CHAPTER LXVIII
Thus, in manual toil, yet mental comfort, had passed a week, when onemorning, while the usual commissioner for carrying about goods happenedto be out of the way, a lady from Soho Square sent, in great haste, anorder for some ribbons. Juliet, to save a customer to her friend,proposed supplying the commissioner's place; and set forth for thatpurpose, with a little band-box in her hands, and a large black bonnetdrawn over her eyes. But before she reached the square, she overtook twomen who were loitering on, as leisurely as she was tripping diligently,and the words, 'You'll never know her again, I promise you; she's turnedout quite a beauty!' struck her ears, from a voice which she recollectedto be that of Mr Riley.
Anxious to avoid being recognized by him, she crossed to the other sideof the street, with a precipitance that caused the cover of herband-box, which she had neglected to fasten, to slip aside, and most ofher stores to roll in the dust.
While, with great dismay, she sought to recover them, a feeble, buteager voice, from a carriage, which suddenly stopt, ordered a footman todescend and assist the young lady.
Not without confusion, Juliet perceived to whom she owed so uncommon acivility; it was to her old friend and admirer Sir Jaspar Herrington.She collected her merchandize, courtsied her thanks, but looked anotherway, and hurried back to her new home.
She related her adventure to Gabriella, with whom she bemoaned themischief that had befallen the ribbons; and who now determined to spareher friend any further hazard of unwelcome encounters, by carryingherself what yet remained unsoiled of the pieces, to Soho Square.
Juliet had barely time to install herself as mistress of the smallwarehouse, when she saw, through the window, the carriage of Sir Jaspar;at the same time, that a young woman opened the shop-door, and demandeda drachm of black sewing silk, and a yard of tape.
While Juliet with difficulty found, and with embarrassment prepared toweigh the first, and to measure the second, the Baronet, with a curious,but respectful air, entering, and hobbling towards the counter, desiredto look at some ribbons.
Juliet, however vexed, could not refrain from smiling; but, throughconfusion, joined to the novelty of her office, she doubled the weightof her silk, and the measure of her tape, yet forgot to ask to be paidfor either; and her customer, whether from similar forgetfulness, orfrom reluctance to mark the new shop-keeper's ignorance of business,walked off without seeming to notice this inattention.
Sir Jaspar, then, gravely repeated his request to be shewn some ribbons.
Juliet began now to hope that she had not been recollected by theBaronet. Shading her face, therefore, still lower with her large bonnet,she produced a drawer of black ribbons; concluding that what he requiredmust be for his queue, or for his shoe-strings.
No, he said, black would not do: the colour that he wanted was brown.
In a low voice that strove to disguise itself, she answered that she hadno other colour at home.
He would stay till some other were returned, then, he said; and,composedly seating himself, and taking out his snuff-box, he added, thathe did not want plain brown ribbons, but ribbons speckled, spotted, orsplashed with brown.
Juliet who could now no longer doubt being known to him, made no reply;though again, irresistibly, she smiled.
To the Baronet her smile was always enchantment; setting aside,therefore, any further pretence to strangeness, he leant his hands uponthe counter, and peering archly under her bonnet, said, ''Tis you,indeed, then, sweet sorceress? And what sylph is it,--or whatimp?--dulcet, or malignant!--that has drawn me again into the witcheryof your charms?'
He then poured forth countless enquiries into her situation, herprojects, and her sentiments; but, all proving fruitless, hepathetically lamented the luckless meeting; and frankly owned, that hehad brought himself to a resolution of seeing her no more. 'The rudeassault,' said he, 'made upon my feelings by those mundane harpies atArundelcastle, removed a bandage from "my mind's eye" that had veiledme to myself, and shewed me that I was an old fool caught in thedelusions of love and beauty! I could parry no raillery, I could braveno suspicion, I could retort no sneer! Panic-struck and disordered, Istole away, like a gentle Philander of Arcadia, my head drooping upon myleft shoulder, my eyes cast down upon the ground, with every love-bornsymptom,--except youth, which alone offers their apology! I spent therest of the day in character with this opening; mute with my servants;loquacious in soliloquy; quarrelling with my books; and neglecting mydinner! Sleepless and sighing, I repaired to my solitary couch; lost toevery idea of existence, but what pointed out to me how, when, and whereI might again behold my lovely enchantress. Shall I tell you how it wasI recovered, at last, my senses?'
