Hey now, baby, why dun’t you come with me
Because you know how very good things can be.
Then the song ended and Cain stormed off the stage shouting, “Now bog off.”
Jack and Seth and Ruben took the applause.
Seth shouted to the crowd, “Treat us gently, girls!” And then they left the stage, too.
Charlie stood with me for a minute and I didn’t know what to do with my arms. He still had one of his round my waist and it felt lovely.
But then the lights went up and we sort of stepped apart.
Charlie said, “Er . . . thanks. That was nice. I’m just going to say well done to Jack. See you in a min.”
I didn’t know what had just happened. Charlie had danced with me like I was, well, a normal girl. It had seemed quite romantic, I think. So what did “see you in a min” mean?
People were putting their coats on. I could see Charlie with Jack and Vaisey hovering around. Jo and Phil were nowhere to be seen. Flossie had Ben by the shirt collar and was giving him little kisses on the mouth. He’s almost sure to explode. I felt I should do something, otherwise it looked like I was waiting for Charlie.
I turned to go to the loos but found myself face-to-face with Beverley and her sisters. They chewed on their gum. They’re not getting any smaller.
Eccles said, “Hello, tha big long lanky posh bumberskite.”
I felt very alone.
Beverley said, “I warned thee to keep your hands off our lads.”
As they were talking, the Tree Sisters had seen us and come over. Eccles said, “Ooooh, fear factor ten,” in a really sarcastic way.
Beverley sneered, “Look at thee, you great dunderwhelp. You think yer summat but you’re nowt. You jumped-up tart. We dun’t like thee and tha daft mates around here.”
Jo said, “Er, why don’t you call me daft again and see what happens next?”
Cain appeared between us, tutting, “You know what Ted said, we’re all little mates now, so play nicely, girls.”
Beverley said to him, “We were awreet, me and thee, afore she turned up.”
Cain said, “Beverley love, we were nivver awreet. You’ve been told there’s nowt doing wi’ me.”
The whole of the crowd seemed to be waiting for a fight. Beverley suddenly burst into tears and ran out of the hall. Followed by Eccles, Dil, and Chas. Eccles turned back to say to Cain as she went, “You’re bloody evil, you.”
He smiled and said, “Aye, it’s a gift. Not many can pull it off, tha knows.”
Eccles went off, shouting after her sisters, “Dun’t let her head off to the stream!! She’s got my bloody dress on.”
Cain turned his attention to me. “Well, well, those lasses seem not to like thee. Especially that Beverley for some reason.”
I held his gaze, but I wasn’t going to speak to him. Everyone else was standing around, wondering if anything was going to kick off.
Cain said slowly but loudly, “Did you have a nice time with your garyboy mates then, Miss Tallulah? Dancing abaht.”
I didn’t say anything.
Cain went on. “Nowt to say to me, miss? I thought we were close. We have been close, haven’t we? Reight close.”
Some of the big lads sniggered.
I said, “Why don’t you go off to your cave . . . and . . . leave me alone.”
Cain laughed, but not in a good way. He lowered his voice, but you could still hear every word. “But the last time, you din’t want me to go away, did you? That’s not what you wanted at all.”
The village lads were going, “Ooooooo! Naughty bumberskite.”
Charlie appeared from out of the crowd and stood in front of Cain with his arms folded and said, “Leave it out, mate.”
Cain said, “Or what, big boy?”
Seth and Ruben came over and joined Cain. Then Phil, Ben, and a couple of Woolfe boys joined Charlie. Jack was standing with Vaisey and he said, “Cain, leave it, mate.”
Cain said softly, “Careful, posh lads, you don’t want to get into any trouble with your mummies and daddies.”
Phil said, “Er, I think you’ll find that we’re at Woolfe Academy because we are in trouble with our mummies and daddies.”
Jo shouted, “Yeah, you lot, he tunneled out of his last school AND he destroyed a rugby pitch.”
I said, “OK, Jo, I think that’s enough of . . .”
