When I next woke it was to a slow-building heat and a sensation of delicious friction. I opened my eyes to find Nick watching my face intently as he made love to me. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve dreamed about waking you up this way?” he whispered.
“How many?” I arched to accept him more completely.
“Every damned day of my life.” A low groan rumbled in his chest. “Christ. I’d be in a room full of people, start thinking about making love to you in the morning, and then I’d spend the next half hour trying to hide the results.”
“I kind of like the results,” I murmured. “It would be a real shame to let it go to waste.”
He threaded our fingers together, closed his eyes, and touched his forehead to mine. “You may regret saying that when I show up at Southern Supply this afternoon and drag you to bed.”
“Not a chance,” I whispered. By then, our breathing had quickened and any possibility of rational conversation fled, lost in pure desire. It was nearly dawn and we were both caught up in the realization that, all too soon, our night together would be over. And so we prolonged the moment as long as possible, until we couldn’t deny our parting another minute.
“I have to get ready for work,” I said quietly.
“I know. And I need to get out of here before the crew shows up next door.”
Swinging my feet to the floor, I watched him pull his jeans on. He caught me staring and smiled.
“Can I see you again tonight?”
I took a deep breath and expelled it in one solid puff. “That depends.”
He paused. “On what?”
Nervously, I clenched my hands in my lap, but I was determined to get this over with. “On whether or not you’re ready to talk.”
His gaze drifted away from me, and I saw the tension in his jaw. I sat there waiting while images only he could see flashed through his mind. Abruptly, he nodded. “Tonight.”
I stood, rose on tiptoes and kissed him. “Thank you.”
He put his hands on my shoulders and shook his head. “Don’t thank me until you hear what I’ve got to tell you.”
“There’s something I have to tell you, too.”
We were interrupted by a knock on the door. Hastily, I grabbed my robe and shoved my arms into the sleeves, belting it as I moved across the room.
To my surprise, Aunt Jane was standing on the other side. “Is something wrong with the Judge?”
“No, he’s fine. But Jenna called. She’s said she’s been trying to reach you all night and couldn’t get through. I thought I’d better come over and check on you.” Her gaze drifted past me to the phone that I’d taken off the hook last night, and then onward to Nick. She smiled, her brown eyes crinkling at the corners.
“Nick. It’s wonderful to have you home again. But next time, you might want to pull your truck inside the barn. I practically had to hogtie, gag, and stuff Darla in the hall closet to keep her from coming over here and flogging you with a broom.”
He returned her smile as he buttoned his shirt. “I’ll remember that. Do you have a ride to work this morning?” he asked me.
I’d almost forgotten about my car. “I can take the Judge’s truck.”
“Okay. I’ll go by and see what I can do with the Chevy.” He leaned down and gave me a long kiss. “See you tonight.”
Aunt Jane and I stood and watched him walk to his truck, then she turned and studied me. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Alix?”
“No.” My gaze met hers. “I’m not sure about much of anything right now.”
She reached over and brushed a strand of hair away from my cheek. “It almost destroyed you when he had to leave before. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“Neither do I. But if it’s going to happen, I don’t think I can stop it, Aunt Jane. I still love him.”
Suddenly, she hugged me. “Then fight for him, Sweetheart. Don’t let anything stand in your way or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
Before I could respond, she headed back toward the house, but I caught the glimmer of moisture in her eyes and sighed.
#
For some reason, Southern Supply was a madhouse that morning. First, three semis full of material, two of which I hadn’t ordered, all showed up at the same time. Then an entire pallet of concrete bird baths toppled over without warning, shaking the walls until it felt like we were have an earthquake, and barely missing two of the dock workers. For the next hour, concrete dust from the pulverized baths filled the air. It was almost as if the powers-that-be had decided I didn’t have enough chaos in my life and gleefully added more.
The one highlight was when Kenny came into my office and handed me a blue, official looking envelope. “Messenger just brought this over from your lawyer.”
