And although you, Madam, Meneer, now know me at a time when I have strode across the world and even been, for a moment, famous, in September of 394 I was still a prisoner of Phobos – I stood on the deck of the John Kay and felt like fainting.
Jacques, in this situation, was a master, managing to accommodate himself not only to my phobia but also my pride. He helped me on to the trawler, introduced me to the skipper.
I now know he had talked to this fisherman beforehand, had shown him photographs which had appeared in medical histories when I was born. But I did not know it then. So imagine my gratitude when the Captain showed no shock, looked at me as if I were human, held my eye, nodded. He may not have understood every word I said, but he knew I was the shapoh – i.e. it was me, not Wally, who was going to pay his bill. He shook my hand politely.
Not once in our five-day journey did this man ever treat me with less than respect. All this was due to Jacques. Also: as a result of his expert care, I arrived in the little republic of Morea a great deal calmer than I had been in years. Whilst continually subject to fits of irrational panic, I was now able to calm myself with Dr Fensterheim’s breathing. I was well fed, freshly shaved, a little suntanned, with no more discomfort than that created by the 50,000 Voorstandish Guilders I had bound to my chest with adhesive tape.
We have fully automated credit systems in Efica. We use them daily, just like you do in Saarlim. When I entered Voorstand like this, without a cash parole or any type of credit card, with only cash strapped to my chest, it was not because I was naïve or ill-informed, or rather – not in the way you might imagine.
Wally and I had, at that stage, a high opinion of your efficiency, your expertise. We imagined Voorstand to be a web of co-ax, optic fibre, little chips with brains the size of elephants. We travelled with cash because we were illegal and wished to keep our names out of the computers, and that is why I was lowered on to the dinghy in Morea with 50,000 Guilders strapped to my body with surgical tape. A saboteur, of course, would have known that this was stupid.
The morning we arrived at the Morean tourist resort of Club Hedoniste, the air smelled like overripe papaya. I was down to one layer of white cotton but Jacques was still wearing his three shirts and long black jacket. He placed the panama hat on my head and set it at an angle.
The dinghy was already heading back through the surf to the John Kay. I was on the beach – small, exposed, but I was there, under that velvety sky, and I was dizzy, a little, but not panicked.
It was seven in the morning, and the guests, if there were any guests, were not awake to see me. They missed an interesting procession.
First came Wally. He had always been a little hunched, but like a ping-pong player is hunched, like a man listening to a story is hunched. Now he was like those old men you see in Efican fishing villages, bent over with the weight of long-dead tuna and skipjack. He was seventy-three years old, a pensioner. Most of his hair was gone, the rest he had shaved off, and he had covered his craggy nose and freckled scalp with glistening sun-tan lotion. He wore a camera case around his neck but, with his heavy eyebrows and gimlet eyes, he must have looked – to anyone who did not know his sentimental heart – like some cruel old bird, some kind of vulture in crisp white T-shirt and white canvas frippes. He led us up the cracked concrete paths, beside the empty swimming pool where exotic red fish dropped flaking scales of red paint on to a bilious puddle of old storm water.
I was also dressed in white – long white shirt, long cotton trousers, Italian canvas shoes, my white wide-brimmed hat. I came behind him in my wheelchair, my face in shadow.
Behind me was Jacques, his hands on my wheelchair, a big pack on his shoulders. He had dressed for tropical Zeelung exactly as he had for Chemin Rouge – the white tennis shoes, the three layers of spotted shirts, the wide-shouldered suit jacket, the black hair slicked back on his head, the two silver rings in his left ear.
You would think our distinctive group would make a strong impression in Morea, but the taxi man, who waited for us in the steaming gravel car park, did not seem to notice anything unusual. He was listening to a loud speech on the car radio and as the speech became more passionate he drove faster. The country was poor, hardly lived-in. There was some white sand, tussocks, a few fishing boats with inverted triangular sails. Then we were at the Zeelung border post.
The customs office was like a portable latrine on a parldng lot but the soldiers, contrary to their reputation, were stone cold sober, wore pressed fatigues and were erect in their postures. The Captain – spit-bright, gold braid – was everything I had feared when I set out.
