CHAPTER IX.
IN WHICH MR. DINGWELL PUTS HIS HAND TO THE POKER.
AT eleven o'clock next morning, Mr. Dingwell was refreshed, and ready toreceive his expected visitors. He had just finished a pipe as he heardtheir approaching steps upon the stairs, and Miss Sarah Rumble pushedopen the door and permitted Mr. Levi and his friend to enter andannounce themselves. Mr. Dingwell received them with a slight bow and arather sarcastic smile.
Mr. Levi entered first, with his lazy smile showing his glitteringfangs, and his fierce, cunning, prominent eyes swept the room, andrested on Mr. Dingwell. Putting down his hat on the middle of the narrowtable, he stooped across, extending his lank arm and long hand towardthe white-headed old man with the broad forehead and lean brown face,who happened to turn to the chimney-piece just then, to look for apaper, and so did not shake hands.
"And Mr. Larkin?" said Mr. Dingwell, with the same smile, as he turnedabout and saw that slim, bald, pink-eyed impersonation of Christianityovertopping the dark and glossy representative of the Mosaicdispensation.
"Sit down, pray--though--eh?--has my friend, Miss Rumble, left us chairsenough?" said Mr. Dingwell, looking from corner to corner.
"Quite ample; thanks, many thanks," answered Mr. Larkin, who chose,benignantly, to take this attention to himself. "Three chairs, yes, andthree of us; pray, Mr. Dingwell, don't take any trouble."
"Oh! thank you; but I was not thinking of taking any trouble, only Ishould not like to be left without a chair. Miss Sarah Rumble, I daresay she's very virtuous, but she's not brilliant," he continued as heapproached. "_There_, for instance, her pot-house habits! She leaves myold hat on the centre of the table!" and with a sudden sweep of theebony stem of his long pipe, he knocked Mr. Levi's hat upon the floor,and kicked it into the far corner of the room.
"Da-a-am it; that'sh my hat!" said Mr. Levi, looking after it.
"So much the better for _me_," said Mr. Dingwell, with an agreeablesmile and a nod.
"An error--quite a mistake," interposed Mr. Larkin, with officiouspoliteness. "Shall _I_ pick it up, Mr. Levi?"
"Leave it lay," said Mr. Levi, sulkily; "no use now. It's got itsallowance, I expect."
"Gentlemen, you'll not detain me longer than is necessary, if youplease, because I hate business, on _principle_, as a Jew does ham--Ibeg pardon Mr. Levi, I forgot for a moment--the greatest respect foryour religion, but I do hate business as I hate an attorney--'Gad! thereis my foot in it again: Mr. Larkin, no reflection, I assure you, on yourexcellent profession, which everyone respects. But life's made up ofhours: they're precious, and I don't want to spoil 'em."
"A great trust, sir, a great trust, Mr. Dingwell, is _time_. Ah, sir,how little we make of it, with eternity yawning at our feet, andretribution before us!"
"_Our_ and _us_; you don't narrow it to the legal profession, Mr.Larkin?"
"I speak of time, generally, Mr. Dingwell, and of eternity andretribution as applicable to all professions," said Mr. Larkin, sadly.
"I don't follow you, sir. Here's a paper, gentlemen, on which I havenoted exactly what I can prove."
"Can I have it, Mr. Dingwell?" said the attorney, whose dove-like eyesfor a moment contracted with a hungry, rat-like look.
"No, I think, _no_," said Mr. Dingwell, withdrawing it from the long,red fingers extended to catch the paper; Mr. Levi's fingers, at a moremodest distance, were also extended, and also disappointed; "anything Iwrite myself I have a kind of feeling about it; I'd rather keep it tomyself, or put it in the fire, than trouble the most artless Jew orreligious attorney I know with the custody of it: so, if you just allowme, I'll read it. It's only half a dozen lines, and I don't care if youmake a note of it, Mr. Larkin."