Gingerly, I opened it and pulled out the document inside. Relief and an exhilarating sense of happiness swept over me as I saw the words on top. Decree of Divorcement. Signed, sealed and delivered. It was finally over. Hugh no longer had any hold on me. I was free.
It took an effort to suppress my laughter as I wondered who had won the pool at the barber shop. I hoped it was someone who needed the money. From what I’d heard, it was a pretty sizable pot.
By noon, things had calmed down somewhat and I finally had a chance to think about Jenna. Oddly enough, my anger was gone as though it had never existed. The only thing remaining was a sense of loss. Not for me, but for her.
Because after thinking it over, I knew deep inside that Nick was right. She hadn’t been using me. Jenna loved Hugh, and God knows, I understood what it was like to love a man you couldn’t have. She must have been absolutely miserable all these years. But it hadn’t stopped her from being there when I needed her, and she’d never shown me any resentment or jealousy. Which was more than I could say about my feelings for Lindsey.
I rubbed my forehead tiredly as depression settled over me like a wet blanket. As far as I knew, Lindsey was still living in the same house with Nick, although I made it a point to stay out of that area of town. Part of me wanted to confront him about it, but this time, things were going to be different. This time I wasn’t going to demand he chose between us. I wasn’t going to demand it for one simple reason. It had to be his choice, his decision. And if he couldn’t decide, if he continued to live with Lindsey, then no matter how much I loved him, I didn’t want him. It would hurt, but I’d lived without him for fifteen years. I could do it again if I had to.
How many times had I heard people say, that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? More than I could count. But I didn’t know how sorely I would be put to the test before the day was over, or that fate was rushing toward me at the speed light. Fate in the form of Lindsey Swanner and my cousin, Cody.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
After the brief hiatus around lunch, things started to go bad again at Southern Supply, and I started to wonder if the gods took dinner breaks. First, Kenny told me Jenna was on the phone. I hesitated. I really did want to talk to her, but not on the phone, and not when I knew we’d be interrupted every five seconds.
“Tell her you can’t find me, that I’m out in the store somewhere.”
Kenny arched an eyebrow, but went to do what I’d asked. Five minutes later, he was back. “Doug just called up from the dock. The cabinets for the Bergman job are here and he says they’re a mess. All banged up, the doors are hung crooked, and they’re even the wrong color.”
“Christ. What next?” I mumbled. “Okay, tell him to pack them up and send them back. I’ll call the cabinet people and tell them they just ran out of second chances. Do you remember the carpenter I talked to about a month ago? The guy that hand crafts cabinets in his workshop?” I shuffled through a drawer looking for the man’s business card.
“Herman English?”
“Yeah.” I shoved the drawer closed. “That’s the one. See if you can find his number for me?”
One very heated argument later, I’d fired my old cabinet comp
any and hired Mr. English, who was ecstatic over the chance to do our work. Then I took a couple of aspirin.
From there, the day went downhill. By quitting time, I was exhausted and my whole body ached, although I suspected that last had more to do with last nights activities than it did with the disastrous day I’d just been through. I’d reached the point where I dreaded seeing Kenny appear at my door. Which is why I frowned when he showed up again.
“Whatever is it, I don’t want to hear it.”
He grinned. “Look on the bright side. Tomorrow has to be better. You’ve got company.”
“Who?” I prayed it wasn’t Jenna because I was simply too tired to deal with her right now. All I wanted to do was soak in a tub of hot water for about an hour, and then get my talk with Nick over with.
“Your cousin.”
“Cody?” I sat down in the chair I’d just vacated, more than a little curious. Cody called me occasionally, but he rarely paid unexpected visits. “Tell him to come on in.”
“Okay. If you don’t need me, I’m heading home. Want me to lock up on my way out?”
“Please.”
I heard the murmur of voices as Kenny left, then glanced up at a sound from my door. And froze, my smile fading. Cody was standing there, still in uniform, and he wasn’t alone. Lindsey was with him.
