Her breath hitched. “What do you think it is?”
“You honestly want me to guess?”
“Yes.”
“I think you’re about to reveal to me that your father sexually abused you and you were—rightly—worried about him abusing Laurel. I think that’s part of the reason why you fought the divorce so hard at first, and I think it’s tied into why you had such an aversion to giving oral sex. I think that’s another reason you’ve accepted Jesse into your home so readily, because he’s a protector. Maybe you even suspected there were issues with your marriage years before Leo finally tried to gently disengage from you, but you turned a blind eye to them because you loved Leo and you were terrified to be alone. Not because of being alone, but because you were afraid for Laurel and yourself. You looked like your biological mother, unlike your two sisters, so your father, who still hadn’t gotten over your mother, turned his…attentions onto you.”
She sat back, looking shocked.
He continued. “I think you do a good job hiding all this from our friends, but Leo and Jesse can see through you like a glass of water. I can, too, to a certain extent. Past events all make complete sense when taken in that context. I think you used self-injury in the past as a way to deal with the abuse and emotional pain. There likely are one or two suicide attempts in your past. Whatever happened that night at the hospital with your parents, the night of Leo’s accident, you agreed to the custody deal to ensure Jesse had legal guardianship of Laurel so your parents absolutely couldn’t take custody of her.
“At Christmas, you made a reference to Jesse about something I didn’t know at that time. When he thanked us all for a great day, you thanked him back, and said, ‘you know why.’ I suspect perhaps Jesse interrupted a self-injury or suicide attempt, or otherwise ‘saved’ you, which is why you say he saved your life.”
Silence, just wide, staring eyes.
“No, Leo and Jesse didn’t tell me any of that. They never betrayed your trust. So, how accurate was I?”
She slowly nodded.
“Now, you tell me first what your father said to you at the house while I was in the bathroom. Then you may start wherever you wish to start in telling me the rest.”
She slowly laid her head against his chest and began to talk.
Unfortunately, he quickly found out how tragically, horrifically accurate he had been, pretty much across the board.
And that it had been far worse than he’d expected.
* * * *
Eventually, Nate carried her into his bedroom. On his bed, still fully clothed, he held her, rocked her as she cried more tears than he’d known it was possible for a human being to cry.
Which, considering what he and Cherise had endured, was saying a lot.
She clung to him, her faced pressed against his chest to muffle her agonized screams as she relived her nightmares and finally took away their power for good.
As he soothed her, Nate desperately wished he’d known all this before they’d gone to her parents’ house.
He wouldn’t have been nearly as gentle as he had been with the man.
Grief and anger and pain poured from her, her energy dim and waning as her soul finally cast a healing light on all those secrets so desperately and poorly hidden within her.
He’d been spot-on. All of it.
And more he hadn’t thought of.
As he closed his eyes and held her, he knew the next time he saw Jesse and Leo that he would hug them both and tell them thank you for keeping her alive for him to meet her.
No, she wasn’t being coerced into having a baby. He got it.
She trusted Leo and Jesse. Two men who had absolutely proven to her they could be trusted.
And now, it seemed, she trusted him, too.
It was hours before she lay still and trembling in his arms, cried out. Shattered.
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “I love you, sweetheart. And I think despite everything you’ve survived you managed to keep a beautiful, loving heart in your soul. I’m not going anywhere unless you ask me to leave. I promise you that.”
She shuddered as she took a long, ragged breath. “I want to wear your collar, Sir,” she whispered. “Please collar me.”
He tipped her chin so she had to meet his gaze. “It’s for life. And I have rules.”
She nodded.
“You will be my slave, not just my submissive.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I agree with you and Jesse having a baby, but we are all going to live in the same house. We’ll have to arrange that.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I will not overrule that agreement you’ve made with Jesse. I will also not interfere with you as a parent. I do, however, expect to be a full co-parent to Laurel and the baby, with rights of parenting within our household.”
She nodded.
“In all other ways, my rule is law when it comes to you and me. Issues that impact all of us as a pack are, of course, something we all deal with. But you will obey me.”
“What about safewords?”
“Those still apply for play, but not for our relationship. You will obey me. For example, had I known all of this before this afternoon, we would not have gone. I would have arranged an alternate opportunity for you to see your sister, but you would not have had contact with that man.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Under no circumstances are you to have any contact with your father without my permission, or allow our children to have contact with him. Not on the phone, not in person. Your mother and sisters and other relatives, you can talk to them on the phone or e-mail or whatever. You may not, however, meet with them, or your other relatives, other than your grandmother, without my permission first. And if I tell you no, you obey me without question.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“If you disobey me about any of my rules, you will be punished. Not while you’re pregnant, but believe me, you do not want to bank punishment strokes for nine months.” He smiled, happy to see it drew a smile from her.
“Yes, Sir.”
“And we will get married before the baby’s born.”
She frowned. “What about the baby?”
