Ruth rounded the corner of the gatehouse where her brother, David, kept watch. It was almost dusk.
"Have you seen Daniel?" she said. Her back ached. Her feet were swollen. She was impatient for the baby to show himself.
"This morning right before the thunderstorm. He headed up to the enclave." David scratched his head and peered up the hill. There was no breeze, though the air smelled of wet dust. Puddles dotted the path to the top.
"And he didn't come back?"
"No."
Worried, Ruth said, "It's not like him to be gone so long. Did he look okay? He's been keeping to himself more than usual lately."
"Heck, I don't know. He looked like Daniel. He always looks peaked."
"I'm going up to see if he's still there," Ruth said.
"Okay, but take it easy, Sis. It's a steep climb, and it's likely to be slippery. Don't hurt yourself and the wee one."
Securing her shawl around her shoulders, Ruth headed into the evening breeze. Taking a few steps, stopping and taking a few more, she proceeded along the path to the top, annoyed by how unsteady she was. She squeezed through the opening between two large boulders. Her eyes were drawn to the center. Daniel, clutching the staff, lay sprawled at the base.
"Daniel!"
She hurried over to him and touched his face. It was rock cold.
Tears in her eyes, she bit the inside of her cheek. She kneeled beside him and stroked his face. She had touch the faces of the dead before. One little sister was born dead. She remembered the sensation as she helped her father prepare the infant for burial. It made her sad. But this was Daniel. She had known Daniel her entire life. He had embraced her with unquestioning love.
Daniel.
Tears slid down her cheeks, a few, then many. The wind rose to a howl. The moonless night crept closer. She rose slowly, her knees creaking, and hobbled to the exit. Outside the enclosure she located the path in twilight and stumbled down the hill toward the gatehouse, trying to feel her way with her feet. The heal of her sandal slipped on a patch of mud. She fell backward.
"Aaaaa," she yelled, thrusting her hands back to catch herself.
Pain shot up her right arm as she hit the dirt. The baby shifted. Her water broke. She rolled over and tried to stand. The first attempt did not work. Nor the second. She spied a long stick a few inches away and tried to grasp it. Pain shot through her wrist. She grasped the stick with her other hand and tilted herself into a sitting position. Drawing her legs into a crouch, she managed to stand, her legs quivering. Using the stick as a cane she hobbled toward the compound. Contractions gripped her abdomen. She stopped and waited for them to pass. She had helped her mother with many deliveries. She knew what to expect. Inching along, she finally made it to the gatehouse.
"David," she hollered. "David."
Her brother was gathering up his things.
"Sis, what is it? What's happened?" The beautiful man with short curly hair and a well-trimmed beard grabbed his sister's shoulders to steady her.
"It's Daniel. He's dead," she said, her voice a whimper. "Daniel is dead."
"What? I should have checked on him. Why didn't I check on him?"
"He's up in the enclave with the rose."
"But you...."
"I've gone into labor."
"Oh, crud. Okay, sit right here," he said, guiding her to the seat next to the small building. "I'll run get someone."
"Sarah, James wife, should be home, and Mariam, Uncle David's wife. Elizabeth's home, too."
"I know, you don't want her to come. Yeshua's in the village," David said. "He stopped in earlier. Sit tight. You look a mess. What's wrong with your arm?"
"I think I broke it when I fell. Don't forget, Daniel. Please, don't forget Daniel. He's up there alone, so all alone. And cold. His hands were so cold," she said, a catch in her voice. "He didn't look like Daniel at all."
Busy with mending, Mariam was sitting next to the hearth when the knock came. She was surprised to see her husband's nephew.
"Ruth's hurt," David said. "She's gone into labor. Could you help me get her to the house."
In minutes the two of them settled Ruth onto the sleeping mat in her room. Heat flushed over her, followed by waves of cold. The contractions started again.
David headed out the door. "Hold on, sis. I'm going to the village to get Yeshua. He's meeting Rabbi Yacobian for dinner."
