Because from the day I first met Nick in that dirty junk yard, Lindsey’s hold on him was already bone deep. Because while I was happily dreaming about a life with him, she was pulling him inexorably back to her every time he left me. And I was too stupid, too innocent, to see what was happening when all the signs were right in front of me. Even if it was only in my own eyes, she had humiliated me, made me look and feel like a fool. And while I hated Nick for what he’d done to me, it was Lindsey I truly blamed. With good reason, as I would discover before another month passed. I suspect if I had known what the next few weeks would bring, I would have packed my bags and left town right then and there.
The beginning of the end started the day after my family left for Hardy.
#
Aunt Darla and Aunt Jane had pre-cooked enough food to last the Judge a month, but I was worried about him. Having the food available and getting him to eat it was two different things. I had checked on him Friday evening, and sure enough, he hadn’t touched a thing.
“I’m not hungry.” He glared at me from his easy chair in the living room.
Hands on my hips, I glared right back. “You’ll eat if I have to sit on you.”
“They never salt anything anymore, and they hide the shaker where I can’t find it.”
“You know what salt does to your blood pressure.”
He rattled the newspaper and went back to reading, doing his best to hide the smile playing around his lips. “Don’t know what good it does a man to live a few extra years if he can’t enjoy them.”
Sometimes I wondered if the Judge didn’t act so cantankerous because he liked the extra attention it got him. I had to stand over him and argue down every bite he took. It made me even more determined that he was going to eat a good breakfast, so I set my alarm for dawn before I went to bed that night. I’d make him oatmeal, with raisins and brown sugar. It was his favorite, so I knew he wouldn’t fight it.
The shrill clanging of my clock yanked me out of sleep Saturday morning, and I yawned while I fumbled for the green silk robe that matched my short gown. Both garments hit me mid-thigh, but I wasn’t worried about dressing yet. There were no neighbors near enough to see me, and I didn’t figure Nick’s crew would work today.
It had rained the night before, thunder cracking so hard it shook the barn rafters. By the time I headed outside, the sun was already hot enough to make the moisture in the air feel like I’d stepped into a steam bath, and the silk gown instantly glued itself to my body.
There was a small mud hole right in front of the barn, and as I prepared to hop over it, a voice came from my left.
“Do you always run around outside like that in the mornings? Because if you do, I need to get here earlier every day.”
I tried to stop, but my body had already gathered enough momentum to jump the puddle. I ended up wobbling on the edge a second before my foot landed squarely in the water, mud squishing between my toes.
“Damn,” I muttered under my breath before glancing over my shoulder at Nick. He was standing next to the Chevy, the hood raised.
“What are you doing here?” I extracted my foot accompanied by a sucking sound, then wiggled my toes as I tried to dislodge the mud. All I succeeded in doing was spreading it even more.
He shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to come over and see what the Chevy needed to get it in good running order again.”
The whole time he was talking, he was walking toward me. When he reached me, he took a shop towel from his back pocket, squatted, and picked up my foot. I had to grip his shoulder to keep from falling while he wiped the mud from my foot and leg.
He’d caught me at a vulnerable time, when I was still half asleep, unprepared, all my defenses down. And while I fought it, my traitorous body tingled from top to bottom at his touch, insisted on remembering what it was like to make love with him. His hands moved over my skin more like a caress than an attempt to clean, and the flesh under my palm was rock hard with muscle. Heat radiated from him like a living thing bent on consuming me.
Mentally, I shook my head, trying to wipe away the stupor I’d fallen into. I had to clear my throat before I could speak. “I told Daniel he could work on the car. I don’t remember including you in that offer.”
He lifted his head, his gaze running over me until it met mine, and he made no effort to release my leg. His fingers curled just below my knee as though he intended to leave them there forever, his thumb moving in a slow circle against my skin. When he answered, his voice was husky and it scraped my nerves raw.
“Daniel is smart, but he won’t be fifteen until the end of January. He can change the oil and the plugs, but there’s still a lot he doesn’t know about mechanics.”
I pulled my leg from his grasp and he stood. In a way, this was even worse. Less than an inch separated his body from mine. “Why are you doing this?” I was getting desperate and it showed in my voice.
“You know why.” His eyes were molten, a shade I understood very well, even though I denied the memories with all my strength.
“No, damn it, I don’t! You’ve got Lindsey. Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
His hands moved to my arms and he leaned closer. “I don’t want Lindsey. I never have. I want you.”
Finally—finally, my anger surged alive to protect me and I wrenched away from him, took a step back. “Do you really think I’m still that gullible, Nick? I can do the math as well as the next person. If Daniel’s birthday is the end of January, that means you were going straight from my bed to hers.” My laugh was tinged with hysteria. “Do you know, I used to worry about you? I was afraid you weren’t getting enough rest, working all day and then spending the nights with me. Looks like you had a lot more stamina than I gave you credit for.”
His shoulders slumped. “Don’t. Please. It wasn’t like you think.”
I took another step away from him. “Oh? Then what was it like?”
When he didn’t answer, I turned toward the barn. “I guess that says it all. Stay away from me, Nick. I’m not playing your games anymore.”
