CHAPTER IV
LOST
We had a terrible fright the next morning, for the poor dear Wallypuggot lost, and for some time we could not imagine what had become ofhim.
It happened in this way: directly after breakfast his Majesty saidthat he should like to go for a walk and look at the shops.
"I'm not going," declared the Doctor-in-Law. "I have some _very_important letters to write."
We all looked up in surprise, for we did not know that theDoctor-in-Law had any other acquaintances in London.
"Letters from which I hope to derive a princely income," continuedthe little man grandly; "and, therefore, I have no time for suchfoolishness as looking into shop windows."
"He's afraid thad he bight have to sped sub buddy," remarkedA. Fish, Esq.
"Nothing of the sort," replied the Doctor-in-Law, turning very redthough.
"Well, don't waste time talking about it; let's go if we are going,"said the Rhymester; and so, as I also had some correspondence toattend to, it was arranged that the Wallypug, the Rhymester, and A.Fish, Esq., should go for a little stroll by themselves. I had somedoubts in my own mind as to the advisability of letting them go alone,but they promised not to go beyond Kensington Gardens, and to wait forme there just inside the gates.
After they had gone I settled down to my letter-writing, and wasgetting along nicely when the Doctor-in-Law interrupted me with:
"I say, I wish you would let me have about twenty sheets ofnote-paper, will you, please?"
"Twenty!" I exclaimed in surprise.
"Yes, twenty," said the Doctor-in-Law. "Or you had better make ita quire while you are about it."
I thought the quickest way to get rid of him was to give him thepaper, so I got up and got it for him.
"And a packet of envelopes, please," he said, as I handed it to him.
"Anything else?" I asked rather sarcastically.
"Stamps!" he replied, calmly holding out his hand.
"Well, really--" I expostulated.
"Oh, halfpenny ones will do. You're surely not so mean as to mindtenpence, are you?"
"I don't think I'm mean, but--"
"Hand them over then, and don't waste so much time talking," said thelittle man impatiently, and so, just to get rid of him, I gave him thestamps and sat down to my letters again.
I had hardly begun when he came back.
"Don't you take any other newspapers than these?" he demanded, showingme a handful.
"No, I don't, and I think it's rather extravagant of me to havethose," I replied.
"Well, then, how do you suppose that I am going to manage? I want atleast five other papers, and it's _most_ important that I should havethem."
"You might buy them," I suggested.
"They are so dear," he grumbled.
"Well, why don't you go to the Public Library then?" I suggested. "Youknow where it is, and you could see all of the papers there, youknow."
"Ah, a capital idea," he said, putting on his hat and going out.
"Now," I thought, "I shall have peace at last."
I was not left undisturbed long though, for a few minutes later Mrs.Putchy came to the door.
"Oh, please, sir, will you go down? Mr. Doctor-in-Law is having such abother with the postman."
I hurried out, and found the little man very angry indeed.
"This postman won't give me a letter," he cried when he saw me.
"Perhaps he hasn't one for you," I answered.
"But I saw him giving them away all down the street for nothing,"persisted the Doctor-in-Law. "And when I asked him in a civil way forone, he refused to give it to me. It's no use for him to say he hasn'tone, when he has a whole packet in his hand now, and a lot more inhis bag, no doubt. Are you going to give me a letter or not?" hecontinued, turning to the postman.
"ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A LETTER OR NOT?"]
"No, sir," continued the man, smiling. "I haven't any for you."
"Very well, then," said the Doctor-in-Law decidedly, "I shallcertainly write to the Queen and tell her that if she employs you anylonger I shall take all my custom away, and I shall not send thetwenty letters, that I intended writing to-day, off at all."
I endeavoured to explain to the little man that the postman could notpossibly give him a letter if he had not one addressed to him.
"Oh, that's all nonsense," he exclaimed, going off in a huff. "Ofcourse you would take his part."
Before I could settle down to work again the Rhymester and A. Fish,Esq., returned.
"Where's the Wallypug?" I demanded.
"Oh, he's coming by the next 'bus," said the Rhymester. "Haven't youhad any rain here?"
"No," I replied.
"Oh, we had quidt a sharb shower," said A. Fish, Esq., "ad I wasafraid of gettig wet, so we stopped a 'bus--there was odly roob fortwo though, ad the Wallypug said thad he would cub od by the dext."
"I hope he will get home all right," I said anxiously. "I don't thinkyou ought to have left his Majesty by himself."
"Oh! it's only a little way," said the Rhymester; "he's sure to gethome all right."
"SO WE STOPPED A 'BUS"]
An hour passed and there was no signs of the Wallypug. I now beganto get seriously anxious.
It would, of course, be the easiest thing in the world for his Majestyto take the wrong 'bus, and be taken goodness knows where.
I couldn't think what was best to be done. The Rhymester suggestedsending the Crier out, but I never remembered having seen one atKensington, and at last, after searching for some time ourselves inKensington Gardens, and making inquiries in High Street, and failingto glean any tidings of his Majesty, I thought it best to go to thePolice Station.
Here I found a very important-looking official in uniform, with a bigbook in front of him.
"What is it?" he inquired, glaring at me fiercely.