"Ahhhh, it hurts," Ruth said, her face contorting. Screams filled the house.
"Don't worry," Mariam said, "I've birthed a couple of babies, including Melanie, all by myself. You do what you have to do, when you have to do it. Try to relax between contractions. It helps."
The room was stuffy. Mariam fanned the door to created a breeze.
"Where's John?" she said.
"I'm not sure. He should be back soon. His parents are coming in tonight. They want to be here when the baby is born. They'd better hurry," Ruth said, grimacing. "I didn't realize it would hurt this much. Did you ever wonder why women keep doing this?"
"Because there isn't much choice. Ah, here he is," Mariam said as Yeshua entered the room.
"You interrupted a good session with the rabbi," Yeshua said, teasing.
"Did David tell you about Daniel?" Ruth said.
"Yes, Uncle David and James are tending him," Yeshua said, a wistful sadness in his voice. "Are John's folks still planning to be here tonight?"
"Last I heard," Ruth managed.
"Zacharias has been so confused the last few months since he had that falling spell," Yeshua said. "Sometimes he just wanders off, I guess. Elizabeth and the servants have to watch him close. I'm going to need your help, Mariam. Could you heat some water? Where is John, anyway? I thought he'd be here by now."
"Me too," Ruth said, as another contraction hit.
"I wish Daniel could have lived to see the baby," Ruth said. The pain had subsided again. "He wasn't into babies, but somehow, the blessings he gave each one at birth were special. Children who received them always thrived."
Yeshua drew a heartsick breath and released it slowly. "What I don't understand is why he wouldn't let us heal him. Odd, it was the lightning that took him."
"That's what I thought. He's been getting worse for a while now," Ruth said. "He thought I didn't notice."
"Why didn't you send for me?" Yeshua said. "I would have come. You know I would have come."
"I had to honor what he wanted," Ruth said. "You're the one who taught me choice is primary."
"Yes, but Daniel, without Daniel it won't be the same." Yeshua shook away his tears.
"I know," Ruth said. "It isn't right. It just isn't right."
Mariam peeked her head into the room to see how Ruth was doing and said, "He told me he had other things to do in other places, that this world was too violent for him. He said violence tore at his soul."
"He seemed like the one destined to be the Christ," Ruth said. "I know they say that about you, Yeshua, but it was always Daniel."
Yeshua nodded. "I saw it, too. He's lucky to be free."
"You always say that luck has nothing to do with it," Ruth said, grimacing at a new surge of pain.
"I need to learn to shut up," Yeshua said.
He hurried to the kitchen, found his mother's herbs and mixed a potion. He returned with a saturated cloth and placed it over her nose.
"Breath in," he said. "It will dull your awareness. Mariam, how's the water coming?"
"Water only heats so fast," Mariam said. "David told me you've assisted with lots of births. I don't see how you get away with it. Most men don't want any other man to touch their women in any way whatsoever."
"Mother got some of them used to it, I guess," Yeshua said. "She asks if it's more important for their wives to follow rules or to live. She doesn't put up with their childish ways. After a few women died because I was the only one available, and they wouldn't let me help, some of them
changed their minds."
Pain gripped Ruth's body. It felt like it was going to rupture.
"Give a good push," Yeshua said. "I see the little bugger's head. Here it comes. Push again, harder this time."
Another wave of pain hit. Ruth's consciousness wavered. In a draping of light she saw the golden man, Claire.
"His time is short," Claire said. "Cherish him."
His image was replaced by another, her brother, Daniel's.
Intense ripping pain demolished the visions. She screamed.
"That's it," Yeshua said, pulling the baby from the birth canal. "It is a boy, like Daniel said."
The baby whimpered.
Yeshua handed him to Mariam, tied and cut the umbilical cord. She washed, diapered him and wrapped him in a blanket.
"You did it, Sis," Yeshua said, cleaning up.
Exhausted, Ruth looked into her brother's eyes. In that moment she saw eternity gazing back at her.
