CHAPTER XLVIII
Experience, the mother of caution, now taught Juliet explicitly to makeknown to her new chief, that she had no view to learn the art ofmantua-making as a future trade, or employment; but simply desired towork at it in such details, as a general knowledge of the use of theneedle might make serviceable and expeditious: no premium, therefore,could be expected by the mistress; and the work-woman would be atliberty to continue, or to renounce her engagement, from day to day.
This agreement offered to her ideas something which seemed like anapproach to the self-dependence, that she had so earnestly coveted: sheentered, therefore, upon her new occupation with cheerfulness andalacrity, and with a diligence to which the hope, by being useful, tobecome necessary, gave no relaxation.
The business, by this scrupulous devotion to its interests, wasforwarded with such industry and success, that she soon became the openand decided favourite of the mistress whom she served; and who repaidher exertions by the warmest praise, and proposed her as a pattern tothe rest of the sewing sisterhood.
This approbation could not but cheer the toil of one whose mind, likethat of Juliet, sought happiness, at this moment, only from upright andblameless conduct. She was mentally, also, relieved, by the local changeof situation. She was now employed in a private apartment; and, thoughsurrounded by still more fellow-work-women than at Miss Matson's, shewas no longer constrained to remain in an open shop, in opposition aliketo her inclinations and her wishes of concealment; no longer startled bythe continual entrance and exit of strangers; nor exposed to curiousenquirers, or hardy starers; and no longer fatigued by the perpetualrevision of goods. She worked in perfect quietness, undisturbed anduninterrupted; her mistress was civil, and gave her encouragement; herfellow-semptresses were unobservant, and left her to her own reflexions.
It is not, however, in courts alone that favour is perilous; in allcircles, and all classes, from the most eminent to the most obscure, the'Favourite has no friend[19]!' The praises and the comparisons, by whichMrs Hart hoped to stimulate her little community to emulation, excitedonly jealousy, envy, and ill will; and a week had not elapsed, in thisnew and short tranquillity, before Juliet found that her superiourdiligence was regarded, by her needle-sisterhood, as a mean artifice 'toset herself off to advantage at their cost.' Sneers and hints to thiseffect followed every panegyric of Mrs Hart; and robbed approbation ofits pleasure, though they could not of its value.
[Footnote 19: Gray.]
Chagrined by a consequence so unpleasant, to an industry that demandedfortitude, not discouragement; Juliet now felt the excess of heractivity relax; and soon experienced a desire, if not a necessity, tosteal some moments from application, for retirement and for herself.
Here, again, she found the mischief to which ignorance of life had laidher open. The unremitting diligence with which she had begun her newoffice, had advanced her work with a rapidity, that made the smallestrelaxation cause a sensible difference in its progress: and Mrs Hart,from first looking disappointed, asked next, whether nothing more weredone? and then observed, how much quicker business had gone on the firstweek. In vain Juliet still executed more than all around her; thecomparison was never made there, where it might have been to heradvantage; all reference was to her own setting out; and she was soontaught to forgive the displeasure which, so inadvertently, she hadexcited, when she saw the claims to which she had made herself liable,by an incautious eagerness of zeal to reward, as well as earn, themaintenance which she owed to Mrs Hart.
Alas, she thought, with what upright intentions may we be injudicious! Ihave thrown away the power of obliging, by too precipitate an eagernessto oblige! I retain merely that of avoiding to displease, by my mostindefatigable application! All I can perform seems but a duty, and ofcourse; all I leave undone, seems idleness and neglect. Yet what is thelabour that never requires respite? What the mind, that never demands afew poor unshackled instants to itself?
From this time, the little pleasure which she had been able to createfor herself, from the virtue of her exertions, was at an end: to toilbeyond her fellow-labourers, was but to provoke ill will; to allowherself any repose, was but to excite disapprobation. Hopeless,therefore, either way, she gave, with diligence, her allotted time toher occupation, but no more: all that remained, she solaced, by devotingto her pen and Gabriella, with whom her correspondence,--her soleconsolation,--was unremitting.
This unaffected conduct had its customary effect; it destroyed at oncethe too hardly earned favour of Mrs Hart, and the illiberal, yet toonatural enmity of her apprentices; and, in the course of a very fewdays, Juliet was neither more esteemed, nor more censured, than any ofher sisters of the sewing tribe.
With the energy, however, of her original wishes and efforts, died allthat could reconcile her to this sort of life. The hope of pleasing,which alone could soften its hardships, thus forcibly set aside, leftnothing in its place, but calmness without contentment; dulness withoutserenity.
