Hell, she should be good at it after what she’d survived as a kid.
She headed for bed. Wednesday couldn’t come too fast for her liking.
Chapter Twelve
After leaving Eva’s Christmas night, Nate went home, went for a run, and then rubbed one out in the shower before collapsing into bed.
Self-control usually wasn't an issue he had, but he was seriously considering texting her to ask if she wanted to come over that night and play.
I can wait. Suck it up.
Wednesday night, once the two of them were alone in the living room, Nate pulled Eva down onto her couch and into his lap.
“I believe we were going to have a talk, were we not?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Okay, so the sound of her saying that—hell, even getting it in a text message from her—hardened his cock.
They’d already had conversations about STDs and blood tests. He routinely got tested for a full range of things simply because of what he did for a living. Yes, it was rare he got stuck, and the chances of him actually catching anything were slim to none, but he didn’t want to take the risk.
He’d been pleased when Eva had admitted that Leo and Jesse had her get testing early in December, just in case.
“What does me being your Dominant mean to you?” he asked.
She thought about it. “That I have limits, but I trust you’ll respect them. That when we’re together, you’ll keep me safe. That I can trust you not just physically, but emotionally.”
And here lay the crux of what he was concerned with. “We’ve only been going out for a couple of weeks, so it’s too soon to discuss ‘the future,’” he said using air quotes. “There’s something big you haven’t told me yet, isn’t there?”
That her gaze dropped to her hands affirmed it, even if she hadn’t answered. “Yes, Sir.”
“That’s all right, but I think it’s something that, until you do feel you can talk about it with me, we’re not going to progress past a certain point together. Does that make sense?”
She met his gaze and nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“Are there any circumstances where you think you’d feel okay discussing it with me?”
She took a deep breath and let it out again before answering. “Yes, Sir.” She twisted her hands together. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, but I don’t trust myself yet. I know that the more time we spend together the easier it’s going to be for me to talk about that.”
He traced one of the marks on her upper arm, where it disappeared under the short sleeve of her T-shirt. “Does it relate to these?”
She nodded.
“Do you still do that?”
“No, Sir,” she whispered. “It’s been a long time. Since I was a kid.”
“Rule number one is if you ever feel the need to do that again, you must talk to me immediately. I don’t care if I’m with a client. You will not do that to yourself again. You hand that over to me if you feel the need to do that. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
It was a relief to hear her say it’d been years, but he suspected her emotional pain still lay close to the surface.
“Rule number two is when we’re alone like this, you call me Sir.”
She smiled. “Yes, Sir.”
“Rule three. I propose we hold off on sex for now, like we discussed, but orgasm play is okay, as long as both of us are okay with it.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Are there any things you specifically don’t want to do sexually, excluding intercourse? Either me do to you, or you do to me?”
He watched her face carefully. “I’m not,” she finally answered, “comfortable with giving oral.”
“Then that won’t be something you’ll do,” he said.
She looked a little surprised. “But that’s not fair to you.”
“This isn’t about what’s fair or unfair. This is about building boundaries and trust. This is the foundation of anything else we’ll do from this point on. If you can’t learn to trust me and what I say, we don’t have a future.”
She finally nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“What about me doing oral on you?” he asked.
She blushed. “You don’t have to, Sir.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“But it’s not f—”
She stopped when he laid a finger on her lips. “Rule four, when I ask a question, you answer it without trying to figure out how to answer it. You give me the truth, which is rule five, you never lie to me, and I will never lie to you. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Receiving oral, are you okay with that, or not?”
Her face practically turned beet red. “I enjoy it, Sir.”
“Thank you.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’ve been giving myself orgasms since I was about twelve or so,” he joked. “I’m sure I won’t die from it.”
“I…I want to help with that, though.”
“Then that’s fine. When we’re playing, if I tell you it’s okay to help me get off, and you’re comfortable doing so, then you may.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“This is an uncomfortable conversation for you, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“That’s okay, because we’ll have lots of uncomfortable conversations. Especially early on. They’ll get less uncomfortable the more we have them, I promise.”
“I wish I’d been brave enough to have them with Leo,” she softly admitted. “Not that it’s his fault,” she quickly added. “It was mutual…stupidity.”
“He loves you very much. I’m glad you have him in your life.”
“Me, too, Sir.”
“This isn’t a rule, but it’s how I want our relationship to proceed—we need to spend time together not just as a couple, but as a family. With Laurel, and even with Leo and Jesse. Family is very important to me. I don’t want to just show up and disrupt things, especially Laurel’s life. She needs to get to know me better. We can’t conduct most of our life away from her. If our relationship is meant to be long-term, which I hope it is, then she’ll need to know me. We need to do things together, the three of us, the five of us. I need to make sure she’s okay with me being here.”