'If you think the lesson may be useful to me, Sir Jaspar!--'
'Ah, cruel! "He jests at scars who never felt a wound". Mark, however,the visions by which I have been tutored. The servants gone, the lightsremoved, and the world's bustle superseded by stillness, darkness, andsolitude,--then, when my fancy meant to revel in smiles, dimples, sweetlooks, and recreative wiles, then,--what a transformation from hope andenjoyment, to shame and derision! I no sooner closed my poor eyes, thanan hundred little imps of darkness scrambled up my pillow. How was Itweaked, jirked, and jolted! Mumbled, jumbled, and pinched! Some of themencircled my eye-balls, holding mirrours in each hand. They spoke not;the mirrours were all eloquent! You think, they expressed, of a younggirl? Behold here what a young girl must think of you! Others jammed mylean, lank arms into a machine of whale-bone, to strength and invigoratethem for offering support, in cases of difficulty or danger, to my fairone: others fastened elastic strings to my withered neck and shoulders,to enable me, by little pulleys, to raise my head, after everyobsequious reverence to my goddess. Crowds of the nimblest footed divedtheir little forked fingers into my heart, plucking up by the root sobercontentment and propriety; and pummelling into their placesrestlessness, jealousy, and suspicion: mocking me when they had done, bypeeping into my ears, and squeaking out, with merry tittering, See! see!see! what sickly rubbish the old dotard has got in his crazy noddle!'
Juliet again smiled, but so faintly, from uncertainty to what thisfantastic gallantry might tend, that Sir Jaspar, looking at her withconcern, said,
'How's this, my dainty Ariel? Why so serious a brow? Have some of mynocturnal visitants whisked themselves through the key-hole of yourchamber-door, also? And have they tormented your fancy with wakingvisions of fearful omens? Spurn them all! sweet syren! What can thetricks and malice of hobgoblins, or even the freaks and vagaries offortune itself, enact against youth, beauty, and health such as yours?Give me but such arms, and I will brave the wayward sisters themselves.'
More seriously, then, 'Alas!' he cried, 'what is it, thus mystic, yetthus attractive, that allures me whether I will or not into yourchains?--Could I but tell who, or what you are,--besides being anangel,--it is possible there might occur some idea,--some--some littlenotion of means to exorcise the wicked familiars that severally annoyus. Tell me but under what semblance the pigmy enemies invade you?Whether, as usual, with the darts of Master Cupid, shot, furiously, intoyour snowy bosom, or--'
'No, no, no!'
'Or whether by the bags of Plutus, emptied, furtively, from your strongbox? In the first case,--little as my bosom is snowy!--I should but toowell know how to pity; in the second, I should be proud and honoured toserve you. Tell me, then, who you are, resistless paragon! and you shallwander no more in the nameless state, an exquisite, but nearly visionarybeing! Tell me but who you are, and I will protect you, myself, with mylife and fortune!'
Alarmed by this warmth, and doubtful whether it demanded gratitude orresentment, Juliet was silent.
'If you will not reveal to me your history,' he resumed, 'you will, atleast, not refuse to let me divine it? I am a famous star-gazer; and, ifonce I can discover your ruling planet, I shall prognosticate yourdestiny in a second. Let me, then, read the lines of your face. Nay! youmust not hide it! You must give me fair play. Or, shall I examin
e thepalm of your hand?'
Juliet laughed, but drew on her gloves.
'O you little Tyrant! I must only, then, catch, as I can, a glimpse ofyour countenance; A nauseous task, enough, to dwell on any thing sougly! All I can make out from it, just now, is the figure of a coronet.'
'A coronet?'
'Yes; under which I perceive the cypher D. Do you know any thing of anynobleman whose name begins with a D? I cannot decipher the rest of theletters, except that the last is--I think, an h.'
Juliet started.