I marched to my room, back straight and head held high. No matter how my body might be protesting, he wasn’t going to get to me again. I wouldn’t allow it, wouldn’t even permit myself to think about it. There was the Judge’s breakfast to make, and now I had to shower and change before I went to the house.
Nick was still there when I finished dressing, leaning over the Chevy’s motor, but I ignored him this time. That didn’t stop me from feeling his gaze following my progress across the yard. It was a relief when I stepped into the kitchen and closed the door behind me.
Moving to the coffee maker, I filled it with the decaf my aunts kept on hand for the Judge, then added water and hit the on button. It had made its first gurgle when I tilted my head, listening intently.
The Judge was an early riser, and I was late. I had expected him to be up and dressed by now, but the house was unnaturally silent. The hair on my arms popped erect and a shiver ran down my spine.
I tried to convince myself it was my imagination working over-time as I forced my feet to move. That it was only my worry about the Judge that sent an eerie feeling of emptiness through the house.
I was wrong.
He was sitting on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, slumped over against the first step. His eyes were closed, one side of his face twisted into an unrecognizable mask. His left hand was on his lap, curled until it looked like a claw.
I don’t remember screaming or moving, but I must have done both. When Nick charged into the hall I was down on my knees, trying to lift the Judge’s body, cradle it close.
“He’s dead,” I moaned. “Oh, God. I let him die.”
Nick’s hands were moving, touching the Judge’s neck, his wrist. “He’s not dead, he had a stroke. We have to get him to the hospital.”
It took some effort, but he pried me away, then lifted the Judge in his arms as though he weighed little more than a child. “Alix
!” His voice was sharp. “I need you to open the door for me.”
His tone worked. Frantically, I scrambled to my feet and ran through the kitchen, holding the door wide while he carried the Judge out, my gaze locked on the pale, contorted face of the man who had raised me.
“We’re taking my truck.”
I was in no shape to argue. Pulling the passenger door open, I waited as he lowered the Judge to the seat, then climbed in after, putting my arms around my grandfather to steady and support his limp body.
“Hang on.”
The trip seemed to take forever, even though we must have made it in less than fifteen minutes. There was a blurred sense of speed, of swaying as we dodged traffic, and I vaguely remember Nick talking to the hospital on his cell phone, letting them know we were coming. But all my attention was focused on the Judge.
“We’re almost there,” I whispered in his ear. “Don’t you die, damn it. If you do, I’ll never speak to you again.” I was hanging on by a thread, in shock with fear. My body trembled continuously and I couldn’t stop it.
They were waiting for us as the truck slid to a stop in front of the emergency room doors, waiting to take the Judge away from me. I chased them inside, into a small cubicle that was suddenly full of people.
Someone in blue scrubs stopped me, blocked my entrance. “How long has he been like this?”
It was Nick who answered. “Not too long, I don’t think. He’s dressed. It must have happened when he was coming downstairs.”
“What kind of medication is he taking?”
“Alix?” Nick put his hand on my arm.
Absently, I told them the name of the blood pressure medication the Judge was on. I leaned to one side, trying to watch what the nurses were doing to my grandfather. “Is he going to be okay?”
“We’ll know more later. There’s a family room right around the corner. Why don’t you wait in there?”
I shook my head. “I want to stay with him.”
“You’ll only be in the way.” Nick put his arm around me, used it to guide me down the hall. “Come on. They’ll let us know as soon they find out anything.”
The waiting room was large and decorated in a style obviously meant to offer comfort, the furniture in warm beige tones, large and overstuffed. But I couldn’t force myself to sit down. I simply stood in the middle of the room, unable to move once Nick released me.
“Should we call your family?” He gestured toward a courtesy phone on the end table near the couch.
In addition to shaking, my teeth were chattering. I ground them together fiercely and tried to think. “Cody. Call Cody. He’ll know what to do. And Jenna. Tell her to run by the house and turn the coffee maker off.”
It seemed to take him a long time, but I still hadn’t moved when he finished. “Everyone is on their way. Cody will try to reach your father before he heads in this direction.”
I nodded. “Thank you. You don’t have to stay. Cody can give me a ride home if I need it.”
His jaw tightened. “I’m not leaving you here alone. Besides, I love the Judge, too. He’s the closest thing to a real father I’ve ever had.”
A sob welled up inside me, closed my throat until I couldn’t breath. “Oh, God. I can’t lose him. He’s all I have left.”
Instantly, Nick was beside me, leading me to the couch, pulling me down on his lap. His arms went around me and he rocked gently. “Ssh. He’s going to be fine.”
For the first time since he’d come home, I stopped fighting him. Instead, I buried my face in his neck and soaked him with my tears, let him soothe me, completely unaware that I’d just allowed him to put a huge chink in my defenses. A chink that would gradually widen until all the walls I’d built so carefully crumbled into dust. I’m not sure I would have cared even if I had known. At that moment, I would have snuggled up to the devil himself if he’d offered comfort.
“How can you love him after what he did to you?” My voice was quivery, punctuated by hiccups.
“What did he do to me?” His hands ran over my back.
