“No, you are.” She tried to subdue the joy soaring through her. He was alive. He was with her again. “Don’t you remember?”
He thought for a moment. “Balkir.”
She nodded.
“How long ago?”
“This is the second dawn.” She shuddered. “It was a terrible wound. Everyone thought you’d die, but Tarik saved you.”
“How?”
“He had a medicinal potion that cured you.”
“And how did I come to be back here?”
“Nasim sent us back. He said he knew Tarik could save you.”
“Interesting. What else did—”
“Be silent. You must save your strength.”
“I don’t feel weak. I’m growing stronger every minute.”
“Oh, no, you’re not at all weak. That’s why you’ve slept like the dead for all this time.”
“If I’m ill, you should have the mercy to refrain from stinging me with your serpent’s tongue. It might send me into a decline.”
Did he speak truth? Dear God in heaven, she had not meant to—
“Don’t look like that. I was jesting.”
“A poor jest,” she said unsteadily.
He reached out and gently touched the delicate skin beneath her eye. “Shadows. You’re wizened and gaunt as an old woman. It would make anyone sick to gaze at that face.”
“Ungrateful oaf.”
“Go away and rest. I need someone both more pleasant to behold and more appreciative of my humor to tend me.”
She rose to her feet. “Then I’ll no longer waste my time on you. I’ll send Haroun to care for your needs.”
“For the next day and night. After that you may be recovered enough that I can tolerate you.”
“And am I to tolerate your abuse? You’re a foolish man, and I should never have suffered and labored to keep your carcass alive. I didn’t ask you to step in front of Balkir’s sword.”
“I could do nothing else.” His eyes closed. “But at the moment I’m feeling a few twinges of regret. This hole in my chest must be as big as a turret.”
She instantly frowned in concern. “Are you in pain?”
“Perhaps.” He opened one eye and smiled slyly. “Or perhaps I see no other way to hold my own with you. You cannot attack a man in such woeful straits.”
“I could.” She moved toward the door. “And I will, if you don’t behave yourself.”
“I’ll try.”
His voice was a mere wisp, and she glanced back at him with renewed panic. He looked so pale and weak. He had come so close to death, and that specter might still be hovering. “Balkir almost killed you. We were both wrong about him.”
“I knew he could be dangerous if backed into a corner.”
“And yet you wanted him to come with us. You said you would have asked for him.”
“I wanted him close.”
“Why?”
“He had to pay for what he did at Montdhu.” He didn’t open his eyes. “He hurt you. . . .”
Tarik was standing over him when Kadar woke again.
“So you survived,” Tarik said. “I wasn’t sure you would.”
“You appear to be disappointed.”
“I’m not disappointed. I just don’t like to interfere when death comes calling.”
“Then you shouldn’t have helped me to live.”
Tarik grimaced. “I had no choice. Selene would have cut my throat if I hadn’t found a way to keep you alive. She can be very savage.”
“And that’s the only reason you saved me?”
“Perhaps. Perhaps not. I choose not to examine my motives in the matter. How do you feel?”
“Well enough.”
“Pain?”
“Yes. Can you give me a potion to rid me of it?”
“No, you must bear it. I’ve no potion to prevent the pain of healing. Besides, I’ve done too much already. Nasim will probably hear that you still live and assume I’ve delved into sorcerers’ tricks to bring that about.”
“And have you?”
“You too?” He sighed. “I’m no sorcerer, and we must try to convince Nasim of that truth. Now he’ll be more certain than ever that my treasure gives power, and I’ve no desire to battle him at present.”
“He’ll go away if you give him the golden box.” Kadar paused. “And the grail with it.”
Tarik smiled. “But then you’d have no reason to stay, and I’d be desolate if I could no longer have the pleasure of your company. No, I think we must think of another ploy to rid ourselves of Nasim.”
“We? I came here on Nasim’s mission.”
“But don’t you think a sword through the chest frees you of any promise to him? That act would sway even someone as stubborn as you.” He turned to go. “Think upon it. I’ll return tomorrow to check your progress. I think you’ll heal quickly, but one never knows with a chest wound.”
______
Within a week Kadar was well enough to sit up in bed. Another few days and he was taking a few halting steps around the chamber. By the second week he was prowling like a tiger and proving the impossible.
“Sit down,” Selene said. “I’ve never seen such a foolish man. What if your wound breaks open?”
“It’s healing well. I don’t believe there is any danger.” He paused and then said tentatively, “I think I’ll go down to the courtyard today.”
“You most certainly will not.” She pushed him down in the chair. “I’ve not worked to get you well to have you spoil everything by being impatient.”
“Is he proving troublesome?” Tarik stood in the doorway. “I suppose I could toss him over the battlements to Nasim.”
“Are you sure Nasim is still here?” Kadar asked.
“Oh, yes, I understand he’s still waiting like a hungry cobra scenting a saucer of milk.” He strolled forward. “I’ve always feared cobras. When I was a boy, it was not uncommon to wake and see a snake slithering about the floor of the hut where I lived. I learned to leave nothing about to attract them.”
“You didn’t learn that lesson well.”
