CHAPTER XL
At five o'clock, on the following morning, the house of Miss Matson wasdisturbed, by a hurrying message from Elinor, demanding to see MissEllis without delay. Ellis, arose, with the utmost trepidation: it wasthe beginning of May, and brightly light; and she accompanied theservant back to the house.
She found all the family in the greatest disorder, from the return ofanother messenger, who had been forwarded to Mr Harleigh, with theunexpected news that that gentleman had quitted Brighthelmstone. Theintelligence was conveyed in a letter, which he had left at the hotel,for Miss Maple; and in which another was enclosed for Elinor. Mrs Maplehad positively refused to be the bearer of such unwelcome tidings to thesick room; protesting that she could not risk, before the surgeon andthe nurse, the rude expression which her poor niece might utter; andcould still less hazard imparting such irritating information _tete atete_.
'Why, then,' said Ireton, 'should not Miss Ellis undertake the job?Nobody has had a deeper share in the business.'
This idea was no sooner started, than it was seized by Mrs Maple; whowas over-joyed to elude the unpleasant task imposed upon her byHarleigh; and almost equally gratified to mortify, or distress, a personwhom she had been led, by numberless small circumstances, which uponlittle minds operate more forcibly than essential ones, to consider as asource of personal disgrace to her own dignity and judgement. Deaf,therefore, to the remonstrances of Ellis, upon whom she forced theletter, she sent for Mr Naird, charged him to watch carefully by theside of her poor niece, desired to be called if any thing unhappy shouldtake place; and, complaining of a violent head-ache, retired to liedown.
Ellis, terrified at this tremendous commission, and convinced that thefeelings and situation of Elinor were too publicly known for any attemptat secresy, applied to Mr Naird for counsel how to proceed.
Mr Naird answered that, in cases where, as in the present instance, theimagination was yet more diseased than the body, almost any certaintywas less hurtful than suspense. 'Nevertheless, with so excentrical agenius,' he added, 'nothing must be risked abruptly: if, therefore, as Ipresume, this letter is to acquaint the young lady, with the propermodifications, that Mr Harleigh will have nothing to say to her; youmust first let her get some little inkling of the matter bycircumstances and surmizes, that the fact may not rush upon her withoutwarning: keep, therefore, wholly out of her way, till the tumult of herwonder and her doubts, will make any species of explication medicinal.'
She had certainly, he added, some new project in contemplation; for,after extorting from her, the preceding evening, a promise that shewould try to sleep, he heard her, when she believed him gone, exclaim,from Cato's soliloquy:
'Sleep? Ay, yes,--This once I'll favour thee, That may awaken'd soul may take its flight Replete with all its pow'rs, and big with life, An offering fit for ... Glory, Love, ... and Harleigh!'
'Our kind-hearted young ladies of Sussex,' continued Mr Naird, 'are asmuch scandalized that Mr Harleigh should have the insensibility toresist love so heroic, as their more prudent mammas that he should sopublicly be made its object. No men, however,--at least none on thisside the Channel,--can wonder that he should demur at venturing upon atreaty for life, with a lady so expert in foreign politics, as to makean experiment, in her own proper person, of the new atheistical andsuicidical doctrines, that those ingenious gentlemen, on t'other sidethe water, are now so busily preaching for their fellow-countrymen'sdestruction.[2] Challenging one's existence for every quarrel with one'sWill; and running one's self through the Body for every affront to one'sMind; used to be thought peculiar to the proud and unbending humour ofJohn Bull; but John did it rarely enough to make it a subject ofgossipping, and news-paper squibs, for at least a week. Our merryneighbours, on the contrary, now once they have set about it, do thejob with an air, and a grace, that shew us we are as drowsy in ourdesperation, as we are phlegmatic in our amusements. They talk of itwherever they go; write of it whenever they hold a pen; and are sopiqued to think that we got the start of them, in beginning the gamefirst, that they pop off more now in a month, than we do in a year: andI don't in the least doubt, that their intention is to go on with thesame briskness, till they have made the balance even.'
[Footnote 2: During the dominion of Robespierre.]
Looking then archly at Ellis, 'However clever,' he added, 'this younglady may be; and she seems an adept in their school of turning the worldupside down; she did not shew much skill in human nature, when she firedsuch a broadside at the heart of the man she loved, at the very instantthat he had forgotten all the world, in his hurry to fire one himselfupon the heart of another woman.'
