Next she drew a woman with long flowing hair and the motorcycle came last. “Here's Pam and your bike. And now for the final touch.” She stood back for a moment, before drawing a huge showerhead, raining water down on the two figures.
“Looks like a cave drawing to me. Wait until the anthropologists find it. It will change history.”
“No kidding. I can just see the headlines.” He spanned his open hand in an arc across his face. "Cave drawings discovered. Early inhabitants had running water and motorcycles.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
She sat back down on her side of the cozy fire. “What happened to Pam?”
“Well, it was years later. We had had our three kids. It was our anniversary. We got a sitter and went to town. We lived a few miles from Grand Junction. We met up with some friends and partied—drinking, dancing and laughing late into the morning. Pam was full of life. I remember driving back but not much more.” He sighed and took his time with the last few words. “I woke up the next morning. We were in our car.”
She put a hand over her mouth.
“We had gone off the road. Hit a tree. I didn't wake up until morning. Pam didn't survive.”
Zoe broke into tears. They flowed down her face like running water. She’d worked to calm herself but burst out with another round. Sniffling and wiping them away, she finally spoke.
“I'm so sorry.”
“The police were suspicious, but it’s a winding road. I wouldn’t be the first to miss a turn. Still, I don't know if I caused the accident. I’d like to think not, but I don't know.” He shrugged, but in his eyes, she caught the guilt he still carried with him. “I've had years to reflect on that night. I've asked why so many times I can't count them.”
She got up and moved back to her drawing. She drew a face, a face that was talking, above everything. “Here’s fate, up high directing things. She wiped away a lingering tear. “I think the picture’s complete now.”
“What about you?” Harry asked pointing at the drawing.
She pondered for a minute and then took the rock and drew. It was another woman looking at the rest of the scene. “This is me. Tonight, my story is one of looking at your story. You know, my boyfriend has the same flare for storytelling. I love that in him.”
Zoe yawned—her eyelids had grown heavy.
“Tired?”
“Yeah. Time to call it a day.”
“I guess I'll say good night Zoe.”
“Good night to you too. And, so sorry about Pam.”
#
In the middle of the night Harry woke. Zoe was calling out. In the flickering fire light it took a few seconds for him to see. She was having a bad dream. He reached over and gently shook her.
Her eyes opened just a crack. “Huh?” Then they closed and she drifted away.
He couldn't immediately go back to sleep, so he watched her peacefully breathe, her blanket moving up and down. Peaking out from under her blanket was a folded envelope. It must have fallen out of her pocket. He reached and pulled it out a bit further. Yes, it was an envelope and it wasn’t sealed—he could see inside was a handwritten note. His eyes moved up to her head—still fast asleep—then back to the envelope. He reached to take it. It reminded him there was a lot he didn’t know about her, but in the last second, he pushed it back under.
It bothered Harry what he had almost done. He tossed and turned until finally focusing on the fire’s crackle, he drifted to sleep.
Chapter 5
Harry stirred and slowly opened his eyes. Through a crack in the door he could see only a wisp of blue and an absence of stars. Dawn was making its entrance. He rolled up his deer hide blanket then fetched the sack he had made to carry food. It was still plenty dark outside and he could only see by the fire's waning light. He took his knife from the gun case, stealing a quick look at his gun, which brought a smile to his face.
Zoe woke and opened her eyes. “Saying goodbye?”
“Yup. I need all the light I can get, so I've got to get going. But you can sleep more. I'll be back in a day or two. Stay close to the cave.”
“I will. Be careful.”
She sat up and the blanket slid away revealing the envelope. He glanced at it which was enough to draw her attention to it. She blushed, but he turned away before she could see that he was aware.
He walked over to the door giving them both time to regain composure. “Well, I’d better go.”
He saw the last of the envelope burning in the fire.
“Just a note to my boyfriend, explaining my absence.” She took a stick and poked at its ashes. “He was in Aspen skiing when I left. Didn’t have time to mail it.” Something felt wrong—why burn it? It appeared she had more to say. He waited.
“It was a white lie. Better that it’s gone.”
After gathering meat from their store, Harry headed down the valley. It was slow moving across the snow-covered terrain. He had hoped to arrive at some sign of civilization: a road, a cabin, power lines, something. By midday, he had descended to the valley's floor, which opened up to a large circular area miles across. Mountains surrounded the valley's rim, with two distinct passes, one on the southward side and the other northward. He paused to eat and look. The blowing wind howled, with only patches of small bushes and infrequent trees to offer resistance.
He finished eating and marked his location with a tall pile of stones. He decided to head to the top of the northward pass. It wasn't difficult to reach, but a slow and tiring slog. Hours went by and he hurried as the sun started to set. He wanted to see what lied beyond the pass, hoping to see signs of civilization. But when he finally reached the top, all he saw were more rugged mountains, blanketed in snow. Ahead was a dense and rough mountain chain sweeping from the north and tapering to the south. Without wasting a moment in despair or cursing a foul thought in frustration, though he wanted to, he accepted the obvious. He must return to the valley floor and check the other pass.