Tarik chuckled. “You speak of my treasure? One must always weigh threat against value. Someday I may decide that the threat is greater than the prize, but that time is not yet. Besides, the treasure may not be the only saucer of milk Nasim is hungering after. I believe he’s curious.”
“About why Kadar is still alive?” Selene asked.
“Exactly.” He pushed aside the bandage and looked at the wound. “Not pretty, but I don’t think you need worry about him any longer, Selene. Let him go his own way.”
She felt a sense of loss that she quickly hid. “Good. I’ve no desire to put up with any more of his nonsense. He’s been a great bother to me.”
Kadar smiled knowingly. “Have I?”
She ignored him and addressed Tarik. “Will Nasim attack?”
Tarik shrugged. “Who knows what Nasim will do? He has not attacked yet. Maybe he’s waiting and watching for the right moment.”
“And you’re content to stay here and let him do it?”
“What else do you suggest?”
“I don’t care what you do. Just let us go. Kadar is still weak, and we have nothing to do with what is between you and Nasim. I escaped here once before and I could have avoided Balkir’s men. We can go over the wall again.”
“What an admirable single-mindedness you possess,” Tarik said. “You ignore everything but what you wish to protect. I’m afraid it’s not that simple.” His gaze shifted to Kadar. “Is it?”
Kadar met his gaze. “Her plan is not so bad.”
They were closing her out, Selene realized with helpless frustration. The look they were exchanging was one layered with understanding and some other emotion she couldn’t define.
“Then will you go?” Tarik asked.
“I haven’t finished what I came here for.”
“You almost died. Balkir nearly carved out your heart,” Selene said harshly. “Do you
want to stay here and let it happen again?”
“It won’t happen again,” Tarik said. “I went to a great deal of trouble to keep him alive, and I don’t like to see any effort wasted. Now I consider it my duty to watch over Kadar.”
“You can’t know it won’t happen again.”
“I know that he has a better chance under my guardianship than under yours.” He added bluntly, “We both know that his wound would never have occurred if you’d not left the castle.”
She felt as if he had struck her.
“Tarik,” Kadar said warningly.
“I’ve no wish to hurt her, but I’ll not lie.”
“It was my choice to go back for her.”
“Stop defending me.” Selene swallowed to ease her tight throat. “He’s right. It was my fault. But that doesn’t mean—” Their faces were blurring before her. She couldn’t stay in this chamber without breaking down and weeping like a desolate child. “I have to go. I need—I forgot—”
She was running from the chamber and down the hall.
She had reached the staircase when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Stop,” Tarik said. “I can’t run down those stairs after you without taking a tumble. Won’t you take pity on a crippled old man?”
She didn’t look at him. “No, you don’t need my pity. Even crippled, you can keep Kadar safer than I did. You were right. It was my fault that—”
“Enough. I feel quite guilty. We both know I used those harsh words only to win my own way.”
“True words.”
“True but cruel. Now turn around and let me see if my words are easing you.”
She slowly turned to face him. “Is that why you came after me?”
“Partly. I’ve grown very fond of you. I don’t like to see you in pain.”
His words had the ring of truth, and his expression was more gentle than she’d ever seen it. “But you did it deliberately anyway.”
“Not willingly. I would never hurt you willingly, Selene.”
His tone held a note of sadness and finality that made her suddenly wary. “You said easing me was only part of the reason you came after me.”
He nodded.
“Tell me.”
“I want you to leave the castle. I’ll provide you with a guard, gold, and a way of departing here that’s much safer than the means you chose before. There’s a tunnel beneath the dungeon that ends in the woods a few miles from here. You and Haroun should reach Scotland before the winter storms.”
“I and Haroun,” she repeated slowly. “Not Kadar.”
“Kadar stays here.”
“I won’t go without him.”
“He’ll be quite safe. After you’re safely away, I’ll take him out the same way.”
“Then why not let him come with me?”
He shook his head.
“Why?”
“You made me a promise. You vowed you’d do anything I said, if I saved Kadar’s life. I saved him. Now I’m asking you to keep your word.”
“I’m not Kadar, who obeys promises blindly. Do you think I’ll let you get Kadar killed by using him to do some foolish task for you?”
“You’d prefer to get him killed protecting you?”
Pain sliced through her. “That’s not fair. It wouldn’t happen again.”
“I wish I could believe you. I cannot. He won’t be safe until you’re safely back at Montdhu.”
“I told you, nothing would have happened to him if everything had gone as I planned. I didn’t know Nasim would come to—”
“True, but circumstances seldom can be manipulated. Things go wrong, and every man has a weakness. You’re Kadar’s.”
“I’m not anyone’s ‘weakness,’ ” she said, bristling. “Certainly not Kadar’s.”
“He almost died for you. And he would do it again. Nasim knows that as well as I do. I have to take you out of the mix. I can’t afford to have him either threatened or distracted right now.” He paused. “I’m speaking the truth. And you know it. You’re a danger to him. Admit it, Selene.”
She didn’t want to admit it. She wanted to argue with him, to tell him—what? He was right. She had almost caused Kadar’s death. Nasim had used her before and would try to use her again.
