Rajlakshmi said, I know the good and the bad in my son—but I didn’t know what a temptress you could be.’
Binodini opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. She said, ‘That’s true, Aunty—no one really knows anyone. One doesn’t even know oneself. Wasn’t it you who once wanted to tempt your son with this temptress, simply to avenge yourself on your daughter-in-law? Think about that and then answer me.’
Rajlakshmi flared up like a forest-fire, ‘You wretched woman, shame on you for making such allegations about a mother where her son is concerned. May your tongue drop off for sinning so blatantly.’
Binodini replied calmly, ‘Aunty, you know better than me whether I am a seductress or not and what enchantment I possess. Just so, I know the spell that you tried to cast, though you might deny it. But it must’ve been there or this wouldn’t have happened. Both you and I lay the trap with some wilfulness and some ignorance. That’s the way our breed goes—we are enchantresses.’
Rajlakshmi was so incensed that she could barely speak. She left the room in a huff.
Binodini stood a while in the empty room; her eyes burned with fire.
Once the morning chores were done, Rajlakshmi sent for Mahendra. He knew that the subject of last night’s events would come up. He was already disconsolate with Binodini’s response to his letter. As a consequence, his wayward heart was focused entirely on Binodini. A confrontation with his mother was beyond him right now. Mahendra knew that if his mother brought up Binodini and rebuked him, in defence he would be impelled to blurt out the truth; this would lead to terrible domestic strife. Hence it was imperative to leave the house for the moment, sit in solitude and sort out his thoughts. He instructed the servant, ‘Go and tell Mother that I have urgent work at college today and I have to leave now. I shall talk to her when I come back.’ He changed his clothes and scuttled away like a truant child without even eating. The terrible reply from Binodini that he had carried with him all morning and perused several times, stayed back in his discarded shirt pocket.
After a heavy shower, the sky remained overcast. Binodini was very distraught. Whenever she felt upset, she was given to working harder. So she had decided to gather all the clothes in the house and to mark them for the washerman. When she had gone to collect clothes from Asha and seen the latter’s expression, her irritation knew no bounds. If she had to be held responsible for what had happened the previous night, why should she only get the humiliation and none of the pleasures of her crime?
The rain clattered away outside. Binodini sat on the floor in her room. The clothes lay in a heap in front of her. Khemi, the maid, was handing them to her one by one as Binodini stamped the initials onto them. Suddenly Mahendra barged into the room without warning. Khemi dropped her work, pulled the sari over her head and dashed away.
Binodini dropped the clothes she had in her hands, stood up in a flash and said,’ Go away, leave my room immediately.’
Mahendra said, ‘Why? What have I done?’
Binodini said, ‘What have you done! Coward! What can you do? You can neither love nor do your duty. Why must you drag my name into the mud?’
Mahendra tried to reason with her, ‘How can you say I do not love you?’
Binodini said in a scathing voice, ‘That’s exactly what I say. Stealth, camouflage, indecision—I am repulsed by your knavery. I hate it. Go away.’
Mahendra was miserable. ‘You are repulsed by me, Binod?’
Binodini said, ‘Yes.’
Mahendra said, ‘There’s still time for repentence, Binod. If I stop dithering and leave everything behind, will you come with me?’
Mahendra grabbed her with both hands and pulled her to him. Binodini said, ‘Let me go, you are hurting me.’
Mahendra said, ‘It doesn’t matter. Tell me, will you come with me?’
Binodini said, ‘No, never, not on your life!’
Mahendra said, ‘But why? You were the one to ruin me—today you cannot turn your back on me.You have to come.’
Mahendra drew her to him forcefully and held her close. He said, ‘Even your hatred cannot turn me away. I will take you along and somehow I shall make you love me.’
Binodini freed herself with a jerk.
Mahendra said, ‘You have set fire all around you; now you cannot put it out and try to escape.’
Mahendra’s voice rose as he shouted, ‘Why did you play such games, Binod? Now you can’t brush it all off as a game and get away. You and I have no choice but to die together.’
Rajlakshmi stepped into the room and said, ‘Mahin, what do you think you are doing?’
