You can go in the back if you want to come, " Wanda answered. "You must be joking, " I told her. "Minty, is that you?" I heard Uncle Drac's voice coming from the broom closet. "Minty, have you found Big Bat? Minty?" I opened the back door of the van and jumped in. I soon wished I hadn't. The smell was disgusting. Chapter Four
THE MUSHROOM FARM
It was totally horrible in the back of Uncle Drac's van. The trouble was, Barry and Wanda had shoveled up the wrong kind of bat poo. Uncle Drac always uses the old dry stuff, but they had put new stuff in the sacks. Which is not nice. The even worse trouble was that Barry is not a good driver. He doesn't like other cars, -36- and every time he sees one he slams on the brakes. Or speeds up really fast to get away from it. In about two seconds flat, I felt very sick. I leaned against the yucky, squidgy sacks and groaned--and one of the squidgy sacks poked me in the ribs. "Ow!" I yelled. I was so surprised that I jumped up and hit my head on the roof. "Ouch!" So I sat down fast and landed on the sack, which squeaked loudly. Just then the van went around a corner really fast and all the sacks slid over to the side, taking me with them. The pokey sack tipped over and spilled bat poo out all over the floor. It spilled out something else, too--Big Bat. Big Bat is like Uncle Drac, which is why they get along so well.
He is a grumpy old bat who does not like being messed up--and seeing as Big Bat had recently been messed up big-time, I left him alone. He shook out his wings and then waddled over to the farthest corner of the van, hunched himself up, and looked mad. I understood how he felt. I was really glad that I had found Big Bat. Just as I was thinking how pleased Uncle Drac would be, Barry slammed on the brakes and the van skidded to a halt.
Big Bat, me, and all the sacks slid up to the front of the van. We had arrived at the mushroom farm. Barry opened the doors and I fell out, gasping for fresh air. "You've made an awful mess in there, " Wanda said disapprovingly as I staggered to a patch of grass and threw myself to the ground. "Me?" I wheezed. "I've made a mess?" But Wanda, who is meant to be my best friend, showed no sympathy for the fact that I was possibly breathing my last breath. She just stomped off and went to help Barry get the sacks out of the van. Then Barry started shoveling all the poo back into the spilled sack--and I remembered Big Bat, who was sulking in the corner of the van.
The back of that van was the last place I wanted to be, but I got in and rescued Big Bat just as Barry was about to shovel him back into the sack. Then I took Big Bat out and put him somewhere he would be safe--I hung him from the rearview mirror. The frogs did not look pleased. The mushroom farm was a weird place-- it looked like a load of old ruins with a few ramshackle sheds in the middle where the mushrooms lived. There was no one about. It was a bit creepy. "You're looking very pale, Araminta, " said Barry, who is a thoughtful person, unlike his daughter. "Why don't you and Wanda go and take a run on the beach while I go and find Old Morris. " The lane from the mushroom farm led to a low cliff.
Wanda and I climbed down some old wooden steps and ran onto the beach. The tide was far out, and there was lots of wet sand to throw at Wanda. She soon got tired of that, though, and went off to look at the caves at the foot of the cliffs. There is an old story that they are smug- glers' caves and that one of them leads to our house. Once I asked Aunt Tabby if that was true, but she just said that you shouldn't believe everything you hear and why would smugglers want to come all the way to our house when there are plenty of houses nearer the beach? Why smugglers would want to come to a house with Aunt Tabby in it was more to the point, I thought. They would be just asking for trouble. Wanda had disappeared into a small cave.
I waited for her to come out, but she didn't. It was boring on the beach on my own, so after a while I went to see what she was doing. The cave was very narrow and smelled like seaweed. It had a sandy floor and a high, rocky roof. I looked around for Wanda, but she wasn't there. I thought maybe she was hiding and planning to jump out at me, but I couldn't see anywhere to hide. "Wanda!" I called out. "Hey, Wan-da. " "Wanda Wanda Wanda Wan-da, " echoed back at me. I walked farther into the cave and switched on my flashlight (Uncle Drac gave me a key ring flashlight for my birthday, and I always carry it just in case). I thought maybe Wanda was lurking somewhere in the shad-ows.