He looked at me with horror and disgust. He shouted. He crossed himself. He spoke volubly and abusively to Jacques in Old Dutch, but although I felt that sea swell of dread, I did not die, or even faint. I felt dizzy, yes, but finally he stamped my passport and we went, in triumph, Madam, Meneer, in total triumph.
Ahead of us was a bus station and a clay road with potholes and dark-eyed teenage girls roasting corn and selling small glass cups of tea.
We were in Zeelung. I was entering my second country in two hours. I had become an adventurer.
6
In Zeelung, we ran the gauntlet of the border hustlers, predators, buskers, owners of religious artefacts and flea-bitten hotels, all of whom, it seemed, were scoping us, trying to figure out a way to get at our wallets. They called to us in English and the local Dutch-Indian creole, but did not actually press in. They leaned and lounged against the chipped pale blue wall of the bus-shelter.
Then, right in front of them, Wally’s new plimsolls came unlaced.
‘Stop,’ I said.
‘No,’ he said.
‘You want to break your hip?’
He stopped.
The efficient Jacques was immediately by his side, taking his little pack, kneeling, intending to tie the lace himself. But Wally, typically, did not wish this sort of help in public, and he shooed the nurse away as if his offer was completely unexpected.
Phonella would have been offended by this dismissal, Jean-Claude would have fought to tie the lace, but Jacques gracefully retreated, reshouldering his own pack.
So we all watched – Jacques, me, the Zeelung predators – while the bony-headed old man stooped down, like a big old shell-backed turtle, to slowly tie up his shoelace.
On the periphery of my shaded vision I became aware of one of the Zeelungers, a white-shirted, dark-eyed Presence, leaning his bony shoulder blades against the bus-shelter wall.
I felt this man before I properly saw him. I felt a prickling on my neck, and even before I studied him I was twisting away from him in my chair, so I could discreetly slide my precious Efican passport down into the secret linen pouch inside my frippes.
No sooner had I got the passport hidden than Wally finished with his shoelace.
‘OK,’ he said, slowly straightening. ‘Illico presto. Let’s go.’
He began to walk, but my wheelchair did not follow him. I twisted my neck and found Jacques gone.
Then I saw him: in the bus-shelter. Surrounded by Zeelungers.
As I watched I saw him accept a cigarette from the Presence and permit the dangerous-looking man to light it for him. These local violinistes were short. Jacques was even shorter, but, in the midst of all those creased and weathered faces, he shone like something loved and valuable.
The Presence had dark, deep-set brown eyes and scimitar-shaped sideburns, and as I watched he held out a gun – black-nosed, white-handled – towards our young employee. The hair on my neck stood on end.
Wally called harshly, but Jacques did not even turn. The Presence was like a stage magician, a demonstrator in a department store on the Rue Tienture. As I watched I saw that this was possibly a deeply dangerous situation, but I also realized – and this made my skin tingle – that Jacques was not at all afraid.
As the man shucked cartridges from his revolver, I felt I had entered a dream.
‘Jacques!’ Wally clapped his big fr
eckled hands together.
Jacques turned, and nodded. To the Presence, he said, ‘Derthunken, un moment.’
He walked back to us, insouciantly pigeon-toed, across the gravel. I was so relieved to have him safe again, so easily.
‘He’s doing the prelude to Van Cleef’s bit from The Heroes’ Sirkus,’ he said. ‘He could never have seen it live, but he can do the bit. It’s the show when Henk Van Cleef died.’
‘You are working,’ Wally said. ‘You are not on holiday.’
‘Any … way,’ I said. ‘This … looks … iffy.’
‘Iffy?’ Jacques smiled at me. I would not call it a pitying smile. I could not call it condescending, but he showed me the line of regular teeth in his handsome face. This was not someone who would stay locked in a dark theatre eleven years. I did not like him then. I was shocked to imagine he might not like me.
‘It’s like a quote this man is making,’ he said to me, ‘from something he never saw.’
And, damn it, if he didn’t turn and walk back to them.
