until just before sunset. I wait nonetheless until it’s time to pick up Braiden and Brodie and then I pick up the cold cup of coffee on the seat beside me and throw it into the garbage can.
I guess I won’t get to say goodbye after all.
36
Brodie comes bounding across the playground and flies into my arms. I have Braiden in his car seat so I’m holding her awkwardly on one hip. She grabs my head, twists it and whispers in my ear, ‘I know where the book is.’
I pull her away so I can see her. She’s grinning widely at me, showing all her teeth.
I squeeze her tight. ‘You rule, Brodie Tripp.’
For the first time all day I feel some hope start to seep into my leaden limbs. I was planning on breaking into the Reeds’ house anyway to try to find the book but if I know where it is that makes the whole burglary thing a bit easier.
After I put Brodie to bed and read her a story, she reaches a hand up and strokes my hair. ‘Will I see you again, Ren?’ she asks.
I lean forward and kiss her on the forehead. ‘Most definitely,’ I say but I can’t quiet the voice in my head that starts wondering about that. Will I ever come back? Will I ever see her or Jesse again?
‘What are you going to do about the book?’ Brodie asks, her voice bubbling with excitement.
‘I’m going to get my hands on it,’ I tell her, ‘and teach Tyler Reed a lesson.’
‘Are you doing this because you love Jesse Miller?’
‘What?’ I ask, straightening up.
‘I saw you talking to him the other day. Outside the house. When Mom was yelling.’ She hides her mouth behind her hand and giggles. ‘I think you love him.’
‘I do not!’ I answer indignantly but an answering tremor in my tummy makes me alert to the possibility that this four-year-old might be on to something. I am not in love with Jesse Miller. I refuse to be in love with anyone so stupid. The feeling of being impaled on an electricity pyre whenever I’m around him or think about him is just lust, not love.
Brodie wiggles her eyebrows at me and giggles some more.
I stroke her hair and then creep out of the room, stopping first to tuck Braiden in and give him a peck on the cheek.
I walk slowly back to my room and then I start to prepare. I pull on a pair of tight black jeans and a black T-shirt. I tie my hair up in a high ponytail and then I slip the can of mace and my inhaler out of my bag and into my back pocket. I find my iPod, check the battery and slide it into my other pocket.
Before I head downstairs I check my email and see that Paige has finally sent me a Facebook message. I skim it and then get a move on. I am planning to tell Mike and Carrie that I’m having an early night but really I’m going to wait for them to lock themselves in the den and the study respectively, as is their habit, and then sneak out the back where I’ve stashed my bike (I have already prepared an envelope containing the rental money and a letter for Jesse and left it on my desk). Then I’m going to cycle over to Tyler’s house.
I know that the Reeds are going to be out because earlier that afternoon I overheard a conversation between Mike and Carrie which ended with Mike telling Carrie that he never wanted to see any of her friends ever again because they were all snobs, and Republicans to boot. Carrie didn’t even try to defend them. She sighed and mentioned a cocktail party at the Harbour Club that everyone was going to tonight, including the Reeds because they were sponsoring it or something. Mike told her she could go if she wanted but he’d rather stay in and watch infomercials (another sigh from Carrie). And then Mike said something which caught my attention:
‘I hear they’re trying to buy Miller’s out from under him. Richard Reed makes revenge a full-time job. And frankly his daughter scares the shit out of me.’
‘She’s five, Mike,’ Carrie countered.
‘Well, she’s walked straight off of the set of The Omen.’
Carrie giggled and I tiptoed away, having heard all I wanted to. I mentioned the bit about Richard Reed trying to buy the bike shop in the letter I wrote to Jesse. I’m not sure what it means but anything I can do to hijack their ambitions works for me.
I’m halfway down the stairs when the doorbell rings.
‘I’ll get it,’ I call out.
I pull open the door and Jesse Miller is standing there as if my imagination has summoned him in 3D and coloured him in perfectly. He’s out of breath, his dark hair windswept and his face tanned from a day on the water. His eyes have dark shadows under them and he’s unshaven, but even so he takes my breath away. Quite literally. I have to hang on to the door for support.
‘You were looking for me?’ he says, his expression full of hope and caution, like a puppy that’s scared it’s about to
be kicked.
I nod and step out onto the deck, pulling the door closed quietly behind me.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I wanted to see you before—’ I stop, unable to continue. I cannot kick this puppy.
‘Before what?’ he asks, suspicion suddenly clouding his eyes.
