He stared down at me.
Then he burst out laughing.
I stared up at him.
Then I glared up at him.
And finally I pushed at his shoulders to slither out from under him because really . . .
How embarrassing!
He let the back of my knee go to plant his forearm in the bed so he didn’t give me all his weight when he clamped an arm around my waist and held me right where I was.
“Oh no, you’re not takin’ off on me this time,” he muttered.
I looked to his nose, his shoulder, the ceiling.
“Cady,” he called.
“I’m out of practice,” I stated.
His body started shaking again.
It felt very nice.
I was still mortified.
“Cady,” he repeated.
“I’ll get in the swing of things again,” I promised his ear.
“Cady, honey, are you being serious here?” he asked, still sounding amused but also sounding incredulous.
“No man wants a woman who just lays there and . . .” I didn’t know how to finish that so I mumbled, “Lays there.”
“Don’t know about other guys, but this guy, the one who’s still inside you and likes it there, gets off on his woman bein’ so into what he’s doin’ to her she latches onto his hair and clamps on with her legs and, I’ll note, when you do that other parts of you clamp too. So you might not think you did anything, Cady, but you did a lot of things and they were all really fuckin’ good.”
I finally looked at him.
“Really?” I asked skeptically.
“I think if pressed a guy can fake it but just sayin’, I’m not that good of an actor.”
And as suddenly as I grew mortified, his words made me dissolve into hilarity and I giggled underneath him, liking very much how his face got soft while he watched me.
My giggles were fading away when he kissed me deep and sweet then lifted his head.
When he did, I saw he was no longer amused.
“You made me pie.”
I moved a hand to cup his cheek. “Yes. Is that okay?”
“I wanted to give you a tour of the house. Make sure Midnight was good. Show you the tree my kid made since she picked all the ornaments.”
So that explained the tree.
And that made me adore his tree and I hadn’t even taken it all in.
Coert kept speaking.
“Pour you wine. Relax. Make you comfortable in my space. But I saw that pie and dragged you to my bed. So yeah, honey. I think it’s safe to say that’s okay.”
Even if it was okay, I still felt the need to explain.
But I did it quietly.
“It went bad for us, but before it did, it was pure beauty and I want to stop that from causing pain and start remembering the way it really was.”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
I slid my hand back and stroked his hair. “I’m glad you liked it.”
“I liked it.”
I grinned at him. “Especially that much.”
Coert grinned back. “Definitely liked it that much and I haven’t even tasted the pie.”
He’d like it even more when he tasted the pie.
We looked into each other eyes, sharing a moment of nostalgia and togetherness and intimacy that made me want to laugh. To cry. To shout with glee.
I kept silent and let it just . . . be.
After long, beautiful moments, Coert whispered, “You want wine?”
I nodded.
“I’m losin’ you so I’m gonna slip out and deal with this condom.”
“Okay,” I said softly.
He kissed me. He slipped out. He pulled a throw spread over the bottom of his bed over me and I watched him walk to and through a door before I saw the light go on, sharing what I knew. It was his bathroom.
Midnight, quiet and absent during the excitement in bed, as she’d been the night before (couch and bed), shambled after him.
I held the throw to me and sat up, realizing that the lights were on at both nightstands and they had been when we entered the room.
I also felt something lovely and warm niggle inside me because Coert’s favorite color was blue. I knew that back in the day and I saw it now all around me. The walls were deep, dark blue. The covers and sheets the same. The throw a shade darker, but the same. Even the button-backed accent chair and matching ottoman in a corner were the same. All the way to the tile I could see in his bathroom.
The only change in color was the dark wood baseboards, headboard and footboard and the taupe shades on the lamps.
My eyes drifted to the light on his nightstand (the base was glass, but it was blue) and it occurred to me the lights were on outside, in the kitchen, in the hall, the living room where the tree was, everywhere.
Coert came back and I wasn’t thinking about lights.
I was seeing him naked in a time where my world hadn’t been altered in an impossibly magnificent way so it was a time I could enjoy the view.
And I was watching him walk to me thinking he’d seemed leaner years ago, but now he seemed bigger, not large or stocky, just like there was more to him. His stomach was flat, and if not boxed to cut perfection, there was definition down the center, and up in his pectorals. His hipbones came out in slight relief. His chest and stomach were lightly furred (as they had been years ago).
And his shaft was perfectly formed, nestled in dark curls that made it stand out even when it wasn’t hard or it was semi-erect, like it was now.
His body was beautiful, head to foot.
I liked it all. I loved some parts more than others (forearms, behind, pectorals, to name a few).
But I’d always adored his cock.
I blinked when I lost sight of it because I was abruptly tangled up in Coert’s blue throw, as well as Coert’s limbs.
I looked to his face.
He was smiling.
Widely.
He had amazing teeth.
Another part of him I loved and not just because they were attractive to look at.