‘OK,’ called Wally. He sounded like an Inkerman sheep farmer calling up his dog. ‘That’s enough.’
‘Good to meet you, Aziz,’ I heard Jacques say to the Presence. ‘Gut veer enloader.’
Wally clasped his big hands across his slippery scalp and groaned.
‘One more minute,’ Jacques called to Wally, but even as he spoke he was slipping his slender finger into the trigger guard of Aziz’s gun. He placed his feet apart. He held his left-hand index finger in the air. Then, with his right, he spun the weapon, and flicked it high into the air.
The slippered pimps and bare-footed thieves lined up along the bus-shelter wall must have been as stunned as I was, but when Jacques caught the spinning weapon by its stubby barrel they all burst into applause. It was clear to me then – not to Wally – that nothing bad would happen to him. The Zeelungers produced more guns and began to do the same sorts of Sirkus tricks themselves.
Jacques looked back at me and blushed.
Wally came behind my chair and began to push me away across the featureless grassless earth. After fifty yards or so, Jacques caught up with us, his cheeks red, his headphones slipping from his head.
‘Sorry,’ he said as he took the chair from Wally and repositioned his headphones.
‘Listen, Jules,’ Wally said in that dead quiet voice that had its roots in the violin, ‘you play that trick again, I’ll hurt you.’
In the silence that followed it occurred to me that Wally was perhaps too old to be making threats like this.
‘You understand me?’
‘I understand,’ Jacques said at last.
‘Now’ – Wally jerked his head back to where the boys from the wall had gathered in a loose semi-circle some twenty yards back – ’unless you want those violinistes to cut your throat, you better push the chair.’
We were in a kind of clay-pan bus station with no buses and three roads leading out of it. We walked along the widest of them, between a grove of banana trees rich in the odours of human excrement. It was very hot by now, and spittering with rain. The man with the white-handled revolver, alone now, began to follow us.
‘He’ll cut your fucking liver out,’ Wally said to Jacques.
‘I’m sorry to have distressed you,’ Jacques said.
Wally grunted.
We travelled on a little way, bumping over the rutted road.
‘You just don’t go talking to strangers,’ Wally said, ‘because you think they look like something in a vid.’
‘Mollo … mollo,’ I said. ‘Let’s … just … forget … it.’
But when Wally got mad about something he could not let it go.
‘When you travel with us,’ he said, ‘you do what we say. You’re too young. You don’t know shit from jam.’
Jacques said nothing.
We left the banana grove behind and were now walking between fields of onions. Ahead we could see what may have been a chemical factory and a highway. The rain was beginning to fall again. We had no umbrella.
‘They’re following us,’ Wally said. The more he talked, the angrier he got. The angrier he got, the faster he walked. The faster he walked, the more his glistening head craned forward and the more hunched he became, and all the time he talked downwards to the road in his humming Efican accents. ‘I can’t believe you did that. Now they know we have money.’
Jacques stopped pushing. The chair stopped. It was a moment before Wally realized, and when he turned he was five yards ahead.
‘I know you’re upset,’ Jacques said. ‘But it is ridiculous to keep blaming me.’
‘Look,’ Wally said, pointing a finger at him.
‘They saw us come across the border,’ Jacques said. ‘They didn’t need to talk to me to know I was a tourist. Besides, you’ve never been out of Efica either. You’re just as excited as I am.’
‘Look,’ Wally said, stamping his foot. ‘Look behind you, you damn fool.’
It was the Presence with the scimitar sideburns. He was right behind us – small, neat, his hands clasped together in a rather beseeching way.
‘You are walking the wrong way,’ he said to Jacques. ‘There is nothing there, no hotel, nothing but some small boys who will rob you.’
‘We know,’ Wally said, coming back to take charge.
‘You need a hotel,’ the Presence said. ‘You are poor mens, I know, you do not want it too expensis.’
‘That’s right, camarade,’ Wally said. ‘Not expensis.’
‘You want to go to Voorstand, let me help you. I make a good price with you.’
‘Vat es der geld?’ Jacques said.
‘Keep out of this,’ Wally said to Jacques. ‘Just keep out of it.’
