Chapter 8
Jenny was by this time crying loud enough to wake the dead. Meredith spent the next ten minutes trying to calm her down. When she eventually managed it Jenny’s little face was red and puffy. She took the baby downstairs, deposited her in the high chair and set about clearing the dishes. Meredith looked at the casserole in the middle of the table, barely touched. It had gone all gloopy and no longer looked very appetising but she’d lost most of her appetite anyway. She’d never really had such a row with Sam. They’d disagreed about things, certainly, but raised voices were uncommon in their relationship. The tears were pricking at her eyes again but she held them back. She didn’t want to upset Jenny any further by standing in the kitchen bawling her eyes out. She looked at the clock. Ten past seven already. It looked as though she was going to have to do Jenny’s bedtime routine again as it was unlikely that Sam would be back within the next hour.
Meredith set about getting Jenny ready for bed around eight. When Jenny was safely tucked up in her cot, fast asleep, Meredith made her way to her bedroom. The clock on the bedside table told her it had just gone nine. Sam still hadn’t come home.
Meredith finally crawled into her own bed exhausted at ten o’clock after she’d tidied the kitchen and lounge. She’d been on the go for eighteen hours with very little sleep last night; tonight didn’t look to promising either. As she lay down, still furious with Sam, her mind turned over the evening’s events. Sam had walked out, yet again forgetting that he had responsibilities.
Despite her tiredness, it still took her until after eleven before she finally fell asleep. Sam still wasn’t home.
The shrill beeping of the alarm at three thirty woke Meredith from a deep sleep. She groggily reached over to press the snooze button. As she lay for a minute, yesterday evenings events came flooding back to her. She turned over to see Sam sleeping soundly. At least he came home, she thought, but she was determined to have words with him later about shirking his responsibility toward Jenny. He seemed to think he could threaten her into submission by making it clear he could walk out any time. Well, two could play that game, she thought as she dragged herself out from under the quilt and quietly headed for the kitchen.
Freshly made coffee in hand, Meredith went into the lounge and turned on the early morning news. She sat there for her usual half hour, not really taking anything in, just sipping her coffee until she began to feel some energy creep in, bringing her to life. She headed for the shower in the main bathroom to begin preparing for the day ahead.
Looking in the bathroom mirror, she tried to decide what to do with the worst hair cut in the world. She could see what Mairi meant now and wished she had listened to her advice. Layers had made the top look even thicker and the longer ends straggly and lifeless. Deciding to put her hair up in the hope it would hide the disaster altogether, she began to pin it in place. Once she was satisfied with her hair she went in search of something to wear, finally deciding on the size bigger dress she’d bought the day before. It felt as though she was wearing. She tried a belt around her waist which helped the overall look. Satisfied she looked reasonable, she began to apply her make-up much more heavily than usual, thinking that, although it looked a bit clownish in the cold light of day, it might look better on camera. Wasn’t that what they did in theatres so that their faces were better defined for the audience, she thought. One last look in the mirror and she decided she was good to go, or as good as it was going to get today. She slipped quietly out the front door and into her car.
The journey to work was uneventful as usual and Meredith arrived at the Channel 7 building with plenty of time to visit the canteen for a spot of breakfast. As she was walking along the corridor, looking forward to another life giving coffee and some oatmeal with syrup she noticed Amanda heading toward her. Amanda came closer, nodded in acknowledgement, then carried on her way. Meredith let out a sigh of relief. She knew Amanda kept up with feedback from the public and had been half expecting her to say something about the comments on face book and twitter the other day but thankfully she seemed to have other things on her mind.
There was no queue when she finally reached the canteen. Meredith was grateful for the quiet space to think for ten minutes. Finding a seat, she set her tray on the table, taking a sip of coffee before she was even properly sitting down. She hadn’t bothered to look at Facebook and twitter last night; wasn’t very keen to either. It would only be more whinging and complaints, she decided, and she’d had enough of that. Even Sam has joined in, she thought, fuming as she ran over last night’s events in her head. He had been so insensitive. She made up her mind that he would have to apologise sincerely for his comments.
“Who stole your scone?” came a voice from beside Meredith’s seat.
She looked up to find Alice standing there.
“It’s not been the best of weeks,” Meredith said, but smiled at her friend nonetheless. She was glad to see Alice. A friendly face amidst the chaos was very welcome.
“What’s up? You have a gorgeous husband, an even more gorgeous baby and a great job. Nothing else is that important surely? You look as though you’ve had a frown on your face all your life.” Alice was looking at Meredith with concern as she sat down in the chair opposite.
Meredith took a deep breath and let the words tumble out. She told Alice about the negative feedback and the comment from one follower who’d said she looked like she’d been dragged into the broom cupboard. Alice laughed at that one.
“Hey, come on. You know that’s part and parcel of being in the public eye. There’s always people out there who make themselves feel superior by making negative comments about us. What they think doesn’t matter. You don’t even know these people. It’s not like you to take things so personally,” Alice said.