'My art, I must, however, own, is at a stand, to discover whether thisnobleman may be a lover or a kinsman. To discern that, the general linesof the face are inadequate. I must investigate the eyes.'
Juliet pertinaciously looked down.
'How now, my dainty, Ariel? Will you give me no answer? neither verbalnor visual? Will you not even tell me whether I must try to make the oldpeer my advocate, or whether I must run him through the body? Surely youwon't let me court him as of kin if he be a rival? nor pink him as arival if he be of kin?
'He is neither, I can assure you, Sir: he is nothing to me whatsoever.'
'You know, at least, then, it seems, whom I mean?'
'Sir?'
'My tiny elves have not here deluded me? I am always afraid lest thosemerry little wags should be playing me some prank. But it is you who arethe wicked Will o' the Wisp, that lures all others, yet never can belured yourself! Lord Denmeath has really, then, and in sober truth, thehappiness of some way belonging to you?'
'No, Sir;--you mistake me;--I never--' She left her phrase unfinished.
'Shall I relate what the prattling tell-tales have blabbed to mefurther? They pretend that Lord Denmeath ought himself to be yourprotector; but that he is so void of taste, so empty of sentiment, thathe seeks to disguise, if not disown, an affinity that, with more liberalideas, he would exult in as an honour.'
'Who talked of affinity, Sir?' cried Juliet, with quicknessirrepressible.--
'Was it Lord Denmeath?--Did he name me to you?'
'Name you? Has any one named you? Indefinable, unconquerable,unfathomable Incognita! Has any one presumed to give you a humangenealogy? Are you not straight descended from the clouds? without eventaking the time to change yourself first into a mortal? Explain,expound, unravel to me, in soft pity--'
Juliet solemnly entreated him to forbear any further interrogatory,assuring him that all enquiry gave her pain.
'Then shall "the stars,"' cried he, '"fade away, the sun grow dim, andnature,"--like my poor old carcass!--"sink in years," ere one grain moreof the favourite attribute of our general mother shall be sown in mydiscourse! But you, in all things marvellous! You! have you really, and_bona fide_, so little in your composition of our naughty mamma, as noteven to desire to know in what shape appeared to me the tattling littleelf, that talked to me of Lord Denmeath?'
'You have not then, Sir, seen him?'
'Or if I had?--twenty interviews would not have initiated me into hisaffairs with so much promptitude, as twenty minutes sufficed for doingwith my elfin fay.'
'I conjecture, then, Sir, your informant: Miss Selina Joddrel?'
'Even so. Upon determining to quit Brighthelmstone, three or four daysago, I drove over to Lewes, to offer what apologies I could suggest toMrs Maple, for the vagaries of my hopeful nephew and heir,--who issuddenly set out for Constantinople in search, as he writes me word, ofa fair Circassian! The last of my designs, in so delicate a case, youwill easily believe, was to embarrass the injured and deserted fair oneby my sight. But she had a fortitude far above my precautions. She flewto me herself; and her own plaintive tale had no sooner been bemoaned,than she hastened to favour me with the history of the whole house. Ithen learnt your sudden disappearance; and heard, with extremesatisfaction, from the indignation I had felt in seeing your illtreatment, that my meek sister-in-law had fallen into fits, from thefirst shock of finding that you were no longer under her dominion. MyLord Denmeath, who had already gone through the ceremonial of demandingMrs Maple's permission to obtain a private audience with you, seemedthunderstruck at the news, that the bird he so much wished to sing tohim was flown. The whole house was in disorder; running, enquiring,asserting, denying;--the wild Elinor alone was tame and tranquil,--forMr Harleigh has kept constantly in sight.'
Delicate, and ever feeling Harleigh! thought Juliet; Her life, and Myreputation, hang suspended upon the same guardian care!
'That eccentric and most original personage,' continued Sir Jaspar, 'hasnow wholly made over her mind to the study of controversial theology.Every chair is covered with polemical tracts, to prove one side of anargument, that every table is covered to disprove on the other. If shesettle her opinion one way, she will probably become the foundress ofsome new-fangled monastery; if on the other, she will be discovered,some star-light night, seeking truth at the bottom of a well.'
Juliet then anxiously enquired into the state of her health.
