CHAPTER XIII.
"What's done we partly may compute,But know not what's resisted."
BURNS.
Poor little Grace was sorely distressed over her sister's misconduct andthe consequent displeasure of Mr. Dinsmore.
On being dismissed from the schoolroom she went directly to her mamma'sapartments. She knew she would be alone there, as Violet had gone outdriving, and shutting herself in, she indulged in a hearty cry.
She was aware of the danger that Lulu would be sent away, and could notbear the thought of separation from her--the only sister she had exceptthe baby.
Their mutual love was very strong; and Lulu was ever ready to act asGrace's champion, did anyone show the slightest disposition to imposeupon or ill-treat her; and it was seldom indeed that she herself wasanything but the kindest of the kind to her.
Finding her young step-mother ever ready with sympathy--and help, too,where that was possible--Grace had long since formed the habit ofcarrying to her all her little troubles and vexations, and also all herjoys.
She longed to open her heart now to "mamma," but Mr. Dinsmore's partinginjunction as he dismissed his pupils for the day seemed to forbid it.Grace felt that even that partial relief was denied her.
But Violet came suddenly upon her, and surprised her in the midst of hertears.
"Why, my darling, what is the matter?" she asked in a tone full ofconcern, taking the little girl in her arms as she spoke.
"Oh, mamma, it's--But I mustn't tell you, 'cause Grandpa Dinsmore said wewere not to mention it unless it was quite necessary."
"But surely you may tell your mamma anything that distresses you so! Isit that Grandpa Dinsmore is displeased?"
"Not with me, mamma."
"Then with Max or Lulu?"
"Mamma, I think I may tell you a little," Grace replied, with somehesitation. "It's with Lulu; but I can't say what for. But, oh, mamma, ifGrandpa Dinsmore won't teach Lu any more will she have to go away toboarding-school?"
"I hope not, dearie; I think not if she will be content to take me forher teacher," Violet said, with a half-suppressed sigh, for she felt thatshe might be pledging herself to a most trying work; Lulu would dare muchmore in the way of disregarding her authority than that of hergrandfather.
But she was rewarded by Grace's glad exclamation, "Oh, mamma, how goodyou are! I hope Lulu would never be naughty to you. How could she if yousave her from being sent away?"
"I think Lulu wants to be good," Violet said gently; "but she finds hernaturally quick temper very hard to govern."
"But she always grows sorry very soon," Grace remarked in a deprecatingtone.
"Yes, dear, so she does. She is a dear child, as her father says, and onecannot help loving her in spite of her faults."
"Thank you, darling mamma, for saying that!" Grace exclaimed, throwingher arms round Violet's neck and kissing her cheek. "May I tell Lulu thatyou will teach her if Grandpa Dinsmore will not?"
"No, Gracie," Violet answered, with grave look and tone; "it will do hergood, I think, to fear for a while that she may lose the privileges sheenjoys here by not valuing them enough to make good use of them, or byindulging in improper behavior toward those whom her father has placedover her, and who are in every way worthy of her respect and obedience."
"Yes, mamma," Grace responded submissively.
"Where is Lulu?" Violet asked.
"I don't know, mamma. Oh yes, I see her coming up the avenue," shecorrected herself, as she glanced from a window. "She's been taking awalk, I s'pose."
Presently they heard Lulu enter her own room, shut the door, lock andbolt it, as if determined to secure herself from intrusion. But Gracehastened to join her, passing through the door that opened from Violet'sapartments.
Lulu, who was taking off her hat, turned sharply round with an angryfrown on her brow. But it vanished at sight of the intruder.
"Oh, it's only you, is it, Gracie?" she said in a slightly relieved tone."But what's the matter? What have you been crying about?"
"You, Lulu; oh, I'm so sorry for you!" Grace answered, with a sob,running to her sister and putting her arms round her neck.
"Well, you needn't be; I don't care," Lulu said defiantly, and with alittle stamp of her foot. "No, not if all the old tyrants in the worldwere angry with me!"
"Oh, Lu, don't talk so!" entreated Grace; "and you do care if papa isdispleased? Our own dear papa who loves us so dearly?"
"Yes," acknowledged Lulu, in a more quiet and subdued tone. "Oh, Gracie,why wasn't I made good like you?"
"Don't you remember the Bible verse we learned the other day?" queriedGrace. "'There is none good; no, not one.'"
"Then Grandpa Dinsmore isn't good himself, and ought to have morepatience with me," remarked Lulu. "But don't you fret about it, Gracie;there's no need."
