Haroun nodded.
One ship was not bad. The castle was well fortified and Ware had kept his men battle-ready. “Did Robert say who captained the ship?”
“Ali Balkir.” Haroun moistened his lips. “It is the Dark Star, Lord Kadar. The ship that brought us here.”
Sinan.
Kadar felt the familiar chill grip him. There had been times when he had almost forgotten Sinan. No, that wasn’t true. He had buried the memory, but the Old Man was like an underground river, ever present, an eternal danger. Ruler of a band of assassins whose skill and power had intimidated even the great Saladin, Sinan could never be dismissed so lightly.
“The captain sent a message. He wishes you to come and meet with him.”
It was what he had expected. He nodded. “I’ll go at once. Have my horse saddled.”
“Do you wish me to come with you?”
The boy was afraid. Who could blame him? Balkir was an arm of Sinan, and the entire Christian world feared the Old Man of the Mountain. “No, I’ll go alone.”
Haroun was clearly relieved. “I’ll go tell Lord Ware. Perhaps he’ll want to accompany you.”
“No.”
“But I must. He will want to know about the ship.”
“The Dark Star is no threat to him. Why should he be troubled when he has guests? I’ll tell him myself—later. Tell Robert he’s to return to the harbor at once.”
“You’re sure there is no danger?”
“Lord Ware is in no danger, and neither is Montdhu,” Kadar repeated.
Haroun gave him a troubled glance but turned and ran back toward the stables.
Ware would be in a fury when he found out that Kadar had kept the news from him. Perhaps Kadar would tell him later. He would make a decision after seeing Balkir. It could be safe. Maybe he wasn’t here for the reason Kadar suspected.
Kadar!
His head lifted and his gaze went toward the south, where the Dark Star lay at harbor. Imagination. He could not have heard the Old Man call him from halfway across the world. It was clearly impossible.
But not for the man who always stood in Sinan’s shadow. Nasim, the master, the trainer of assassins, the man who was only waiting for the chance to become as powerful as Sinan. Kadar had seen many mysterious happenings that boggled the mind connected with Nasim.
A chill went through him at the thought. Nonsense. Nasim was only a phantom from the past. Sinan had not even mentioned him on that last trip to Maysef. It was Sinan who had sent the Dark Star, and Kadar had always been able to deal with him.
Kadar had spoken the truth when he had told Haroun there was no threat to Montdhu. Sinan had no interest in Ware or Thea or Selene as anything but tools. Kadar could keep them all safe.
All he had to do was answer the summons.
It was no use trying to sleep.
Selene swung her feet to the floor, wrapped a cover about her naked body, and moved across the room to the window. The stones were cool beneath her feet. It had grown chilly now that midnight had come and gone.
She gazed out into the darkness. Kadar was out there somewhere. He had left far before the evening had come to an end. She hadn’t seen him go, but she had sensed the loss. It was always as if a flame had gone out when he left a room, everything drained of life. Where had he gone? To the stables to dice with Haroun and the other men? Maybe to the Last Hope. He had a chamber here at the castle, but he often spent the night on board his ship.
Was there a woman with him? He never brought his lemans to the castle, but the ship . . .
Rage seared through her and she quickly blocked the thought. No use to torture herself with imaginings. She had found out the reason Kadar held her at bay, and she had found out something about herself as well.
So what if she was wary and lacking in trust? What did he expect? She and Thea had been born slaves in Nicholas’s House of Silk in Constantinople. They had spent most of their childhood in the house of women, laboring from dawn to dusk at the looms. The only trust they had learned at Nicholas’s was to trust that the lash would fall if they failed in their tasks or tried to escape captivity. Why could Kadar not accept that in her? She couldn’t give what she didn’t have.
But if she didn’t give him what he wanted, she might lose him. He might tire of waiting and go to some other—
She was doing it again. Trust. Why could she not trust that he would not leave her?
