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I looked at Jack, who had moved the leather chair right next to my bed, and smacked my forehead with my hand. “Shit. I forgot to text everybody with the room number. Can you send them a text and tell them please?”
“Of course. ” He reached for my phone and stood up. Leaning down to give me a kiss, he whispered, “I love you,” before kissing my belly and telling our baby the same. Then he walked around the curtain and out of my view, and I heard the door open and then pull to a close.
Two seconds later he was back in the room, a huge dimpled smile lighting up his face. “They’re already out there. ”
“Who is?” I asked, completely confused.
“All the knuckleheads. They want to come in. Can they?” Jack directed his question toward our nurse, Jane.
She nodded. “They can come in until it’s time to deliver. Or,” she pointed at me, “until you want them out. ”
“Warn them that I look like ass!” I shouted toward Jack’s back.
“You look beautiful, Kitten. ”
Our families wasted no time filling up the room, all nervously beaming at me in expectation. My heart filled with love as I looked at them all and said, “I can’t believe you’re all here. What if it takes me a hundred hours to have this kid?”
My mom walked over to me first, looking incredibly happy as she leaned down and squeezed me. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m so excited,” she admitted, and I wanted to cry.
“Where’s Dad?” I asked, only half-surprised that he wasn’t here.
“He’s traveling for work,” Mom said without meeting my eyes. “He said he’ll try to get here as soon as he can. ”
I wondered briefly if she believed the lies my dad told. I knew he most likely wouldn’t show up at the hospital, so I assumed she had to know this as well. Maybe she chose to live in denial? I couldn’t care anymore. I had my own family to worry about and take care of.
My eyes locked on to Melissa’s blue ones, then my gaze traveled down the length of her tiny frame to where her hand intertwined with Dean’s. She made a face at me and I laughed. “Get over here,” I insisted and she dropped Dean’s hand and ran over.
“I can’t believe you’re having a baby,” she said into my hair as she hugged me awkwardly.
“I know! I can’t believe it took you ten years to hook up with Dean. You guys look really happy. ”
She pulled back and made a face at me. “How could you let me be such an idiot for so long?”
“Uh, you’re sorta stubborn. And you don’t listen. ” I puckered my lips at her.
“I know. But to think I could’ve been this happy that whole time? I just want to kick myself. ”
“So, you are happy?” I asked, reaching for her hand.
“The happiest. I never knew,” she said, then paused to gain her composure. “I just never knew it could be like this. ” Her eyes began to glisten, then a few tears spilled over.
“I’m so happy for you. Don’t screw it up,” I whispered, my voice playful.
“My turn. ” Dean’s voice cut through our whispers. He bumped Melissa out of the way with his hip and leaned down to hug me.
Everyone wanted to hug me but I could barely move, so it turned out to be this awkward grab thing that happened instead of a real hug. “Hurry up and make me an uncle, would ya?”
“Talk to the kid in the belly,” I told him sarcastically. “Clearly, I’m ready. ” I opened my arms to point to all the machines and monitors attached to my body.
Dean leaned down to speak directly to my protruding stomach. “Come out, kid. We’re all ready to meet you. ”
Jack faked a cough and Dean stood up straight. “Uh-oh, I think I’m pissing off the big guy. How shocking. ”
“Step away from the belly that doesn’t belong to you, little brother,” Jack said in a booming voice.
“Are you serious?” I called out with attitude, and Jack instantly appeared at my side.
“Very. Don’t put your lips on my girl’s stomach again unless you want to lose them,” Jack said, and if I knew him, he was only half teasing.
“You have issues. You know this, right?” Dean joked back.
Gran and Gramps joined the Carter family party at my bedside and I finally did cry. “Thank you for coming. You didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night to sit around for who knows how long. ”
“We know we didn’t have to, dear,” Gran said. “But we wanted to. ”
“Yeah,” Gramps added. “It’s not like we have anything else going on. It’s boring at the house without you kids there. ”
I felt bad that everyone I loved was up at this ungodly hour. They couldn’t do anything but wait, but they all assured me there was nowhere else they’d rather be. Honestly, I felt loved and special. It was a wonderful feeling.
Jane came into the room, glanced at my monitor, then shooed everyone back into the waiting room. And wait they did.
Jack and I sat alone, hand in hand, as we waited for the doctor to arrive. We watched the monitor, which gave us a heads-up that a contraction was beginning before I could even feel it, then he coached me through the breathing to help me relax so the contractions wouldn’t be quite so painful.
Eventually the doctor swept into the room, making a grand entrance with a pudgy nurse in tow, and once he took over, the real fun began. After two hours of pushing and panting and a lot of cursing Jack’s existence, our baby was finally born.