Wanda does that sometimes because she thinks it's funny--which it is not--so I shone the flashlight everywhere. But there was no Q sign of Wanda, and soon I had reached the end of the cave. Where was she? "Boo!" yelled Wanda. She suddenly jumped right out in front of me. "Ha-ha, got you, got you!" "Don't do that, " I told her. "Where were you?" Wanda looked really pleased with herself. "I was up there, " she said, pointing up to the ceiling of the cave. "Don't be silly, Wanda. How could you get up there?" "Come on, I'll show you, " she said, switch- ing on her flashlight. Wanda is such a copycat sometimes.
I had been so busy expecting Wanda to jump out at me that I had not noticed some narrow steps cut into the wall of the cave. I followed Wanda up to a small ledge at the top. There was just about enough room for us both, but most of it was taken up by a mas- sive pile of rocks that reached right up to the roof of the cave. Wanda was really excited. "Look what I've found, " she said. She shone her flashlight through a narrow chink in the rocks, and I peered in. At first I couldn't see what Wanda was on about, but then, as she wiggled the flashlight beam around, I could see the light glinting off some metal. "It's a sword, " said Wanda. "How do you know?" I asked. "I've been looking at it forever.
I'm sure it is. Go on, take another look. " "Well, how can I when you're stepping on my foot?" I told her. Wanda has surprisingly big feet for such a short person, and she wears big boots, too. Wanda got off my foot, and I looked again. I didn't want to admit it, but I thought Wanda was right. On the other side of the pile of rocks, I could see a small, round grotto. And in the middle of its sandy floor lay a sword. A really big, serious-looking sword. "It would make a great five-hundredth birthday present for Sir Horace, " said Wanda. Well, I had to admit that Wanda was right about that, too. "It would if we could get hold of it, " I said.
"But there is no way we can squeeze through those rocks. "
"No, I suppose not. " Wanda sounded dis- appointed. "Anyway, we ought to go now; Dad will be wondering where we are. " I was thinking about the sword and Sir Horace's birthday all the way back to the mushroom farm. And just before we got back to the van, I said to Wanda, "I know how we can get that sword for Sir Horace. " "How?" asked Wanda. "I'll tell you later, " I said. "I have a Plan. "
Chapter Five
OLD MORRIS
My Plan went right out of my head when we got back to the mushroom farm. As we reached the gate, we heard some- one shouting, and it wasn't Barry. Then we saw Barry being pushed out of the mushroom shed by a tall, thin man with a ponytail and a very loud voice--Morris FitzMaurice, who runs the mushroom farm, or Old Morris, as Uncle Drac calls him.
"Look here, " Old Morris was yelling, "I'm usin' nice clean chemicals now, delivered in nice clean sacks at a decent time of day. You can tell that creepy Drac bloke once and for all that I don't want no more of his disgustin' bat stuff. Got that?" "But--" Barry tried to get a word in, but the ponytail man still had a lot more to say. "I dunno what he thinks he's doin'-- comin' 'round with them sacks in the middle of the night, wakin' us all up, tellin' me how to manage my mushrooms and takin' no notice when I tell him I don't want no more of this stuff. Well, I'm tellin' you I've had enough of it. Got that?" "Er, yes, " said Barry, "I think I have. " "Good, " snapped the ponytail man.
"An' you can take them smelly sacks back with you an' all. " With that, he stomped back inside the mushroom shed and slammed the door. Barry began dragging the sacks back to the van. He looked very annoyed. On the way home, I sat in the front of the van as I totally refused to go back with all those sacks. It was not a fun journey. One of Barry's frogs was missing, and Big Bat sud- denly looked a lot fatter. "I'm sure I
had five frogs this morning, " said Barry. "Yes, Dad, you did. " Wanda glared at me like it was my fault. All the way home, Big Bat swung from the rearview mirror, and every time Barry looked in the mirror, Big Bat glared at him. Just like Uncle Drac does. "What is Drac going to say?" muttered Barry as he swerved around a corner and Big -50- Bat hit his head on the windshield. "Quite a lot, I expect, " I said. "He'll blame me, " said Barry. "Yes, he will, " I agreed. "He'll say it was all my fault because I didn't deliver it last night. " "Yes, " I said, "he will. " Barry didn't say anything for the rest of the ride.
When we got home, Barry parked the van at the front of the house so that Uncle Drac wouldn't hear it. I unhooked Big Bat from the mirror. I was looking forward to giving him to Uncle Drac. But I wasn't looking forward to Uncle Drac finding out what Old Morris had said. "Are you going to tell Uncle Drac what happened?" I asked Barry, who had his head stuck under the seat.
