My mind is racing a million miles a minute. Is he telling the truth? Could my dad not be my real father? If the answers are yes, then El and I are fucked. And so is my mom. My father—or, at least the man I believed was my father—isn’t the sort of man who’s going to let this go easily. He’ll ruin my mom first, and then El and I.
Feeling like I’m suffocating, I crack the window.
I need to get out of this car. I need to think. Figure this out.
“Hey, Ens? You dressed yet?”
A slamming heartbeat of a second ticks by, and then she says, “Yeah, I’m good.”
Exhaling, I open the door and climb out. She’s standing in the headlights with her dress, knee-high socks, and boots are back on. Her hair is damp and hangs across her shoulders in waves. Not a drop of makeup touches her face, showing her freckles.
I take back what I said earlier.
She’s not pretty.
She’s not sexy.
She’s fucking beautiful.
I want to kiss her so damn badly.
But I need to clear my head, need to stop panicking and figure this out.
Still checking her out, I take a step toward her. “I think my watch fell off somewhere. Do you want to get in the car and lock the doors while I go look for it?”
She gives me a funny look. “Lock the doors? That seems a bit extreme, don’t you think?”
I shake my head, closing the distance between us. “Do you know how many horror stories start with a guy and a girl alone by a lake? Then the guy leaves the girl for just a few minutes to either get gas or take a piss or something, and when he comes back, the girl’s gone.”
She tenses, her eyes scanning the field around us. “Okay, I wasn’t creeped out before, but now I am.” Her eyes land back on me, and she juts out her bottom lip. “Thanks for that.”
God, she’s so adorable. I can’t stand it.
“I’ll hurry,” I promise her. Then, unable to stop myself, I lean in and kiss her, partly out of desire and partly out of desperation that all of this is going to end before we even get a chance to really start it.
I mean to keep it a brief kiss, but when my heart races like a goddamn lunatic from the connection, I seriously lose my mind. Suddenly, I’m backing her up against the car while crushing my lips against hers. My hands are traveling all over her body, along her sides, before residing on her hips. My fingers dip downward, and then I lift her up onto the hood.
When she gasps against my mouth, I pull back, worried I’ve pushed her too far.
She stares up at me, her eyes wide, her chest moving frantically up and down with each ravenous breath she takes. Her lips are swollen from the intense kiss, and her eyes are glazed over with desire. I’ve wanted to see that look in her eyes since sophomore year when I started becoming obsessed with her.
God, she’s so fucking beautiful.
I’m seriously so fucking hard right now.
I want to spread her legs open and devour her.
But when she nervously wets her lips with her tongue, I’m reminded how inexperienced she is, and how I took her first kiss just moments ago. The last thing she needs me to do is try to take her virginity on the same night, especially when I’ve been lying to her.
I need to keep this strictly kissing.
God, there’s another first.
I swallow hard. “Is this okay? I can stop if you want me to.”
She hesitates, her dazed eyes flicking to my lips. “It’s fine.”
“I’m just going to kiss you,” I promise, lining my body over hers and pressing my lips to hers again.
She groans from the connection, her body arching into mine as she wraps her legs around my waist.
Fuck, my self-control is being tested.
I need to stop.
I can’t seem to get control over my body, though.
I kiss her deeply, tangling my tongue with hers. I bite on her bottom lip while gripping her waist, trying to stay in control. Trying not to lose it. But when she grinds her hips against mine, I damn near explode.
I pull back, gasping for air, before I end up ripping off her clothes.
She blinks up at me dazedly. “Is everything okay?”
I sketch a path down her cheek with my fingertip. “Yeah, I just need to cool off for a few minutes before I end up doing something I shouldn’t.”
She frowns, perplexed, but doesn’t say anything.
I thread my fingers through hers and help her to her feet. Then I steal one last kiss before backing away.
“I’m going to go find my watch. I’ll be right back. Get in the car and lock the door,” I tell her, then hurry toward the path before I do something stupid.
After hiking down the path for about a minute, I sink to my knees. Then I lose my shit.
All these years of living with my father, all the violence, all the yelling, all the control, all the brainwashing, and it was all for nothing.
Part of me feels crushed by the revelation. The other part of me feels relieved. Relieved that the horrible man who raised me doesn’t share my blood.
But if what Gregor said is true, then who is my real father? And how did my mom keep this a secret for so long?
Twenty-Three
Ensley
I do what Carter says and climb into the car, locking the doors. Then I sit on edge, waiting for him to return. My eyes keep drifting to the dark field and to the road behind the car. Every shadow creeps me out. Every noise makes me jump.
Dammit, Carter, thanks for freaking me out.
Still, it was kind of sweet that he was worried about me.
I just wish I wasn’t so scared right now.
To try to chill the hell out, I attempt to focus on something else. My mind zooms right to that kiss we shared on the hood of the car. Or, well, I guess it was more than a kiss since I nearly dry humped him. And then he pulled away.
I frown. Why did he pull away? It doesn’t make any sense. That’s not what Carter does. I’ve seen him kiss many girls and take them up to his room. He has a fuck-chest, for God’s sake. And yet, he pulls away from me while we’re kissing?