I take a deep breath. There’s a part of me that wishes he hadn’t come because this is making it so much harder and I’ve made a plan now and I’m risking being late. ‘I’m leaving tomorrow morning,’ I say finally.
I watch the colour drain from his face. ‘What?’
‘I’m going back to London.’
He shakes his head slowly. ‘You can’t—’ His voice catches. ‘You said a month.’
Why does it have to be this way? I hold on to the wooden post by the door and will myself not to move, even though my whole body is desperate to cross the distance between us and find out what it feels like to be buried against his chest and what it feels like to kiss him.
I remind myself again that this is his choice. ‘I know I said a month but my mum’s worried about me,’ I say in a rush, unable to look at him in case I lose my nerve, ‘and she wants me to come home. She’s already changed my flight. I’m leaving first thing in the morning.’
There’s a silence and I look up. For a second Jesse stays staring at me as though he cannot believe what I’m saying, and then I see the look of disbelief fade. His expression hardens and he seems resolved all of a sudden. Over what, though, I’m not sure. He moves so fast I have no time to react before I feel his hands either side of my face, and then his lips are against mine and he’s kissing me. Just like that. I’m so shocked that at first I don’t even move, but then I come to my senses, am blasted back into them by the pressure of his lips. I knot my hands through his hair and start kissing him back as though my life depends on it, as though he owns all the air in the universe and I need to kiss him just to stay alive.
And I swear to God, it’s the most incredible feeling I’ve ever experienced. I’m giddy drunk. My head is spinning. It’s like I’m made entirely out of helium and ice and electrical current. Like I’m going to melt and float away and burst into flames all at the same time. His lips are warm and his stubble scrapes my cheek but I don’t care. It just makes me want him more. His arms are ridiculously strong and he’s holding me close against his chest which is good because I’m not sure my legs contain bones any more.
It’s the most perfect kiss of my life and I know as soon as he pulls away and stares straight into my eyes with such unspoken desire and protectiveness that Megan is wrong and Disney was right all along. There is such a thing as THE ONE. Hah!
Jesse pushes a strand of loose hair out of my eyes, tucking it behind one ear. He smiles at me – and it’s tinged with sadness. ‘If you’re only here until the morning I want you all night,’ he says.
Definitely no bones. Anywhere in my body.
He looks suddenly pained. His arms fall away from my waist and I sway a little (no bones remember?). ‘I mean, not like that,’ he adds hurriedly, ‘I’m not Jeremy Thorne. I just . . . I just want to hang out with you. I didn’t plan to come here and for that to happen . . . ’ He gives me a one-sided smile accompanied by a one-shouldered shrug. ‘I just couldn’t let you go without knowing what it was like to kiss you,’ he says now. ‘I know I said I wouldn’t—’
‘No,’ I say, cutting him off, my voice equally hoarse. ‘I want to spend the night with you too.’ I am glad the blood is currently circulating in other regions so my cheeks don’t flame iridescent like they otherwise might. I want to spend the night with Jesse Miller more than anything in the world, even if all we do is sit opposite each other in silence and don’t touch (though, given the choice, I’d rather there was touching involved. And kissing). Jesse grins brightly at me then takes a step towards me. Desire almost overwhelms me but I manage to dance back out of his arms. ‘The thing is, though,’ I say, swallowing, ‘I was just about to go out. I have to be somewhere.’
I watch Jesse absorb what I’ve just said then shake his head in confusion. ‘What?’ he asks, his hands falling to his sides.
‘I have a plan,’ I say quickly, my hands gripping his arms. ‘That’s why I was trying to find you all day. I wanted to tell you. I think I have a way to stop Tyler . . . and to stop you from having to go to prison again.’
He frowns at me, suspicious all of a sudden. I’m keenly aware that his hands are still hanging by his sides and not reaching for my waist.
‘There’s a book,’ I grimace, feeling a stab of shame and embarrassment when I remember what the book contains. ‘If I can get hold of it then we have proof about what Tyler did to Hannah.’
He steps backwards. ‘What good would that do?’ he asks. ‘She’d still have to testify in court.’ He’s angry and frustrated and I feel a little part of me crumble on the inside.
‘What if I could get a confession too?’ I ask, suddenly feeling desperate. I need this idea to work. I can’t leave Jesse tomorrow knowing that he’s still going to go after Tyler. ‘Then Hannah wouldn’t need to testify,’ I say. ‘He’d have to plead guilty.’
Jesse has paused now, his eyes are narrowed. ‘How would you get a confession?’ he asks.