“What about it?”
“The birth certificate. If you’re my husband they’ll think you’re the father.”
“We tell the truth, that Jesse’s the father. There’s nothing wrong with that. Surrogacy is very common.”
“Yes, Sir. But…why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want to get married before the baby arrives?”
“Because I’m in this for life.” He cupped her cheek with his palm. “That’s what I’ve said all along when I knew how I felt about you. I didn’t know if you’d ever be able to trust me enough to confide the full truth in me, though. That would have been the main barrier.”
“Do you want to have children?”
“I told you, it is a non-issue for me at this time. That will not change. We will discuss it later, if you even want to or can try to have another child.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He kissed her. “So, will you marry me?”
She nodded, finally smiling, one that reached her beautiful sweet brown eyes. “Yes, Sir.”
He got up and went to his dresser, where he retrieved the tag. He brought it over and reached out, taking the old tag off and replacing it.
She looked at it. “It’s…the same.”
“Not quite.”
She looked at the back, her expression softening when she realized what he’d done. “All three of you?”
“Another rule. If I’m not around, you will obey Leo and Jesse, unless it directly conflicts with one of our rules or an order I’ve given you. You are still under their protection. That doesn’t change. They are now secondary to me in terms of hierarchy in our relationship, but they still have the right to protect you and keep you safe. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
He sat next to her on
the bed. “I will find something else you can wear as a day collar in addition to this that is mine alone.” He stroked her cheek. “Besides a ring. But Laurel won’t question that,” he said, nodding at the tag. “Hopefully. And eventually we’ll have a formal collaring ceremony. But you are now collared to me. If you ever want to be uncollared, you have to tell me that.”
“I won’t want that, Sir.”
“I bloody well hope not.” He kissed her again. “Because it would break my heart.”
Chapter Nineteen
Eva felt like she’d run a marathon. Yes, she absolutely wanted to marry this man.
When she had, deep in her heart, been convinced he would leave when she told him about the baby, not only had he surprised her, he’d surpassed any of her best-case fantasies.
Nate now knew the depths of her pain and he hadn’t shied away from it.
He’d embraced it, and her, without disgust or hesitation.
Even better, he’d embraced her pack.
She went into the master bathroom and cleaned up, washed her face, blew her now raw nose, and took a look at herself in the mirror.
If he can collar me and propose to me while I look like death warmed over, I guess he must be in love. Her eyes were red and puffy, as was her nose.
He spoke from the doorway. “I love you,” he said. “I don’t care what you look like. You still look beautiful to me.”
“That’s spooky.” She turned to him. “Seriously, how do you do that?”
He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. “You aren’t as opaque as you think you are. Not to me, not to Leo, and not to Jesse.”
“You think you can handle sharing a house with them?”
He took a moment to answer that. “I think we’ll need a bigger house. Let’s be realistic. But yes, unless they’re slobs and you’re doing a great job covering for them, I will adapt.”
“I know you like doing things your way.”
“There comes a time when a man has to decide if he wants to do things his way alone, or if he’d rather learn a new way of doing things and live with the people he loves.”
He tucked her hair behind her ears. “While having my privacy has been wonderful since Cherise moved out, I can’t lie. It’s been lonely. This was the first time in my life I’d actually lived alone. I have to admit it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be after the novelty wore off.”
“I thought you hated having a roommate?”
“Having a temporary roommate is different from someone who is part of your life. Family. Pack. Completely different. Were I sleeping with that man, or closely related to him, I might have been more tolerant of him and his habits.”
“Glad you weren’t sleeping with him,” she muttered. “Did the gay husband thing once. No offense to Leo, didn’t end so well for me in the long run. Until I met you, of course.”
“No worries, love. I am strictly heterosexual.”
“Good.” Speaking of sexual, now that the worst of the emotional debris was finally scoured out of her mental basement, she was feeling sort of…frisky.
Apparently the spooky mind stuff applied to that, too. His hands slid down her ass, fingers squeezing, pulling her against him. She felt his cock harden as it rubbed against her through their clothes.
“What kind of mood are you in tonight?” he asked.
“Master gets to choose,” she whispered.
“Master asked a question,” he said, smacking her ass with his hand. “I expect you to answer it.”
She kissed him, rising up on her toes. She loved how tall he was, the way his hair brushed against her face like this when they kissed.
“I’m in the mood to finally do something we haven’t done yet, Sir.”
He responded by digging his fingers even deeper into her ass and seductively rolling his hips against hers. “You are, are you?”
“Yeah. Because my appointment’s in three weeks, and we won’t have much time together before that.”
Nate had an intensive two-week continuing education course he’d be attending in Orlando starting next week. Between work and Laurel and Leo and Jesse’s schedules, she wouldn’t be able to get away to go see Nate.
He smiled down at her. “I can’t argue with that logic,” he said, scooping her up into his arms and carrying her back into the bedroom. He playfully dumped her onto the bed and stared down at her as he started unbuttoning his shirt.