But Jo had really got into her stride now. “They had to put a ball and chain on him to keep him at school.”
Vaisey said reasonably, “Well, it was a rubber one but . . .”
Flossie said, “You’re all talk and no action, you Hinchcliffs.”
Seth said, “Oh, now then, you’ve really hurt our feelings, hasn’t she, lads?” And the Hinchcliff brothers nodded.
Flossie had gone a bit red. Seth walked right up to her, eyeball to—well, fringe. And he said, “Look at this big lass. She’s not to be messed with, are you, luv? She needs to be treated wi’ respect.”
And he smacked Flossie on the bum.
Oh dear.
Ben pushed back his fringe and went and stood in between Flossie and Seth. He said, “Look, leave my girlfriend alone. Go outside, Florence, I’ll deal with this.”
We all looked at Ben in amazement. Including Flossie.
So did Seth. For about ten seconds.
Then he got hold of Ben by his jacket and lifted him up and put him on a bar stool. He turned back to Flossie. “As I was saying . . .” And he took Flossie’s glasses off and kissed her on the mouth.
Then he gave her glasses back.
There was a moment’s silence, then Flossie went ballistic. She smacked him on the bum and kicked him.
While they were scuffling, Charlie said directly to Cain, “Listen, mate. It’s just bad manners to harass girls who aren’t interested in you. What is it with you Hinchcliffs? You’ve got your pick—why choose someone who doesn’t like you? Tallulah said she doesn’t want anything to do with you. She said so . . .”
Ben had got off his stool and was wildly swinging at Seth, who was holding him off with one hand. Cain stopped laughing. He looked at Charlie and a hard, mean look came into his black eyes. Like coal shards gleaming.
He said slowly, “Doesn’t want owt to do wi’ me? Miss Tallulah doesn’t want owt to do wi’ me? You need to get your facts reight, MATE. Ask her about that time up on the moors, just me and her. She seemed to like me reight enough then.”
Oh Holy Mother of God.
He went up close to Charlie.
“I dun’t lie abaht lasses, I dun’t need to, but I tell thee, she does want to do wi’ me, otherwise why would she snog me . . . ? And it were a proper snog and I should know. If you don’t believe me, ask the lady herself.” Oh Angel Gabriel and the Heavenly Backup Team, please help me.
Charlie looked at me and said, “He’s lying, isn’t he, Lullah, and he’s going to be sorry for lying.”
Cain said, “Am I lying, Tallulah? Have we snogged?”
Oh no.
“Well. Erm, well, erm . . . it’s mostly lying because I was surprised and it was on the moors, it . . . well, only . . . you know, accidentally and . . .”
Charlie looked angry. He said, “So he’s telling the truth?”
I put my head down and everyone near us gasped, like I’d been found out as a witch. Charlie said, “I see, well, I didn’t know that.”
Cain said, “There’s a lot you dun’t know, posh boy.”
Charlie said, “Yeah—it seems so. I made a mistake.”
And he gave me a horrible look. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what.
Charlie walked over, grabbed his jacket, and said to the other Woolfe boys, “See you. Don’t forget the curfew.”
And he looked me right in the eyes, just for a moment, like he hated me.
Maybe I should dash after him? But I didn’t know what to say. Now he knew that I had snogged Cain. And so did the rest of Heckmondwhite.
Vaisey came and gave my
hand a little squeeze.
Flossie was out of breath after tussling. She leaned against me, panting, and said to Seth, “You big lug.”
Seth said, “You know I like dirty talk. If you get tired of floppy boy, I’ll see thee outside when we’ve packed up.”
And he and Ruben went off backstage.
Cain looked into my eyes and said, “Well, well, what a to-do. Garyboy didn’t seem reight pleased, did he? See thee.” And he went off backstage as well.
People were filing out of the hall into the moonlight. I had to get out into the fresh air. I felt faint. Some of the other Dother Hall girls crowded round me.
“What was all that about?”
“Is it true about you and Cain?”
“He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?”
“I’d snog him.”