‘I have an idea.’
‘An idea that requires you to confront Tyler on your own?’ That sceptical look again, accompanied now by a pulsing jawline.
I swallow. ‘Yes.’
‘If anyone is going to confront him it’s going to be me,’ Jesse says through clenched teeth and I know exactly how that confrontation will end.
‘No,’ I say. ‘You can’t go near him, remember? And also,’ I add quickly, ‘your record for self-control around him isn’t exactly great. You’ll probably punch him to get a confession and that won’t count in a court of law. That’s called a forced confession. It’s inadmissible.’
He looks at me like I’m speaking Dutch.
I shrug. ‘I watch a lot of crime shows with my mum.’
Jesse shakes his head, pained, and asks ever so softly, ‘Why would you do that?’
‘She’s lonely. She likes company.’
He frowns at me. ‘No. Why would you do this?’
Oh. I take a step towards him and reach for his hands. They’re so warm and familiar already but this time they feel different – I link my fingers through his and when I look up at him I see that he feels as connected to me as I do to him. ‘Because I have about twelve hours left to save you,’ I say. ‘And to stop Tyler Reed from ever hurting anyone again. It’s not just Hannah he’s done this to.’
Something in Jesse’s expression shifts, like he’s struggling against all sorts of internal demons and with the truth of what I’m saying.
‘And besides,’ I add, ‘you can’t just kiss me like that and then expect me to stand back and wave you off to prison. That’s not happening.’
I see the grin start to form. He reaches for me and pulls me to him in one swift move. I fall against his chest and he kisses me for a second time. When he pulls away, still holding me close, we’re both short of breath. Actually, panting would be a more accurate description.
‘Promise me that you’ll come back?’ he whispers.
‘Only on the condition,’ I say, ‘that you promise me that you won’t do something stupid, even if this doesn’t work out. I am not coming to visit you if you’re going to be behind bars wearing orange overalls.’
He doesn’t smile. Instead he takes a deep breath in. His body tenses. I give him my widest-eyed pleading look, leaning in closer so I’m just millimetres from his lips. I see his eyes dart to my mouth. He breathes out slowly. I can see the desire locked in his eyes.
‘All day out on the water you were all I could think about,’ he says quickly, his voice low and uneven, ‘I just kept hearing what you said to me last night . . . about what would happen to my family if I went back to prison, about Hannah.’ He breaks off and a dark look crosses his face, the pain buried in his eyes surfacing. ‘I want to fix it
so badly. I see what Tyler’s done to my sister and now what he’s done to the store, to my dad’s livelihood, and I want to kill him.’ His whole body is trembling and I take his hands and squeeze them, trying to calm him down. ‘I hate him,’ he spits, ‘I hate him for what he’s done to my family.’
‘I know,’ I whisper, resting my forehead against his shoulder. ‘I know. But we can fix things. We can. I promise. Right now I hate him almost as much as you. I promise he’s not going to get away with any of this.’
After a minute I feel his body start to relax. ‘I was right,’ he finally murmurs, his lips against my hair. ‘I knew that if I fell for you you’d make me change my mind. Damn it.’
I look up at him smiling. ‘You can thank me later.’
‘Oh believe me,’ he says, in a voice that sends sparks to all outlying parts of my body, ‘I will.’
Our third kiss, during which I discover Jesse’s stomach is as hard as it looks and very, very groan-inducing, is interrupted by Carrie.
‘Ren?’ she asks, peering out into the darkness. I turn. I hadn’t heard her. ‘What are you doing out—’ she stops abruptly when she sees I’m attached to Jesse in rather a gratuitous way.
Carrie looks at me questioningly and I smile and step away from Jesse, keeping hold of his hand.
‘Hi, Jesse,’ she says, smiling at him, and I feel an overwhelming urge to hug her.
‘Hi, Mrs Tripp,’ he answers, running a hand through his hair and throwing her one of his charmingly flirtatious and wholly irresistible smiles.
‘Are you both going to come in?’ she asks.
I glance at her. ‘Actually I think I’m going to hang out with Jesse for a while. Do you mind?’ I ask.
She looks between us. ‘OK,’ she says finally and I know that in her head she’s thinking, What the hell happened to Jeremy Thorne? And I probably look like a total Class A skanktron. But to her credit she says nothing except, ‘Bring her back by eleven, please,’ while looking pointedly at Jesse. ‘We want to know she’s safely home given the situation. And she has to be up early for her flight tomorrow.’