This is a work of fiction. The events and characters described herein are imaginary and are
not intended to refer to specific places or living persons. Any resemblance to any person or
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
All Rights Reserved
The right of Eduard Joseph to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him under the South African Copyright Act of 1978 (as amended).
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1.
Ben or Benny as his mother called him was one of those very scrawny little boys other boys usually picked on. He was small for his age and just a bag of bones. He didn’t look like he was nearly ten years old. He seemed more like a boy of six or seven.
Benny didn’t have a lot of friends. Who wants to be friends with the scrawny boy with all those connect the dots freckles? He had one friend though, Alex. They grew up as neighbors and were best friends for as long as they could remember. Alex was a bit obese for his age and wore thick glasses, which slid down his nose more than stay put.
The two boys sat under a tree in the back yard. Alex stared down at the scar on Benny’s right arm. The scar was about five inches and ran along is elbow.
Benny noticed that Alex was staring at the scar.
“You’re staring at my scar again.” Benny said.
“I can’t help it.” Alex said.
Alex pushed his glasses back into place.
“I wish I had a scar.” Alex said.
“Why would you want a scar?” Benny asked confused.
“My older brother said girls dig scars.” Alex said.
“Your older brother is an idiot” Benny said, “He repeated the ninth grade twice.”
There was a moment of silence as Alex stared down at the scar.
“How did you get that scar?” Alex asked.
“I’m not sure.” Benny said. “My mom said I got it one night when I had a nightmare. I fell out of the bed or something.”
“What movie did you watch that night?” Alex asked.
“What?” Benny asked confused, “What movie? I dunno. It was three years ago.”
“Maybe it was a movie that I can watch.” Alex said, “And get nightmares so I can fall out of bed and get my own scar.”
Alex pushed his glasses back up. Benny stared at him and shook his head. He knew that Alex had a couple of screws loose and they were rolling around in his head. Benny smiled.
They were the complete opposite and yet they were best friends. They stayed friends throughout school and even in high school. Benny stayed the scrawny guy with freckles and Alex stayed obese. They stood by each other when bullies bullied one another. They both graduated with honors from high school and went on to the same university.
After university, Benny became a doctor while Alex became a dentist. They stayed best friends and even bought houses next to each other so they could see each other every day.
They both met and fell in love with lovely ladies and got married a month apart. When they reached their thirties, Benny started gaining weight. His wife Emma was a nutrition specialist and concocted remedies to help him build up body mass, but not fat. She also helped Alex to lose some of his excess weight.
Alex and his wife Bonnie had two boys. Benny and Emma were unable to have children and it was something that ate at them every time they saw how Alex and Bonnie enjoyed spending time with their two boys.
When Benny turned thirty five, he and Emma decided to adopt. They got their names on the waiting list and knew it might take years before they would even get a call for an adoption. In the meantime they watched in agony as Alex and Bonnie’s boys grew up.
Benny was nearing his forties and they were still waiting for a call regarding an adoption. Time was running out. Soon he would be too old to raise a child.
Benny stood in front of the bathroom basin and stared into the mirror. He was staring at a complete stranger. His reflection was no longer his own. When did he get so wrinkled? Grey hairs were forcing their way out everywhere. He still felt like the scrawny boy he once was. Why did he look like his dad? Who was the old guy in the mirror staring back at him?
Emma entered the bathroom, and smiled a shy smile. This was not an unusual sight for her as he stared at himself every month; trying to figure out how he grew so old.
“Are you staring at yourself again?” Emma asked.
“No.” Benny lied, “I just had a senior moment and forgot why I was in here.”
Emma giggled, but she knew growing old was something that bothered him. He used to talk about his fears, but these days he suffered in silence. She had tried many times to comfort him by letting him know she was there right beside him – and that they were growing old together which was quite romantic, but he saw things different.
“Are you alright?” She asked.
Benny turned to her and faked a smile.
“I’m fine.” Benny lied, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know.” Emma said, “Maybe because your birthday is coming up and you always get this way around your birthday.”
“What do you mean?” Benny asked.
“Depressed.” Emma said. “You get extremely depressed and keep on staring at your reflection day in and day out.”
“I just hate growing old.” Benny said, “Why can’t we all stay young forever?”
“Who would want to live forever?” Emma asked, “I sure wouldn’t want to live forever. All the small things in life that excites us would eventually bore us. You would have nothing to look forward to. I’d rather not live forever.”
Benny turned back to the mirror and stared at his reflection with disgust.
“I wouldn’t mind.” Benny said in thought.
Emma stepped closer and kissed him in the back of his freckled neck.
“You just have to think about our lives together.” Emma said, “Think of all the wonderful memories we made over the years.”
“That’s all they are.” Benny said, “Memories.”
Emma knew that it was pointless. He would be in this sulking state for another two weeks and there was nothing she could say or do to get him out of it.
“I’m going to get breakfast started.” Emma said. “Come down whenever you are ready.”
Emma gave him another kiss on the cheek and left the bathroom. Benny stood in front of the mirror. He stared at his reflection with his head tilted. He did not feel as old as he looked. Is this the way the world perceived him – an old guy with nothing to offer?
He glanced at the razor blades lying on the edge of the tub. It could be so easy to end it all, but he didn’t want to kill himself. He wanted his youth back again – something his wife could never understand.