“It’s a boy!” the pudgy nurse announced. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” she asked Jack.
“Of course. ” He stood and took the scissors from the nurse, then cautiously snipped where she instructed him to.
I wanted to act surprised by her words, but I knew he was a boy and had the pictures to prove it. I remembered laughing during one of the ultrasounds our doctor had ordered, when the technician took her stylus and drew an arrow to what was obviously the baby’s penis on the screen, then wrote, I’M A BOY! YAY!!!!!!! When she handed me the photo of the screen capture, I stuck it in my purse and hid it away from our family and friends so they wouldn’t know the sex of the baby. Later that night when I’d called Jack to tell him, I kept waiting for an “I told you so” since he’d been insisting the baby was a boy all along. But he was smart enough to keep that thought to himself.
Jane took over from there, closing the freshly cut cord with a clip. “This will turn black and fall off on its own. Don’t freak out when it does. ” She placed our wailing bundle of joy onto a tiny scale before swaddling him tightly and putting him into my arms.
She then grabbed a pen and started to write on a blue-trimmed bassinet card as she said out loud, “April tenth. Happy birthday to—” She paused and glanced my way, waiting for me to reveal the baby’s name.
“Chance. Chance Thomas Carter. ”
“Ooh, I like that,” she cooed. “We haven’t had any Chances yet. ”
Turning my head to the left, I noticed that Jack’s eyes were misty. He tried hard to fight off the tears, his gaze pinging between his newborn son’s face and my own.
“I love you. I love you so much. You’re amazing. And he’s incredible,” Jack said as he planted soft kisses against my forehead and gently touched the baby’s tiny hand.
“He’s perfect. Aren’t you, Chance?” I tipped his eight-pound-three-ounce body toward my face and I breathed in his sweet baby scent.
“Chance Fucking Carter,” Jack breathed out. “It has a nice ring to it. ”
I smacked Jack’s shoulder with my free hand as I stared at Chance’s perfect little face. The baby yawned widely, then opened his big blue eyes with incredibly long lashes and grabbed hold of my finger, grasping it firmly in his little hand.
Holding our baby in my arms for the first time was the most amazing feeling; the enormity of it almost took my breath away. We were parents. Jack Carter and I were officially someone’s mom and dad.
“We did this.
We made this,” Jack said softly as he stared with pride at his son, no longer concerned with the drops that fell from his eyes.
“We did. He’s perfect. I love you. ” I smiled, my heart filled with so much love I felt like it could burst at any moment and paint the room with it.
“Are his eyes going to stay blue?” Jack asked as he stared at the baby, and I giggled.
“Probably not. They could turn brown like yours, or green like mine. We’ll know in a few months,” I reminded him. “Most babies’ eyes are blue when they’re born. ”
I knew I’d felt lucky before, but in this moment, I’d never felt luckier. It was one thing to be blessed enough to actually find the love of your life, when so many people never do. It was something completely different to go through the fiery pits of personal hell with that person, then come through it on the other side and still get to marry them. Nevertheless, it was a blessing on a completely different level to create a whole other person with them. There was no doubt in my mind that nothing in our lives could ever be more beautiful than this moment.
Before today, I thought I loved Jack with all my heart, but having a child with him changed things. The kind of love I felt for Jack now was more than it ever could have been before today. It was as though my heart instantly multiplied in size and filled itself with more love for the very person I didn’t think I could possibly love any more. Jack and Chance equally held my heart in the palm of their hands.
I looked at Jack and tears were rolling down his face. Expecting them to be tears of joy, I was surprised to see that he looked somewhat sad. I reached to touch his cheek, wanting to fix whatever was bothering him in this perfect moment. “Jack, what’s wrong?”
He wiped at his face before staring at me, his chest rising and falling. “I love you so much. ”
“I love you too,” I responded as he put a hand up to stop me.
“The moment I looked at our son,” he said with anguish, “something inside me snapped. Like a light switch turned on or something and filled my heart up completely. It’s a kind of love I don’t know how to describe. See, Kitten, I love you with everything that I am, but it’s like I love him with who I am. Does that make any sense?” He started to fidget and gripped at his hair.
Smiling, I nodded. “I get it completely, because I feel exactly the same way. I love you both so much, but it’s not the same kind of love. The difference is that I choose to love you, but loving our son isn’t a choice. It simply … is. ”
“Exactly. That’s exactly it,” he breathed out, but continued to fidget. Something was hurting him and it killed me to see him in any kind of pain. We were supposed to be celebrating, consumed by happiness, but something was wrong.
“Jack?”
He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if fighting off personal demons. When his eyes opened, another tear fell. This time he didn’t move to wipe it off. I watched as it traveled the length of his cheek and passed his jawline before falling from his face completely.