"Well," he resumed, after he had glanced through the paper, Mr. Larkinsitting expectant _arrectis auribus_, and with a pen in his fingers,"you may say that I, Mr. Dingwell, knew the late Honourable ArthurVerney, otherwise Hakim Frank, otherwise Hakim Giaour, otherwise MamhoudAli Ben-Nezir, for five years and two months, and upwards--three days, Ithink--immediately preceding his death; for the latter four years veryintimately. That I frequently procured him small loans of money, and sawhim, one way or another, nearly every day of my life: that I was withhim nearly twice a day during his last illness: that I was present whenhe expired, and was one of the three persons who saw him buried: andthat I could point out his grave, if it were thought desirable to sendout persons acquainted with his appearance, to disinter and identify thebody."
"No need of that, I think," said Mr. Larkin, looking up and twiddlinghis eye-glass on his finger.
He glanced at Levi, who was listening intensely, and almost awfully,and, reading no sign in his face, he added,--
"_However_, I see no harm in making the note."
So on went Mr. Dingwell, holding a pair of gold glasses over his nose.
"I can perfectly identify him as the Hon. Arthur Verney, havingtransacted business for him respecting an annuity which was paid him byhis family; written letters for him when his hand was affected; and readhis letters for him when he was ill, which latter letters, together witha voluminous correspondence found in his box, and now in my possession,I can identify also as having been in _his_."
"I don't see any need, my dear Mr. Dingwell, of your mentioning yourhaving written any letters for him; it has, in fact, no bearing that Ican recognise upon the case. I should, in fact, apprehend complicatingthe case. You might find it difficult to specify, and we to produce, theparticular letters referred to; so I should simply say you _read_ themto him, at his desire, before he despatched them for England; that is,of course, assuming that you did so."
"Very good, sir; knock it out, and put that in; and I can prove thatthese letters, which can easily, I suppose, be identified by the writersof them in England, were in his possession, and that several of them Ican recollect his having read to me on the day he received them. That'spretty nearly what strikes me--eh?"
"Yes, sir--certainly, Mr. Dingwell--most important; but surely he had aservant; had he not, my dear sir?--an attendant of some sort? they're tobe had there for next to nothing, I think," hesitated Mr. Larkin.
"Certainly--so there was--yes; but he started for Egypt in a boat fullof tiles, or onions, or something, a day or two after the Hakim wasburied, and I'm afraid they'll find it rather hard to find him. I thinkhe said Egypt, but I won't swear."
And Mr. Dingwell laughed, very much tickled, with intense sarcasticenjoyment; so much so that Mr. Larkin, though I have seldom before orsince heard of his laughing, _did_ suddenly laugh a short, explosivelaugh, as he looked down on the table, and immediately looked very graveand sad, and pinked up to the very summit of his narrow bald head; andcoughing a little, he said,--
"Thank you, Mr. Dingwell; this will suffice very nicely for an outline,and I can consult with our adviser as to its particular sufficiency--isnot that your impression, Mr. Levi?"
"You lawyer chaps undusta-ans that line of business best; I know no moreabout it than watch-making--only don't shleep over it, for it's costingus a da-a-am lot of money," said Mr. Levi, rising with a long yawn and astretch, and emphasising it with a dismal oath; and shutting his greatglaring eyes and shaking his head, as if he were being victimised at apace which no capital could long stand.
"Certainly, Mr. Levi," said the attorney, "you quite take me with youthere. We are all contributing, except, perhaps, our valued friend, Mr.Dingwell, our quota towards a very exhausting expense."
"Da-a-md exhausting," interposed Mr. Levi.
"Well, pray allow me my own superlative," said the attorney, withreligious grandeur. "I do say it is very exhausting; though we are all,I hope, _cheerfully_ contributing----"
"Curse you! to be sure you are," said Mr. Dingwell, with an abruptprofanity that startled Mr. Larkin. "Because you all expect to makemoney by it; and I'm contributing my time, and trouble, and danger,egad! for precisely the same reason. And now, before you go--just amoment, if you please, as we are on the subject--who's Chancellor of theExchequer
here?"
"Who advances the necessary funds?" interpreted Mr. Larkin, with hispolitest smile.
"Yes," said the old man, with a sharp menacing nod. "Which of you twocomes down, as you say, with the dust? Who pays the piper for this danceof yours, gentlemen?--the Christian or the Jew? I've a word for thegentleman who holds the purse--or, as we Christians would say, whocarries the bag;" and he glanced from one to the other with a sniff, andanother rather vicious wag of his head.