Ellis blushed, but was silent; and Mrs Golding, Elinor's maid, came,soon after, to hasten Mr Naird to her mistress; who, persuaded, shesaid, by their non-appearance, that Mr Harleigh had eloped with MissEllis, was preparing to dress herself; and was bent to pursue them tothe utmost extremity of the earth.
Mr Naird, then, entering the room, heard her in the agitated voice offeverish exultation, call out, 'Joy! Joy and peace, to my soul! They aregone off together!--'Tis just what I required, to "spur my almostblunted purpose!--"'
Ellis, beckoned by Mr Naird, now appeared.
Elinor was struck with astonishment; and her air lost something of itswildness. 'Is Harleigh,' she cried, 'here too?'
Ellis durst not reply; nor, still less, deliver the letter; which shedropt unseen upon a table.
Amazed at this silence, Elinor repeated her enquiries: 'Why does he notcome to me? Why will he not answer me?'
'Nay, I should think it a little odd, myself,' said Mr Naird, 'if I didnot take into consideration, that our hearing requires an approximationthat our wishes can do without.'
'Is he not yet arrived, then?--Impenetrable Harleigh! And can he sleep?O noble heart of marble! polished, white, exquisite--butunyielding!--Ellis, send to him yourself! Call him to me immediately! Itis but for an instant! Tell him it is but for an instant.'
Ellis tremblingly drew back. The impatience of Elinor was redoubted, andMr Naird thought proper to confess that Mr Harleigh could not be found.
Her vehemence was then converted into derision, and, with a contemptuouslaugh, 'You would make me believe, perhaps,' she cried, 'that he hasleft Brighthelmstone? Spare your ingenuity a labour so absurd, and mypatience so useless a disgust. From me, indeed, he may be gone! for hissoul shrinks from the triumph in which it ought to glory! 'Tis pity! Yetin him every thing seems right; every thing is becoming. Even the narrowfeelings of prudence, that curb the expansions of greatness, in him seemgraceful, nay noble! Ah! who is like him? The poor grovelling wretchesthat call themselves his fellow creatures, sink into nothingness beforehim, as if beings of another order! Where is he? My soul sickens to seehim once more, and then to be extinct!'
No one venturing to speak, she again resolved to seek him in person;convinced, she said, that, since Ellis remained, he could not be faroff. This appeared to Mr Naird the moment for producing the letter.
At sight of the hand-writing of Harleigh, addressed, to herself, everyother feeling gave way to rapturous joy. She snatched the letter from MrNaird, blew it all around, as if to disperse the contagion of anyforeign touch, and then, in a transport of delight, pressed it to herlips, to her heart, and again to her lips, with devouring kisses. Shewould not read it, she declared, till night: all she experienced ofpleasure was too precious and too rare, not to be lengthened and enjoyedto its utmost possible extent; yet, nearly at the same moment, she brokethe seal, and ordered every one to quit the room; that the air whichwould vibrate with words of Harleigh, should be uncontaminated by anybreath but her own. They all obeyed; though Mr Naird, fearing what mightensue, stationed himself where, unsuspectedly, he could observe hermotions. Eagerly, rapidly, and without taking breath till she came tothe conclusion, she then read aloud the following lines:
'To Miss JODDREL.
'I fly you, O Elinor, not to irritate those feelings I dare not hope to soothe! My hear
t recoils, with prophetic terrour, from the summons which you have issued for this morning. I know you too noble to accept, as you have shewn yourself too sincere to present, a heartless hand; but will you, therefore, blight the rest of my existence, by making me the cause of your destruction? Will you only seek relief to your sufferings, by means that must fix indelible horrour on your survivors? Will you call for peace and rest to yourself, by an action that must nearly rob me of both?
'Where death is voluntary, without considering our ultimate responsibility, have we none that is immediate? For ourselves only do we exist? No, generous Elinor, such has not been your plan. For ourselves alone, then, should we die? Shall we seek to serve and to please merely when present, that we may be served and pleased again? Is there no disinterested attachment, that would suffer, to spare pain to others? that would endure sooner than inflict?
'If to die be, as you hold, though as I firmly disbelieve, eternal sleep, would you wish the traces that may remain of that period in which you thought yourself awake, to be marked, for others, by blessings, or by misfortune? Would you desire those whom you have known and favoured whilst amongst them, gratefully to cherish your remembrance, or to shrink with horrour from its recollection? Would you bequeath to them the pleasing image of your liberal kindness, or the terrific one of your despairing vengeance?
