I wrenched my cotton stuffed eyes open and saw that someone was there with another spoonful of something for me to attempt to eat.
I couldn’t see who it was, but I managed to swat away the offensive eating utensil. How could they think I’d want anything in my body, when digestion felt like someone stabbed me in the gut?
“You have to eat this, pixie girl. You have to.”
I was lucky. I didn’t have to look far to find Jason. No one else had ever called me that. No one else would dare.
“I can’t stomach it.”
My throat burned, which meant I needed to choose every word I said carefully. There was no point in causing any more pain that I already had.
I reached up until I found what I was looking for: Jason’s face. I couldn’t look in his frightening blue eyes—which were so far from scary to me now it was ridiculous, but I knew I would always think of them that way—but I wanted to touch his skin.
I heard him suck in his breath. “Something about your scent just changed. Whatever you’re thinking about, I don’t like it. Stop thinking about it.”
Oh man, oh man, these wolves. They thought they got to tell you what to do based on what you smelled like? It must be hell to live with them for any period of time. A pang hit my chest at the thought. I would never know what it was like because I was going to die. Since I was so close to death’s door, it was fine to admit to myself that I had kind of wanted to stay with Jason.
Even if he was the kind of guy who might have kissed me while he was involved with someone else.
“I need to thank you.”
There, I had done my duty. When the darkness came for me, and I knew it would, I wouldn’t have that weighing me down.
“I don’t even remember what I did. I’m too young to have memories of Full Moon days. All I know is I couldn’t have done that good a job if you still ended up like this.”
His voice sounded so remorseful, and I thought I felt a spot of wetness of my fingertips where I touched his face.
“No.” I shook my head and it hurt. “You came in and saved me. I never would have had a fighting chance without you. It’s not your fault that I can’t fight off this infection.”
“You can fight it.” He kissed my hand, taking it from his face and squeezing it in his own. It felt warm and safe there. I liked the sensation, so I closed my eyes. “No, Rachel, open your eyes. Stay here with me a little longer.”
I did as he asked. It was hard, but I wanted to talk to him for a while yet. “I’ve seen lots of Warriors die like this. Starting at the age of twelve, we help in the clinics. I’ve seen what you’re seeing. I’m sorry you have to see it.”
I cleared my throat. I couldn’t talk anymore. It really, really hurt too much.
“Don’t you dare apologize for getting sick. Whoever has been taking care of you has done a really bad job if you need to feel sorry for it.” He got up, and I closed my eyes again. Wow, I’d made him mad. That was not what I’d wanted to do when I’d fought for consciousness.
Jason moved closer to me. I felt the bed shift, and I realized he was climbing in next to me. That was kind of nice. I’d never shared a bed with anyone.
“Rachel?”
I wanted to answer but it hurt too much. The blackness took me again.
The next time I came back to the present, I became aware that I was drenched in sweat. I felt sticky and irritable. My heart didn’t beat quite as hard as it had been and even though my throat was still dry, it didn’t hurt to swallow.
I blinked and the room came into focus.
Jason stood in the corner of the room next to his father.
“It’s a good thing, son. The fever has been gone for almost twenty-four hours.”
“Then why isn’t she awake?”
Andon shook his head. “I don’t know. This is pre-Civil War Medicine now. It’s why I’m always so adamant that you all try not to get hurt. Forty-six years ago, I could have told you what was wrong with her at any given moment. Now, all I can do is wait, like you.”
“I’m awake.”
They both jumped, which made me smile. The last time I’d been passed out, they’d known I was awake when I hadn’t wanted them to. It wasn’t easy to startle a Werewolf. I’d just made two of them jump. The small things in life amused me.
Jason hurried to my side first. “Rachel.” His smile was bright, even as his eyes betrayed his exhaustion. In fact, all in all, he looked like the one who had been sick. That meant I really must look like something dragged behind death’s horse.
“Hi there.”
His dad touched the top of my head. “Nice and cool. You scared us.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
Jason wagged a finger at me. “If you apologize one more time, I’m going to yell at you. You’ve done nothing but apologize for the last week.”
I hadn’t realized I’d spoken so much. I squirmed down on the bed. What had I said besides I’m sorry? I only remembered the one time we’d spoken when I’d tried to thank him, and I’d managed to tick him off instead.
“I don’t remember that. I’m sorry.”
His eyes got huge and I couldn’t stop the snicker. He rolled his eyes and Andon let out a loud hoot.
“Do you think I could get some water?”
Andon brought me water.
“Sip,” he instructed me.
I complied even though I wanted to gulp it down. “You were a doctor? Before Armageddon?”
“I was.” He sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the bed from Jason. I looked down at where Jason sat. He’d been awfully quiet. Turned out to be an easy explanation for that. His body still in the chair, he’d rested his head on the side of the bed and was sleeping. My heart stuttered in my chest. Asleep, he seemed so vulnerable. Unable to stop myself, I reached out to stroke his blond curls. He didn’t even stir.
I looked back at Andon, who stared off into the darkness to the window outside. His expression was unreadable, and I had no idea what he was thinking.