"You're always sorry when I'm in trouble, and I can't help feeling sowhen you are," said Grace.
Violet was dressing for dinner, thinking sadly the while upon what shehad just learned from Grace.
"How it would trouble her father if he should hear it!" she said toherself. "I hope grandpa will not consider it necessary to report herconduct to him. Of course, according to his requirements she should tellhim herself, but I presume she will hardly have the courage to refrainfrom making her behavior appear less reprehensible than it actually was."
She questioned with herself whether to speak to Lulu on the subject ofher misconduct, but decided not to do so at present, unless somethingshould occur to lead to it naturally.
Her toilet completed, she went down to the parlor, and there found hergrandfather alone.
He looked up with a welcoming smile; Violet had always been a particularfavorite with him.
"The first down, little cricket," he said, using an old-time pet name,and pausing in his walk (for he was pacing the floor) to gallantly handher to a seat on a sofa; then placing himself by her side, "How extremelyyouthful you look, my pet! Who would take you for a matron?"
"To tell you a secret, grandpa," she said, with a merry look, "I feelquite young still when the children are not by; and not always very oldeven when they are with me. By the way, how have they behaved themselvestoday?"
A grave, slightly annoyed look came over his face as she asked thequestion.
"Max and Gracie as well as any one could desire," he said; "butLulu--really, Vi, if she were my own child, I should try the virtue of arod with her."
Violet's face reflected the gravity of his, while she gave vent to anaudible sigh.
Mr. Dinsmore went on to describe Lulu's behavior on that and severalother days, then wound up with the question, "What do you think herfather would have me do with her?"
"I suppose he would say send her to a boarding-school; but, grandpa, I amvery loath to see that done. At the same time I cannot bear to have youannoyed with her ill-conduct, and I am thinking of attempting the task ofteaching her myself."
Mr. Dinsmore shook his head. "I cannot have you annoyed with her, mylittle Vi; no more, at least, than you necessarily must be, occupying therelationship that you do. But we will take the matter into consideration,getting your grandma and mother to aid us with their advice."
"And we won't tell her father the whole unpleasant truth, will we,grandpa?" Violet said, half inquiringly, half entreatingly.
"You shall tell him just what you please; I shall not trouble him inregard to the matter," Mr. Dinsmore answered in his kindliest tone.
The entrance of Mrs. Keith and Annis put an end to the conversation, andpresently dinner was announced.
Lulu went to the dining-room in some trepidation, not knowing whattreatment to expect from Mr. Dinsmore, or others who might have learnedthe story of her misconduct.
But there seemed no change in the manner of any of the grown people,except Mr. Dinsmore, who simply ignored her existence altogether,apparently was unaware of her presence, never looking at or speaking toher.
He had privately given instructions beforehand to one of the serva
nts toattend to Miss Lulu's wants at the table, seeing that her plate wassupplied with whatever viands she desired; and it was done so quietlythat no one noticed anything unusual in the conduct of the meal.
Still Lulu was uncomfortably conscious of being in disgrace, and seizedthe first opportunity to slip quietly away to her own room.
She took up the story-book--still unfinished--which had got her into thistrouble, but could not feel the interest she had before; an uneasyconscience prevented.
Laying it aside, she sat for some moments with her elbow on thewindow-sill, her cheek in her hand, her eyes gazing upon vacancy. She wasthinking of what Max had said about the duty of confession to her father.
"I wish I didn't have to," she sighed to herself; "I wish papa hadn'tsaid I must write out every day what I've been doing and send the diaryto him. I think it's hard; it's bad enough to have to confess mywrong-doing to him when he's at home. It's just as well he isn't, though,for I know he'd punish me if he was. Maybe he will when he comes again,but it's likely to be such a long while first that I think I'm prettysafe as far as that is concerned. Oh, it does provoke me so that he willmake me obey these people! I'm determined I'll do exactly as I pleasewhen I'm grown up!
"But if I'm sent off to boarding-school I'll have to obey the teachersthere, or have a fight and be expelled--which would be a great disgraceand 'most break papa's heart, I do believe--and they would very likely bemore disagreeable than even Grandpa Dinsmore; not half so nice and kindas Grandma Elsie, I'm perfectly certain. Oh dear, if I only _were_ grownup! But I'm not, and I have to write the story of to-day to papa. I'llmake it short."
Opening her writing-desk, she took therefrom pen, ink, and paper, and,after a moment's cogitation, began.
