‘Tragic,’ I say softly.
There is a knock at the door and the grooms of the servery come in with a table groaning with food. They place it at the side of the bed and heap a plate for the king as he points to one dish after another.
‘Eat!’ he commands me, his mouth full. ‘I can’t dine alone.’
I take a small plate and let them serve me. I sit by the fireside on my chair and nibble on a few pieces of pastry. The king is served wine. I take a glass of small ale. I cannot believe that I will see Thomas Seymour within the week.
It is a long two hours before the king has finished with the food and he is sweating and breathing heavily by the time he has eaten several slices of pie, some meats, and half of a lemon pudding.
‘Take it away, I am weary,’ he announces.
Quickly and efficiently they load the table and carry it out of the room.
‘Come to bed,’ he says thickly. ‘I will sleep here with you.’
He tips his head back and belches loudly. I go to my side of the bed and climb in. Before I have the covers spread over us he has let out a loud snore and is fast asleep.
I think I will be wakeful but I lie in the darkness and feel such joy as I think of Thomas. Perhaps he is in Portsmouth, perhaps sleeping on board his ship in his low-ceilinged wooden admiral’s cabin, with the candles rocking gently on their gimbals on the walls. I will see him next week, I think. I may not speak to him, I must not look for him, but at least I will see him, and he will see me.
The dream is so like my waking life that I do not know I am dreaming. I am in my bed and the king is sleeping beside me, snoring, and there is a terrible smell, the smell of his rotting leg, in my bed, and in my room. I slip out of bed, careful not to wake him, and the smell is worse than ever. I think, I must get out of the room, I cannot breathe, I must find the apothecary and get some perfume, I must send the girls out to the garden to pick some herbs. I go as quietly as I can towards the door to the private galleries between his room and mine.
I open the little door and step out, but instead of the wooden floor and scattered rushes and the stone walls of the gallery I am at once on the narrow landing of a stone staircase, a circular staircase, perilously steep. I put one hand on the central column and start to climb upwards. I must get away from this terrible smell of death, but instead it is getting worse, as if there is a corpse or some rotting horror just around the curve of the stair above me.
I put a hand over my mouth and nose to shield me from the smell and then I give a little choke as I realise that it is my hand that smells. It is me that is rotting; and it is my own stink that I am trying to escape. I smell like a dead woman, left to rot. I pause on the stair as I think that all I can do is to fling myself downstairs, headfirst down the stairs, so that this decayed body can complete the task of dying and I am not locked in with death, twinned with death, mated with death, decay in my own body at my fingertips.
I am crying now, raging at the fate that has brought me to this, but as the tears run down my cheeks they are like dust. They are dry as sand when they run into my lips and they taste like dried blood. In my desperation and with all the courage I can find, I turn on the step and face down the steep stone stairs. Then I give one despairing scream as I dive downwards, down the stone staircase, headfirst.
‘Hush, hush, you’re safe!’
I think it is Thomas who has caught me up, and I cling to him, shuddering. I turn to his shoulder and press my face against his warm chest and throat. But it is the king holding me in his arms, and I recoil and cry out again for fear that I have said Thomas’s name in my nightmare and now I am in real danger indeed.
‘Hush, hush,’ he says. ‘Hush, my love. It was a dream. Nothing but a dream. You’re safe now.’ He holds me gently against his fleshy comforting side, soft as a pillow.
‘My God, what a dream! God help me, what a nightmare!’
‘Nothing, it was nothing.’
‘I was so afraid. I dreamed I was dead.’
‘You are safe with me. You are safe with me, beloved.’
‘Did I talk in my sleep?’ I whimper. I am so afraid that I said his name.
‘No, you said no words, you just wept, poor girl. I woke you at once.’
‘It was so terrible!’
‘Poor little love,’ Henry says tenderly, stroking my hair, my bare shoulder. ‘You are safe with me. Do you want something to eat?’
‘No, no,’ I give a shaky laugh. ‘Nothing to eat. Nothing more to eat.’
‘You should have something, for comfort.’