He was looking for his frog. Barry mumbled something. "You'll have to tell him sometime, Dad, " said Wanda. Barry came up for air. "Later, " he said. "I'll tell him later, when he feels better. " "You mean when you feel better, " Wanda said. Barry sighed. He took off his hat and clicked his fingers. All the frogs that had not been eaten by Big Bat jumped on top of his head. Then Barry put his hat back on and went to get the sacks out of the van. I crept up to the broom closet door and opened it just a little bit. Then I threw Big Bat in. Bats don't mind being thrown. They just fly wherever they want to go, which is exactly what Big Bat did. He flew into the corner where Sir Horace was hiding and settled on the top of an old coat. "Big Bat--oh, Big Bat!" gasped Uncle Drac. He sounded really happy. I peered around the door, and Uncle Drac spotted me. "Minty. " He smiled. "I knew you'd find Big Bat. Where was he?" "In a sack--I mean, in a safe place, Uncle Drac. He was fine. Really fine. " Uncle Drac looked so pleased that I did not want to spoil things by mentioning the mushroom farm. So I didn't. But the trouble was, Uncle Drac mentioned it. "Did Barry take the bat poo to the mush- room farm?" Uncle Drac picked up his weird green knitting. "Yes, he did, Uncle Drac. That's a very nice scarf you're knitting. " "Oh, do you really think so, Minty? And Barry made sure he gave the bat poo personally to Old Morris, did he?" "Oh, yes, he certainly saw him personally, Uncle Drac. No doubt about that. Your scarf is quite long now, isn't it?" "Yes, I'll need some more yarn soon. Did Old Morris mind about the bat poo being late, Minty?"
"I'll go and find you some more yarn, Uncle Drac. Back in a minute. " Phew. I got out of the broom closet fast and bumped straight into Wanda. "Have you told him?" she whispered. "No. Barry can tell him. Anyway, we've got things to do. I've got a Plan--remember?" Wanda did not look as impressed as she should have. "What kind of Plan?" she asked suspi- ciously.
Chapter Six
STRING
String is very important when you are going to explore a secret passage. The trouble was, I couldn't find any. I had every- thing else ready from my Secret Passage Kit--my big flashlight, cheese and onion chips, and a can of Coke--but the string was gone. I figured Aunt Tabby had taken it. Wanda kept asking me irritating questions about my Plan, but I said there was no point telling her anything, as it wasn't going to hap- pen unless we found some string--and lots of it.
So Wanda went to find some, and I sat on the attic stairs and thought through my Q Plan. It was a really brilliant Plan, but then my Plans always are. We were going to go and get the sword in the grotto and give it to Sir Horace for his birthday. And how were we going to do that? Yes--you've guessed it. We would get to the grotto through the smug- glers' secret passage. How about that for a great idea? The more I thought about it, the more sure I was that Aunt Tabby was wrong about smugglers not wanting to come to our house. It was really a great house for smugglers-- lots of rooms to hide stuff in, and far enough away from the sea so that no one would sus- pect anything.
When I had first discovered the secret passage to Sir Horace's room, I had followed it all the way down to behind the boiler room in the basement. Edmund lives in that part of the passage. I hadn't gone any farther, but I could see that it carried on. And where else would it go but to the grotto? It was obvious, really. Then Wanda turned up with a huge ball of green string. "Mom let me borrow this from her prizewinning string collection, " she said. "She wants it back, though. " I smiled. Wanda can be quite nice at times. "Now will you tell me your Plan?" she said.
Soon we were climbing down the rickety old ladder that leads from Sir Horace's room.
Wanda didn't like it one bit. She was saying stuff like, "But horrible things might be living down there" and "How do you know it leads to the grotto?" which I was answering very patiently, con- sidering that every time she said something the lad- der wobbled, and I was holding on to it with only one hand, since I was the one with the flashlight.
But when we were halfway down the ladder, Wanda suddenly stopped and wailed, "Suppose we get lost and we never find our way out again and we spend the rest of our lives just wandering around in the dark forever?" And the ladder shook so much that I practically fell off. "Oh, be quiet, Wanda, " I said. She didn't say anything else. Soon we got to the bottom of the ladder, which I was really pleased about, but Wanda still looked miserable. "Look, Wanda, " I said very patiently. "We tied the end of the green string to the secret door, didn't we?" Wanda nodded. "And you've got the string, haven't you?" Wanda nodded again.