But that trek was left for the next day. The sky was overcast and the landscape had all but disappeared in darkness. He cleared a spot to sleep. He couldn’t quite close his eyes. Something was nagging him.
If it took all of tomorrow to reach the southward pass, and another day to return, he would be gone three days. He wondered about Zoe. This would be longer than what he said, but he was here now. Tomorrow he might find a road or smoke rising from a cabin. He might hear a gunshot in the distance. He drifted to sleep excited with thoughts of what he might find.
The second day's hike began as the last stars disappeared in the early light. The sun rose and cast giant shadows from nearby mountains. With a stillness in the air, he listened to his own heavy breathing as he made his way down the slope toward the southward facing pass.
Between the two passes stood a tall mountain with a sheer face, which reminded him of the crash. However, this mountain was much the junior and tamer. The snow was not deep, but being alone—combined with the grandeur of the mountains—he felt insignificant, like an ant marching across an enormous crater.
As he climbed toward the southward pass, his pace increased as he got closer, and bit by bit he could finally see what was on the other side. This pass must lead back to civilization, he thought. He visualized the surprise on the face of the first person he encountered when he walked out of this forbidding place. He paused for moment, running his hands over his scraggly beard and sniffing his unwashed self. He was a mess. Letting out a big laugh, it echoed around him.
Pressing forward he approached the crest of the southward pass. His heart pounded. A broad, flat plain was revealed that extended as far as the eye could see. He scanned the panorama, looking for signs of people, but saw nothing except a sea of white. He dropped to his knees. For the first time today, his muscles ached and fatigue set in his joints.
Harry sat there, looking out. While he ate, he started to accept that another way out would have to be found. He noticed the first star announci
ng the evening sky and once again prepared to spend the night. The sun had about cast its last light across the plain. It was beautiful. With a clear night and no wind, he anticipated the drama of this white vastness yielding the show to a starry night's sky.
Searching for the moon on the horizon, he instead noticed something glistening in the distance. The sun was hitting it just right. He continued to watch it while the sun slipped away.
Some minutes passed, and suddenly it occurred to him that this glistening object was not, in fact, reflecting light. The sun had gone and the vastness turned dark. Yet this glistening light remained? He stared, afraid to even blink and let the light get away. Ten minutes passed. It was as if he and the light were building a trust, getting to know each other. It must be a farm, he thought. Picking up a couple of stones, he placed one near his blanket and the other a few feet away. He aligned them on the light.
“It’s captured. I've got a way out.” His chest swelled. “I've done it Zoe. I'm coming home Carol. Thank goodness.”
He lay down, adjusting his position until the flickering light was right above the stones, dead center. He looked to the stars, finally free to think about his wife. Soon he would be in her arms. He thought about his kids, and about bringing his new baby home.
Carol had never gotten the chance to have children, and now she would. It was amazing how things could work out. He reminded himself that you just need faith.
Completely relaxed, he turned his head to again look at the light. He returned a smile to it, but noticed that it was no longer above the stones. It was a little to the right. That was weird. Re-aligning the stones with the light, he enjoyed a brief moment of relief, only to be followed by an alarming sense that something was wrong.
He watched exactly where the flickering light was in relation to a spot on one of the stones, and could see clearly that it was actually moving. It looked like a car, which meant there must be a road in the distance. Over the next hour the flickering light moved steadily across the horizon and disappeared. He wondered if it could have been a plane, but that was unlikely, flying so low. It must be a road, he thought.
The adrenaline seeped from his veins, but he was nonetheless content. Tentatively, he planned the next big steps, but trying not to think too far ahead. Nonetheless, it flashed through his head that Zoe may have the abortion. Perhaps he had presumed too much. Pushing back these lingering concerns, he shifted to thinking about the hike back—first things first. His eyes shut and he fell asleep.
Morning came, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t see any road in the distance, though it had to be there.
It took, unexpectedly, the entire day to get off of the southward pass and return to the stone pile marker. He spent his third night there, and in the morning continued making his way back.
The elevation rose thousands of feet and he exerted himself to return before nightfall. He picked up the pace, not wanting to be gone a fourth night. He sensed that would be too much for Zoe. On the other hand she was probably patiently awaiting his return—after all, he was only one day late. As he got to the higher elevations, the forest became thicker and the snow deeper. He trudged along, taking note of the occasional rabbit and deer tracks.
When he reached the cave, he found the door had been left open. He poked his head in. The fire had died and it was dark. She was gone. His gun case lay open. Reaching down, he picked up his gun and stepped out into the light.
The few rounds he had left in the magazine had been fired. That’s odd.
Sweat formed on Harry’s brow and he took a deep breath to call for Zoe. However, before he could shout, she came running through the trees, panting hard.
A cougar closed in behind her.
“Shoot it! Shoot it!”
He tossed the gun to a surprised Zoe, going instead for his knife. She took the initiative and aimed the gun.
Didn’t she remember she’d shot them all? “There are no bullets in it.”
“Why not?”
“You tell me.”
The cougar stopped its advance some ten yards away.
She peered at him over the barrel. “What are you going to do? Fight it with the knife?”
In a calm tone, Harry gave her direction. “Go in the cave and get me a bullet, but move slowly.”
