Chapter 3
Jeffy cried in the night and Willy crawled out of bed to comfort him. He had the same nightmare quite often. He told her it was about his daddy touching something and getting burned. "When will Daddy come back home, Mama?" He always asked the same question. Once again she patiently explained that he had gone to live in heaven and they couldn't see him again until it was time for them to go there, too. Jeffy had only been two and had only vague memories of his dad, but Willy had tried to make sure he knew all about him. She didn’t know who had told such a little boy that his daddy had been burned. It wasn’t a pleasant thought for such a young child to have to carry around.
"I know that he still loves us and is watching us from up there," she said. "Remember the song about the stars being the windows of Heaven? Maybe he is looking down watching you sleep right now."
"Will you sing it to me, Mama?" Jeffy pleaded.
"Sure, just shut your eyes and think about Daddy," Willy told him. She kissed him softly, tucked the blankets around him more securely and began to sing. Her clear, quiet voice calmed him and soon his eyes closed and he fell asleep. She looked at his sweet face that so closely resembled Ryan's and felt so much loneliness. She had to go back outside and look at the stars herself.
She wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and quietly stepped out the door. The air was quite chilly and still and the sky was filled with more stars than she had ever seen. She sat at the picnic table, leaned back and gazed above her, humming quietly to herself. A twig snapped and startled her upright. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the form of a man standing in the roadway. "Who is it?" she quavered, struggling to stand up from the table.
"It's just me, Mrs. Milton. Max Bell, the forest ranger," came the quiet reply. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to check to make sure everything was all right. I left Suzy back at the station." He came closer so that she could see him in the dim glow of the firelight.
"Oh, we're fine, thank you," she replied, her heart still thudding from the fright he had given her. "You didn't need to come all the way over here. You keep pretty late hours, don't you?"
"I usually take a walk through the campground before I go off duty, just to check that everything is okay. I like being out at night," he answered. After a little hesitation, he cleared his throat and said, "That was a right pretty lullaby you sang. I enjoyed it."
"Oh," she laughed self-consciously. "My son woke up from a bad dream. He's back to sleep now." She wondered why he had been close enough to hear her sing through the camper walls. The windows were open and maybe sound carried further at night.
Another hesitation, then he said quietly, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, Ma'am, but I'm sorry about your husband. How long has he been...have you been...?"
This time she rescued him. "Just over a year." Willy tried to sound normal, but the loneliness she was feeling crept into her tone. "He was a power company lineman and was killed in an accident. We didn't think the kids should see him at the funeral and they still don't understand that he is really gone." A sob choked her momentarily. "It's been hard for them."
Max moved softly toward her and tentatively lay a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to stir you up. Please forgive me." When she didn’t pull away, he circled her shoulders with his arm. It felt so warm and comforting that she relaxed for a minute against him. Unexplainably, tears began running down her face and she started sobbing. Soon a gentle hand was wiping her face with a big handkerchief. "Cry all you want. I've got awful big shoulders," he whispered softly against her ear as he gathered her to him.
To her amazement and utter embarrassment, the closer he held her, the more she cried. She had hardly cried since Ryan died. There had always been the kids to think about. She couldn't let go in front of them. She had to be so strong. And now.... She turned her face into his chest and sobbed her heart out. How long they stood there, she didn't know. He never loosened his arms and his hands made little patting motions on her back.
Finally, she came to herself and realized the craziness of what she had done. She felt that she should say something. Her cheeks burned and she was glad he couldn't see her tear-stained face. She must look terrible. Pushing back a little from him, she looked up. "I'm so sorry," she stammered, mortified. "I can't imagine what came over me."
"No need to be uncomfortable with me, Ma'am. I just happened to come along at the right time. You've needed to get that off your chest for a while." He stroked her hair. The comforting feeling of a male hand on her head almost started her off again, but she controlled the urge to cry. "Here," he said, bending over. "Let me put this blanket back around you. You must be freezing. Nights get cold in August here."
How odd, she thought. I didn't even feel it slip off. I wasn't at all cold.
Missing his touch, but knowing it couldn't last forever, she stepped back away from him. Reaching out a hand for the blanket, she felt her leg hit something and then she was falling backward. She thumped down hard and her breath was knocked out a little. She was thankful for the darkness that covered her red face. What he must think of her! She heard him move and then felt herself being lifted in those strong arms for the second time.
"Wobbly as a new calf," he said, then asked, "Are you hurt?"
"No, I tripped over the water jug." Her voice was full of mortification. She tried to sound light-hearted about it, but her embarrassment was acute. "I'm sorry. Please put me down. I'm fine."
"I feel safer with you here. You're a little accident-prone, wouldn't you say?" His deep voice was so pleasant and he wasn't laughing at her at all.
"I'll go inside and back to bed. Nothing can happen there,” she said, a little shakily. She could feel the beat of his heart and it was oddly disturbing to her. It did strange things to her stomach.
He set her lightly on her feet but kept his hands on her shoulders. "You've got a big load to carry on those little shoulders." She could feel his breath touch her lips and then, ever so gently, his lips met hers. She felt herself melting, her knees wobbling and her head spinning. If he hadn't been holding her, she would have fallen. Abruptly, he stepped back, his hands still steadying her. “I’m so sorry! Now it's my turn to apologize," he said. "I had no right to do that."
"I guess it's fair payment for all the rescuing and comforting you've done for me today," she murmured softly. "Thank you again. For everything." she added. Taking a shaky breath, she dared to tell him, "I'm looking forward to talking to you about the intermitting spring tomorrow. Are you on duty?"
"It's my day off...," her heart sank until he continued, "so I'm free to show you around in person, if you don't object. There are so many back roads and canyons that you're sure to get lost by yourself." Her heart rose up again, nearly cutting off her breath.
"I'd love to have a tour guide," she said. "Are you sure it wouldn't inconvenience you? I hate to tie up your Saturday."
"No problem. I haven't been up to the Spring all summer. It should be intermitting by now and you can do all the research you want. What time do you want to get started?"
After working out the details, he strode off down the road in the direction of the ranger station and Willy watched him out of sight, not believing her boldness. She climbed back in the camper and locked up then crawled into her bed. All the peace of the night was gone. She was wide awake and getting more shocked by the minute at her behavior. Whatever had come over her to cry like that? And then falling down. And then letting him kiss her!
Her fingers lightly touched her lips. Her stomach did its flip-flop again. She hugged the blanket to herself and remembered those strong arms holding her so close. A long sigh escaped her. Her eyes grew heavy and she slept, a tiny smile on her face.