My frown deepens. Maybe I did something weird.
Why do I care so much? This is supposed to be a game, right?
The truth is, I’m not so sure anymore. I’m not sure I was ever really sure. After watching him for all those years and fantasizing about him, I think deep down I’ve always wanted to kiss him. I just never thought it’d happen. Just like I never thought Carter could be a good guy. But maybe I’ve been wrong this entire time. I mean, I never would’ve guessed that he was into photography. Or that he helped my mom carry her stuff inside the house when she’s working. Or that he watches me and takes photos of me, which might seem kind of weird, but honestly, I like that he’s been watching me like I watch him. It makes me feel like we’re both equally as weird and maybe kind of perfect for each other. Weirdly perfectly for each other.
God, I’m going back to la, la, la, dreamyland again… I think I need to kick my ass.
My phone suddenly buzzes, and I nearly leap out of my skin.
Shaking my head at my spastic behavior, I check the incoming message.
El: So, how’s the big date going? He kiss you yet?
If only she knew.
Me: I thought we decided I wouldn’t kiss him.
El: No, I told you to do whatever you wanted. And my gut instinct is telling me you want to kiss him. My gut instinct is also telling me he kissed you already.
I chew on my bottom lip as I type a reply.
Me: How did you know that?
El: Ha! I didn’t, but now I do. Don’t tell me the deets, though, because ew, gross. Just tell me you liked it.
Me: I thought I wasn’t supposed to like it. That I was supposed to be playing him so I could crush his heart, remember? It was your plan.
El: Yeah, maybe.
Me: What do you mean, yeah maybe? You’re the one who started this!
El: Yeah, but I think
I’m going to end it. It was probably a bad idea since you like Carter and he likes you.
Normally, I’d argue, but after tonight …
Me: How do you know he likes me?
As I wait for her response, Carter’s phone lights up from the console. I don’t mean to read the message, but when my name appears in the midst of the words, I find myself leaning over to read the text.
Gregor: If you don’t go through with this and bring me Ensley, I’m going to send those papers to your father. Don’t force me to do something I’d rather not do, Carter. Do the right thing. Go through with the plan. I need to see my daughter. I deserve to see her. Her mom never should’ve kept her from me.
A cold, numbing chill glazes over my body.
Gregor. The man from the photo. The man who might be my dad. Why is Carter talking to my dad? And what plan? Was it like mine and El’s plan? Why would my father make that sort of plan? And why did my mom keep me from him?
Questions and confusion overflow my mind. My heart stills in my chest and, for a moment, the world stops moving. Or maybe I just die a little inside.
Then everything starts moving all at once, and before I even know what I’m doing, I dive out of the car. Tears spill from my eyes as I run down the road, tripping in the dirt.
I run for what feels like hours before reaching the main road. When I note the distance to town, I call El to come get me. She asks me a ton of questions, but all I tell her is that I’m okay. That I just need a ride.
But I’m not okay. I’m confused. I’m shattered.
Most of all, I’m angry with myself.
I never should’ve played this game with Carter. I knew better. Knew it was wrong. Knew I shouldn’t have let my guard down. Knew he could be playing me. But then I thought perhaps he wasn’t.
I thought perhaps he liked me. That all those wonderful words he said were true. And stupidly, I thought maybe that falling sensation might eventually turn into love. But that was stupid. You can’t fall in love with someone after one date. You can’t fall in love with someone when you’re lying to them. Nope, all you can do is fall.
And then crash.
And man, am I crashing.
Crashing right into reality.
Carter was playing me. Every word he said was probably a lie.
Maybe I deserved what happened after trying to play him. I don’t know. All I know is that I won’t make the same mistake ever again. I’m not going to play any more games. I’ll never let my guard down again.
It seems so easy in theory. But then why does my heart hurt so badly? And why is that falling sensation I felt when I was around him gone and replaced by a crushing agony?
I don’t think Carter’s betrayal is the only thing causing the pain in my heart. No, someone else has hurt me tonight. Someone who I never thought would hurt me.
More tears pour from my eyes as I call my mom.
“Are you keeping my dad from seeing me?” I ask as I hike farther down the side of the road in the opposite direction of town.
It’s probably not my brightest idea since the only light is coming from the stars and moon and the glow of the town in the distance, which basically means it’s really freakin’ dark. However, if I head the other way, Carter is more than likely going to find me. And I don’t want him to find me. Ever.
I never want to see him again.
My mom doesn’t answer immediately and that crashing sensation builds in my chest.
“Ens, where are you?” she asks worriedly.
No what happened? No confusion? No denial?
It must be true.
“Why would you do that?” I whisper, coming to a stop near a tree. “Why would you keep him from me?”
“Ens …” Her voice cracks. “You don’t know the full story. You don’t know what kind of man he is. You don’t know the things he’s done.”
“Yeah, because of you.” I hang up, collapse to my knees, and start to sob.
She tries to call back several times, but I ignore the calls. When Carter starts calling me, too, I finally shut off my phone. Then I sit in the dark, crying my eyes out, until a pair of headlights illuminate the night.