Because it would mean lowering her guard and letting herself become vulnerable. Yielding that part of her that she had fiercely protected all her life.
How could she be more vulnerable than she was to Kadar right now? She could think of nothing else but the stupid man.
Her eyes were stinging again. She would not cry. She was not one to weep and moan when she could take action to find a solution.
But, dear God, the solution to this problem was agonizingly hard. She was not sure if she even knew how to go about it.
“You understand the message?” Ali Balkir asked.
Kadar nodded. “It’s what I expected.”
“You promised Sinan you’d come and do whatever task he set you. He’s summoning you now. You will obey, of course.”
“Will I?” Kadar smiled. “I’ll have to think about it.”
Panic tore through Balkir. It was what he had feared when Nasim had given him this mission. As a boy, Kadar had walked his own path, and he had even defied Nasim by leaving him. “You’ve got to come.”
Kadar’s smile faded. “I said I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t be a fool. It’s Sinan who sends for you.”
“I’ll let you know my decision in three days.”
“We leave tomorrow. Sinan wants you at once.”
“Then he’ll have to wait.” Kadar moved toward the gangplank. “And have your men stay on board the ship. I want no raping or violence here at Montdhu.”
“Then you’d best make the right decision.”
Kadar glanced at him over his shoulder and said softly, “I have no liking for threats, Balkir.”
Balkir suppressed a shiver as he met Kadar’s gaze. The overwhelming menace was almost as strong as what he felt when he had confronted Nasim. “It is Sinan’s threat, not mine. You must come with me.”
“Three days.” He turned and went down the gangplank.
Balkir’s hand tightened on the rail as he watched him leave. By Allah, he had known there would be trouble. What would he do if Kadar decided not to obey the command? Terror iced through him. He had been given a mission, and one did not fail a mission given by Nasim.
Yet if he attacked the castle, he would risk injuring Kadar, and Nasim would regard that as a failure also. He would have to find another means to assure Kadar’s compliance.
“Murad,” he called over his shoulder. “Follow him. Make sure he goes nowhere but Montdhu. I want to know whom he sees, what he does. Don’t let him out of your sight.”
Murad scurried across the deck and ran down the gangplank.
“Why didn’t you tell me last night, Kadar?” Ware demanded harshly. “It’s only one ship. We can mount an attack.”
“And, if they survive, then they’ll mount their own attack and damage your fine new castle,” Kadar said lightly. “Stop thinking like a warrior, Ware. No battle is necessary here.”
“I am a warrior.” Ware scowled. “And you’re an idiot if you think I’ll permit you to go and do that bastard’s bidding.”
“I made a promise.”
“Promises to assassins should not be kept.”
Kadar chuckled. “Speaks a man who never breaks his word.”
“I’ve never given my word to a devil like Sinan.”
“We all have our own devils. Mine just happens to be a true demon. Or so his men claim.”
“You should know. You were once his man.”
“I’ve known worse demons.”
“Well, I haven’t.” Ware stood up. “I’ll call the men to arms.
We’ll go to—”<
br />
“No, Ware,” he said quietly. “I told you, no battle. I’ve told Balkir I’d give him my decision in three days. I won’t have you interfere. If you attack the Dark Star, you’ll make my decision for me. Even if you defeat Balkir, I’ll find another way to get to Sinan.”
“Damn you,” Ware said in frustration. “Why won’t you let me help? You made that promise to Sinan to guarantee he’d free us.”
“Why would you think that?” Kadar teased. “I freed myself. I just took you along because you amused me. You know how I hate to be bored.”
“Stop joking.”
“Laughter is what makes life bearable. I’ve never been able to teach you that.” He turned to leave. “You’ll not tell Thea or Selene about this. There’s no need to worry them.”
“And how am I to keep them from finding out? They travel all over the glen, visiting the cottages.”