My gaze shifted between the two of them before coming to rest on my cousin. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, bringing her here?” I managed to keep my voice cool even though inside I was seething with anger.
Cody put his hand on Lindsey’s back and nearly pushed her toward the chairs across from my desk. “There are things you have to be told before the whole town finds out, Alix, and I knew you’d never agree to listen to Lindsey if we gave you a choice.”
“Guess what? I still have a choice. Now get the hell out of my office.”
“No. You’re going to hear this out.” He took the seat next to Lindsey and glanced at her, then took off his hat and balanced it on his knee. “It’s time you found out what really happened fifteen years ago.”
“Alix, please.” Lindsey’s voice was soft, hesitant. She looked much the same as she had that day at the hospital. Maybe a little more nervous, and a bit paler, but still beautiful. “I wanted to tell you as soon as we got back, but Nick wouldn’t let me. He said I had to talk to the sheriff first.”
Cody reached over and covered her hand with his. “And she did. Last Monday.” He smiled encouragingly at Lindsey. “Go ahead. Start at the beginning.”
Stiffly, I leaned back in my chair and folded my arms over my chest, a feeling of doom settling over me as I watched Lindsey. She cleared her throat, her gaze fastened on her and Cody’s hands.
“The beginning.” A tiny smile curved her lips. “Do you remember that day at the junkyard when you invited me to the church picnic? You scared me half to death. You were so strong, Alix. So friendly and outgoing. I’d never met anyone like you before.”
She took a deep breath. “After that day, I watched every move you made. You were everything I wished I could be, and I wanted desperately to be your friend. But I didn’t know how. There were so many people who loved you. The only one who cared about me was Nick. He was all I had, a brother and a father all rolled into one. I think I would probably have died if Nick hadn’t been there. He was the one who saw to it that I ate, who got me ready for school every day. I suppose Mama loved me in her own way, but she had so many other things to worry about that I got lost in the shuffle.”
Her gaze lifted to mine, and in spite of myself I was mesmerized. I didn’t want to listen to her, didn’t want to care about what she was telling me, but I couldn’t stop the feeling of pity as I remembered the scared little girl she’d once been.
“But eventually we grew up,” she continued. “And Nick started to change. He was spending most of his spare time at your family’s farm. And when he was home, he talked about you constantly. I knew he was in love with you, and I was happy for him. At least, I was until that last year.”
She looked at Cody beseechingly, and he nodded. “Keep going. You’re doing fine.”
Her hands were shaking and her chin trembled before she spoke again. “That fall my mother had Billy, my little brother. Frank hung around our house a lot, but when he wasn’t there, other men were. Mama hated it, but it was the only way she could make any extra money. After she had Billy, Mr. Howard, Jenna’s father, helped her get a job at the roadhouse, waiting tables, and he gave her some money for the baby. But there wasn’t enough to pay a babysitter, so I didn’t go back to school. Instead, I stayed home to take care of my brother. I hated school so I really didn’t mind. But then Frank started hanging around while Mama was at work. He scared me, the way he watched he every move I made, the way he kept trying to get me alone.”
Suddenly things were starting to click in my memory. “You told Nick. That’s why he wanted everyone to think the two of you were dating.”
Lindsey let out a sigh of relief. “Yes. We were both afraid of what would happen if Frank got me alone. Nick thought if his father believed we were a couple, it might slow him down a little. For a while, it did. But one night he came over after I put Billy to bed, so drunk he could hardly walk, and I barely got away from him by locking myself in the bedroom. If he’d been sober, the lock would never have stopped him.”
She lifted a hand and tiredly rubbed her forehead. “That day you showed up at the gas station and saw Nick and me together, I’d just finished telling him what Frank had done. I knew what you thought, Alix, but I was terrified. Nick was furious and too ashamed of his father to tell you the truth. He went straight home and confronted Frank. They had a horrible fight, the worst I’d ever seen. Nick told him to stay away from me, but Frank wouldn’t listen. He kept yelling that I was nothing but a two-bit whore, just like my mother, and that if I could spread my legs for Nick, I could damn well spread them for him. I thought they were going to hit each other, but by then Frank was a little afraid of Nick. Nick wasn’t the little boy Frank used to beat anymore. He was younger and stronger than Frank, and he wasn’t weakened from constant drinking.”