"I haven't been a good girl to-day," she wrote; "I was so interested in astory-book that I neglected to learn my Latin lesson; so I failed in therecitation, and Grandpa Dinsmore was very cross and disagreeable aboutit. He says I answered him disrespectfully and as punishment I sha'n't gointo the schoolroom or recite to him again for a week.
"There," glancing over what she had written, "I hope papa will neverquestion me closely about it; and I think he won't; it'll be such an oldstory by the time we meet again."
The week of her banishment from the schoolroom was an uncomfortable oneto Lulu, though she was given no reason to consider herself a martyr. Shewas allowed a share in all the home pleasures, all her wants were ascarefully attended to as usual, she received no harsh words or unkindlooks; yet somehow could never rid herself of the consciousness that shewas in disgrace. Very little notice was taken of her by any of the familyexcept her brother and sister; she came and went about the house as shepleased,--never venturing into the schoolroom, however,--but when shejoined the family circle no one seemed to be aware of her presence; theytalked among themselves, but did not address or even look at her.
This treatment was galling to her, and she began to spend almost all ofher time in "the boy's work-room," at her favorite employment offret-sawing.
Max was generally at work there also out of school-hours, but duringthose hours she had always been alone till one morning Mrs. Leland,happening to want something from a closet in the work-room, cameunexpectedly upon her.
It was a surprise to both; for Evelyn had kept her friend's counsel, andno one at Ion had let Elsie or any one else indeed into the secret ofLulu's ill-conduct and consequent disgrace.
"You here, Lu?" she exclaimed on entering the room. "I heard you saw as Icame up the stairway, and wondered who could be busy here at this hourwhen the young folks are all supposed to be in the schoolroom.
"What lovely work you are doing!" she went on, drawing near to examineit. "I presume you have been extremely good and studious, and so havebeen rewarded with leave of absence at this unusual hour; and you arecertainly making good use of your holiday.
"You are wonderfully expert at this for a child of your age. Perhaps oneof these days you will develop into so great a genius as to make us allproud of your acquaintance."
Lulu's cheeks burned.
"You are very kind to praise my work so, Aunt Elsie," she said. "Do youreally think this basket is handsome--I mean without making allowance formy age?"
"I certainly do; I think it deserves all I have said of it, if not more.How pleased your father will be when he hears what a good, industrious,and painstaking little girl he has for his eldest daughter!"
Lulu did not speak for a moment. She was fighting a battle with herself;conscience on the one hand and love of approbation on the other werehaving a great struggle within her breast. She valued Mrs. Leland's goodopinion and was loath to lose it.
But she was worthy of her father's glad encomium, "However many andserious her faults may be, she is at least honest and truthful," andcould not accept praise which she knew was wholly undeserved.
"You mistake, Aunt Elsie," she said with an effort, hanging her head inshame, while her cheek flushed hotly; "I am not here for being good, butfor being naughty--missing my lesson and answering Grandpa Dinsmoreimpertinently when he reproved me for it."
"I grieve to hear it, my dear child," Elsie returned in a truly sorrowfultone. "I had hoped you were getting quite the better of your temper andinclination to defy lawful authority. But do not be discouraged fromtrying again to conquer your faults. Every one of us has an evil natureand many spiritual foes to fight against; yet if we fight manfully,looking to Jesus for help and strength, we shall assuredly gain thevictory at last; coming off more than conquerors through Him who loved usand died to save us from sin and death."
"You can never think well of me again, Aunt Elsie?" Lulu said, half inassertion, half inquiringly.
"I certainly hope to, Lulu," was the kind reply "Your honest avowal isgreatly to your credit; I see that you are above the meanness offalsehood and taking undeserved praise; that seems to me a very hopefulsign, deeply ungrateful as was your conduct toward my dear, goodgrandfather, who has been so kind to you and yours. Do you not think itso yourself, now that your passion has had time to cool?"
"Yes, ma'am," replied Lulu, again hanging her head and blushing. "I don'tmean to behave so any more."
Then after a moment's silence, "Aunt Elsie, I don't believe anybody hasany idea how hard it is for me to be good."
"Don't you think other people find it hard, too, my poor child?" Elsieasked gently. "They also have evil natures."
"I'm sure," said Lulu, "that Max and Grace don't have half as hard workto be patient and sweet-tempered as I do. I often wish I'd been made goodlike Grace; and I don't see why I wasn't. And there's Rosie; she doesn'tever seem to want to be wilful, or tempted at all to get into a passion."