“Afraid you’re gonna have to give it a rest, honey. As much as it wants to show you its appreciation for the look you just gave it, it needs more than ten minutes to recuperate. And that’s not because I’m not twenty-seven anymore. If you’ll think back, it needed more time than that then too.”
“Sorry?”
“My dick.”
I felt my eyes get wide. “Sorry?”
“Baby, you were staring at my dick like you wanted to pounce on it.”
I undoubtedly was.
I looked to his ear again, and again I was mortified.
He started laughing, pulling me close and tangling us tighter.
“You have a lot of lights on,” I declared in some desperation to get us off the subject of me staring at his cock.
“Yeah,” he agreed, still chuckling. “Got a kid who can’t reach switches, not to mention a lot of the lamps. Learned she wants to go somewhere without breaking her neck, or even taking a header, both I’d really prefer she not do, and feel free to go anywhere she wants, that I need to keep the path lit whatever she decides that path will be. She’s not here I do it anyway to keep in the habit.”
I felt myself melt into him, sliding a hand to rest it at the base of his throat and saying, “I’m beginning to think you’re not a good dad, you’re an amazing one.”
“That’s the goal,” he muttered, gazing into my eyes.
I gazed into his and allowed myself to enjoy the show.
Coert broke it asking quietly, “Midnight taken care of with goin’ outside?”
“It probably wouldn’t hurt to give her another go as well as a tour of your house so she knows the lay of the land.”
I said this last because my dog should know the lay of the land.
And I wanted that too.
“Then let’s get dressed. I’ll take her out. Then get you wine. And I’ll give you and your dog a tour.”
“That sounds like a
plan, Coert.”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
But he didn’t set about doing it.
He kissed me.
He did it for some time.
And only after he’d done that did he set about instigating our plan.
“It’s a good idea.”
“It is?” I asked.
It was after Coert took Midnight out in his backyard.
After, while he was doing this and I was out getting my bag, I noticed two stainless steel dog bowls on a mat on the floor by the door to the laundry room that he’d clearly gotten just for Midnight since he clearly didn’t have a dog himself.
One bowl had water. The other had food.
It was after I dealt with that lovely show of thoughtfulness.
After he poured me wine, got himself a beer and walked Midnight and me through his house that was very attractive, very masculine, very him, every corner, every nook and cranny.
Except a little girl’s room, which had white wallpaper on the walls that had big bright blue and pink flowers on it, a little bed with a pink satin comforter that had ruffles on the edges, a princess canopy hanging from the ceiling, and a white nightstand with a pink drawer that had a big swirly pink and white knob (among other equally very little girl things).
A room so perfect for a little girl, it was ridiculously perfect and there was no way it would have come about unless it came about like Coert had explained the Christmas tree had come about and she’d picked everything in it.
Yes, definitely yes.
He was an amazing dad.
“You do know, Sheriff,” I said softly, standing in the doorway of Janie’s room, “that evidence is clearly pointing to the fact you’ve got a great daughter because she’s got an amazing father, and since she gets that, she gives it back.”
These words came out of my mouth.
A growl surged up his throat.
And we then made out in the doorway to Janie’s room.
But before I poured my wine down his back or did something highly inappropriate in the doorway to his daughter’s room, Coert ended it and led me back downstairs to his couch.
It was after all that, the Christmas lights and the blazing fireplace with lamps turned low making it cozy, Coert pulling a blanket over us cuddled in the corner making it cozier, I’d told him about the deal I’d made with Mike.
I was certain he’d refuse.
But he’d immediately said it was a good idea.
“She has a lot of people in her life, Cady. So she’s learned to be social,” Coert explained. “Kim has a big family and they don’t all live close but they get together a lot, especially during holidays. We both work so Janie goes to preschool and has a lot of friends, which means birthday parties and play dates and stuff like that. She comes into the station with me, and I have to keep a close eye no one takes off with her because the guys love her, everyone loves her and wants her sitting in their lap at their desk or hanging at the bench with them.”
He pulled me closer and kept talking.
“She’ll love having a big Christmas dinner even with people she doesn’t know. She’s used to things like that. But more, even at her age, I think it’ll get in there that she’s glad her dad has that. I live alone. I have friends. They love her. But it’s not the same as what her mom’s got. And the last time she saw you, you burst into tears. I don’t know if she remembers it, but she probably does. She asked when I got back from you if I made you okay. It’ll be good she sees you’re okay.”
I didn’t want to think about that or how I’d go about explaining that if she remembered me.
We had to think about other things.
“You haven’t had the chance to talk to Kim about me,” I pointed out. “I’m not sure if I was Kim that I’d be good with this going this fast.”