“But once you are pregnant, love, forget about wearing panties around me. And yes, that is a rule.”
She smiled. “Yes, Sir.”
“I guess we’ll be able to save money on condoms.”
He crawled onto the bed, stalking her, pinning her hands over her head as he nibbled his way down her neck. “I plan on spending a lot of time with my cock buried inside that sweet pussy of yours.”
She tried to rub herself against his leg, but he dropped his full weight onto her, pinning her. She loved it when he did that, immobilizing her with his body.
“Your pussy, your ass—they belong to me now, and I shall be making up for lost time.” His devious smile made her clit throb even harder. “I have so many dirty fantasies rolling around in my brain, you have no idea.”
“Probably no dirtier than the ones I’ve been thinking,” she admitted, her face heating.
He raised his head. “Truly? Do tell.”
He still had her pinned, and she wished they were both completely naked already. “I’ve wondered what it would feel like for you to fuck my pussy while you had my ass filled with a toy,” she softly admitted.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Love, that is a delicious fantasy I shall be happy to fulfill for you.” He waggled his eyebrows. “In fact, let’s check it off the list tonight, shall we?”
Her heart raced as she nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
He sat up and started unbuttoning her shirt. “I’ll admit that was one of my fantasies, too,” he said. “Why do you think I’ve had so much fun training you for anal play? That, and having a toy stuffed in your pussy while I fuck your ass.”
A shiver rolled through her, electric heat that started in her clit and quickly spread. “Yes, Sir,” she whispered. “I’d like that, too.”
He parted her shirt and pushed her bra up, exposing her breasts. She’d started to reach for his arms, to touch him, but he said, “Arms over your head and keep them there.”
She immediately complied, loving the sharp edge to his tone.
“I own you,” he said, his hands slowly squeezing her breasts until she gasped. “I own your body now. I plan to claim every square inch of it. Well, except that portion I’m loaning to Jesse.” He smiled, pulling a giggle from her.
“Yes, Sir.”
He rubbed the pads of his thumbs over her nipples, making her squirm as it triggered more throbbing from her clit.
Leaning in, he sucked on her left nipple, hard, then her right, back and forth until she was trying to rock her hips underneath him for traction.
“Another rule,” he said. “From this point on, I’m in control of your orgasms.” He grinned. “In fact, I might withhold orgasms as alternate punishment for you while you’re pregnant.”
She whimpered. “I’ll be a good girl. I promise.” She’d rather take a paddling than get worked up and not be able to get over.
Boy, could he ever work her up.
“I’m sure you’ll try,” he teased. “Even the best girls have their naughty moments.”
He climbed out of bed, finished stripping, then undressed her. “Oh, just a minute.” He got out of bed and left the room, quickly returning with a towel and items from the toybag—a butt plug, lube, the Hitachi and an extension cord, and a condom.
“Hands and knees, love,” he ordered. She quickly complied, wiggling her butt at him even as she felt her pussy drenched with her juices. She dropped her head to the bed, moaning as he lubed her ass and the toy and then slowly started working it inside her.
With his other hand, he played with her c
lit. “Do not come yet, baby,” he ordered. “You do, you’re getting paddled.”
That made her whimper. “But Sir, you’ve got me horny.”
“You can come once my cock is inside you.”
“Did you bring a second condom?”
He froze.
That made her look. “What?” She knew they were out of the flavored condoms, but thought he had more of the regular ones.
“Bollocks,” he muttered. “There was only one. Hold on. One thing at a time.” He lightly swatted her on the ass. “Let me get this inside of you first.”
Once he did, and the butt plug had settled inside her and pulled another moan from her, he got out of bed again. She heard him rummaging around in the toybag and fought the urge to burst into frustrated tears.
Yes, he’d make her come.
But she’d really wanted to have him inside her like that when she did. And there probably wouldn’t be another good chance for them to have another unhurried night together like this for several weeks.
Finally, he returned, triumphant. “Aha! I found one.” He stared at it. “It was buried at the bottom of my bag.” He frowned, turning the package over. “Hope it’s not expired.”
“I don’t care!” she said, relieved. “Please!”
He smiled. “You’ll get to come, don’t worry.”
“But I want you.” She couldn’t help it. Yep, more tears.
His smile faded and he hurried back to the bed, climbing in with her. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
“I want this. I want you. I want something that’s ours, now. Just ours.”
“You’ve got me, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I haven’t…since Leo. That’s been…well, over a year.”
He kissed her. “If it’s any consolation, it’s been about two years for me, too.”
“I thought you only slept with someone after you collared them.”
“No, I never said that. I don’t just jump into bed with someone. I haven’t collared someone before like I have you. But people I’ve been with before romantically weren’t always playpartners, even if they were kinky. But over the past several years I grew more and more choosey until it was easier not to be in a relationship than it was to try to find someone.”