Read The Three Perils of Man; or, War, Women, and Witchcraft, Vol. 1 (of 3) Page 2


  CHAPTER II.

  This man's the devil's fellow commoner, A verie cloake-bag of iniquitie. His butteries and his craboun he deschargeth Flasche, not by airt or reule. Is it meet A Ploydenist should be a _cedant arma togae_, Mounted on a trapt palfrey; with a dishe Of velvatte on his heide, to keepe the brothe Of his wit warm? The devil, my maisteris, There is no dame in Venice shall indure itt.

  _Old Play._

  Whilst the knight and his lady were looking about in amazement fortheir mysterious guest, the tower-warder sounded the great bugle, atremendous horn that lay on a shelf in the balcony where he kept watch."One--two--three," said the knight, counting the three distinctnotes,--a signal of which he well knew the language,--"What can thatmean? I am wanted, it would appear: another messenger from the Douglas,I warrant."

  "Sir Ringan, keep by that is your own," said the lady--"I say, mind yourown concerns, and let the Douglas mind his."

  "Dame," said the chief, "I hae gotten some mair insight into that affairthan you; an' we maun talk about it by an' by. In the meantime let ushaste home, and see who is arrived."

  As they descended from the hill hand in hand, (for none walked arm inarm in those days,) they saw Richard Dodds, a landward laird, coming tomeet them. "Oh," said Sir Ringan, "this is my officious cousin, Dickieo' Dryhope; what business can he be come upon? It will be something thathe deems of great importance."

  "I hate that old fawning, flattering sycophant," said the lady; "andcannot divine what is the cause of your partiality for him."

  "It is his attachment to our house that I admire, and his perfectdevotion to my service and interests," said the knight.

  "Mere sound," exclaimed the lady bitterly: "Mere waste of superfluousbreath! I tell you, Sir Ringan, that, for all your bravery, candour, andkindness, you are a mere novice in the affairs of life, and know lessof men and of things than ever knight did."

  "It is a great fault in women," said the knight, making his observationgeneral, "that they will aye be meddling wi' things they ken noughtabout. They think they ken every thing, an' wad gar ane trow that theycan see an inch into a fir deal.--Gude help them! It is just asunfeasible to hear a lady discussing the merits of warriors an' yeomen,as it wad be to see me sitting nursing a wench-bairn."

  "Foh, what an uncourtly term!" said the lady; "What would King Robertthink if he heard you speaking in that uncouth stile?"

  "I speak muckle better than him, wi' his short clippit Highland tongue,"said the chief: "But hush, here comes the redoubted Dickie o' Dryhope."

  No sooner were the knight and his lady's eyes turned so as to meetDickie's, than he whipped off his bonnet with a graceful swing, and madea low bow, his thin gray locks waving as he bowed. Dickie was a tall,lean, toothless, old bachelor, whose whole soul and body weredevoted to the fair sex and the house of his chief. These two mightyconcerns divided his attention, and often mingled with one another;his enthusiasm for the one, by any sudden change of subjects orconcatenation of ideas, being frequently transferred to the other.Dickie approached with his bonnet in his hand, bowing every time theknight and lady lifted their eyes. When they met, Sir Ringan shook himheartily by the hand, and welcomed him to the castle of Mountcomyn.

  "Oh, you are so good and so kind, Sir Ringan, bless you, bless you,bless you, noble sir; how do you thrive, Sir Ringan? bless you, blessyou. And my excellent and noble lady Mountcomyn, how is my noble dame?"

  "Thank you," said the lady coldly.

  Dickie looked as if he would have shaken hands with her, or embracedher, as the custom then was, but she made no proffer of either the oneor the other, and he was obliged to keep his distance; but this had noeffect in checking his adulations. "I am so glad that my excellent ladyis well, and the young squires and maidens all brisk and whole I hope?"

  "All well, cousin," said the chief.

  "Eh! all well?" reiterated Dickie, "Oh the dear, delightful, darlingsouls, O bless them! If they be but as well as I wish them, and as goodas I wish--If the squires be but half so brave as their father, and thenoble young sweet dames half so beautiful as their lady mother--oh blessthem, bless them." "And half so independent and honest as their cousin,"said the lady, with a rebuking sneer.

  "Very pleasant! very pleasant, indeed!" simpered Dickie, without daringto take his lips far asunder, lest his toothless gums should be seen.

  "Such babyish flummery!" rejoined the lady with great emphasis. Dickiewas somewhat abashed. His eyes, that were kindled with a glow of filialrapture, appeared as with flattened pupils; nevertheless the benignantsmile did not altogether desert his features. The knight gave a shortlook off at one side to his lady. "It is a great fault in ladies,cousin," said he, "that they will always be breaking their jokes onthose that they like best, and always pretending to keep at a distancefrom them. My lady thinks to blind my een, as many a dame has done toher husband afore this time; but I ken, an' some mae ken too, that ifthere's ane o' a' my kin that I durstna trust my lady wi' when my back'sturned, that ane's Dickie o' Dryhope."