"I've called to know if you could assist me in finding a friend who, Ifear, has lost his way," I replied.
The official did not answer me, but reached down another large book.
"What's his name?" he inquired gruffly.
"His name? Oh--er--his name is--er--that is to say he is the--" I hadnot the least idea what the Wallypug's name really was, so I couldn'tvery well say.
"What's his name?" shouted the official. "I'll ask you what he _is_presently."
"Well, I'm very sorry, but I really do not know his name."
The man glanced at me very suspiciously.
"You said he was a friend of yours--it's a very odd thing that youdon't know his name. What is he?"
"He's a--a--Wallypug," I stammered. "That is to say he--er--"
"Wallypug!" exclaimed the man contemptuously. "What's that?"
"Why, it's a kind of king, you know," I explained, feeling that theexplanation was rather a lame one.
"A _kind_ of king!" exclaimed the police officer. "Explain yourself."
"Well, I'm afraid I can't explain more clearly than that," I replied."This gentleman has been staying with me for a couple of days, andwent out this morning and lost his way."
"Where did he come from?" asked the man.
"Why," I answered.
"Why? Because I want to know," he shouted. "Don't let me have anyfurther prevarication. Where did the man, or Wallypug, or whatever youcall him, come from?"
"From Why. From a place called Why, you know," I repeated.
"I _don't_ know," said the officer. "I've never heard of such a place.Where is it?"
"Well, really," I said, "I'm very sorry, but I cannot tell you. Idon't know myself."
"This is _very_ remarkable," said the man, glaring at me through hisglasses. "You don't know your friend's name; you call him a Wallypug,and can't explain what that is, you don't know where he comesfrom--perhaps you can tell me how he reached your house?"
I was now really in a fix, for how could I tell this man that hisMajesty had stepped out of a picture.
I thought the best thing to do was to hold my tongue.
/> "How did he come?" repeated the officer. "By train?"
I shook my head.
"By steamer?"
I shook my head again.
"Did he drive?--or come on a bicycle, or walk?"
I remained silent.
The police officer stared at me for a moment or two, waiting for myanswer.
"Look here, young man," said he at last, evidently very angry indeed."It strikes me that you are having a game with me. You had better goaway quietly or I shall be obliged to take you in charge as alunatic."
"But I assure you that--"
"How was your friend dressed?"
"Oh, he wore a somewhat battered gold crown, and carried an orb andsceptre, and was dressed in knee breeches and a velvet cloak with anermine collar."
The man gave me a keen glance and then rang a bell. A policemanappeared a moment or two afterwards, and the officer whisperedsomething to him, of which I only caught the words, "harmlesslunatic."
"Lunatic, sir; yes, sir. Step this way, please," said the policeman,and before I could realize what had happened I was bundled into asmall bare room, and the key was turned in the lock and I was aprisoner.
Here was a pretty state of affairs. The stupid people had mistaken mefor a lunatic, and I was no doubt to be locked up here till a doctorarrived.
Of course the only thing for me to do was to sit still and wait aspatiently as I could. Fortunately the police people thought oftelegraphing to the other stations to find out if anything was knownof an escaped lunatic; and from Fulham came the reply, "We have foundone ourselves. He calls himself a Wallypug, and is dressed like asecond-hand king." This caused inquiries to be made, and eventually Iwas taken in a cab to Fulham, where we found his Majesty in the chargeof the police, he having been found wandering about the Fulham Roadquite unable to give what they considered a satisfactory account ofhimself.
It was most unfortunate that his Majesty should have taken the wrong'bus, for, not having any money with him, he was set down in a totallystrange neighbourhood, and had quite forgotten my address. Of course,now that we had been brought face to face, we had no difficulty inconvincing the police people that we were what we representedourselves to be, and were soon, to our great relief, on our wayhome again.
"I don't think that I should like to be a policeman," remarked theWallypug, on our way there.
"No?" I answered. "Why not?"
"They have to catch dogs for a living?" remarked his Majesty solemnly."There were several brought in while I was waiting, and the policemanwho had caught them seemed so pleased about it."
I explained to the Wallypug as well as I was able about the muzzlingorder, and his Majesty was highly indignant, and when I pointed outseveral dogs with muzzles on he was more indignant still.
"And are they always obliged to wear those horrible wire cages overtheir heads?" he inquired.
I told his Majesty that in London the order for wearing them had beenin force for some considerable time, and we had a long talk over thematter, his Majesty declaring that he should try and invent a newmuzzle which should be more comfortable for the poor dogs.
UNABLE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT OF HIMSELF]
"Oh, here we are at last," he exclaimed, as we turned the corner nearmy house. "And there are the others on the steps!"
"Here they are! Here they are!" shouted the Rhymester to the others,and everyone rushed forward to assist his Majesty to alight, seeminglyvery glad to see us back again.
We were quite as delighted to get back, I can tell you, and I was sorelieved at having found the Wallypug that I hadn't the heart torefuse the Doctor-in-Law's request that I would give him ten shillingsworth of penny stamps to put into the letters which he had beenwriting while we had been away, although he would not give me theslightest clue as to what they were wanted for.