‘No, no, really. I couldn’t.’
‘You are awake now? You know yourself?’
‘Yes, yes, I do.’
‘Was it a dream of foretelling?’ he asks. ‘Did you dream of my ships?’
‘No,’ I say firmly. Two of this man’s wives were accused by him of witchcraft; I’m not going to claim any sort of second sight. ‘It was nothing, it meant nothing. Just a muddle of castle walls and feeling cold and afraid.’
He lies back on the pillows. ‘Can you sleep now?’
‘Yes, I can. Thank you for being so kind to me.’
‘I am your husband,’ he says with simple dignity. ‘Of course I guard your sleep and soothe your fears.’
In a moment he is breathing heavily, his mouth lolling open. I put my head against his bulky shoulder and close my eyes. I know that my dream was the dream of Tryphine, the maid who was married to a man who killed his wives. I know it was the smell of dead wife on my own fingers.
SOUTHSEA CASTLE, PORTSMOUTH HARBOUR, SUMMER 1545
It is a most delightful day, like a painting of a summer day, the sun bright on the blue waters of the Solent, the brisk wind scuffing little white caps on the waves. We have climbed to the top of one of the defensive towers overlooking the harbour and, now that they have hauled the king up the stone stairs and he can see everything, he is delighted with the world, standing astride at the sea wall, hands on his hips, as if he were an admiral on his own ship, the court around him abuzz with excitement and anxiety.
I cannot believe that everyone is joyous, as if we were about to watch a joust on a summer day, as if this were the legendary Field of the Cloth of Gold – a struggle between France and England to be the most glamorous, the most graceful, the most cultured and the most sporting. Surely everyone knows that it is nothing like that today? This is not playing at war but the hours before a real battle. There can be nothing to celebrate and everything to fear.
Looking behind me, over the open fields of Southsea Common, I see that though the court is putting a brave face on it, I am not the only one to be anxious. The yeomen of the guard are already prepared for the worst, their horses saddled and held on tight reins by their pages, ready for mounting and galloping away. The guardsmen are already in armour, with only their helmets to put on. Behind them, the great baggage train that always follows the royal court everywhere – petitioners, beggars, lawyers, thieves and fools – is slowly dragging itself away – the baggage train always knows which side will win – and the people of Portsmouth are fleeing their own town, some of them walking under a burden of household goods, some riding, and some loading up carts. If the French defeat our fleet they will sack Portsmouth and probably fire it as well. The king’s court seem to be the only ones who expect triumph and are looking forward to a battle.
The many bells of the town churches are tolling as our ships get ready to sail out of the harbour, the hundreds of noisy peals scaring the gulls, who circle and cry over the sea. There are about eighty ships, the greatest fleet England has ever assembled, some on the far side loading crew and weapons, some ready to go. I can see them unfurling their sails to our right, deeper in the harbour, the rowing boats and the galleys busy about them, taking ropes and preparing to haul them out of port to the sea.
‘The greatest navy ever mustered,’ the king declares to Anthony Browne at his side. ‘And ready to fight the French in the new way. It will be the greatest battle we have ever seen.’
‘Thank God we are here to see it!’ replies Sir Anthony. ‘What a great chance. I have commissioned a picture to show our victory.’
The painter, hurrying with his sketch book to record the sailing from the harbour, gives a low bow to the king and starts to outline the view before us, the tower where we are standing, the harbour to our right, the ships slowly emerging, the sea before us, the fluttering pennants, the cannon rolled out at the ready.
‘I’m glad that my husband is not on board one of the ships,’ Catherine Brandon remarks quietly.
I look at her pale face and see a reflection of my own unease. This is not a masque, this is not one of the expensive spectacles that the court loves; this is going to be a genuine sea battle fought between our ships and the French in sight of land. I will see what Thomas faces. I will have to watch as his ship is bombarded.
‘Do you know who is commanding which ship?’ I ask her.