Experience is not more exclusively the guide of our judgment, thancomparison is the mistress of our feelings. Juliet now also found that,local publicity excepted, there was nothing to prefer in her new to herformer situation; and something to like less. The employment itself wasby no means equally agreeable for its disciples. The taste and fancy,requisite for the elegance and variety of the light work which she hadquitted; however ineffectual to afford pleasure when called forth bynecessity, rendered it, at least, less irksome, than the wearyingsameness of perpetual basting, running, and hemming. Herfellow-labourers, though less pert and less obtrusive than those whichshe had left, had the same spirit for secret cabal, and the same passionfor frolic and disguise; and also, like those, were all prattle andconfidential sociability, in the absence of the mistress; all sullennessand taciturnity, in her presence. What little difference, therefore, shefound in her position, was, that there she had been disgusted byunder-bred flippancy; here, she was deadened by uninteresting monotony;and that there, perpetual motion, and incessant change of orders, and ofobjects, affected her nerves; while here, the unvarying repetition ofstitch after stitch, nearly closed in sleep her faculties, as well asher eyes.
The little stipend which, by agreement, she was paid every evening,though it occasioned her the most satisfactory, by no means gave her themost pleasant feeling, of the day. However respectable reason andjustice render pecuniary emolument, where honourably earned; there is asomething indefinable, which stands between spirit and delicacy, thatmakes the first reception of money in detail, by those not brought up togain it, embarrassing and painful.
During this tedious and unvaried period, if some minutes were snatchedfrom fatiguing uniformity, it was only by alarm and displeasure, throughthe intrusion of Sir Lyell Sycamore; who, though always denied admissionto herself, made frequent, bold, and frivolous pretences for burstinginto the workroom. At one time, he came to enquire about a gown for hissister, of which Mrs Hart had never heard; at another, to look at atrimming for which she had had no commission; and at a third, to hurrythe finishing of a dress, which had already been sent home. The motiveto these various mock messages, was too palpable to escape even the mostordinary observation; yet though the perfect conduct, and icy coldnessof Juliet, rescued her from all evil imputation amongst her companions,she saw, with pique and even horrour, that they were insufficient torepress the daring and determined hopes and expectations of thelicentious Baronet; with whom the unexplained hint of Sir Jaspar hadleft a firm persuasion, that the fair object of his views more thanreturned his admiration; and waited merely for a decent attack, orproper offers, to acknowledge her secret inclinations.
Juliet, however shocked, could only commit to time her cause, herconsistency, her vindication.
Three weeks had, in this manner, elapsed, when the particular businessfor which Mrs Hart had wanted an odd hand was finished; and Juliet, whohad believed that her useful services would keep her employed at her ownpleasure, abruptly found that her occupation was at an end.
Here
again, the wisdom of experience was acquired only by distress. Thepleasure with which she had considered herself free, because engaged butby the day, was changed into the alarm of finding herself, from thatvery circumstance, without employment or home; and she now acknowledgedthe providence of those ties, which, from only feeling theirinconvenience, she had thought oppressive and unnecessary. Theestablished combinations of society are not to be judged by the personalopinions, and varying feelings, of individuals; but by general proofs ofreciprocated advantages. If the needy helper require regular protection,the recompensing employer must claim regular service; and Juliet nowsaw, that though in being contracted but by the day, she escaped allcontinued constraint, and was set freshly at liberty every evening; shewas, a stranger to security, subject to dismission, at the mercy ofaccident, and at the will of caprice.
Thus perplexed and thus helpless, she applied to Mrs Hart, for counselhow to obtain immediate support. Gratified by the application, Mrs Hartagain recommended her as a pattern to the young sisterhood; and thengave her advice, that she should bind herself, either to some millineror some mantua-maker, as a journey-woman for three years.
Painfully, again, Juliet attained further knowledge of the world, inlearning the danger of asking counsel; except of the candid and wise,who know how to modify it by circumstances, and who will listen toopposing representations.
Mrs Hart, from the moment that Juliet declined to be guided wholly byher judgment, lost all interest in her young work-woman's distresses.'If people won't follow advice,' she said, ''tis a sign they are notmuch to be pitied.' Vainly Juliet affirmed, that reasons which she couldnot explain, put it out of her power to take any measure so decisive;that, far from fixing her own destiny for three years, she had no meansto ascertain, or scarcely even to conjecture, what it might be in threedays; or perhaps in three hours; although in the interval of suspense,she was not less an object for present humanity, from the incertitude ofwhat either her wants or her abundance might be in future; vainly shereasoned, vainly she pleaded. Mrs Hart always made the same reply: 'Ifpeople won't follow advice, 'tis a sign they are not much to be pitied.'
In consequence of this maxim, Juliet next heard, that the small room andbed which she occupied, were wanted for another person.
Alas! she thought, how long must we mingle with the world, ere we learnhow to live in it! Must we demand no help from the understandings ofothers, unless we submit to renounce all use of our own?
These reflections soon led her to hit upon the only true medium, foruseful and safe general intercourse with the mass of mankind: that ofavowing embarrassments, without demanding counsel; and of discussingdifficulties, and gathering opinions, as matters of conversation; butalways to keep in mind, that to ask advice, without a predeterminationto follow it, is to call for censure, and to risk resentment.
Thus died away in Juliet the short joy of freedom from the controul ofpositive engagements.
Such freedom, she found, was but a source of perpetual difficulty andinstability. She had the world to begin again; a new pursuit to fixupon; new recommendations to solicit; and a new dwelling to seek.