“My ‘gorgeous husband’ also criticised me when he came home last night,” Meredith complained as she made air quotes. “I had a haircut which was a disaster by the time I got home with all the wind and rain and he just had to mention it. He said he liked it better the other way even though he hadn’t even seen it properly done. You’d think he would have realised the weather had something to do with it.”
“Do you like it?” Alice asked.
“No. It’s horrible. The hairdresser warned me it wouldn’t have the desired effect. I should have listened. All I wanted was for it to look a bit thinner. Now it just looks thicker on top with straggly ends.” Meredith began to smile as she spoke but then reverted back to frowning. “He still didn’t have to be so cruel. But on top of that he’s been acting like a prat. He tried the other day to get me to give up my gym time on Saturday with you. Then he tried to get me to do the bed time routine with Jenny even though he knows I need to be in bed by eight. When I refused both his requests he went in the huff and barely spoke to me. Then he sneaked out later on after he’d put Jenny to bed. Jenny woke up and needless to say, so did I. I didn’t get to sleep until after eleven so I was really tired yesterday and screwed up my forecast with a few million people watching. Then to top it all we had a row last night. He stormed out, leaving me to deal with Jenny’s bedtime again. That’s supposed to be his job when I have work the next day so I’m shattered again because I didn’t get to bed at my usual time. He just absolved himself of his duties as though Jenny was somehow more my responsibility than his. He seems to think he can just come and go as he pleases, the way he always did before she was born.”
“Well, I’ll grant you, you have a valid grievance there but I’m not so sure about the haircut comment. You said yourself you don’t even like it.”
“I know, and normally I wouldn’t bother. I would have agreed with him and had a laugh about it. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me just now. I hate to say it but I feel really trapped. What can I do if Sam just walks out? I have a baby now. It’s not as if I can just walk out and leave her to fend for herself if he’s not there.
”
“Firstly, you’re too busy worrying about what other people think; other people you don’t even know! You know, Meredith, lots of people go through this. You’ve had a lot of changes in your life lately. A new baby can really knock your confidence, not to mention the trapped feeling every new mother experiences. It isn’t just you. It suddenly becomes clear that all is not equal. Men do tend to think the responsibility for child care lies mainly with us. I went through the same thing with Tom. But you need to talk to him. Not talking won’t solve it. And remember, if he doesn’t see the light, you can always threaten to go to your mum and dads with Jenny. You might be worrying about losing him but he could lose both of you if he doesn’t wise up. You may need to gently remind him of that.” Alice advised.
“I don’t want to break up with Sam! I love him!” Meredith’s voice rose to a squeak. The thought of losing Sam was unbearable.
“You won’t have to. Just make him aware that two can play his game. He’ll come round soon enough.”
“It doesn’t seem right; threatening to leave him at the first real sign of trouble,” Meredith grumbled.
“Maybe not, but that’s what he’s implying he’ll do if you don’t give in.”
“It does seem as though that’s what he’s doing, doesn’t it? But I can’t believe he would do that. I think maybe he doesn’t realise it,” Meredith spoke her thoughts aloud. “I’ve also just realised that this has been more about the way I’ve been feeling about myself than what other people think anyway. If I was my normal, confident self I wouldn’t have paid any attention to those stupid remarks. I never did before. I think Sam has picked up on the fact that I’m not feeling myself. Maybe he thinks he might be able to get round me in ways he knows would normally never work. Thanks for listening to me, Alice. It’s funny how saying things out loud can give them more clarity. You’re a good friend.” Meredith smiled across at her. “How are things with you anyway?” she asked.
“Oh great, you know, the boys getting bigger all the time; Tom spending half his life taking them to all their different clubs; Tom and I finding it really difficult to spend time alone. We thought it would get easier as they got older but the opposite is true so we’ve booked a fantastic holiday to Florida. Just for the two of us. Thank heaven for Tom’s mum and dad. The boys love going there. His mum and dad spoil them rotten. Tom and I will have a couple of weeks not worrying about anything. I’m really looking forward to it.”
“Oh you lucky thing. How fantastic. Well I hope you both have a wonderful time. You’ll come back all suntanned and refreshed.”
“I certainly hope so, although we are hoping to spend a bit more time in the bedroom than on the sun loungers,” Alice grinned wickedly.
“When are you going?”
“Two weeks on Sunday. It was one of those last minute deals. I just can’t wait, but right now I better get going or I’ll miss my slot and pandemonium will ensue.” Alice rose from the seat, gathering up her clipboard and bag. “You take care and don’t listen to what anyone says. You look great, you always do.”
“You too,” said Meredith as she stood to leave. “It’s time I wasn’t here either. I’ll walk with you.”
The two women left the canteen together, chatting amiably as they walked until their paths took them separate ways.