She could feel the tears sting her eyes and hurriedly looked away. “When do you want me to go?”
“Tonight. The sooner, the better.”
“No. Kadar isn’t well. He still needs me.”
Tarik shook his head.
She lifted her head and forced a smile. “Very well, I’ll go. It’s not as if I wasn’t planning on leaving him anyway. It was only a matter of time.” Her voice was uneven and she steadied it. “And you needn’t stare at me as if I was the one who was wounded. I’m fine. This is exactly what I wanted to do.”
“Is it?”
“Of course it is.” She turned away. “I’ll be ready to go after I give Kadar his supper tonight.” She looked back at him and added fiercely, “But if you’re lying, if you cause anything to happen to him, I’ll come back and cut your heart out.”
“Nothing will happen to him,” he said gently. “I promise, Selene. I want to keep him well and alive as much as you do.”
She believed him. He meant what he said. But that didn’t mean he would succeed in protecting Kadar. “When will you take him away from here?”
“Tomorrow night. Once you’re safely away.”
“And you have a place to hide him from Nasim until he’s well?”
“I know such a place,” he said. “I know it’s hard for you to let him go, but it’s for the—”
“It’s not hard. It’s just not sensible for me to work so hard to keep him alive and then have you place him in danger again.” She moved down the hall. “I’m going back to him now. Make your preparations.”
“I will.” His words followed her: “One more thing. No words of love. It must not be a sweet good-bye. He must not follow you.”
“I do not love—” She couldn’t finish. She did love Kadar. She had always loved him and, God help her, she probably always would. Too much had happened for her to deny it any longer. She had protected herself against the fear that he would someday leave her, and look where it had led her. “It makes no difference if I love him or not. I’m doing this because it’s best for him. It changes nothing.”
“It can change everything. But it must not, in this case. You’re better apart.”
Apart. Separate. She felt a surge of loneliness. “I agree, but not because you say it.” She could feel his gaze on her back as she walked quickly down the corridor.
Kadar turned away from the window when she came into the chamber. He gazed at her searchingly. “Are you well?”
“Why shouldn’t I be well? Do you think a few sharp words can hurt me?” She turned back the coverlet on the bed. “It’s time for your nap. You’ve been up too long already today.”
“Tarik shouldn’t have said that. It was my decision. The fault was mine.”
“Of course it was. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I realized it immediately once I thought about it.” She gestured to the bed. “Now come over here and lie down. Tarik may think you well, but I don’t believe it.”
He hesitated, then crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I truly don’t need rest. It seems I’ve done nothing else of late.”
She pushed him down and pulled up the cover. “Be silent and close your eyes.”
“I won’t go to sleep.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Then I won’t be able to see you. You wouldn’t deprive me of my only pleasure?”
He was smiling coaxingly and she could not resist him. She didn’t know when she’d see that smile again. Perhaps never. She sat down on the stool beside the bed. “Do what you like. I’ve told you what’s good for you.”
“You are good for me.” He winked. “And, if you’d slip into this bed beside me, I’d show you how you could cure all my ills.”
She was tempted. Not for the passion that she knew would come but to be near him one more time. What was she thinking? It would only make the agony of parting more intense. Just sitting here by him, she was painfully aware of every nuance of his voice, his every expression.
“No?” He sighed. “I thought Tarik’s words might have inspired enough guilt to make you waver. It seems a long time since the tower.”
“You told me I had no guilt.”
“But when have you ever listened to me?”
“When you speak wisdom instead of foolishness.”
“Ah, you admit I’m not completely foolish.”
“Not completely.” She heard the first hint of unevenness in her voice and knew she must cut the conversation short. “Only when you chatter when you should be sleeping. I will no longer indulge your idiocy.”
“There’s something wrong.” He was studying her face. “God, you look tired. Rest. Don’t come to me tomorrow.”
She nodded slowly. She wanted to keep on looking at him, but she shifted her gaze. He always saw too much. He mustn’t see more than the expected weariness.
He mustn’t see the pain.
______
“Hold the torch higher.” Selene held on to the wall as she carefully negotiated her way down the stone steps. “It’s black as pitch down here, and these stairs are slippery. Do you want me to tumble down them?”
“Stop complaining. I’m the cripple, not you.” Tarik held the torch a little higher. “We haven’t much farther to go. The door to the tunnel is just beyond the next flight of steps.”
“And you’re sure Haroun will be waiting for me in the woods?”
“I told you, I sent him and my man Antonio out earlier this evening so they could fetch the horses from the village.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to face her. “Stop questioning me, Selene. You know this is no trap.”
“How do I know?”
He smiled. “Because you trust me.”
“And is that why I ran away?” she asked sarcastically.
“No, you ran away because I was foolish enough to think that I could alter fate by frightening you into action.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re saying you wanted me to go to Balkir’s camp?”
He shrugged. “Perhaps. I’m human. I’ve wavered to and fro since you and Kadar came into my life. My motives can sometimes be twisted by emotion.” He swung open the heavy iron door. “It didn’t alter the situation. Fate seldom allows diversion from her chosen path.”