"I believe, sir, you may address us both as _voluntary_ contributorstowards a fund for carrying on, for the _present_, this business of theHonourable Kiffyn Fulke Verney, who will, of course, recoup us," saidMr. Larkin, cautiously.
He used to say sometimes to his conducting man, with a smile, sly andholy, up at the yellow letters of one of the tin deed-boxes on hisshelves at the Lodge, after an adroit conversation, "I think it willpuzzle him, rather, to make an _assumpsit_ out of _that_."
"Well, you talk of _allowing_ me--as you term it--four pounds a week.I'll not take it," said Mr. Dingwell.
"My hye! That'sh liberal, shir, uncommon 'anshome, be Ga-a-ad!"exclaimed Mr. Levi, in a blessed mistake as to the nature of Mr.Dingwell's objection.
"I know, gentlemen, this business can't advance without me--to me it maybe worth something; but you'll make it worth a great deal more toyourselves, and whatever else you may find me, you'll find me no fool;and I'll not take one piastre less than five-and-twenty pounds a week."
"Five-and-twenty pounsh!" howled Mr. Levi; and Mr. Larkin's small pinkeyes opened wide at the prodigious idea.
"You gentlemen fancy you're to keep me here in this black-hole making_your_ fortunes, and living on the wages of a clerk, egad! You shall dono such thing, I promise you; you shall pay me what I say. I'll see thetown, sir, and I'll have a few guineas in my pocket, or I'll know thereason why. I didn't come ALL the way here for nothing--d--n you both!"
"Pray, sir, a moment," pleaded Mr. Larkin.
"_Pray_, sir, as much as you like; but _pay_, also, if you please. Uponmy life, you _shall_! Fortune owes me something, and egad! I'll enjoymyself while I can."
"Of course, sir; quite reasonable--so you should; but, my dear Mr.Dingwell, five-and-twenty pounds!--we can hardly be expected, my dearsir, to see our way."
"'Gad, sir! _I_ see _mine_, and I'll go it," laughed Mr. Dingwell, witha most unpleasant glare in his eyes.
"On reflection, you will see, my dear Mr. Dingwell, the extremeinexpediency of anything in the least resembling a _fraycas_" (Mr.Larkin so pronounced his French) "in your particular case. I shouldcertainly, my dear sir, recommend a most cautious line."
"Cautious as the devil," seconded Mr. Levi.
"You think I'm afraid of my liabilities," croaked Mr. Dingwell, with asudden flush across his forehead, and a spasm of his brows over his wildeyes, and then he laughed, and wagged his head.
"That's right--quite right," almost sighed Mr. Larkin--"do--do--_pray_do--just _reflect_ for only a _moment_--and you'll _see_ it."
"To be sure, I _see_ it, and _you_ shall see it, too. Egad! I knowsomething, sir, at my years. I know how to deal with screws, andbullies, and schemers, sir--and that is by _going straight at_ them--andI'll tell you what, sir, if you don't pay me the money I name, I'll makeyou regret it."
For a moment, Mr. Larkin, for one, did almost regret his share in thisuncomfortable and highly "speculative" business. If this Mr. Dingwellchose to turn restive and extortionate, it would have been better it hadnever entered into his ingenious head, and he could already see in theJew's eyes the sulky and ferocious expression that seemed to forebodedefeat.
"If you don't treat me, as I say, with common fairness, I'll go straightto young Mr. Verney myself, and put you out of the baby-housealtogether."
"_What_ babby-houshe?" demanded Mr. Levi, glowering, and hanging thecorners of his great half-open mouth with a sullen ferocity.
"Your castle--in the air--your d--d plot, sir."
"If you mean you're going to turn stag," began the Jew.
"_There_--do--pray, Mr. Levi--you--you _mistake_," interposed Mr.Larkin, imploringly, who had heard tales of this Mr. Dingwell's madtemper.
"I say," continued Levi, "if you're going to split----"
"Split, sir!" cried Mr. Dingwell, with a malignant frown, and drawinghis mouth together into a puckered ring, as he looked askance at theJew. "What the devil do you mean by _split_, sir? 'Gad! sir, I'd splityour black head for you, you little Jew miscreant!"