She shakes her head. ‘Some new admirals were named last night at dinner,’ she says. ‘The king has honoured his friends with commands so that they can take part in the battle. My husband wasn’t very happy at new men being put in command the night before they have to fight. But he is overall commander of land and sea, and, thank God, he stays on land.’
‘Why, are you afraid of the sea?’
‘I am afraid of all deep water,’ she confesses. ‘I can’t swim. But then nobody in armour can swim. Few sailors know how and none of the soldiers would be able to stay afloat in their heavy jackets.’
I stop her with a small gesture. ‘Perhaps nobody will have to swim.’
There is a ragged cheer from the quayside as the king’s newly-refitted ship Mary Rose spreads her beautiful square sails and throws out ropes to the galleys to drag her out to sea.
‘Oh, there she goes. Who is her commander?’
‘Tom Seymour, God bless him,’ Catherine says.
I nod and raise my hand to my forehead, as if to shield my eyes from the sunshine. I think, I can’t bear to watch him sail out to battle, and chirrup like one of my songbirds, as meaningless and as stupid as they. ‘It’s quite windy,’ I remark. ‘Is that good?’
‘It’s a benefit for us,’ Uncle Parr reassures me. He is standing with my ladies, his hands shading his eyes, staring out to sea. ‘They have fighting galleys that can get amongst our ships in flat calm. They can row wherever they like. But on a day like today, when we can cram on sail, we can burst out of the harbour and bombard them. We can come down on them like the wind, with the wind behind us.’
Everyone falls back as the king comes to stand beside me, his head high, gulping in the sea air. ‘It’s certainly a beautiful sight,’ I remark as one by one his ships are dragged out of port, raising their sails and being set free, like flying doves, like seagulls out to sea. The court cheers as each ship, the Peter, and the Henry Grace à Dieu, and the ships we have stolen from the Scots, the Salamander and the Unicorn, go past our vantage point. Then suddenly, as if a cloud has passed over the sun, we fall silent.
‘What is it?’ I ask Henry.
For the first time he is not looking out to sea, his face bright; he is not striking a pose, hands on hips for the artist that is sketching him. He looks behind him, as if to see that his guard is ready to cover his retreat, and then he looks back to where the dark blue mass of the Isle of Wight looms on the horizon. Before the island, in the channel, the French fleet has suddenly silently appeared, sailing in, row upon row of them. If it were land it would be a cavalry charge of huge coursers, ridden knee to knee, one row after another in a great bank of brute strength. But here there is no sound, and it is somehow more terrifying for this. The ships move easily through the water, their sails spread, all on the same tack, and there seem to be hundreds, thousands of them. I cannot see the sea, not between them nor beyond them. It is like a forest of sails on the move. They are like a wall of sail.
And before them, in their vanguard, is another fleet. These are galleys, each one moving with an aggressive thrust through the water, each one keeping time with the other, row after row leaping forward with each blow of the oars into the sea. Even from here, even from our brave pretty little turret on Southsea Common, I can see the dark mouth of the single cannon that is mounted in the prow of each low barge as it looks hungrily towards our ships, our few ships, our little ships, as they tumble out of the safety of harbour to defend our coast, and I know that on his flagship, the Mary Rose, Thomas Seymour will be beside the steersman, looking out and seeing that he is massively outnumbered.
‘God help us,’ I whisper.
The king looks down at me, sees my white face, and pulls the hat off his thinning hair. He waves it in the air. ‘For God! For Harry! And for Saint George!’ he bellows, and his court, and then the people all crowding around us, take up the cry so that they may even hear it over the sea: English sailors may even hear it as they look up and see death sailing towards them with thousands of sails spread wide.
The king is thrilled by the challenge. ‘We’re outnumbered but I think they are outgunned,’ he shouts. He takes Charles Brandon by the shoulder. ‘Don’t you think so, Charles? I think so! Don’t you think so?’
‘They’re outgunned,’ Charles says certainly. ‘But they’re double our number.’
‘You’ve got Portsmouth fortified,’ the king confirms.
‘I’ve got cannon on every point, including here,’ Charles says grimly. ‘If they come any closer you can fire the gun yourself.’