“You’ll find a way. You wouldn’t want me to be forced into making a premature choice.” He closed the door behind him and moved down the steps to the courtyard. The choice was already made, and he was sure Ware suspected what it would be. That was the reason he had told him the decision was to be made in three days. He didn’t trust Ware not to explode into action as the deadline approached.
The clever thing would have been to say nothing and set sail with Balkir last night. He might have done it if the captain hadn’t been so damn demanding.
He was lying to himself. He wanted these three days. He was always the stranger, living on the outside, but for the first time in his life he had begun to feel at home. Montdhu had drawn him in and made him part of it. He wanted to spend time with Thea and Ware. He wanted to walk the hills and talk to people who had become friends.
He wanted to be with Selene.
No, that would be a mistake. He should stay away from Selene. Sinan’s summons had filled him with frustration and anger. His instinct was to claw and cling to what he had here. He was feeling too desperate, and desperate men sometimes destroyed what they wanted to protect.
Yes, he would watch her from a distance, but he must stay away from Selene.
“Kadar Ben Arnaud has made no attempt to leave Montdhu,” Murad told Balkir. “He’s done nothing of note for the past two days. He wanders about the countryside. He dices at the inn in the town. He visits his ship, the Last Hope.”
“Is he readying the ship to set sail?”
Murad shook his head.
Balkir frowned. “Nothing else?”
“I cannot watch him while he’s within the walls of the castle. Lord Ware’s guards let no one in but townspeople having business with the household. I can only report what he’s done outside those walls.”
And that was to act as if the Dark Star did not exist, Balkir thought. Not a good sign.
“Has he talked to anyone at length?”
“Not outside the castle. He’s at his ship again tonight. Shall I go back and set watch?”
Balkir’s frustration was growing. “Of course. What else can we do?” He made a sudden decision. “Wait, I’ll go with you.”
______
“Is he here?” Selene strode up the gangplank of the Last Hope.
Kadar’s first mate, Patrick, nodded. “In the cabin, Lady Selene. May I take a message?”
Relief poured through her. She hadn’t been sure she would find him on the ship. “I’ll tell him myself.” She moved quickly toward the door leading to the cabin. She knew her way well. She remembered the first time she had come on board the Last Hope. She had been ten and three and Kadar had just come back from a voyage. She had been frantically eager to see him but had carefully hidden it. She had always been afraid to let Kadar know how he dominated her thoughts. Not that it did any good. Kadar always seemed to sense what she was feeling even when no one else did.
She paused at the door. What if he had a woman with him? Well, what if he did? She had not come this far to go back to the castle. He would have to send the wench away.
She threw open the door. No woman, she saw with relief. Kadar sat across the room at his desk, a journal open before him.
She slammed the door behind her. “Why have you been ignoring me?”
He leaned back in the chair. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I tried to speak to you twice at supper tonight and you acted as if you scarce knew me.”
He looked away from her. “Does Ware know you’re here at this time of night?”
“No one knows. But what if he did? No one would believe anything amiss. Not of you.”
He stood up. “I’ll take you back to the castle.”
“No.” She moistened her lips. “Not yet. I have something to say to you.”
“You can tell me tomorrow. I’ll come back to the castle before the noon hour and you can—”
“No.” She shook her head. “Why are you being like this? We both know that I’m not like those other women in this land. I care nothing for what these Scots deem proper. Do you think I don’t know that they’d shun me like a leper if they knew about the House of Nicholas? The lords and ladies in their great castles treat me with kindness only because Ware is a warrior and a strong ally.”
“Not entirely.” He smiled teasingly. “I’ve heard them say you have bonny bright hair and a sweet smile.”
A little of the tension seemed to be leaving him, and she must take advantage of any weakness. “I need to talk to you.” She moved forward until she stood before him. “You’ve never refused me before.”
His smile disappeared. “There’s always a first time.”
“Well, you can’t start now. I won’t have it.” Her hands clenched nervously. “This is too important.”
“That’s why I have to refuse you.”