Finally, I spoke. “He can’t be comfortable like that.”
Andon turned his gaze back to me. After a moment, a smile crossed his lips. “I don’t dare either move him or try to get him to move. He hasn’t slept more than twenty minutes this week.”
I shook my head. “A week.” My head whirled from all the talking. It was hard to be sure what was going on. “It’s kind of hard for me to get my head around the idea that I’ve lost a week of time.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Try thirty-six years. That’s really something.”
I took another sip of my drink. It felt so cool in my dry throat. I hadn’t imagined that could make me so happy. “You don’t remember any of it? One day you were fine, the next you were killing, and then you weren’t anymore?”
“I think it built up over time. One day we were normal, then I was fighting all the time.” He sighed as his eyes took on a faraway look again. “Fighting with my mate, their mother all the time. She hadn’t done anything to deserve my wrath. I’d come home from the hospital, she would come home from work. The kids would be there and there would be Pack stuff to do. She wasn’t a wolf. She couldn’t help me with any of it, even though she wanted to. I couldn’t seem to help screaming at her. Then one day, it was like I didn’t wake up in the morning.”
“Like a buildup of negative energy that finally overtook you?”
He focused on me again. “Exactly like that, though I’ve never thought about it quite in those terms.”
“And you don’t remember any of it?”
“Bits and pieces. In the beginning, I think I did try to fight it off. I knew I wasn’t normal. I knew I didn’t used to want to kill humans. I loved humans. My wife…” His voice trailed off.
“Jason said she died fighting the Vampires.”
He nodded. “That’s what I told them. When they were eight. And they woke up in a world they didn’t know, needing her even though she’d been dead for thirty-six years. It felt lik
e they’d seen her the day before.”
Sudden understanding assaulted me. Maybe it was because I’d been so sick or maybe it was because I had been asked to handle so much recently, but I knew Andon was lying. Not to me. No, he was lying to his family.
He stared me straight in the eyes almost daring me to ask him.
I didn’t ask him a question. I already knew the answer. “The Vampires didn’t kill her.”
“That’s one of the things I remember quite clearly.”
“Did you kill her?” My voice was barely a whisper.
“She’s not dead. Not unless one of the Warriors ended her life. She lives on blood.”
Jason’s mother had become a Vampire. I closed my eyes. It was worse than dead. At least with death, if you believed in an afterlife, you could tell yourself that they’d moved onto a better place. If you didn’t believe, you could still hold onto the idea that there was no more pain. But to have your loved one out there in the night, not dead, a moving, eating parasite that slithered through night inflicting pain on others. No, that was too much for anyone to handle.
“Have you seen her since?”
He shrugged. “That’s one of those things I don’t remember.”
I couldn’t believe he cared as little as he pretended to. It was one of those moments when you knew adults weren’t telling you the truth because they thought it was for your own good. I narrowed my eyes. I wasn’t one of his children or his pack. I didn’t need to be protected.
“You did see her.”
“I’m the one who is supposed to be able to tell when you’re lying.”
“I’m a human. You haven’t been able to talk to anyone who wasn’t your Pack in ten years. Wouldn’t you like to tell me the truth?”
I knew that sometimes I did. Sometimes it was so nice to be able to unburden myself to Tia or to her mother. Just the telling was enough to make it all better. I could move on. I could let it go.
He was quiet for a moment, but when he spoke it was barely a whisper. “I saw her ten years ago. It’s what woke me up. She was with other Vampires. I’m sketchy on the details, but I was suddenly aware that a creature that stood in front of me was a distorted, warped version of my wife. I blinked and it was like a cloud moved away from my head. She was gone moments later. We never spoke. I don’t even know if she can.”
“And then they all woke up.”
“One by one. I was so damn relieved to see my kids again. Before they came back to me, they just stared off into the distance. Eight-year-old zombies. They could shift, they could fight, they could…but they couldn’t do anything else.”
I knew the word he’d left out. They could kill. Jason didn’t know. How could he? I was sure of it. He was certain of his humanness, certain of his goodness. But for a while he’d been one of the things I’d been sent out to kill.
“Do you ever worry that you might go back? That one day you might be one of them again? The aggression could start again and then you’d lose yourself and your pack, too?”
“Only every single day of my life.”
I wish I hadn’t asked the question. His answer had made me cold, and I shivered. They were nice people. I liked them, even if they could sometimes be Werewolves. But what would I do if suddenly they were man-eating nightmares come to life?
I couldn’t help it. I looked at Jason. His features so gentle in his slumber. Right now, he didn’t seem to have a care in the world. I’d been that tired before. I knew what it was like. He probably wasn’t even dreaming at the moment. Just complete nothingness for hours. Could I kill him? Or would I let him go to potentially kill someone?
Truthfully, in a way that made me feel weak inside, I knew that I had no idea how I’d behave.
“Sometimes I forget.”
Andon’s voice startled me, and I stared at him. He, too, was regarding Jason.