“First, I have news on that for you,” he started interestingly, but when he went on it was not about that. “And second, this feeling is sure to fade but I have it and I’m aware I need to ride it out for now. This urgency to make up time, to build on what we got and make it stronger so it’ll withstand if anything comes and shakes it. It feels like running to catch up because that’s what we’re doing. I don’t know if we’ll ever feel we’re caught up. I just know we have enough on our plates to fight that back now so I’m gonna let that be what it has to be. But part of running to catch up is the fact that you’re in my life. It’s real. It’s happening. It’s not going to end. And Janie’s a part of my life the same way. In other words, I’m not feeling like waiting, being cautious, hanging back. This does not mean I want to blindside my daughter with what’s happening. But I don’t have to think too hard on the fact this is gonna shake up her life and it’s honestly a good idea to introduce you into it without putting too much pressure on her or you.”
He stroked my back and kept speaking.
“We could do one on one. And knowing my kid, she’d be good with one on one. But we got this shot to make it fun and happy and about family and holiday and not just about you and her. I’m thinkin’ it’s a good idea we take it.”
That made sense and it was his daughter, his choice, and last, I liked that he felt that way but only because I felt the same and it was a good strategy to deal with it, just allowing ourselves to feel it, “ride it out” and run to catch up because that was how it needed to be.
However, there was something else he said that took my attention.
“If that’s what you want, I want what you want and you know Janie so you know best. But, Coert, what’s the news on talking to Kim about me?” I asked.
He nodded in a way I suspected he nodded to his deputies quite often, matter of fact, and there was something confident about it that made my belly settle.
“Called Kim after we got off the phone this morning, asked if her sister or one of her friends could look after Janie after work so we could talk. She arranged that, and while you were having your dinner with your family, I took some chicken from Wayfarer’s over to Kim’s. We ate and I told her about you.”
Okay, well, it was becoming very apparent that when Coert said he was riding out the urgency of running to catch up, he was not lying.
“You did?”
That came out squeaky and because of that, it made Coert grin.
“How did she take it?” I asked.
His grin died, my stomach went from settled to clenched and he took in a deep breath before he said, “She did not get up and do cartwheels before declaring she was going to plan our wedding shower.”
Now my stomach dipped at the words “wedding shower.”
Coert couldn’t feel that so he kept on.
“But she understood. She told me she had a feeling what was holding me back was something like that. She already knew there was no chance for us. So now she’s aware there’s a you. She’s aware that this is serious and it’s gonna last. She’s aware that you’re gonna be a part of Janie’s life and be that imminently. And honest to God, it threw me, but she also put together me working shit out with you was what pushed me to work shit out with her. So in the end she said she was grateful you came back so she and I could build something more for our daughter and just . . .” he shrugged, “find something that made me happy.”
I had not allowed myself to think anything about Janie’s mother because I had not allowed myself to think I had the right to think anything about Janie’s mom.
If I had, from what I’d known, it would not be much.
But at that time I was glad I hadn’t formed an opinion, because what she did was wrong but I knew how you could do things that were wrong, and if you allowed it time, they could turn out right.
“That’s fantastic, Coert,” I said quietly. “And I’m glad that’s done for you and her. But I’m still not sure she wants this to happen for her daughter on Christmas.”
“You got dinner sorted?”
I was confused at his question. “Sorry?”
“Christmas dinner. You already bought everything?” he as
ked.
I nodded.
“You skimp?”
I was again confused. “Skimp?”
“You skimpy in hopes there’s no leftovers?” he explained.
“There are six males in that equation, and of those six, three are still growing boys, even if Dexter might never speak to me again if he knew I called him a ‘growing boy.’ They eat. A lot. So no. I don’t skimp.”
“Then you’ll have enough if another male and a five-year-old show for dinner.”
I understood him then and smiled.
I also nodded again.
“I’ll call Kim tomorrow,” he stated. “Share that with her and see where she’s at. If you feel you have to make another pie or whatever, we’ll go to the store before you go back home to get the stuff. But regardless, if you’re good either way, then it’s just good either way.”
“Yes,” I agreed.
His voice dipped low when he said, “If we make it hard, Cady, if we make a big deal of it, if we communicate there’s something to worry about or we feel we might be doing something wrong, Janie’ll read that. If we just are what we are right here and right now, and your family is good to her and me, which I know they’ll be because they love you, then we’ve got nothing to worry about.”
How marvelous that would be.
To have nothing to worry about.
“That said,” he carried on. “I’d get the duty call with your folks done before Janie gets there because Pat made mention of them in a way I know they haven’t changed. I also know Caylen was pulling his usual shit just months ago. So if they upset you, that’ll upset me which in turn will upset Janie. And if you feel you gotta do it, I won’t advise you this soon back into us not to do it. But I don’t think it’s good at this juncture that I see it, definitely not Janie seeing it, and I’ll warn you now that when we got more time under our belts, we’ll be talking about them.”
As he spoke, my body grew more and more still but he didn’t notice it until he was done talking.
And I had an idea what my face looked like when his eyes narrowed on it before they became angry.
Which prompted him to whisper ominously, “What?”
“They’re dead, Coert.”
The anger vanished while he did a very slow blink.
“What?” he asked.