I start to step away from the tree, figuring the car is Elodie’s. But when I notice the vehicle is an SUV, I back up into the trees again, not wanting some creeper to find me.
When the SUV slows down, my breath lodges in my throat. I may be pissed at Carter, but he was right—being out here alone is just like a horror story.
Panicking, I crouch down behind a bush and hold my breath as the SUV stops on the side of the road about twenty or so feet away from me. The engine idles as the headlights light up the road as the passenger door swings open, causing the interior lights of the vehicle to turn on.
What I see makes me blink, and then I pinch myself. Seriously, I might be having a nightmare.
Nope. No matter how many times I pinch myself, I don’t wake up. So, what I’m seeing must be true.
The person who just climbed out of the car is the girl who gave me the rose on graduation day. The creepy girl who I’m still a little worried is a ghost.
“Where is she?” the girl mumbles, staring in the direction of where I’m hiding. “I thought I saw her standing here.”
I don’t make any move to announce my presence, remaining hidden in the bushes, crouched low.
“The tracking app on her phone is tracking her to this location,” a deep voice flows out of the car.
Tracking app? I don’t have a tracking app on my phone, do I?
My panic soars into the night sky.
Not knowing what else to do, I reach into my pocket, take out my phone, and set it down where I’m sitting. Then I hunker down and crawl over to a tree a handful of feet away.
The girl begins to hike into the grass. “Where exactly is it?”
“You’re getting closer,” the guy in the vehicle says.
She takes a few more steps then bends down and picks something up. “Well, I found the phone.” She stands motionless, but it’s too dark to tell where she’s looking. “Ensley?”
My muscles wind tight as I press my back into the tree.
“Ensley, are you out there?” the girl calls out, taking a step forward. “If you are, come out please. We’re not going to hurt you. We just want to talk to you.”
Yeah, says almost every killer in almost every horror movie.
She continues to walk through the grass for a few more minutes before setting my phone down on the ground and turning back toward the SUV. “I guess it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like we can do anything yet.”
“He needs to know if she’s okay,” the guy says as she hoists herself back into the car. “He’s going to freak out until he knows.”
“Then text Carter again.” She starts to shut the door. “He’s the one who caused this mess, anyway. He’s the one who should fix it.”
The door slams, and then the SUV peels out into the night.
I don’t move from my spot for several minutes. When I do duck out from the trees, I go straight to my phone and pick it up. Then I check my apps. But I can’t find any sort of tracking app on it.
“Crap, what the heck is going on? Who were those people?” For some reason, I think about my dad.
Could he be looking for me? After all, he was using Carter to get to me. Why not just come to me himself, though? And how the hell did he track my phone? And who the bleep is that creepy girl?
By the time El pulls up next to me, I’m a wreck. My eyes are swollen from bawling my eyes out, snot is dripping out of my nose, and my mind is spinning so swiftly I feel like I’m on crack.
El jumps out of the car the second she parks, runs around the back, and wraps her arms around me. “What happened?”
I start babbling, more tears spilling from my eyes, as I tell her everything. By the time I’m finished, I’m hoarse and my heart hurts.
“So a car just pulled up here and that little girl was looking for you?” She really g
ets stuck on that part.
“Yeah, it’s creepy, right?” I say, wiping my nose with the sleeve of my shirt.
“Fuck yeah, it is.” She glances up and down the road. “Are you sure they drove off?”
I nod. “I watched them go.”
She exhales a shaky breath. “Did you call your mom about it? Or the police?”
“I don’t think the police can do anything. I mean, what would I say? Some people stopped on the side of the road to look for me, but then just drove off? I don’t even have a plate number, nor do I know what kind of car it was. Just that it was an SUV.” I swallow down the anger burning at my tongue. “And, as for my mom … I don’t want to talk to her. Not until I clear my head. Then I’m going to demand some answers about my dad.”
“You should definitely do that. You deserve to know,” she says. “I can’t believe she lied to you. I didn’t think your mom was like that.”
“Yeah, me either.” I rub my aching chest where I swear my heart is breaking.
“And Carter …” She shakes her head. “Fuck, I never should’ve asked you to do the plan. If I’d known what he was up to, I never would’ve suggested it.”
“There’s no way you could’ve possibly known,” I tell her. “And even without our plan, if he’d asked me out, I probably would have said yes.” The truth hurts more than I’d like to admit. “But hey, at least I only went on one date with him.”
One date. That’s all. No big deal. Not at all.
Only, it is. It really, really is.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to run.
I want to forget.
I calmly stand up. “Can we go somewhere for a couple of days?”
She nods. “You name it, and we’ll go.”
“How about we just pick a place on the map? Because thinking requires brainpower I don’t have right now.”
She claps her hands together. “Hell yeah, road trip! We’ve been talking about doing one forever.”
“Yes, we have.” It might seem crazy, taking off like this, like I’m running away from my problems. And maybe I am. Maybe I’m being a coward. Maybe I’m trying to lie to myself again. However, the only alternatives are to either go to El’s, where Carter lives, or go home. And neither sounds like a great option.