‘They shan’t come closer,’ the king declares. ‘I won’t have them in English waters. I forbid them to come anywhere near English land. I am the king! Are they going to challenge me on my own land? In my own castle? I am afraid of nothing. I am always completely fearless.’
I see that Charles Brandon does not look at me, as if it is better not to note the king’s vainglorious boast. I look around for Doctor Butts and I find his pale face at the back of the court. I nod to him and he draws closer.
‘His Majesty is overexcited,’ I observe.
He watches as Henry shouts for a page to help him limp painfully from one side of the tower to the other, as he leans out over the walls and claps a gunner on the back. He is acting like a man taking the battle to the heart of a weak enemy, certain of victory. He is shouting threats as if they can hear him, as if he can make any difference. He is acting as if his fury and his rage against the French can prevail against the silent approach of their thousands of ships and the steady beat – which now we can hear – of the drums from their galleys, keeping the time of the inexorable oars.
‘There is no containing him now,’ Doctor Butts says.
I know that we are about to see something terrible. The French fleet comes on and onward, and the little English ships bob out of harbour and cannot get themselves into any formation, the harbour barges fruitlessly pulling them forward, trying to catch the wind. A few ships spread their sails and move swiftly away from shore, and some of them try to come about to get their guns trained on the low French galleys. Mercilessly the French come on, the galleys before, the great ships behind.
‘Now you’ll see it! Now you’ll see something,’ the king predicts. He hobbles down to the outermost point on the castle wall, turns his head and shouts back to me, but his words are drowned in the roar of cannon as the first English ships come within range of the French guns.
The English cannon respond. We can see the black squares open up on the sides of the ships as the gun doors open and the cannon are rolled out, then a puff of smoke as each cannon fires and rebounds into the ship for reloading.
‘Mary Rose!’ Henry yells, like a boy naming his favourite champion in a joust. ‘Henry Grace à Dieu!’
I can see the Mary Rose getting ready to engage, her gun doors wide open. It seems like there are hundreds of them, stacked in rows from her upper deck to the waterline. I can see men on the upper deck: the master of the ship and the boatswain at the wheel, and a figure – I suppose it is Thomas; I suppose that sma
ll still figure in the bold red cape is the man I adore – standing behind them.
‘God keep him. Oh, God keep him,’ is all I whisper.
I can see the two fighting castles at prow and stern, built high, crowded with men. The sun is shining on their helmets and I see them raise their pikes as they wait for their chance to grapple and board the enemy ships. Thomas will lead them when the charge comes. He will have to jump from one ship to another and bellow for them to follow him. Below the fighting castles, over the middle of the open deck, there are nets stretched from side to side. They are the boarding nets, so that no-one can jump on board in a rival attack, and take our precious ship. I can see the ranked soldiers underneath the nets. When they get close enough to a French ship they will be released and swarm out.
‘Fire!’ Henry shouts, as if they can hear him from the castle. ‘Fire! Fire! I command it!’
A barge comes towards the beautiful wallowing English ship, the oars like the legs of an insect crawling through the water. A cloud of black smoke suddenly spits from the prow. Now we can smell the stink of gunpowder, drifting over the water.
The cannon of the Mary Rose roll forward to every open gunport so that she is bristling with weapons, all of them moving as one. She turns and fires from her left-hand guns and there is a simultaneous roar. It is beautifully done, and powerful as a move in a chess game. At once, we see one of the galleys struggling in the water, going down. The king’s great plan, Thomas’s strategy, is showing its power to the astounded enemy. Ship is engaging with ship, and the soldiers have nothing to do yet but cheer in their fighting castles and raise their swords in threat. The great ship is coming about, turning in the water, so that she can fire her starboard guns while the port guns reload.
A sudden gust makes all the standards snap with a noise like tearing silk. ‘Fire! Come about and fire!’ Henry shouts, but the wind is too loud for anyone to hear him. I hold my hat and Anne Seymour loses her cap, which goes sailing from the walls of the castle and out to sea.