'To you, to whom death seems the termination of all, the extinguisher, the absorber of unaccounted life, this airy way of meeting, of invoking it, may appear suitable:--to me, who look forward to corporeal dissolution but as to the opening to spiritual being, and the period of retribution for our past terrestrial existence; to me it seems essential to prepare for it with as much awe as hope, as much solicitude as confidence.
'Wonder not, then, that, with ideas so different, I should fly witnessing the crisis which so intrepidly you invite. Would you permit your cooler reason to take the governance of your too animated feelings, with what alacrity, and what delight, should I seek your generous friendship!
'The Grave, you say, is the end of All, of soul and of body alike!
'Pause, Elinor!--should you be mistaken!...
'Pause!--The less you believe yourself immortal, the less you should deem yourself infallible.
'You call upon us all, in this enlightened age, to set aside our long, old, and hereditary prejudices. Give the example with the charge, in setting aside those that, new, wilful, and self-created, have not even the apology of time or habit to make them sacred; and listen, O Elinor, to the voice and dictates of religion! Harden not your heart against convictions that may pour balm into all its wounds!
'Consent to see some learned and pious divine.
'If, upon every science, every art, every profession, you respect the opinions of those who have made them their peculiar study; and prefer their authority, and the result of their researches; to the sallies, the loose reasoning, and accidental knowledge of those who dispute at large, from general, however brilliant conceptions; from partial, however ingenious investigations; why in theology alone must you distrust the fruits of experience? the proofs of examination? the judgement of habitual reflexion?
'Consent, then, to converse with some devout, yet enlightened clergyman. Hear him patiently, meditate upon his doctrine impartially; and you will yet, O Elinor, consent to live, and life again will find its reviving, however chequered, enjoyments.
'Youth, spirits, fortune, the liveliest parts, the warmest heart, are yours. You have only to look around you to see how rarely such gifts are thus concentrated; and, grateful for your lot, you will make it, by blessing others, become a blessing to yourself: and you will not, Elinor, harrow to the very soul, the man who flattered himself to have found in you the sincerest of friends, by a stroke more severe to his peace than he could owe to his bitterest enemy.
'ALBERT HARLEIGH.'
The excess of the agitation of Elinor, when she came to the conclusion,forced Mr Naird to return, but rendered her insensible to hisre-appearance. She flung off her bandages, rent open her wound, and toreher hair; calling, screaming for death, with agonizing wrath. 'Is it forthis,' she cried, 'I have thus loved--for this I have thus adored theflintiest of human hearts? to see him fly me from the bed of death?Refuse to receive even my parting sigh? Make me over to a dissemblingpriest?'
Ellis, returning also, urged Mr Naird, who stood aloof, stedfastly, yetquietly fixing his eyes upon his patient, to use his authority forchecking this dangerous violence.
Without moving, or lowering his voice, though Ellis spoke in a whisper,he drily answered, 'It is not very material.'
'How so?' cried Ellis, extremely alarmed: 'What is it you mean, Sir?'
'It cannot, now,' he replied, 'occasion much difference.'
Ellis, shuddering, entreated him to make some speedy effort for herpreservation.
He thoughtfully stroked his chin, but as Elinor seemed suddenly toattend to them, forbore making further reply.
'What have you been talking of together?' cried she impatiently, 'Whatis that man's opinion of my situation?--When may I have done with youall? Say! When may I sleep and be at rest?--When, when shall I be nolonger the only person in this supine world, awake? He can sleep!Harleigh can sleep, while he yet lives!--He, and all of you! Death isnot wanted to give repose to hearts of adamant!'
Ellis, in a low voice, again applied to Mr Naird; but Elinor, watchfuland suspicious, insisted upon hearing the subject of their discourse.
Mr Naird, advancing to the bed-side, said, 'Is there any thing you wish,my good lady? Tell me if there is any thing we can do, that will procureyou pleasure?'
In vain Ellis endeavoured to give him an hint, that such a questionmight lead her to surmise her danger: the perceptions of Elinor were tooquick to allow time for retraction or after precaution: the deepestdamask flushed her pallid cheeks; her eyes became wildly dazzling, andshe impetuously exclaimed, 'The time, then, is come! The struggle isover!--and I shall quaff no more this "nauseous draught of life[3]?"'
[Footnote 3: Dryden.]