'She seems to me,' answered the Baronet, 'quite as well as it ispossible for a person to be, who is afflicted with the restless maladyof struggling for occasion to exhibit character; instead of leaving itsdisplay to the jumble of nature and of accident. But these new systemersdo not break out of bounds more wildly from whim, than they afterwardsseek retreat within them, tamely, from experience. The little Selina, onthe contrary, who has escaped the trouble of supporting a character, bynot having an idea that could form one, had the kindness to make me themost liberal communication of every thing that she has either seen orheard, since she has been skipping about in this nether world; and, inher scampers from room to room, and from person to person, she hadgathered sundry interesting particulars of a certain fair unknown.--'
He paused; looked anxious, and then went on.
'I would not be officious,--impertinent, nor importunate,--yet, could Ibut ascertain some points.--If, however, you will not unfold to me yourhistory, will you, at least,--syren of syrens!--to develop why I demandit, hear me divulge my own?'
Juliet, surprised and amused, gratefully assented.
'Know, then, my fair torment! it pleased my wise progenitors to entailmy estate upon my next of kin, in case I should have no lineal heir.Brought up with the knowledge of this restriction to the fantasies of myfuture will, I conceived an early suspicion that my younger brotherbuilt sundry vain-glorious castles upon my celibacy; and I determinednot to reach my twentieth year before I put an end to his presumption.The first idea, therefore, that fastened upon my mind was that ofmarriage. But as I entertained a general belief, that I should everywhere be accepted from mercenary motives, I viewed all females with thescrutiny of a bargain-maker. Thankless for any mark of partiality,difficult even to absurdity, I sought new faces with restlessimpatience; modestly persuaded that I ought to find a companion withouta blot! yet, whatever was my success, regularly making off from everyfair charmer, after the second interview, through the fear of beingtaken in.'
'And were none of your little sylphs, Sir, at hand, to point out to yousome one who was disinterested in her nature, however inferiour in herfortune?'
'No! alas! no; my sylphs all reserved themselves for my meeting withyou! The wicked little imps who then guided and goaded me, incited me tosuspect and to watch every thing that seemed lovely or amiable; and thepranks that they played me were endless. They urged me to pursue theglowing Beauty, whose vivid cheeks, crimsoned by the dance, had warmedall my senses at a ball, to her alighting from her carriage, at herreturn home, with the livid line of fatigue and moonlight! Theyinstigated me to surprize, when ill-dressed, negligent, and spiritless,the charming face and form that, skilfully adorned, had appeared to meVenus attired by the Graces. They twitched me on to dart upon another,whose bloom had seemed the opening of the rose-bud, just as an untowardaccident had rubbed off, from one cheek, the sweet pink which remainedundiminished upon the other! And when, tired of the deceptions ofbeauty, I would only follow merit, the wanton little sprites suggesteddetections still more mischievous. They led
me to overhear the softestof maidens insult a poor dependent; they shewed me a pattern ofdiscretion, secretly involved in debt; and the frankest of human lasses,engaged in a clandestine affair! They whisked me, in short, into everycrevice of female subtlety. They exhibited all as a drama, and gave me apeep behind the curtain to see the gayest damsel the sulkiest; the mostpleasing one, the most spiteful; the delicate one, obstreperous; thebashful one, bold; the generous one, niggardly; and the humble one, atyrant!'
'Oh wicked imps, indeed, Sir Jaspar! What a view of poor human naturehave they deformed for you! And how have you preserved such a stock ofphilanthropy, while instigated by so much malignity?'
'Alas, my fair love, my history is but that of half the old bachelorsexisting! We pay, by our aged facility and good humour, for our youthfulseverity and impertinence! and, after having wasted our early life inconceiving that no one is good enough for us, we consume our latter daysin envy of every married man! Now--all too late! I never see a lovelyyoung creature, but my heart calls out what a delicious wife she wouldmake me! were I younger, without reflection, without enquiry, were Iyounger, I would marry her! THEN--when such precipitation might havebeen pardonable, some difficulty instantly followed the sight ofwhatever was attractive: one had not fortune enough for my expectations;another, had beauty to make me eternally jealous; another, thoughcharming, was too old to be formed to my taste; another, though lovelierstill, was too young to be judged. One was too wise, and might hold mecheap; another was too simple, and might expose me to seeing her heldcheap herself. THEN--I was so plaguely nice! Now, alas! I am so cursedlyeasy!'