* * * *
That had been something else Eva had never admitted to Leo—that the last guy she’d briefly dated after he’d left, Mark, had another strike against him. In addition to making comments in front of Laurel about Leo’s sexuality, and having been through a nasty divorce of his own, he’d loved making plans for when Laurel wasn’t around, and making himself mostly scarce when she was.
The times he’d come over for dinner there at the house with her and Laurel had been because Eva had invited him, not because he’d wanted to come.
“Thank you, Sir,” she said. “I’d like that. But one correction.”
“Yes?”
“We’re not a family—we’re a pack.”
She loved Nate’s smile. “Semantics.”
“Ooohhh, you have nooo idea. Don’t call us a family around Laurel, she’ll rip you a new one.”
He snorted. “She’s going to be a pistol when she’s older.”
“Yes, she is. You sure you’re up to the task?”
“You’re going to be happy for my help and advice,” he said, but his smirk betrayed his amusement. “Remember, I’ve been through this, at a lot younger than you. Hell, I was younger than Jesse is now, and I had to figure this shit out on my own. At least there’s three of you, four counting me. Five if you toss in Cherise, which we should, because my sister and I spend a lot of time together outside of work, too. We really are friends. And Wade, too, since they’re engaged.”
“That’d be nice.”
He laced fingers with her again and kissed her hand. “If you want me to, I would like to be your Dominant. But I don’t want to collar you yet.”
“Why not?”
“Until you feel comfortable telling m
e the whole truth—and I won’t rush you or push you—I think you should stay under Leo and Jesse’s protection. The timetable of the next step is up to you. And we’re not going to have intercourse until after you’re collared to me. We’re going to save that.”
Her heart fell a little. “Yes, Sir.”
“The timing is, therefore, up to you. If I think you’re rushing things just to get to intercourse, no, it won’t happen. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I know this sounds…weird, but I think what we have is worth waiting for. Doesn’t mean we won’t have lots of orgasms in the meanwhile. Waiting and doing things right won’t be difficult.”
That was a relief. “Yes, Sir. Thank you.”
“Besides you’re not on birth control anyway, are you?”
He had a point. She’d gotten off the pill not too long after Leo left. With everything else going on, her prescription had run out and she forgot to get it refilled, then it was like, what’s the point?
Another way she was able to insulate herself from sex with guys. She had the perfect excuse, that she didn’t want to get pregnant.
“I only want to get married once,” he said. “And yes, if this works out, that is my eventual goal. I’d rather spend the time making sure we do things right than rush and screw things up. Not saying you screwed things up with Leo,” he quickly added.
“I know what you meant, Sir.” She snuggled her head against his chest. This felt so right, so comfortable with him, like their bodies were meant to fit together.
Then again, she’d felt like that about Leo, too, and look what had happened there.
She loved that he’d untied his hair when he arrived earlier. There was something so much fun about running her fingers through it, which she now did. It hung down to his shoulders, not obnoxiously long, but just the right length. She never thought she’d find long hair attractive on a guy…until Nate.
“Oh, another rule,” he said.
“Yes, Sir?”
“I ever wake up and you’ve braided my hair, or put it in pigtails, you’re getting tied up and spanked with the heaviest paddle Cherise has in her toybag.”
She pouted. “What if Laurel does it?”
“I can’t spank her, but I can spank you, so I suggest you don’t egg her on or let her get away with it.” He arched an eyebrow at her.
She giggled. “Yes, Sir.”
* * * *
A couple of nights later and it was finally New Year’s Eve. Nate came over to have dinner with all of them, and then he and Eva headed out to his place. She’d snuck an overnight bag out the front door while Laurel was in the bathroom and Nate had already put it in his car.
Tomorrow morning, Leo and Jesse were going to take Laurel out to breakfast and spend the day goofing off with her, giving Eva and Nate all day together before they had dinner together the next night.
When Eva had told Leo and Jesse about their talk Wednesday night, both men again signed off on the plan.
It scared her a little that she was so reliant on the two of them to verify her decisions, but maybe it was for the best. Better than stumbling around and not even admitting she was making bad decisions to start with.
As they drove over to his house, Nate laced fingers with her. “How you feeling, sweetheart?”
“Good, Sir.”
“Nervous?”
“Yes, Sir. The good kind of nervous.”
“Good.” The lights from an oncoming car swept across his face. “I’d like you at least a little nervous.”
“Why?”
“Because I am a little sadistic.” He smiled.
When they arrived, he carried her bag, as well as opened her car door for her.
She’d been to his house several times, so she wasn’t unfamiliar with it. Three bedrooms and two baths. It wasn’t huge, but it was paid for, and he kept it up. Tidy, neat, not minimalist, but very deliberate in how he arranged things. Very little clutter.
“How did you raise a young child and keep a house this neat?” she asked.