“Oh, God, Nick. It was his fault they sent you away. He forced the sheriff to make you join the army. If you’d fought them, you could have stayed here, cleared your name. You wouldn’t have had to leave.”
“He did what he thought was right, Alix.” His voice was low, soothing. “He was trying to keep me from getting hurt, maybe even going to jail. There was no guarantee that I’d have gotten off if it had come to a trial. He didn’t want me to go through that. Besides, as it turned out, sending me away was one of the best things that could have happened to me. If he hadn’t, I’d probably still be working at a gas station, barely making enough money to survive. Did you know he was paying the property taxes on the salvage yard?”
“The Judge?” I don’t know why I hadn’t realized it before. It made perfect sense.
“Yes. I came home expecting the salvage yard to be gone, confiscated because I hadn’t paid the taxes on it. I think I wanted it to be gone, didn’t want any reminders of my life there. Instead, it was still the same, waiting for me like the monster under my bed. The Judge knew I was going to have face it and deal with the past before I moved on. He was right, as usual, in more ways than one. I’d told Daniel about how I grew up, but I don’t think he really understood everything that happened until he saw the place with his own eyes. Cleaning up the salvage yard and turning it into something good is just what I needed.”
His chest lifted as he took a deep breath. “There’s only one thing about that time I really regret.”
“What?” I lifted a shaky hand to wipe the moisture from my cheeks, but I didn’t move from his lap.
“Pushing you away,” he said quietly. “That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. But I was just a kid and scared half to death. I was trying to be noble, to do the right thing, when all I really wanted was to die at the thought of never seeing you again.”
I didn’t believe him, of course. Couldn’t believe him. Because if he were telling me the truth, why had he gotten Lindsey pregnant? Why had he sent for her instead of me? But I also couldn’t deal with all the anger my questions would bring right now. Not while the Judge was fighting for his life. And I couldn’t continue accepting Nick’s comfort feeling the way I did.
Straightening, I pushed away from him and slid off his lap just as Cody rushed into the room. Nick’s call must have gotten him out of bed. It looked like he’d jumped into the first clothes he’d came across and his hair was rumpled, as though he hadn’t taken the time to comb it.
We hugged each other hard for a long second before he spoke.
“How is he?”
“I don’t know. We’re still waiting to hear something. Did you reach the rest of the family?”
“There was no answer at Dad’s, but I left a message on his machine and told him to page me when they got home. I also called the local police. They know Dad and they’re going to look for him.”
He glanced over my shoulder, his expression wary in spite of his words. “Nick, thanks for handling everything and taking care of Alix. I owe you one.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad I was there.”
From the door, someone cleared his throat and we all turned toward the man standing there. He looked young to me, dressed in the dark blue ER uniform he wore, but his name tag indicated he was a doctor. Cody put his arm around me as though to protect me from any bad news we were about to hear.
“I’m Doctor Abbott. Are you the family of Mr. French?”
No one had ever called the Judge “Mr.” before and it took me a moment to realize who he was talking about.
“We’re his grandchildren,” Cody said. “How is he?”
“Your grandfather is lucky to be alive. The stroke was a bad one, but we’ve got him stabilized for now. We’re going to keep him in the emergency room a few more hours until were sure it’s safe to move him, then transfer him to ICU.”
Relief left me limp. If it hadn’t been for Cody
’s support I think my legs would have collapsed. “Then he’s going to make it?”
“No promises, but I’d say his chances are looking pretty good. We’ve started him on a new drug that can reverse the damage caused by strokes if the patient receives it fast enough. It’s too soon to tell if it’s working yet, but I have high hopes for his recovery.”
“Can we see him?”
“Only for a minute, and one visitor at a time. He’s pretty much out of it right now.”
If I hadn’t had the doctor’s assurances, the sight of my grandfather would have driven me to panic. The Judge was the strongest man I’d ever known, but now he barely made a wrinkle under the sheet, and tubes and wires were everywhere. Half a dozen machines surrounded him with beeps and gurgles and hissing, and the smell of antiseptic stung my nose.
Trying not to disturb anything, I touched his cheek, needing desperately to feel his warm skin under my fingers. The left side of his face was still distorted, drawn, but his right eye partially opened, focused on me, and the bewilderment reflected there broke my heart.
“You had a stroke,” I told him, praying he’d understand. “You’re in the hospital, but the doctor says you’re going to be fine. Nick and Cody are here, and the rest of the family is on the way.”
When his eye drifted shut again, I stayed another minute, telling myself he had heard me, that I really had seen the confusion leave his gaze.
Jenna was waiting in the hall as Cody slipped by me into the Judge’s cubicle. “He’s going to be fine,” she whispered, hugging me. “You know he’s too stubborn to die.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” I wiped my eyes yet again, feeling a bit like a faucet that had sprung a leak. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. My emotions were too near the surface.
“Hey, you’d do the same for me.” She dug in her purse and handed me a tissue. “Now, why don’t we go to the waiting room and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”
“Okay.” I blew my nose, then followed her, Nick walking next to me. When Cody joined us a few minutes later, he was quiet and shaken, his complexion two shades paler than normal.