"I love you," she whispered. "Thank you."
He smiled and checked her arm. "It is broken." He found some fabric and piece of wood to serve as a splint.
"Thanks be to God for the gift of birth. In spite of everything it's worth it." Mariam gently rocked the infant while Yeshua tended Ruth's arm.
"I'm not sure about that" Yeshua said. "To be born now is not a gift."
"That doesn't sound like you," Mariam said.
"It's such a violent world. Maria had a miscarriage a couple of months ago," Yeshua said. "I've thought about it a lot since then. I know being here is about lessons, but what chance does a child have to learn anything positive now?"
"I don't know," Mariam said. "I surely don't. David wants a bunch of them."
"What about you?" Yeshua said.
"He wants them so much," Mariam said.
"He is good with children," Ruth said, wishing they would go away. She was exhausted and hurt everywhere.
"That's not what I asked," Yeshua said. "What do you want?"
"To make David happy," Mariam said.
"But would it make you happy?"
Mariam sighed. "It should."
"'Should' has been handed down by tradition. That doesn't mean it's right," Yeshua said. "What you want is just as important as what David wants. Have you forgotten what we're trying to teach?"
"No," Mariam said, "but now I have David's wishes to consider."
"Sure, but relationships are about balance," Yeshua said. "Why don't we get out of here and let Ruth rest?"
Mariam handed the baby to Ruth. The new mother nestled him close. They left and closed the door behind them.
Pulling her clothing aside she held her baby against her. Baring her breast, her arm throbbing, she tucked a nipple into his mouth. For the longest time she watched him, making sure he was okay. With love radiating all around her, she ignored her throbbing arm and the other aches and fell asleep.
Sometime in the night she felt her husband slip in beside her. He hugged up close to her, kissing her softly.
"I love you," he whispered, "and little Daniel Zacharias." He kissed the baby's temple."
"I love you, too," she said and drifted back to sleep.
She awoke when the full light of day streamed into room. John was gone. Melanie stood in the doorway.
"Where's my husband?" Ruth asked.
"Out in the yard with Yeshua and your folks," Melanie said. "I've come to see the baby."
Ruth handed the little on to Melanie and dressed.
"Your whole family is good to us," Melanie said, rocking the baby. "David's a good father. He's good to Mother, too. You were sent by God."
"Things do have a way of turning out," Ruth said. After a few minutes she changed the baby and nestled him to her breast, encouraging him to suckle. This time he took right to it. Her arm ached. Each movement caused discomfort.
"The country's about to explode, Yeshua says," Melanie said.
Ruth nodded.
"Then how can things turn out? How can God let it happen? God is all powerful. He could make things turn out however is best. Why doesn't He?"
"Because God is all of us," Ruth said. "We've all got a say in what happens."
"So I'm part of who God is?" Melanie said. "How can that be right?"
"How can it not be?" Ruth said. "Tradition says God made everything. If God made everything, everything is part of God. If everything is part of God, God is part of everything."
"Yes, but, "Melanie said, "that doesn't mean I'm God."
"Not in the way that we usually think of God--an old guy who looks and acts and thinks like us, only perfectly. But if we think of God as being everywhere, then he, she, it has to be in, as well as all of us, everything we are. If that's the case, what we do, what we think creates how things are," Ruth said.
"Yes, but I can't sit down and say I want a make a rock and voila, I've got a rock. God can do that," the girl said.
"How do you know it happened that way?"
"'In the beginning God created the heavens, and the earth was waste and void.'"
"That's creation poetry. All cultures have their own version. If you think about a river and the way, when it rains, mud washes off the hillside into the river and down to the mouth, year after year until a lump of it builds up, that's creation. It doesn't happen by magic. It's a process," Ruth said.
"Okay, sure, but God set it up in the first place," Melanie said.
"And who set up God?" Ruth said.
The baby lost the nipple and fussed. She guided it back into his mouth. He was a well-developed child with an unusual amount of black hair. In the moment motherhood was beautiful.