“Oh, believe me, it wasn’t always like this,” he said. “When Cherise was little, she sometimes had toys scattered from one end of the house to the other. I focused on the big battles and the little ones eventually fell into place. She didn’t like it when she had to go to school in the same clothes two days in a row when she was in eighth grade, so she finally cleaned her room and did her laundry and put it away and kept it that way. Or she didn’t like me refusing to give her an excuse note if she forgot one of her textbooks at home because she missed it for the mess, so she learned to tidy up. We worked on a habit at a time until it became automatic.”
“Sneaky.”
“Smart. I had to study and raise her. Energy conservation. Doesn’t hurt she’s a lot like me. If I pushed her, I knew she’d only fight me. Once I demonstrated by example reasons for what I did, without telling her, she could quietly jump on board with it and follow suit and think it was her idea.”
At some point after his parents’ deaths, Eva hadn’t asked when, Nate took over the master bedroom. The third bedroom was their home office, for both of them while Cherise was growing up, and a place for Nate to work, practicing and treating friends and clients for cash early on while he was still in school.
Now with Cherise moved out, he had a spare bedroom. He’d told Eva his brief experiment with a roommate was one he didn’t want to repeat.
He took her hand and led her to the master bedroom. There, he set her bag on the dresser and caught both of her hands, pulling her close.
“If you don’t say red,” he said, “I won’t stop. At any time, you say red, we’ll stop. All right?”
She nodded. “Yes, Sir.” She loved staring up into his face, his eyes, the feel of him.
Yes, she got this, too. She’d felt sexually attracted to Leo, but now, looking back, she saw it was his safety and strength.
With Nate, it was different, visceral in a way she’d never felt with Leo. Only now in contrast did she see it.
Another way it made what she’d gone through to get to this point worth it. Every damn tear.
Nate cupped a hand around the back of her neck and kissed her, deeply, slowly, taking his time and savoring her, pulling her soul off-balance and into the safe orbit of his. Not only did Nate feel safe, but sexy, engaged, connected.
“Is my good girl ready to play?” he whispered.
She smiled. “I thought you’d never ask, Sir.”
Chapter Thirteen
Nate buckled a soft leather blindfold over her eyes. He left her standing there for a moment before she heard him return. He stroked his fingers up her arms, sending tendrils of electricity flowing through her skin, straight to her clit, which in turn translated it into desperate need.
Part of her wanted to blurt out the whole dark, ugly truth to him so they could move on to intercourse, but then she realized exactly why he wanted to wait and take things slow.
He would slake her need, no doubt about it. But he knew he had to earn her trust.
She loved him already. Deeply. Maybe even madly. Certainly passionately.
All the more reason to take it slowly.
He said he only wanted to be married once.
She only wanted to be divorced once. While she no longer held it against Leo, it wasn’t a pain she wanted to revisit.
He moved to stand behind her, his arms around her, holding her pressed against his body. Without removing her clothes he slowly explored her, caressing her, his lips nibbling at the side of her neck, under her ear. He cupped his hands over her breasts, through her shirt and bra, his thumbs brushing against her nipples.
She ached to feel his flesh against hers.
“I know,” he whispered. “It’ll feel that much better later. I want to know all of you first. So when we’re together, I can see the way your clothes fit you and know exactly what lies beneath them.”
She didn’t need to see to know he was doing Reiki on her. She’d never bee
n a believer in stuff like that…before Nate. Maybe it was just how keyed-in to him she was, but she’d swear she felt energy flowing between them everywhere his hands paused.
Her panties certainly would be a sodden mess by the time they got that far. She knew she was wet already. That was not an uncommon occurrence for her when she spent alone time with him. Just being with him turned her on.
Down her hips, over her thighs, he dipped his knees, sliding his hands up her jeans and ass, stepping back to glide them up her back, across and down her shoulders. His hands came to rest on top of hers, fingers lacing through hers. Then he brought his arms up, crossed over her chest.
He nibbled on her right earlobe. “I also like to bite,” he whispered. “I leave my marks my way.”
She whimpered, shuddering at the thought, but for all the good reasons. She tipped her head even farther to the left, giving him better access.
He softly chucked and that sound nearly made her come. He nuzzled along her shirt, lips caressing her flesh, until she felt his teeth graze her skin.
He bit, gently at first, then harder, as if gauging her response. Harder still, until she let out a gasp, and still she didn’t stop him. Only when he’d drawn a soft cry of pain from her did he ease up just a little, waiting, not even sucking at her flesh.
Just…holding on.
He drew his arms more tightly around her and slowly increased the pressure of his teeth on her flesh again…and again…and again… Each time he eased up just before she was certain she’d need to safeword, only to repeat it.
Finally, he kissed the spot, licking it, before moving up her neck again.
“Good girl,” he whispered. “My beautiful, sweet girl. I promise I will only ever give you the good kinds of pain.”
She didn’t know how long they stood there, but he switched sides and repeated it on her left shoulder, back to her right, in a different spot, and the left again, until she was nearly sobbing from need. Her clit screamed, desperate, and he hadn’t even removed a stitch of his clothes or hers yet.
“Stay,” he whispered, then released her.