“Or that Charlie.”
Vaisey slipped her arm through mine as we walked away from the church hall.
Flossie said, “Lullah, don’t take any notice. I think if you like Cain even though he’s bad, you should—”
I said, “I don’t. I don’t like him. I like Charlie and he hates me now.”
Vaisey said, “No, he doesn’t. He was just trying to look after you.”
As they left for Dother Hall, Vaisey said to Flossie, “Aren’t you going to wait for Seth, Flossie? He said he’d see you outside.”
Flossie said, “Hell, no . . . that boy needs to learn some manners. Night, y’all.”
Jo said, “Yeah, see you, Lullah. Everything will be all right. But, boy, Charlie was mad, though, wasn’t he? He must have felt like a right idiot defending you and then finding out you were a secret Cain-snogger.”
I let myself into Dandelion Cottage quietly. I could hear snoring and crept up the wooden stairs to my squirrel room.
What a night.
I didn’t know which was the worst bit: Charlie being angry with me after we’d had our special slow dance or Cain being so sneering and mean.
And humiliating me in public.
Now everyone knows.
That night I had a weird dream.
I dreamed I was Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, only I was half horsey, well, the leggy parts, and I was cantering about, kicking stuff with my horsey legs.
And Charlie appeared in a white frilly shirt and jodhpurs. He said, “It’s all right, Kate, I’ve got a big shrew and it’s got your name written all over it.” And he showed me the shrew and it had “Kate” written on it in black felt-tip.
He said, “Let’s eat it together.” And he put one end of the shrew in my mouth and the other end in his mouth. And we both started crunching. It was quite a crunchy shrew.
Then Cain appeared in a cavalier’s hat and black mask like a highwayman. He got his sword out and chopped the shrew in half so that Charlie was left with half a shrew in his mouth. But it wasn’t dead—it was just looking at me with its little beady eyes.
Then it winked.
The church bells of doom
I WOKE UP ON Sunday to the bells of doom. Well, the church bells.
The Dobbinses looked in on me on their way to church but I pretended to be asleep. It was cozy in my squirrel bed and maybe, if I stayed in it for the rest of my life, no one could get me. No one could humiliate me when I was safe in my . . .
There was a stomping up the stairs and Ruby clattered through the door with Matilda. She got into bed with me and shouted, “Boy, are you an IDIOT!”
She still had her coat and boots on. I said, “How do you know?”
She said, “Everyone knows. They’ll probably mention it in church. So tell me the details.”
After I told her, she looked at me with her mouth open.
“Well, I’ll go to the bottom of our stairs. So let me get this, you tongue-tangled with Cain. And you nivver said. And Cain told in front of everybody and Charlie got the hump. Boy, you are an idiot.”
I said, “You’ve said that already.”
“Yeah but you’re a double idiot. Have a jelly bean.”
Actually, it was a relief to talk to Rubes. I said, “I’ll have to leave Dother Hall.”
Ruby was sucking her jelly bean to get it as small as it would go, but she said, “Dun’t worry, nobody’s that bothered. I bet no one will mention it. It’ll be old news by now.”
Yeah, she’s probably got a point. Who’s going to be bothered about what Cain says?
We heard the door open downstairs and Dibdobs shouted up, “Helllooooooo, it’s us. We’re back!”
I shouted, “Hello!”
And Ruby said, “’Ello, I’m here as well.”
Dibdobs shouted, “Hello, Ruby!”
And the twins shouted, “Hello, Booby!”
Ten minutes later Dibdobs came up with tea and toast. She put it on the bed and beamed at me. As she went out she said, “Well, you need to build your strength up, Lullah, if you’re going out canoodling with boys.”
Oh dear God, she knows.
Everyone knows.
I said to Ruby, “I’ll have to stay in bed forever. I can’t face people.”
Ruby got up and said, “Look, this is the North. People here dun’t wear vests in winter. One of the lads in The Iron Pies wore a short-sleeved T-shirt all last December and he’s the snowplow man. He’s got Northern grit. You’ve got to get Northern grit.”