He kept focused on the cougar. Their eyes met, but then it turned and headed away.
The lack of immediate threat must have given Zoe the leave she needed to tear into him. “Where the hell have you been? The fire went out days ago. It was absolutely black in the cave. I shivered all night.”
“Zoe, it’s still out there. Stop yelling at me. Go get a bullet.”
She cast a look over her shoulder. “Please you say?” She scoffed. “Please. So polite.”
He beamed a you’re-such-a-child grin at her. “Yes, please.”
“I thought you had abandoned me.”
“I wouldn't do that.” He started to turn his head back to watch for the cougar but she again grabbed his attention.
“I worried. You’re the tough guy.” She let out a gusty breath. “Holy crap.”
“Just go get me a damn bullet.”
“The cougar’s gone. I really don't want to figure out where your bullets are. I'll stand watch. How’s that?”
“Get in the cave.” He took the gun and headed in, but did so keeping Zoe in front of him and thus forcing her in. As he entered, he turned and glanced for the cougar. It wasn’t there, but heard something move. He imagined it charging through the trees.
Could he fire before the animal tore into them? He hastily loaded a bullet. Peering out, he saw only snow outside. He listened, finger on the trigger. A minute went by.
Zoe startled him. “I told you, the cougar’s gone.” Her voice was loud and angry.
“It seemed it was stalking us.”
She stepped forward to the front of the cave where he was standing.
“Fuck you!” she shouted.
Harry stepped back. Silhouetted against the entrance, Zoe was frightening.
“That’s right. How dare you shove me. Fuck you!” she shouted again.
“I didn’t shove you. I just wanted you out of harm’s way.”
“Where do you get off doing whatever you want?” She continued to shout.
“What I want?”
“Damn you!” Zoe kicked some dust at him. “And who are you to judge the reasons I want an abortion.”
Harry felt intimidated and was about to take another step back, but instead moved slightly forward.
“You told me your reasons. I didn’t ask.”
“I don’t trust men.” Still intense, Zoe had at least stopped shouting. “You don’t stick around.”
It dawned on Harry that this was not about him abandoning her. “Is this about your boyfriend? Afraid he won’t stick around?”
“My dad didn’t stick around, deadbeat. Why would my boyfriend?” Zoe turned her back to Harry.
“Your boyfriend isn’t your father. We’re not all the same.”
“Yeah. Right. Look at my mom.”
“What about your mom?”
“My dad just walked out. Do you know how many times she told me how she got saddled with me? They couldn’t give a hoot about me.”
Harry waited and then a bit more before continuing. “I, give a hoot.”
Zoe was breathing heavily, still facing away.
“And I don’t feel saddled by you either.”
Her breathing slowed.
“Zoe, what happened with your parents doesn’t mean it will happen to you.”
Still, she didn’t say anything.
“All our lives are unique. Don’t let past ghosts guide you differently.”
Zoe had begun crying and Harry, with some lingering reservation, put his hand on her shoulder.”
“I’m okay.” Sniffling, she stepped outside.
She combed her hair back and straightened her coat. “Too bad you couldn’t shoot the cougar. I'm sick of
venison.” She tugged at her ear.
“You need to take them seriously. They kill.”
She stood looking out breathing deeply, apparently unmoved by his comment.
He put his arm around her shoulder. “I'm truly sorry I was late getting back.”
“It hasn't been fun. The fire went out the second night.”
Zoe turned and faced Harry. “I couldn't get the damn thing going again. The lighter wouldn't work and I waited all day for you. Where were you?” Rather than let him answer, she barreled ahead. “When it was getting dark, I took your gun and fired it a few times. Thought maybe you’re lost. Well, really I was just hoping you would hear and hurry back.”
Harry looked down, regretting his decision to extend his stay. She continued. “After it got dark, I crawled back into a totally black cave. It was freezing. I didn't sleep.” Her glare suggested that this, too, was his fault. “In the morning, I waited. I waited all day. Eventually, I got really hungry, so I went over to our refrigerator-in-the-snow, and that's when I saw tracks. It must have been the cougar.”
“We'll keep an eye out for it. It didn't find the food, did it?”
“No. But it found us.”
He sighed. “I'll get the fire going.”
They went into the cave and he fetched the lighter from the gun case. He too struggled to make it work—but after fiddling with it a bit, it finally did.
“Don't worry, there more in the case, in the bottom pocket.”
Soon a roaring fire brought warmth and light to the cave.
“Where’s the axe?”
She pointed. “Over there.”
He frowned. “It’s supposed to be in its corner, not over there.”
The look she sent him reminded him of his teenaged son’s look of anguish at the thought of picking up his bedroom. “Aww, come on.”
In response, he kept his gaze steady on her, just like he had done with his son.
She went and picked up the axe, dropping it in the corner. Before he could open his mouth, she caught herself.
“I can’t believe this.”
She bent down and leaned it up against the wall. It pleased him to see his axe respectfully in its spot.
“You know, too much respect is bad for an axe.”
He started seriously thinking about this while he left to fetch dinner from their store in the snow. Halfway there, he stopped. Zoe was teasing him. Wonder why?