  "H'm, h'm, h'm," neighed Dickie, laughing with his lips shut; "My lady'sso pleasant, and so kind, but--Oh--no, no--you wrong her, knight; h'm,h'm, h'm! But, all joking and gibing aside--my lady's very pleasant. Icame express to inform you, Sir Ringan, that the Douglasses are up."

  "I knew it."

  "And the Maxwells--and the Gordons--and the hurkle-backed Hendersons."

  "Well."

  "And Sir Christopher Seton is up--and the Elliots and the Laird ofTibbers is up."

  "Well, well."

  "I came expressly to inform you--"

  "Came with piper's news," said the lady, "which the fiddler has toldbefore you."

  "That _is very_ good," said Dickie; "My lady is so delightfullypleasant--I thought Sir Ringan would be going to rise with the rest, andcame for directions as to raising my men."

  "How many men can the powerful Laird of Dryhope muster in support of thewarden?" said Lady Mountcomyn.

  "Mine are all at his command; my worthy lady knows that," said Dickie,bowing: "Every one at his command."

  "I think," said she, "that at the battle of Blakehope you furnished onlytwo, who were so famished with hunger that they could not bear arms, farless fight."

  "Very pleasant, in sooth; h'm, h'm! I declare I am delighted with mylady's good humour."

  "You may, however, keep your couple of scare-crows at home for thepresent, and give them something to eat," continued she; "the warden hasother matters to mind than wasting his vassals that the Douglas maywive."

  "Very true, and excellent good sense," said Dickie.

  "We'll talk of that anon," said Sir Ringan. And with that they went intothe castle, and sat down to dinner. There were twelve gentlemen and ninemaidens present, exclusive of the knight's own family, and they tooktheir places on each side as the lady named them. When Sir Ringanlifted up his eyes and saw the station that Dickie occupied, he wasdissatisfied, but instantly found a remedy. "Davie's Pate," said he tothe lad that waited behind him, "mak that bowiefu' o' cauld ploverschange places wi' yon saut-faut instantly, before meat be put to mouth."The order was no sooner given than obeyed, and the new arrangementplaced Dickie fairly above the salt.

  The dining apparatus at the castle of Mountcomyn was homely, but thefare was abundant. A dozen yeomen stood behind with long knives, andslashed down the beef and venison into small pieces, which they placedbefore the guests in wooden plates, so that there was no knife used atthe dining board. All ate heartily, but none with more industry thanDickie, who took not even time all the while to make the complaisantobservation, that "my lady was so pleasant."

  Dinner being over, the younger branches of the family retired, and allthe kinsmen not of the first rank, pretending some business that calledthem away, likewise disappeared; so that none were left with the knightand his lady save six. The lady tried the effect of several broad hintson Dickie, but he took them all in good part, and declared that he neversaw his lady so pleasant in his life. And
now a serious consultationensued, on the propriety of lending assistance to the Douglas. SirRingan first put the question to his friends, without any observation.The lady took up the argument, and reasoned strongly against themeasure. Dickie was in raptures with his lady's good sense, and declaredher arguments unanswerable. Most of the gentlemen seemed to acquiesce inthe same measure, on the ground that, as matters stood, they could notrise at the Douglas' call on that occasion, without being considered asa subordinate family, which neither the king nor the Douglas had anyright to suppose them; and so strongly and warmly ran the argument onthat side, that it was likely to be decided on, without the chief havingsaid a word on the subject. Simon of Gemelscleuch alone ventured todissent; "I have only to remark, my gallant kinsmen," said he, "that ourdecision in this matter is likely to prove highly eventful. Without ouraid the force of the Douglas is incompetent to the task, and the castlewill then remain in the hands of the English, than which nothing can bemore grievously against our interest. If he be defeated, and forfeit hislands, the power of the Border will then remain with us; but should hesucceed without our assistance, and become the king's son-in-law, itwill be a hard game with us to keep the footing that we have. Iconceive, therefore, that in withdrawing our support we risk everything,--in lending it, we risk nothing but blows." All the kinsmen weresilent. Dickie looked at my Lady Mountcomyn.

  "It is well known that there is an old prophecy existing," said she,"that a Scot shall sit in the Douglas' chair, and be lord of all hisdomains. Well would it be for the country if that were so. But tosupport the overgrown power of that house is not the way to accomplishso desirable an object."

  "That is true," said Dickie; "I'll defy any man to go beyond what mylady says, or indeed whatever she says."

  "Have we not had instances of their jealousy already?" continued she.