Mr. Larkin saw with a qualm that the sinews of that evil face werequivering with an insane fury, and that even under its sun-darkened skinit had turned pale, while the old man's hand was instinctively extendedtowards the poker, of which he was thinking, and which was uncomfortablynear.
"No, no, _no_--pray, gentlemen--I _entreat_--only _think_," urged Mr.Larkin, seriously alarmed for the Queen's peace and his own preciouscharacter, and for the personal safety of his capitalist and hiswitness.
Mr. Larkin confronted the Jew, with his great hands upon Mr. Levi'sshoulders, so as to prevent his advance; but that slender Hebrew, whowas an accomplished sparrer, gave the godly attorney a jerk by theelbows which quite twirled him about, to his amazement and chagrin.
"'Andsh off, old chap," said the Jew, grimly, to Mr. Larkin, who had notendured such a liberty since he was at his cheap day-school, nearlyforty years ago.
But Mr. Larkin interposed again, much alarmed, for behind him he thoughthe heard the clink of the fire-irons.
"He thinks he may say what he pleases," cried the old man's voicefuriously, with a kind of choking laugh.
"No, sir--no, Mr. Dingwell--I assure you--_do_, Mr. Levi--how _can_ youmind him?" he added in an undertone, as he stood between.
"I _don't_ mind him, Mr. Larkin: only I won't let no one draw it thatsort. I won't stand a lick of a poker for no one; he shan't come thatover me"--and concurrently with this the shrill voice of Mr. Dingwellwas yelling--
"Because I'm--because I'm--I'm--every d--d littlewhipper-snapper--because they think I'm down, the _wretches_, I'm tosubmit to their insults!"
"I _don't_ want to hurt him, Mr. Larkin; if I did, I'd give'm his tea ina mug this minute; but I don't, I say--only he shan't lift a poker to_me_."
"No one, my dear sir, has touched a poker; no one, Mr. Levi, everdreamed of such a thing. Pray, my dear sir, my dear Mr. Dingwell, don'tmisconceive; we use slang phrases, now and then, without the _least_meaning or disrespect: it has become quite the ton_g_. I assure you--itwas only last week, at Nyworth Castle, where I had the honour to bereceived, Lady Mary Wrangham used the phrase _yarn_, for a long story."
"D--n you, can't you answer my question?" said Mr. Dingwell, more inhis accustomed vein.
"Certainly, sir, we'll reply to it. Do, Mr. Levi, _do_ leave the room;your presence at this moment only leads to excitement."
Levi, for a moment, pondered fiercely, and then nodded a sulkyacquiescence.
"I shall overtake you in the court, Mr. Levi, if you can wait two orthree minutes there."
The Jew nodded over his shoulder, and was gone.
"Mr. Dingwell, sir, I can't, I assure you. It's not in my power; it isin the hands of quite other people, on whom, ultimately, of course,these expenses will fall, to sanction the outlay by way of weeklyallowance, which you suggest. It is true I am a contributor, but notexactly in cash; only in money's worth--advice, experience, andtechnical knowledge. But I will apply in the proper quarter, withoutdelay. I wish, Mr. Dingwell, I _were_ the party; you and I would not, Iventure to think, be long in settling it between us."
"No, to be sure, you're all such liberal fellows--it's always some oneelse that puts us under the screw," laughed Mr. Dingwell, discordantly,with his face still flushed, and his hand trembling visibly, "you neverhave the stock yourselves--not you,--there's always, Mr. Sheridan tellsus, you know, in that capital play of his, a d----d unconscionablefellow in the background, and in Shakspeare's play, _Shylock_, youremember, he hasn't the money himself, but Tubal, a wealthy H
ebrew ofhis tribe, will furnish him. Hey! I suppose they gave the immortalShakspeare a squeeze in his day; he understood 'em. But Shylock andTubal are both dead and rotten long ago. It's a comfort you can't escapedeath, with all your cunning, d--n you."
But Mr. Larkin spoke peaceably to Mr. Dingwell. The expense, up to acertain time, would, of course, fall upon Mr. Kiffyn Verney; after that,however, Mr. Larkin and the Jew firm would feel it. But be it how itmight, they could not afford to quarrel with Mr. Dingwell; and Mr.Dingwell was a man of a flighty and furious temper.