Mahendra’s delirious gaze turned just once at his mother and came back to rest on Binodini as he said, ‘I am leaving everything and going away. Tell me, will you come with me?’
Binodini looked at the infuriated Rajlakshmi. Then she stepped forward, took Mahendra’s hand and said, ‘I will.’
Mahendra said, ‘In that case, wait just one more day. I am leaving this house. From tomorrow, you will be all I have left with me.’
Mahendra went away.
At this point the washerman came and said to Binodini, ‘Ma, I cannot wait any longer. If you do not have the time today, I can come back tomorrow for the clothes.’
Khemi came and said, Bou-thakurun, the coachman says he’s run out of hay.’
Binodini used to weigh out a week’s feed and send it off to the stables. She would stand at the window watching as the horses ate.
Gopal, the servant, came and said, ‘Bou-thakurun, the bearer has had a tiff with Sadhubabu. He says if you take the accounts for the kerosene from him, he will go to the head clerk, work out his pay and leave.’
Life went on as usual.
35
BEHARI WAS IN MEDICAL COLLEGE ALL THIS WHILE. BUT HE DROPPED OUT of college right before the exams. If anyone asked, he said, ‘There’s time enough to care for other people’s health; I must look after my own first.’
As a matter of fact, Behari had immense energy. He needed to be intensely involved with something at all times; but he did not need to work, to earn a living; nor did he seek fame. After he graduated from college, he’d gone to Shibpur first, to study engineering. He acquired as much knowledge as he wished, and as much skill as he thought was necessary, and left to join medical college. Mahendra had joined medical college a year before him. Among the students in college, their friendship was legendary. They teased them by calling them the Siamese twins. The previous year, when Mahendra failed his exams, the two landed up in the same year. But no one could understand why the pair broke up at this point. Behari couldn’t bring himself to go to class where he was bound to run into Mahendra, but not meet him in the proper sense of the word. Everyone knew that Behari would pass the exams with flying colours, and win awards and prizes. But Behari didn’t sit for the exams.
Behari’s neighbour was a poor Brahmin, Rajendra Chakravarty. He worked in a printing press as a compositor and brought home twelve rupees a month. Behari said to him, ‘Let your son live in my house, I shall teach him.’
The Brahmin heaved a sigh of relief.With a happy heart he surrendered his eight-year-old son, Vasant, into Behari’s care.
Behari began to teach him in his own fashion. He said, ‘I shall not give him a book to read before he’s ten years old; I’ll teach him orally until then.’ Behari spent his days playing with the child, taking him to the park, the museum, the zoo and farmlands. Behari’s entire day was taken up by teaching him English orally, telling him stories from history, testing his intelligence with various quizzes and games and riddles. He didn’t have a moment to spare.
One evening, there was no way they could go out. Since noon, the rain had halted just once and had now begun again. Behari sat in his room upstairs with Vasant and played at a new game he had invented.
‘Vasant, quick, tell me how many beams there are in this room—no, you cannot count them now.
Vasant said, ‘Twenty.’
Behar
i said, ‘Wrong—it’s eighteen.’
Suddenly he reached out, fingered the blinds and asked, ‘How many rows in this blind?’
‘Six.’
‘Right. How long is this bench?What’s the weight of this book?’ In this way Behari was sharpening the boy’s reflexes when the bearer walked in and said, ‘Babuji, a woman—’
Before he had finished speaking, Binodini walked into the room.
Taken aback, Behari exclaimed, ‘What is it, Bouthan?’
Binodini said, ‘Do you have any female relatives who live here with you?’
Behari said, ‘No relatives, no strangers, nobody. My aunt lives in the village.’
Binodini said, ‘In that case, take me to your village and leave me there.’
Behari said, ‘And what will be my excuse?’
Binodini said, ‘Say that I am your maid. I shall do the housework there.’
Behari said, ‘My aunt will be a trifle surprised. She has not complained to me about a shortage of maids. First you must tell me how you came up with this idea. Vasant, go to bed now, child.’
Vasant left the room. Binodini said, ‘If I tell you the events, you will not really understand what happened.’