"What do you mean?" Melanie said.
"Who made God?"
"Nobody. God just is."
"How do you know that?" Ruth said.
"It's written in the scrolls."
"Yes, but did the people who wrote them know the truth or did they just record their own understanding or the understanding of their ancestors? What is truth? And how do you prove it? Even if we have evidence before us, what we decide is truth depends on how we interpret that evidence--what we see. How we interpret it depends on what we were raised to believe and what we've been exposed to. In the process of interpreting, we are creating. We are god."
"But we're not divine," Melanie insisted.
"I never said we were. I never said God was. I just said that we are part of God, God being defined as everything, All-That-Is. All-That-Is won't force us to do anything. Partly because there is so much disagreement among the factions which make up God. Even if it were possible for one portion of God to make all the rest of us behave a certain way, we wouldn't grow. Some aspects of God believe that growth is the point. Yeshua told me that the gurus of the East say that the teacher appears when the student is ready. It wouldn't do any good for them to show up early. Sometimes the teacher is pain and heartache."
"So, we need to be ready for whatever is coming?" Melanie asked.
"As far as I can tell," Yeshua said, entering the room to check on his sister. Seeing the glow on her face, he smiled.
"Where's Maria?" Ruth asked.
"Home tending to business." He seated himself yogi-style next to her.
"I've heard people are starting to follow you," Melanie said.
"So it seems. They're begging for miracles. I keep telling them I don't have any. That what I do, they can learn to do for themselves. But they want someone to save them, so they don't have to bother, so they can remain children, rather than grow into all they're capable of. Sometimes, I love this. I love teaching people to believe in themselves. I love teaching them that God is within them. But yesterday was something else again." He touched the side of his head.
"What happened?" Melanie asked.
Ruth spotted a gash on his forehead.
"Some ruffians in Sciate near the old well threw rocks at me. I had to climb a tree to get away. I gashed myself on a br
anch." Grinning, he said, "Me and John used to be pretty good at climbing trees. He was the one who always dared me to climb higher and higher, until he fell on his head and nearly broke his neck."
Melanie took the baby and gently rocked him. She loved babies.
Yeshua unwrapped his sister's arm and felt for tenderness.
"Ouch," Ruth said.
"It's a little swollen," he said and rewrapped it. "Well, I hate to leave, but you seem to be okay. Mother should be back tonight. I need to see Rabbi Yacobian to finish the session this little tyke interrupted. Maria planned a big gathering next week, a teaching session for men and women. It'll have to wait."
When Yeshua was gone Melanie looked like she had something she needed to say.
"Melanie?"
"I want to learn everything you can teach me," Melanie said. She leaned the baby against her shoulder and patted his back. "I want to learn how to be a healer. I want to learn how to read and write. Your niece, Sarah, says you've been teaching her. She said she thought you'd be willing to teach me, too. I want to learn how to be strong when bad things happen."
"You already are. Your mother told me you helped her through the bad times."
"She did?" A smile spread over the girl's face.
"Uh huh. Yeshua and Mother are better at healing than I am."
"But I want to learn from you."
"Sure, honey, I'd be proud to teach you what I know."
"So, you'll do it?"
"Of course."
"You only have so much time. Mother says being a mother takes a lot of it."
"That it does."
"I could help you. That way you'd have more...."
John stumbled into the room and picked up his outdoor clothes and heavier shoes.
"Ruth, oh Ruth," he said, his face haggard.
"What is it?" she said, alarmed by his tone and his stricken look.
"A messenger just showed up," he said. "Mother's dead. Father wandered off when everyone was tending to Mother. I've got to find him."
"What?" Ruth asked. It could not be true.
"She just fell over dead partway here, the messenger said," John said. "I've got to go."
"I'll go with you," she said.
"Don't be ridiculous. You just gave birth. Yeshua is going with me. David is rounding up the family to help search."
He kissed his wife, brushed his lips to Daniel's forehead and rushed out.