‘We make the price,’ Aziz said to Jacques. ‘You cannot say what is a good price. We make it, together. You understand? You say one thing, I say the other. We make the price. It is something mens do together.’
‘We don’t do it that way in Efica,’ Wally said. ‘You give us a fair price, the hotel plus the guide.’
‘You are from Africa?’
‘Not Africa – Efica.’
Aziz pursed his lips, shook his head. ‘One old man,’ he said, ‘one sick man, one …’ He looked at Jacques. ‘One other, not so experienced perhaps.’ He had small soft hands and delicate wrists. He smelled kind of soapy. He kept walking with us. ‘First, you need a nice hotel. Not too expensis, but clean.’
‘We’ll … look,’ I said. ‘Tell … him … we’ll … look.’
‘Der enkelamade es der berzoomin,’ Jacques said to the Presence, ‘Derf hotel es becoomin nacht anajadin.’* To Wally he said, ‘Is that OK?’
Jacques knew that neither of us spoke the language, but when he asked his question his manner was as polite as if he were inquiring about the water temperature of his bath.
Wally paused a moment. He looked at Jacques with his brow pressed down upon his cloudy eyes.
‘Yes,’ he said at last, ‘that’s fine.’
*Long the butt of jokes in Amsterdam, the so-called Vuilnisbelt pidgin of Zeelung has recently begun to be seen as a language in its own right. For more examples of the rich and poetic usages of Vuilnisbelt (lit: Garbage Dump) Dutch see Songs of Zeelung and South East Voorstand by Prick Van Kooten (Potter Press).
7
Once we were on our way to the hotel, it was as if that clear sharp moment of rebellion had never occurred. It was the original Jacques who travelled with us in the back of that dirty old flat-bed truck – professional, solicitous, attentive to our needs, even before we could express them. He propped his dos-sack behind Wally’s sore spine. He produced glucose tablets, sun-screen, a ground-sheet to save our clothes from the bouncing farm muck which littered the tray. He had moist towelettes. He kept his sneakers clean.
What should have been a short journey was interrupted by two flat tyres and some problem with the fuel-supply line. Such were the delays along the roadside that by the time we finally arrived at
our destination it was dusk and we were too weary to understand where we had come to – it may have been Sint Vincent, the border town, or Gelukfontein, an industrial centre inland and to the north.
The hotel turned out to be a store owned by relatives of Aziz. It was not what we had expected, but we were too exhausted to protest. Jacques and Wally carried me down the steps into the store. The metal concertina grille was padlocked shut behind us. We sat, and blinked.
Women in black dresses were in the process of dragging large rolls of bedding out from between delicately stacked cans of fish and cooking oil, but when I was brought in, still sitting in my chair, everything stopped. Bright lights were produced – three noisy gas lights, each with its own blue gas cylinder and long metal neck. Insects with long iridescent wings clustered around the light. Tristan Smith was illuminated without apology, but when I turned my big pale eyes on my hosts they quickly flicked their own eyes away, leaving me alone in my wheelchair, like some wet squid washed up amongst the seawrack on the beach.
From out the back, men came to stare at me and argue with Aziz. They were so like Aziz they could have been his brothers – they had identical sideburns terminating in a concave sweep, a crescent which indicated skill with a cut-throat razor. They had narrow hips and little backsides. They carried guns in their trousers, slid under the waistband, with the barrels pointing down to their coccyx. They had dark hands with pale palms which they held expressively when speaking. Their voices were feathery, caressing. The children, with their fine straight noses and their dark darting eyes, bore a resemblance to almost everybody who came in and out of the shadowed doorways of the store.
Diesel fumes drifted down from the roadway through the concertina doors and mingled with the foreign odours of dry fish and spices. Wally sat down on a sack of something, resting his head in his hands. Jacques must have been as weary as any of us, but the instant we arrived, he was on the job.
If he despised my anxiety, he also had the imagination to push my chair into the shadow, to give me some privacy before he began to explain to Aziz that this unusual beast was his employer and it was his job to give me a hot bath at this hour.