Behari said, ‘What’s the harm—even if I misunderstand?’
‘Fine, then misunderstand if you want to—Mahendra is in love with me.
Behari said, ‘That’s not news and neither is it something that one would like to hear again and again.’
Binodini said, ‘I have no wish to utter it again and again. That’s the reason I have come to you—to seek refuge.’
Behari said acidly, ‘You have no wish? And who, pray, caused this to happen? Who dragged Mahendra on to the path he now treads?’
Binodini said, ‘I did. I cannot he to you—this is my handiwork. I may be bad, or wrong, but do try to see things from my point of view just this once and understand me. The fire that burned in my heart caused me to set fire to Mahendra’s home. Once, I did think that I loved Mahendra, but I was wrong.’
Behari said, ‘If you loved him, would you have wreaked havoc like this?’
Binodini said, ‘Thakurpo, these are sentiments straight out of your books. I am not yet ready to hear such sermons. Set aside your textbooks and peer into my heart just this once, free from your predisposed notions. Today I have come to tell you everything about me.’
Behari said, ‘The books are there for a reason, Bouthan. I leave it to God to comprehend the heart by its own rules. I must stick to the rules set out in the books or I will be lost.’
Binodini went on, ‘Thakurpo, I will be shameless enough to admit to you—if you had wanted to, you could’ve pulled me back. Mahendra may be in love with me, but he is blind, he doesn’t know me at all. Once, I did feel that you understand me; once upon a time you felt respect for me. Tell the the truth, don’t hold back today!’
Behari said, ‘It’s true, I felt respect for you.’
Binodini said, ‘You weren’t wrong,Thakurpo. But if you did understand me, respect me, why did you stop there? Why couldn’t you love me? I have abandoned shame and come to you, and so I say this to you—why didn’t you love me too? It’s my bad luck—you too had to lose your heart to Asha. Oh no, Thakurpo, you can’t be angry. Sit down. I shall not hold back today. I knew that you loved Asha even when you didn’t know it yourself. But I fail to understand what all of you see in Asha. Good or bad—what is there in that girl? Hasn’t God given an ounce of insight to the male gaze? How little, and what stuff does it take to mesmerize you men! Fools, blind men!’
Behari stood up and said, ‘I shall listen to everything you have to say today; but I beg of you, don’t say that which must not be said.’
Binodini gave a wry smile and said, ‘Thakurpo, I know exactly where it’s pinching you. But please be patient and spare a thought for me—just mink of the extreme agony that has dragged me here tonight, shedding all shame and fear, to appeal to the person who once respected me and whose love would have turned my life around. I can tell you very honestly, if you weren’t in love with Asha, I wouldn’t have wreaked such havoc on her life tonight.’
Behari turned pale. ‘What has happened to Asha? What have you done to her?’
Binodini said, ‘Mahendra has committed to going away with me tomorrow, leaving his family and everything behind.
Behari suddenly snarled, ‘That’s impossible, this cannot happen!’
Binodini said, ‘Impossible? And who is going to stop Mahendra today?’
Behari said, ‘You can.’
Binodini was silent for a few minutes.Then she fixed her gaze on Behari and said, ‘Why shall I stop him? For your Asha’s sake? And I suppose I have no dreams and desires of my own? I am not so pious that I’d wipe out all my wishes from this life, for the sake of your Asha’s well-being, for the sake of Mahendra’s family—I have not studied the holy books so faithfully. If I give something up, what do I get in return?’
Gradually, the lines on Behari’s face hardened as he said, ‘You have tried to speak honestly, now let me be frank for a change. What you have done today, and the words you speak now, are all derived from the literature you’re so fond of reading. Three-fourths of it is the language of dramas and novels.’
Binodini said, ‘Dramas! Novels!’
Behari repeated, ‘Yes, dramas and novels. And not of a very high standard, mind you. You believe this is all original—it’s not. They are mere echoes of the printing press in your story. Had you been a silly, stupid, bumbling child, you d still have got some sympathy from this world. But the heroine of the play is only fit for the stage, not the home.’