She clasped her hands in an extacy, and vehemently added,'When--when--tell me if possible, to a moment! when eternal stillnessmay quiet this throbbing breast?--when I may bid a final, glad adieu tothis detestable world, to all its servile customs, and all itsdespicable inhabitants?--Why do you not speak?--Be brief, be brief!'
Mr Naird, slowly approaching her, silently felt her pulse.
'Away with this burlesque dumb shew!' cried she, indignantly. 'No moreof these farcical forms! Speak! When may your successor close theseprofessional mockeries? fit only for weak patients who fear yoursentence: to me, who boldly, eagerly demand it, speak reason and truth.When may I become as insensible as Harleigh?--Colder, death itself hasnot power to make me!'
Again he felt her pulse, and, while her eyes, with fiery impatience,called for a prompt decision, hesitatingly pronounced, that if she hadany thing to settle, she could not be too expeditious.
Her countenance, her tone, her whole appearance, underwent, now, asudden change; and she seemed as powerfully struck as if the decreewhich so earnestly she had sought, had been internally unexpected. Shesustained herself, nevertheless, with firmness; thanked him, though in alow and husky voice, for his sincerity; and crossing her arms, andshutting her eyes, to obviate any distraction to her ideas bysurrounding objects, delivered herself up to rapt meditation: becoming,in a moment, as calm, and nearly as gentle, as if a stranger by natureto violent passions, or even to strong feelings.
An impression so potent, made by the no longer doubted, and quickapproximation of that Death, which, in the vigour and pride of Life, andHealth, she had so passionately invoked, forcibly and fearfully affectedEllis; who uttered a secret prayer, that her own preparations for anevent, which though the
most indispensably common, could never cease tobe the most universally tremendous of mortality, might be frequentenough, and cheerful enough, to take off horrour from its approach,without substituting presumption.
After a long pause, Elinor opened her eyes; and, in a subdued voice andmanner, that seemed to stifle a struggling sigh, softly said, 'There isno time, then, it seems, to lose? My short race is already run,--yetalready has been too long! O Harleigh! had I been able to touch yourheart!--'
Tears gushed into her eyes: she dispersed them hastily with her fingers;and, looking around her with an air of inquietude and shame, said, withstudied composure, 'You have kindly, Mr Naird, offered me your services.I thankfully accept them. Pursue and find, without delay, Mr Harleigh,repeat to him what you have just pronounced, and tell him....' Sheblushed deeply, sighed; checked herself, and mildly went on, 'This is noseason for pride! Tell him my situation, and that I beg, I entreat, Iconjure, I even implore him to let me once more--' Again she stopt,almost choaked with repressed emotions; but presently, with a calmeraccent, added, 'Say to him, he will not merely soften, but delight mylast moments, in being then the sole object I shall behold, as, from theinstant that I first saw him, he has been the only one who has engagedmy thoughts:--the imperious, constant master of my mind!'
Mr Naird respectfully accepted the commission; demanding only, inreturn, that she would first permit him once more to dress her wound.This she opposed; though so faintly, that it was evident that she wasmore averse to being thought cowardly, or inconsistent, than to stoppingthe quicker progress of dissolution. When Mr Naird, thereforerepresented, that it was sending him upon a fruitless errand, if shemeant to bleed to death in his absence, she complied. He then enjoinedher to be quiet, and went forth.
With the most perfect stillness she awaited his return; neither speakingnor moving; and holding her watch in her hand, upon which she fixed hereyes without intermission; except to observe, from time to time, whetherEllis were in sight.
When he re-appeared, she changed colour, and covered her face with herhand; but, soon removing it, and shewing a steady countenance, sheraised her head. When however, she perceived that he was alone; and,after looking vainly towards the door, found that no one followed, shetremulously said,
'Will he not, then, come?'
Mr Naird answered, that it had not been possible to overtake him; anote, however, had been left at his lodgings, containing an earnestrequest, that a daily written account of the patient, till the dangershould be over, might be forwarded to Cavendish Square; where it wouldfollow him with the utmost expedition.
Elinor now looked almost petrified.
'Danger!' she repeated: 'He knows me, then, to be in danger,--yet fliesme! And for Him I have lived;--and for Him I die!'
This reflexion destroyed all her composure; and every strong passion,every turbulent emotion, resumed its empire over her mind. She commandedMr Naird from the room, forced Golding to dress her, and ordered achaise and four horses immediately to the door. She was desperate, shesaid, and careless alike of appearances and of consequences. She wouldseek Harleigh herself. His icy heart, with all its apathy, recoiled fromthe sound of her last groan; but she would not spare him that littlepain, since its infliction was all that could make the end of her careerless intolerable than its progress.