Her gaze met mine again. “I wasn’t sleeping with Nick, Alix, I swear. It would have been like incest to me. I loved Nick, yes, but not that way. He was my family.”
My heart was pounding so hard I could hear the rush of blood in my ears. I was putting two and two together and not liking the answer I was coming up with. Because if she were telling the truth, if she really hadn’t slept with Nick, then Daniel...oh, God. Pain stabbed through my stomach until I wanted to double over and clutch my middle, and nausea left a bitter taste in my throat.
Lindsey must have seen the realization in my eyes. Her free hand stopped its nervous movements and she became chillingly calm. “That’s when Nick started spending his evenings with me. He’d come home as soon as he got off work, and stay until Mama got back. We both knew Frank was just waiting for the right moment, waiting until I was alone. Nick tried to talk me into leaving. He even offered to help me. He’d found out about this program they have in Little Rock, kind of like a job corps. They trained high school drop-outs in different areas, and then helped them find a decent job.”
Her voice dropped. “But God help me, I wouldn’t listen to him. I was too weak, too afraid of leaving everything I knew and being alone. And I couldn’t understand why I should have to. After all, Nick was there. I knew he’d protect me just like he always had.”
She closed her eyes briefly before looking at me again. “And he did. Until you gave him an ultimatum. Me or you. He had to choose. And because he loved you, and couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, he chose you.”
A pained laugh escaped her lips while I gripped the chair arms until my knuckles turned white.
“I hated you for years after that, blamed you for everything that happened.”
“Lindsey, I didn’t know. If Nick had told me...”
She waved one hand vaguely in the air. “I k
now now that it wasn’t your fault, although it took years of therapy for me to understand. You see, I didn’t believe Nick when he told me he wasn’t going to stay with me anymore. I thought it was some kind of joke. I sat there on the couch and watched him leave, waiting for the punch line. But there wasn’t one.”
She sucked in a breath of air that sounded more like a half-broken sob. “When I realized he was serious, that he wasn’t coming back, I almost went crazy I was so scared. Then, about an hour later, I heard a truck pull in at the salvage yard. It was Friday night. It never occurred to me that it might be Frank. I figured he’d be out drinking until all hours, like he usually did. I thought Nick had come back. So I checked on Billy and made sure he was asleep, then I ran to the trailer. But it wasn’t Nick. Frank was there, and he wasn’t drunk this time.”
A single tear slipped down her cheek and she gripped Cody’s hand tightly. “I tried to run, but it was too late. He caught me and pulled me back into the trailer. When I fought him, he beat me until I was nearly unconscious. And when I couldn’t move anymore, he tore my clothes off and raped me. Not just once, but over and over again. It was like he wanted to punish me for escaping him as long as I had.”
She reached up with her left hand and brushed the tear away. “Things are kind of blurry after that. I think he went into the bedroom for a while. And when I heard him coming back, I knew it was going to happen all over again, that he wouldn’t stop until he’d killed me. I snapped. I don’t know where I got the gun, or the strength to use it, I only remember pulling the trigger. Even after the gun was empty, I kept pulling the trigger. That’s what I was doing when Nick found me. He took the gun away from me and carried me home, then he called Mama and told her to get me to a hospital. As soon as she got there, he went back to the trailer, cleaned my fingerprints off the gun, and called the police.”
“And told them he’d killed Frank,” I whispered.
Lindsey glanced at Cody, and he nodded in answer to my statement. “Apparently, Lindsey wasn’t any shape to be questioned, and Nick knew it. She wasn’t talking or moving, just staying wherever they put her, not even blinking. And Nick blamed himself for the whole thing. It almost destroyed him. I think part of him hoped he’d be punished.”