"So all we have to do is unwind your mom's green string as we go until we get to the grotto. Then we just pick up the sword and follow the string home again. Easy peasy. There's no way we can get lost, is there?" "I suppose not, " said Wanda. And then she thought for a bit. "Unless something eats the string. " "Don't be silly, Wanda. " "And if something started to eat the string, then the string would lead it straight to us and it would eat us, too!" Wanda wailed. "Oh, shut up, Wanda. "
Now the secret passage was more like a reg- ular tunnel. The walls were made of bricks, and the ceiling was tall enough for Wanda and me to stand up easily. It was arched and made of brick, too. The floor was quite hard, like earth, and was covered with sand.
It was pretty warm down there because we were getting close to where the passage runs behind the boiler room. I was looking out for Edmund, but it was Wanda who saw him first. "Hello, Edmund, " said Wanda. Edmund floated around the corner and came toward us. Unlike Sir Horace, who just looks like an old suit of armor, Edmund looks like a real ghost. He is a boy of about ten, I guess, but he is an almost transparent boy with a green- ish glow around him. He has a pudding-bowl haircut, wears a medieval tunic with a long hood, and carries a really neat dagger in his belt. "Good Day, Wanda. Good Day, Araminta, " said Edmund in his funny old-fashioned accent.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up, like it always does when Edmund speaks. His voice has a hollow sound to it, and it's hard to tell where it is coming from. "Hello, Edmund, " said Wanda. Edmund was floating around in front of us in a rather annoying fashion and was gen- erally getting in the way. I could see what an irritating boy he must have once been.
"Excuse me, Edmund, " I said, "we'd like to get past. Do you mind moving out of the way? We don't want to walk through you. " "Where are you going?" asked Edmund. I was about to tell him it was none of his business, but Wanda piped up and said, "We're going to the smugglers' grotto to get the sword. You can come too if you want, Edmund. "
"No he can't, " I told Wanda. "We're in a hurry, and Edmund only floats very slowly. " Besides that, considering he's a ghost, Edmund is boring and a bit of a goody-goody, but I was too polite to say that. "You must go back. You may not come any closer, " said Edmund in his spooky voice. "Don't be silly, " I told him, and I tried to push him out of the way. It was horrible. My hand went right through him and out the other side. Suddenly I felt frozen. I shivered so hard that my teeth chattered, and when I snatched my arm back all the hairs on it were covered in ice. "Arrgh!" I screamed. "What?" squeaked Wanda,
looking scared. "What is it?" "It's Edmund. He's freezing. It's horrible. Brrr. " I shivered again.
I just couldn't help it. When Wanda saw all the icicles on my Q arm, her eyes opened so wide that I thought they might fall out. Any minute now, I thought,Wanda is going to panic big-time. But she didn't. She put her hand in her pocket and took something out and then really fast, like a flash of light, she threw a shower of sparkly dust over Edmund. Whhoooosh. The dust settled over him like snow. Edmund looked confused for a moment, then he yawned, lay down on the sandy floor, and went to sleep. I was impressed. "What was that?" I asked Wanda. "Soporific Snow, " she said. "Dad gave me some from his magic bag. Good, isn't it?" "Good? It's amazing. Wow. " Barry is a con- jurer, and sometimes he does tricks for us, -67- but I had never seen one as good as this. "Come on then, " said Wanda, "we'd better get going. " And she strode off, unwinding the ball of green string as she went. "Hey, Wanda, " I yelled, "wait for me!"
Chapter Seven
THE SECRET TUNNEL
Not long after we had got past Edmund, we noticed that the air was different-- it felt cold and damp and it smelled of earth. The walls of the secret tunnel changed too-- now they were roughly cut rock. The light from my flashlight shone off the damp rocks and we knew that we were no longer inside the house. We were under the ground--this was the real thing.
The tunnel was quite wide, and Wanda and I walked along side by side. After a while Wanda whispered, "How far down do you think we are?" "I don't know, " I whispered back. And then I whispered, "Why are we whispering?" "Because it's scary, " whispered Wanda. "No it's not, " I said really loudly, and my voice sounded hollow like Edmund's. Well, maybe it was a bit scary.