I’ve spent the whole afternoon pulling myself together and making notes about Northern grit.
Right, this is my list:
1. Walk tall. Straighten my shoulders and look people in the eye—so what if I have snogged a boy. It’s not a hanging offense. (P.S. Although it may be a “sitting on” offense if I bump into Beverley Bottomly.)
2. If in doubt, look “hard” and strong. Or else try a distant smile.
3. Never complain about the cold.
4. Be nice around Charlie and hope he will forgive me.
5. Never acknowledge Cain again.
6. Wear more hats.
I’ve been practicing special “Northern grit” attitude for tomorrow. I’m going to tie my hair back in a ponytail and I’ve been practicing a nonchalant shrug. I think shrugging is the way forward. Anyway, I haven’t really done anything to be ashamed of.
Well, I have actually. But onwards and upwards.
Also, as an added precaution, I’m going to set off slightly earlier tomorrow so that I don’t bump into anyone in the village. I’ll be old news by the time I get to Dother Hall. Besides this week will be hectic because it’s the assessment performances on Friday lunchtime.
It’s all very well having Northern grit lists—but when I woke up in the middle of the night on my own I couldn’t help remembering Charlie’s face. The look he gave me as he left. And I can’t bear it that he really hates me because . . . well . . . I . . .
And then the tears started.
And once they had I couldn’t stop. I muffled my face in my pillow and really cried.
I must have cried myself to sleep.
On Monday, when I walked into the entrance hall, I was besieged by girls. Nearly everyone asked me if it was true that I was a Cain-snogger. And, what was worse, they seemed to think it was a good thing to be.
Even Lav.
Oh God.
She came swishing and blinking up and ruffled my hair.
“To be sure, Lullah, you are the dark horse now, aren’t you? All this kissing the boys! And the naughty boys!”
I tried Numbers 1 and 3 on my Northern grit list. I straightened my shoulders and said, “This cold’s quite bracing, isn’t it?”
Vaisey and I are planning to rehearse every lunchtime in any space we can find for our duet performance. I thought if I plunged myself into work I could forget about Charlie. And about my new reputation at Dother Hall as a sort of groupie for The Jones.
At our first rehearsal, Vaisey said, “Even though Jack will never see this piece, I want to do what he said. You know, show my true self to the world.”
So we trotted around in the dance studio working out our
moves. As we trotted, Vaisey said, “I think Black Beauty and Merrylegs are symbolic of my feelings as a child about friendship and loss. I loved my pony Goldie, but then I got too big for her and she got sold and I cried for two weeks.”
I didn’t say anything.
Vaisey said, “Do you know what I mean, Lulles?”
Oh yes, I knew all about the crying game.
The shame game.
The pain game.
It’s all the same game.
But, as Sidone says, the show must go on.
Vaisey was trying out some dressage moves for Black Beauty when I reminded her of the rap I’d written about the owlets. She said, “Wow, that’s a brilliant idea. A rap. You could do a rap in this piece. Do you think you could make one up now?”
I said, “I’ll have a go. I’ll just improvise . . .”
I grabbed the false horsey legs and banged one of the hoofs against the radiator. It made a nice clunky sound. So I started stalking around, using the hoofs to bang things as I rapped.
Yeah, me know about the crying game,
The crying game is my game.
And me know about shame.
And the blame
It’s my middle name
Aye
Peace.
Vaisey said, “Wow, that’s really cool, isn’t it? It’s brilliant. Merrylegs could sing it right at the end as he dies. Honestly, Lulles, I don’t think there’s going to be a dry eye in the house.”
I didn’t say, but personally I think that a horse doing a rap song would mean there wouldn’t be a dry seat in the house.
Oh noooo, I can feel another enormous embarrassing incident coming on.
It happened even sooner than I thought. As Vaisey was prancing about neighing, she said, “This is the bit where we’re happy and free in our field playing together. I’ll do the cross hoof thing and you do high prancing and whinnying.”