“It makes no sense.”
“Go back to the castle, Selene.”
She laid her head on his chest. “Don’t do this.”
His muscles became rigid.
“This is so hard for me,” she whispered. “You’ve got to let me tell you.”
“Oh, God.”
His heart was pounding hard beneath her ear. “You want me to trust you? I’ll try. No, I do trust you.” She rubbed her face against his chest, struggling to get the next words out. “I . . . care for you, Kadar. I’ve always cared for you. I think I always will.”
“Not now, Selene,” he said hoarsely.
“It has to be now. I don’t know if I’ll have the courage again.” She was shaking, she realized. “When I was a little girl, everyone always left me—Mama, Thea—and I saw how men always left Nicholas’s women after . . . It . . . frightened me.”
“I know.”
“It was safer to be alone or not to expect anything.”
“Selene, you have to leave.” He stood rigid, not touching her. “Now.”
“And then you came. You became . . . my friend. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t seem to—It frightened me more than anything else. Because I didn’t know how I could stand it if you went away too. And the years passed and I—”
“Come on.” He grabbed her wrist and dragged her toward the door.
“No, I don’t want—”
He was ignoring her. He pulled her along the deck, past a bewildered Patrick, and down the gangplank.
“Kadar, stop. You’ve got to listen to—”
“I’ve heard enough. Too much.”
He was pulling her up the hill leading to the castle. She stumbled on a thick thatch of heather. “Let go of me.”
“When I can turn you over to Ware.”
“I won’t be turned over to anyone.” It was all for nothing, she realized in despair. She had let down the barriers, sacrificed her pride and independence, and it meant nothing to him. She doubted if he’d even heard her words. She struggled to free herself. “Let go of my arm. You needn’t worry. I’ll go back to the castle. I don’t want to stay with you now.”
He stopped on the path and turned to face her. “I have to—Oh, for God’s sake, don’t weep.”
r /> “I’m not weeping. I would never cry for a selfish, stupid clod of a man who cannot—”
“Selene . . .” He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth. “Please . . . I cannot bear this. You tear me apart.”
Oh, God, she loved to be close to him like this. No, not like this. She put her palms on his chest and tried to shove him away. “Don’t you dare pity me.”
“Pity?” He smiled. “I wouldn’t dare. It’s myself I pity.” His hand gently stroked the hair at her temple. “I’ve been doing my best to—It’s the wrong time, Selene.”
“Right time. Wrong time. You have no right to decide what’s the wrong time for me.”
“No one else has a better right. You belong to me. You always have.”
“I belong to no one but myself.”
“Then will you let me belong to you?” He smiled. “I’ll be very fine property, meek, obliging, always ready to—”
“Stop it.” She could barely see him through the tears. “Just let me go.”
“I’m afraid it’s too late. I don’t think I can.” He pushed the cloak from her shoulders. “I want it too much. Lord, I want it.”
“Want what?” Then she realized what he meant, and she went still. “You wish to couple with me?”
He bent forward and his tongue touched her lips. “Tell me no. It will be hard, but I can stop if you tell me no.”
Her lips tingled beneath his tongue, and she could feel the heat of his body reach out to her. Panic tore through her. Tell him no. She had always revealed too much of herself to him. The yielding of her body was another surrender.
Trust him. He’s different. He won’t leave you.
But what if he did?
She stepped back away from him.
He went still. “No?” His breath expelled. “Very well, if you—”
“Hush.” All the years, all the bright ribbons of togetherness could not be denied. She closed her eyes, reached down, and pulled her gown over her head. “At the House of Nicholas the women came naked to the men they had to pleasure. Is that what you want?”
She heard the sharp intake of his breath. “Yes, that’s what I want.”
She opened her eyes to see his gaze on her body. “I don’t know—I have strong feelings, but I’m not sure . . . I watched the women couple with the customers at the House of Silk and it seemed . . . You will not hurt me?”