  "We have had instances of their jealousy already," said Dickie,interrupting her.

  "And should we raise him to be the king's son-in-law, he would kick usfor our pains," rejoined she.

  "Ay, he would kick us for our pains," said Dickie; "think of that."

  "Either please to drop your responses, Sir," said she, sternly, "orleave the hall. I would rather hear a raven croak on my turret in theday of battle, than the tongue of a flatterer or sycophant."

  "That is very good indeed," said Dickie; "My lady is so pleasant; h'm,h'm, h'm! Excellent! h'm, h'm, h'm!"

  Sir Ringan saw his lady drawing herself up in high indignation; anddreading that his poor kinsman would bring on himself such a rebuke aswould banish him the hall for ever, he interposed. "Cousin," said he,"it's a great fault in women that they canna bide interruption, an' themair they stand in need o't they take it the waur. But I have not toldyou all yet: a very singular circumstance has happened to me this day.Who do you think I found waylaying me at my gate, but our kinsman, thepowerful old warlock, Master Michael Scott."

  "Master Michael Scott!" exclaimed the whole circle, every one holding uphis hands, "has he ventured to be seen by man once more? Then there issomething uncommon to befal, or, perhaps, the world is coming to anend."

  "God forbid!" said Redhough: "It is true that, for seven years, he hasbeen pent up in his enchanted tower at Aikwood, without speaking to anyone save his spirits; but though I do not know him, this must have beenhe, for he has told me such things as will astonish you; and, moreover,when he left me, he laid himself down on the top of the Little Law onhis back, and the devils carried him away bodily through the air, ordown through the earth, and I saw no more of him."

  All agreed that it had been the great magician Master Michael Scott. SirRingan then rehearsed the conversation that had passed between thewizard and himself. All the circle heard this with astonishment; somewith suspense, and others with conviction, but Dickie with raptures ofdelight. "He assured me," said Redhough, "that my son should ride on hisown land from Roxburgh to the Deadwater-fell."

  "From Roxburgh to the Deadwater-fell!" cried Dickie, "think of that! allthe links of the bonny Teviot and Slitterick, ha, ha, lads, think ofthat!" and he clapped his hands aloud without daring to turn his eyesto the head of the table.

  "And from the Deadwater-fell to the tower o' Sark," rejoined the knight.

  "To the tower of Sark!" exclaimed Dickie. "H-- have a care of us! thinkof that! All the dales of Liddel, and Ewes, and the fertile fields ofCannobie! Who will be king of the Border, then, my lads? who will beking of the Border then? ha, ha, ha!"

  "And from the fords of Sark to the Deuchar-swire," added Sir Ringan.

  Dickie sprang to his feet, and seizing a huge timber trencher, he wavedit round his head. The chief beckoned for silence; but Dickie's eyeswere glistening with raprures, and it was with great difficulty herepressed his vociferations.

  "And over the Nine Glens of Niddisdale beside," said Sir Ringan.

  Dickie could be restrained no longer. He brayed out, "Hurrah, hurrah!"and waved his trencher round his head.

  "All the Esk, and the braid Forest, and the Nine Glens o' Niddisdale!Hurrah! Hurrah! Mountcomyn for ever! The warden for ever! hu, hu! hu!"

  The knight and his friends were obliged to smile at Dickie's outrageousjoy; but the lady rose and went out in high dudgeon. Dickie then gavefull vent to his rapture without any mitigation of voice, adding, "Mylady for ever!" to the former two; and so shouting, he danced around,waving his immense wooden plate.

  The frolic did not take, and Sir Ringan was obliged to call him toorder. "You do not consider, cousin," said the warden, "that what awoman accounts excellent sport at one time is at another high offence.See, now, you have driven my lady away from our consultation, on whoseadvice I have a strong reliance; and I am afraid we will scarcelyprevail on her to come back."

  "Oh! there's no fear of my lady and me," said Dickie; "we understand oneanother. My lady is a kind, generous, noble soul, and so pleasant!

  "For as pleasant and kind as she is, I am deceived if she is easilyreconciled to you. Ye dinna ken Kate Dunbar, cousin.--Boy, tell yourlady that we lack her counsel, and expect that she will lend us it for ashort space."

  The boy did as he was ordered, but returned with an answer, that unlessDickie was dismissed she did not choose to be of the party.

  "I am sorry for it," said Sir Ringan; "but you may tell her that she maythen remain where she is, for I can't spare my cousin Dickie now, norany day these five months." And with that he began and discussed themerits of the case _pro_ and _con_ with his kinsmen, as if nothing hadhappened; and in the end it was resolved, that, with a thousandhorsemen, they would scour the east border to intercept all the suppliesthat should be sent out of England, and thus enrich themselves, while,at at the same time, they would appear to countenance the madundertaking of Douglas.