"I can't believe Elizabeth is dead," Ruth said. "Not Elizabeth. It always seemed she'd live forever."
"Death isn't fair. My father was young and strong. War isn't a good reason to die. War isn't good for anything. I hate it. I hate death. It took my father. It took my father." Melanie snuggled the baby and sobbed.
Ruth slipped her good arm around the girl's shoulder and rocked the three of them. The ache in her heart swelled.
"Both brother Daniel and cousin Elizabeth are gone," Ruth said. "It's hard to believe."
"I get so scared," Melanie said, sniffling. "It seems like everyone is out to get us, like there's evil everywhere, and it's stronger than us. It's willing to do anything to get what it wants. With us it's different, because we only do nice things. It's not enough. I so wish there was something we could do to protect ourselves."
"There is," Ruth said, suddenly remembering. "Could you go get a candle and light it?"
"Sure." Melanie lay the sleeping infant in the cradle. In moments she returned with a lighted candle and set it on the floor.
"I want you to focus on the flame, only the flame. It helps silence our thoughts. I'm going to teach you a prayer my grandmother taught me. Repeat what I say, take it deep in your heart and believe. As you believe, so you are, so it is true for you."
"Okay." The girl looked doubtful.
"Don't worry, I'll say one for me first. You can listen and see if you agree. After that I'll say one for you, putting in the names of your family and loved ones in the place of mine."
Ruth began, "I implore the One, all the powers of Light, the archangels and elohim, the Order of the White Rose, all my guides, Melchezedek, Claire, my guardian angels, my protective animal and earth spirits, all John's and Daniel's guides, guardian angels, protective animal and earth spirits to watch and protect the four sides of our bodies, our souls and spirits and all the layers of our souls and spirits and the entire house of myself, Ruth, daughter of Mary and Joseph, and John, son of Elizabeth and Zacharias, all our families and loved ones. Cast forth from John, Daniel and myself every evil force. Never allow them to approach us or any of our families and loved ones and our pets, our house, our property or wherever we happen to be. Dissolve, heal and transform all our past hurts into Light. Cast forth from John, Daniel and myself every doom and every devil, every negative entity and energy, every power of darkness and every evil eye, every eye-shutter, every chill, every fever, every illness, every trembling and every age-related disability. Restrain them all and dissolve and transform their negative energies and negative power and return them back to the ethers as Light. Do not permit them ever to visit John, Daniel or myself. Cast forth and dissolve all curses, hatreds and jealousies directed by anyone or anything, in the third dimension physical world and/or from any other dimension or reality at myself, John and/or our work. Transform all negativity into Light and return it to the ethers. Enlighten those, who have directed the negative energies toward us.
"Accomplish this at once. At once.
"Protect and shelter John and myself as we walk the path and do the work of Light. Free, unbind and protect our work from all the negative forces of darkness. Open our inner sight and hearing, giving us eyes to see and ears to hear all the things we need to see and hear. Let not even one stray arrow of darkness or any negative energy or thought, whatsoever, interfere with us and our work. Bring our work to the highest fruition at the right time in the right way for the highest good. Free our creativity to produce more works and show forth these works on the world stage, ad infinitum, for the Light. Free up and make available our Akashic Records so that we may access past life lessons and life experiences to help with the current work. Provide for us all we need and fill us with Love and Light. Strengthen our union.
"Yes, yes, now, now, accomplish this at once, at once."
The candlelight flickered. Melanie seemed terrified the light would go out and undo the whole prayer.
"Don't worry about the light," Ruth said. "Even when it appears to go out, even when all evil seems to be in control, there is always the hope. Darkness is but the other side of light. Now, let's say your prayer."
The two did so.
When they finished, Melanie said, "Does it really work?"
"At the very least it brings me comfort."
"How will I remember all those words?"
"I'll write them down for you. We can begin your reading and writing lessons right now, with this prayer. If you get me some paper, we can get started."
Melanie smiled, the smile of one who no longer felt helpless.
Chapter 19
Raven