“That he’s going to be Alpha someday. He seems like such a kid to me, even after everything we’ve been through, and then he goes and does what he did this week with you. I think he would have fought me, defied his Alpha, to stay with you if I’d tried to make him leave. He was fierce. I could see it in him. The Alpha strength. The pride and the magic that will help him lead.”
I didn’t know what all of that meant. I wasn’t exactly ‘up’ on what it took to be a great Werewolf leader. But I knew family pride when I encountered it. I knew what it looked like. Since I’d never had it for myself, I felt numb.
“He saved me.”
His father sat up in his chair. “Can you tell me what happened? We only have our best guesses because Jason has no memory of it. He’s too young to remember what his wolf does on Full Moons.”
How old did you have to be? Forget it, I didn’t want to know. I couldn’t get any further into this unless I committed to stay. Unless I agreed to be what…Jason’s permanent girlfriend? His mate? I hadn’t even been asked. I wasn’t entirely certain he wanted that from me. I sighed and Andon mistook my meaning.
“You don’t have to if it’s too hard.”
“No,” I spoke loudly, and Jason stirred before muttering something unintelligible and going back to sleep.
I smiled. “I can talk about it.”
His father sat back in his chair. “He used to talk about crazy things when he was asleep. Six years old and on great adventures. His mother and I would wait to hear what he was going to mutter about.”
I liked that thought. Parents sitting around, enjoying moments with their small children. Not counting down days until inevitable battle and drowning out their sorrows with mind numbing alcohol. But I didn’t want to go there right now. I wanted to tell Andon about his son.
I had to do a better job of staying in the here and now.
“The Vampires came in when I was asleep. I woke up and knew they were there.”
Andon crossed his arms over his chest. “How did you know?”
“I felt them.”
“They say Warriors know when monsters are in the room. That’s true then?”
“Who says?”
“I’ve spied on Warriors. I’ve heard them say it. I thought it was bragging.”
“No.” I shook my head. “It hurts. Vampires are like the worst cold you can imagine. The kind of cold you can’t believe you’ll ever get warm from.”
“And Werewolves?”
“I don’t know. I don’t feel anything around you that is different. It’s supposed to be pinpricks on your arm. Goosebumps, painful ones.”
“But you don’t feel it with us?”
“Not at all. So either I’m missing that skill or you’re different.”
“I like the second choice. Go on.”
“Anyway, I woke up. There were two. One could talk, one couldn’t. They shook the cage until it came down.”
“I still don’t know how that could have happened.”
I didn’t want him to feel bad, but no way in hell was I ever letting him ever put me in another cage he’d made. There was going to have to be another way. If I was even here during the next full Moon. I needed to go back.
“I tried to fight. I was losing.” I remembered the scratch on my face, and I reached up to stroke my cheek. I could feel the swollen skin, and I grimaced. Oh God. I’d seen scars on Warriors before. They only looked fierce on cute boys. No way was this going to look okay on me. Maybe I should have been past caring. I wasn’t.
I totally wasn’t.
“How bad is it?”
“It’s bad.”
At least he didn’t lie. That was something. Right? I closed my eyes.
“Tell me. You were losing.”
“Yes, obviously.” I opened my eyes. “I must have screamed. Then Jason was there. He took down one of the Vampires while I got the other one. Then he pushed me out of the room and licked my cheek.”
“He licked your cheek?” His father stood up. “He put his Full Mooned Werewolf face up to yours and all he did was lick you?”
“Maybe I smell bad?”
&nb
sp; I hadn’t given it too much thought at the time. It had been odd but what did I know about what was supposed to be normal in that circumstance?
“Maybe you’re his mate. Maybe even his wolf knew it.”
Oh no. This was not a conversation I was having with Jason’s father. Not while the subject of the talk was starting to snore on the edge of my bed.
“I’m sixteen years old. I can’t be anyone’s mate. I can barely walk and think at the same time.”
Andon covered his mouth as he cracked up. I hadn’t meant to be funny. I took another sip of my drink. I was battle scarred and potentially mated. At least I wasn’t dead.
I smiled at my inner dialogue. It appeared I was learning to prioritize.
Not dead was key.
Chapter Ten
I opened my eyes and it was morning. I blinked and had to cover my eyes to block out the rays coming through the window. My week as a sick person had clearly not done anything to improve my tolerance for sunlight. Jason grumbled and swung his arm around me.
I moved one finger slightly so I could see a little better what was going on, I found myself more than a little confused. I didn’t remember falling asleep, even though I obviously had, and I really didn’t remember Jason getting in the bed with me.
Not that I was complaining. He was warm and if I wanted to, I could close my eyes and snuggle back down into his arms and….
No!
That was so not going to happen. I couldn’t get used to this. He was a Werewolf. A really great Werewolf, but a Werewolf nonetheless.
I used my free hand to pat his head. How did he keep his hair so soft? He opened his eyes to look at me, smiling as he woke up.
Confusion fell over his features before his eyes widened in realization. “Oh, crap, your eyes.”
He jumped up from the bed and pulled the curtain, which was really just a yellow piece of cloth, over the hole.