'Your sylphs, elves, and imps, Sir, or, in other words, your humour andimagination, must seek some counterpoise, and not always, you see, betrusted uncontrouled.'
'You are right, my wise charmer! but we never arrive at judgment, theonly counterpoise to our fancies, till we cease to want it! When we areyoung, in the midst of the world, and in pursuit of beauty, riches,honours, power, fame or knowledge, then, when judgment would eitherguide us to success, or demolish our senseless expectations, it keepsaloof from us like a stern stranger: and will only hail us as anintimate, when we have no longer any occasion for its services! Of whatvalue is judgment to a goaty old codger, who sits just as snugly overhis fire-side, whether his opinions are erroneous or oracular? who wrapshimself just as warmly in flannel, whether the world go ill or go well?and who, if, by ignorance or mismanagement, he be cheated, losesonly what he cannot enjoy! I first became aware of my folly, by thefolly of my nephew. When he was sent forth into the world, mydecided--alas!--heir, I told him my case; and urged him to a rationalbut quick choice, to obviate a similar punishment to fantasticaldifficulties. He listened, according to the usage of youth, to half whatI said; and, adopting only my mistrust, was inattentive to its result;and thus so caricatured my researches, suspicious, and irresolutions,that he has rendered them and myself, even in my own eyes, completelyridiculous. 'Tis a most piteous circumstance that a man can be youngonly once in his life! Could I but, with my present experience, lop offthirty or forty years of my age,--ah! fair seducer!--how would thedesire of giving you pleasure, the fear of causing you pain, the wish tosee your face always beaming with smiles--'
Juliet arose to interrupt him; but whither could she go? She again satdown.
The Baronet also arose; and stood for some minutes, covering his eyeswith one hand, in deep rumination. Re-seating himself, then, with an airof the most lively satisfaction, 'I have told you,' he cried, 'now, myhistory. You see in me a whimsical, but contrite old bachelor; whoseentailed estate has lost to him his youth, by ungenerous mistrust: butwho would gladly devote the large possessions which have fallen to himcollaterally, to making the rest of his existence companionable. Shrinknot, sweet flower! I mean nothing that can offend you. Tell me but whoyou are, and, be you whom you may, if you will accept an old protector;if you will deign to become his friend; to give him your conversation,your society, your lovely presence; he will despise the mockingworld--and decorate himself for your bridegroom, by a marriagesettlement of the whole of his unintailed estate.'
Astonished, and uncertain whether he were serious, Juliet was beginninga playful attack upon his fairy elves; but, stopping her with perturbedearnestness, 'Will you,' he cried, 'accept me? Your beauty, yourdifficulties, your distresses; your exquisite looks, and witchingmanners; with my solitude, my repugnance to mercenary watchers, my deepregrets, and my desire of domestic commerce; unite to devote me to youfor ever; provided, only I can catch a grain, a single grain, of gentlegood will! Give me, then, but this one satisfaction--I ask no more! tellme but whence it comes that, thus formed, thus accomplished, thus wise,thus lovely,--you are helpless, dependent, indigent, and a Wanderer?'
Juliet, though no longer able to doubt his meaning, and though notdisposed to suspect his sincerity, felt nevertheless, shocked by such aninvestigation; though grateful, and even touched by his singular andromantic proposal. Delicacy, however, which keeps back acknowledgedbelief in unrequited partiality, as scrupulously as it is withheld bytimid consciousness, where the partiality is returned; make her againhave recourse to his visionary friends, in order to parry a seriousreply; but, too much in earnest to submit to any delay, the Baronet,ejaculating, 'Paragon of the world!' was bending over the counter, in anattempt to take her hand; when the sudden opening of the shop-door,which he had himself carefully closed, previous to his declaration, madehim draw back, in the utmost confusion; to recover his seat and hiscrutches, and again demand to look at some ribbons.