She was just ready, when Mrs Maple, called up by Mr Naird, to dissuadeher niece from this enterprize, would have represented the improprietyof the intended measure. But Elinor protested that she had finally takenleave of all fatiguing formalities; and refused even to open thechamber-door.
She could not, however, save herself from hearing a warm debate betweenMrs Maple and Mr Naird, in which the following words caught her ears:'Shocking, Madam, or not, it is indispensable, if go she will, that youshould accompany her; for the motion of a carriage in her presentinflamed, yet enfeebled state, may shorten the term of your solicitudefrom a few days to a few hours. I am sorry to pronounce such asentence; but as I find myself perfectly useless, I think it right toput you upon your guard, before I take my leave.'
Elinor changed colour, ceased her preparations, and sunk upon the bed.Presently, however, she arose, and commanded Golding to call Mr Naird.
'I solemnly claim from you, Mr Naird,' she cried, 'the same undisguisedsincerity that you have just practised with Mrs Maple.' Then, fixing hereyes upon his face, with investigating severity, 'Tell me,' shecontinued, 'in one word, whether you think I have strength yet left toreach Cavendish Square?'
'If you go in a litter, Madam, and take a week to make the journey--'
'A week?--I would arrive there in a few hours!--Is that impossible?'
'To arrive?--no; to arrive is certainly--not impossible.'
'Dead, you perhaps mean?--To arrive dead is not impossible?--Speakclearly!'
'A medical man, Madam, lives in a constant round of perplexity; foreither he must risk killing his patients by telling them unpleasanttruths; or letting them kill themselves by nourishing false hopes.'
'Take some other time for bewailing your own difficulties, Sir! andspeak to the point, without that hateful official cant.'
'Well, Madam, if nothing but rough honesty will satisfy you, bear it, atleast, with fortitude. The motion of a carriage is so likely to openyour wound, that, in all probability, before you could gainCuckfield--or Reigate, at furthest,--'
He stopt. Elinor finished for him: 'I should be no more?'
He was silent.
'I thank you, Sir!' she cried, in a firm voice, though with lividcheeks. 'And pray, how long,--supposing I do just, and only, what youbid me,--how long do you think it likely I should linger?'
'O, some days, I have no doubt. Perhaps a week.'
The storm, now, again kindled in her disordered mind: 'How!' she cried,'have I done all this--dared, risked, braved all things human,--and nothuman--to die, at last, a common death?--to expire, in a fruitlessjourney, an unacknowledged, and unoffered sacrifice?--or to lie downtamely in my bed, till I am extinct by ordinary dissolution?--'
Wringing then her hands, with mingled anguish and resentment, 'MrNaird,' she cried, 'if you have the smallest real skill; the mosttrivial knowledge or experience in your profession; bind up my wound soas to give me strength to speed to him! and then, though the lamp oflife should be instantly extinguished; though the same moment thatbless annihilate me, I shall be content--O more than content! I shallexpire with transport!'
Mr Naird making no reply, she went on yet more impetuously: 'Oh snatchme,' she cried, 'snatch me from the despicable fate that threatensme!--With energies so pure, with affections so genuine, with feelings sounadulterated, as mine, let me not be swept from the earth, with theundistinguished herd of common broken-hearted, broken-spirited,love-sick fanatics! Let me but once more join Harleigh! once more seethat countenance which is life, light, and joy to my soul! hear, oncemore, that voice which charms all my senses, which thrills everynerve!--and then, that parting breath which rapturously utters,Harleigh, I come to die in beholding thee! shall bless you, too, as mypreserver, and bid him share with you all that Elinor has to bequeath!'
She uttered this with a rapidity and agitation that nearly exhausted herremnant strength; and, tamed by feeling her dependance upon medicalskill, she listened patiently to the counsels and propositions of MrNaird; in consequence of which, an express was sent to Harleigh,explaining her situation, her inability to be removed, her request tosee him, and her immediate danger, if not kept quiet both in body andmind.
This done, satisfied that Harleigh could not read such a letter withouthastening back, she agreed to all the prescriptions that were proposed;and even suffered a physician to be called to the assistance of MrNaird, in her fear lest, if Harleigh should not be found in CavendishSquare, she might expire, before the sole instant for which she desiredeither to live or to die, should arrive.
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