Where was Binodini’s cutting sharpness, her famous pride? In response to Behari’s words she bowed down in silence like the spellbound snake. Many minutes later she spoke calmly, without looking at Behari, ‘What do you want me to do?’
Behari said, ‘Don’t try to work wonders. Let an ordinary woman’s good sense prevail. Go back to your village.’
Binodini said, ‘How can I go?’
Behari said, ‘I can board you into the ladies’ compartment and escort you to your destination.’
Binodini said quietly, ‘Let me stay the night here then?’
Behari replied, ‘No! Even I do not have so much faith in myself.’
Binodini slipped off the chair, dropped to the ground, held Behari’s feet to her breast and said, ‘Thakurpo, don’t wipe out that tiny bit of weakness that you have! Don’t be purer than the driven snow. Love the vile and be a little vile yourself.’ She kissed his feet again and again. For an instant Behari lost control at this unexpected reaction from Binodini. His senses slackened their hold on sanity. Binodini sensed his moment of weakness and she let go of his feet; she raised herself on both knees and wound her arms around Behari who was seated on a chair and said, ‘My dearest life, I know you are not mine forever; but do love me even if it’s for this moment. After that I shall vanish into the forest where you cast me, I won’t ask anyone for anything again. Give me something that can last me till my death.’ She closed her eyes and offered her lips to him. For one second the two of them were still and the room seemed to hold its breath. Then, Behari heaved a sigh and unwound her arms from around his neck. He moved away to another chair and spoke in a voice that was nearly inaudible, ‘There is a passenger train at one in the night.’
Binodini was mute for a few minutes and then she murmured, ‘I shall take that train.’
Vasant walked into the room barefoot, bare-bodied and fair as the day; he stood by Behari’s chair and stared solemnly at Binodini.
Behari asked, ‘Didn’t you go to sleep?’
Vasant didn’t answer him and continued to stand there, looking grave.
Binodini stretched out her arms. Vasant hesitated a little and then went up to her slowly. She held him close to her heart as the tears flowed freely from her eyes.
36
THE IMPOSSIBLE CAN BECOME POSSIBLE AT TIMES AND THE UNBEARABLE CAN indeed be borne, o
r that night and the following day wouldn’t have passed in Mahendra’s house. After instructing Binodini to be prepared, that same night Mahendra mailed a letter to his house. This letter reached the following day. Asha was in bed. The bearer came to her with the letter and said, ‘Ma, letter for you.’
Asha’s heart leaped in her breast. In the flash of a heartbeat a thousand hopes and worries resonated in her mind. She picked up the letter hastily and found it was in Mahendra’s hand, addressed to Binodini. Her head lolled back on the pillow instantly and she handed the letter back to the bearer mutely. He asked, ‘To whom should I give this letter?’
Asha said, ‘I don’t know.’
It was around eight in the evening when Mahendra arrived at Binodini’s room, charging in like a maelstrom. He found the room in darkness. He fished out a matchbox from his pocket, struck a match and found that the room was empty. Binodini wasn’t there and neither were her things. He went into the balcony to the south and called out, ‘Binod!’ The balcony was empty and there was no answer.
‘Fool! I’ m a fool. I should’ve taken her with me. I’m sure Mother spoke such harsh words to her that Binodini was impelled to walk out,’ Mahendra thought.
The moment the thought entered his head he was convinced of its veracity. He strode into Rajlakshmi’s room impatiently. That room lay in darkness too, but Rajlakshmi was lying in bed; he could see even in the dark. In an angry tone, Mahendra asked, ‘Mother, what have you said to Binodini?’
Rajlakshmi said, ‘Nothing.’
Mahendra persisted, ‘So where has she gone?’
Rajlakshmi said, ‘How would I know?’
Mahendra was sceptical, ‘You don’t know? Fine, I am going to look for her. I shall find her, wherever she may be.’
Mahendra walked away. Rajlakshmi left the bed and tried to follow him, crying, ‘Mahin, don’t go, please Mahin, come back. Listen to me.’
Mahendra left the house like a madman. But he came back a moment later and asked the watchman, ‘Where has Bou-thakurun gone?’