"Perhaps, Lulu, she is as strongly tempted to some other sin as you areto wilfulness and passion, and perhaps falls before temptation as often.We cannot read each other's hearts; one cannot know how much anotherresists--can only see the failures and not the struggles to avoid them.
"But how comforting to know that God, our heavenly Father, sees and knowsit all; that He pities our weakness and proneness to sin! How preciousare His promises of help in time of trial, if we look to Him for it, atthe same time using all our own strength in the struggle!"
"I never thought about different people having different temptations,"remarked Lulu, thoughtfully. "Perhaps it isn't so much harder for me todo right than for others, after all."
"My grandfather is not unforgiving," Elsie remarked as she turned to go;"and I think if you show that you are really sorry for your wrong-doing,he will restore you to your former privileges."
Lulu went on with her work, but her thoughts were busy with that partingpiece of advice, or rather the suggestion thrown out by Mrs. Leland.
Her pride strongly revolted against making any acknowledgment, andremembering that there was but one more day of her week left, she atlength decided to await events and do the disagreeable duty only when shecould no longer delay it without danger of banishment.
A remark she accidentally overheard from
Rosie that afternoon made hermore unwilling to apologize to Mr. Dinsmore; in fact, quite determinedthat she would do nothing of the kind.
Rosie was speaking to Zoe, as they entered the work-room together, anddid not notice that Lulu was there reading in a deep window-seat, whereshe was partially concealed by a curtain.
"I think if Lulu is wise she will soon make it up with grandpa," she wassaying; "for Christmas is not so very far off, and of course she will getnothing from him if she continues obstinate and rebellious."
Lulu did not wait to hear what Zoe might say in reply, but starting up ina fury of indignation, "I would have you to understand, Miss RosieTravilla," she said, "that I am not the mercenary creature you appear tobelieve me. I would scorn to apologize in order to secure a gift from Mr.Dinsmore or anybody else; and if he gives me one, I shall not accept it."
"I really do not think you will have the opportunity to reject a giftfrom him," replied Rosie, with what seemed to Lulu exasperating coolness."However, I sincerely regret having said anything to rouse that fearfultemper of yours. I should not have spoken so had I known you were withinearshot."
"No, I have no doubt that you say many a mean thing of me behind my backthat you would be ashamed, or afraid, to say to my face."
Rosie laughed gleefully. "Do you think I am afraid of _you_?" she askedin a mirthful tone, putting a strong emphasis upon the last word.
"Come, come, girls," interposed Zoe, "you surely are not going to quarrelabout nothing?"
"No; I have no quarrel with any one," replied Rosie, turning about andleaving the room with a quick, light step.
Lulu threw her book from her, upon the seat from which she had justrisen.
"She insults me and then walks off saying she has no quarrel withanybody!" she exclaimed passionately, addressing Zoe, who had remainedbehind with the laudable desire to say something to Lulu which should beas oil upon the troubled water. "It's bad enough to be abused withoutbeing forgiven for it."
"So it is," said Zoe; "but I don't think Rosie meant any harm; Isincerely believe she wants you to make it up with grandpa for your ownsake--that you may have a good time now and at Christmas."
"If I can't do it from a better motive than that, I won't do it at all,"said Lulu. "Aunt Zoe, I hope you have a little better opinion of me thanRosie seems to have?"
"Yes, Lulu, I've always liked you. I think yours would be a splendidcharacter if only you could learn to rule your own spirit, as theBible says. I've heard my father say that those who were naturallyhigh-tempered and wilful made the noblest men and women if they oncethoroughly learned the lesson of self-control."
"I wish I could," said Lulu, dejectedly. "I'm always sorry for my failurewhen my passion is over, and think I will never indulge it again; butsoon somebody does or says something very provoking, and before I havetime to think of my good resolutions I'm in a passion and saying angrywords in return."
"I am sorry for you," said Zoe; "I have temper enough of my own to beable to sympathize with you. But you will try to make your peace withgrandpa, won't you?"
"No; I was intending to, if Rosie hadn't interfered, but I sha'n't now;because if I did he would think it was from that mean motive that Rosiesuggested."
"Oh no; grandpa is too noble himself to suspect others of such meanness,"asserted Zoe, defending him all the more warmly that she had sometimestalked a trifle hardly of him herself.
But she saw from Lulu's countenance that to undo Rosie's work was quiteimpossible, so presently gave up the attempt and left her to solitude andher book.