I held Athen’s hand as we went out into the village. We began walking slowly as I let him formulate his thoughts. I wasn’t sure what the night held for me. A sense of relief began to grip me since I would finally begin to get the answers I have been waiting for. The snow began to gently fall again. How fitting I thought to myself. I stopped walking and took Athen in one more time, in case what he was about to tell me changed my perception of him. I didn’t want to lose what I once had.
“It’s gonna be ok, sweetheart. I promise.” He looked at me, a piercing sensation right behind my eyes incapacitated me. I didn’t understand where it was coming from. I had never had a migraine. Too much was going on to be slowed down right now, but once he looked away the pain was gone.
“Athen, was that you giving me that?”
He wrapped his arms around me, which solidified that it was Athen who caused it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I was seeing if you were receptive yet. It looks like you are. The process can finally begin.”
“Ok, still not telling me much. Please, don’t do that again.”
“You are one of us, Ana. You always have been. You were phased and taken away from us. We had to wait until the timing was right to get you back.”
“What do you mean phased? Are you trying to tell me that you are from another dimension or something? I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“It’s as close as we come to death, but instead we start over. For some, like the nomads, it makes no difference if they’re phased. No one notices or cares. They start over again and move on. For us, the families, it makes life almost unbearable for those of us who have to wait.”
“Wait for what?”
“We may have to wait anywhere from a few days to a century to track our loved ones down. Then we wait for the timing to be right for the reintroduction process. Ana, I have been waiting for you for fifty-seven years to begin the reintroduction process. This isn’t the first time we have fallen in love. We are destined to be together. We are beyond anything that your mind can imagine as soul mates.”
“I don’t understand what you are talking about or how I fit in? There is no way you have been waiting fifty-seven years for anything. You aren’t that old and neither am I. I don’t understand, and a reintroduction process?”
“Yes, where we introduce you to your eternal life, not the one that was created artificially for you. The life that you most recently remember is not your true life. It’s not your reality, Ana. You are not human. If you had a human age it would probably be about twenty years old, but with the wisdom that only our fate can bring us, there is no comparison. We do have an id for you that says twenty-one, though.” He tried to laugh, but only coarseness came through.
My blood curdled. These people were crazy, even evil quite possibly. Karen was right. I was in danger. There was no way to get help at this moment. I tried to play it cool.
“I’m not following. I grew up with my family, and there was an accident, and I was the only survivor.” I began again.
“Yes, Ana. I know what you think you know but have you ever wondered why you can’t remember anything from before the accident? I have been waiting for so long for this moment, Ana. My family, your family, all have been too. From the moment we began the Awakening on you decades ago, we have followed you through every incomplete phase until finally we were able to tell that you were ready for the reintroduction process this time. You were receptive to us. You noticed us, our eyes - our glow in the pub. You saw the flash of light in your condo that first night. I know you did. I know you knew it was coming from me. The moment that you could feel us in the pub was the sign that your senses had started to come back. We have been in front of you time after time, and you never noticed us. This time, at long last, you did. My sister and Cyril were at the pub testing the environment out. They called me as soon as they figured out that you were able to sense them. I had been disappointed and let down so many times before, hopeful that you would recognize us, only to start the grieving process over and over when it was a false alarm. We have always been in the wings, Ana, waiting for you and watching over you. When I heard your thoughts, I realized that you saw my prism in your condo. I knew that this time was different. This was our best shot so far to get you back. Nobody else can see or feel those things, Ana. No one else would have seen the light in your condo that night. Only you, my angel. Never mind the dreams you’ve been apparently having. Those only add to the readiness.”
Athen’s words were spreading through me like a virus. My body started to uncontrollably crumble. I was faint, as if my world was spinning. I reached for the bench, but before I could sit down, my legs gave out. Athen grabbed me before I hit the ice. He held me so tight. This time I knew why everything was so familiar- his smell, his eyes, his breath, everything that I had been longing for. It was something I had already had. The emptiness had finally fallen away. I knew it wasn’t a dream any longer. Athen was my soul mate. Even the test of time couldn’t tear us apart. I held onto his neck as hard as I could as he sat on the bench placing me on his lap. The tears started streaming down my face. They weren’t tears of sadness- only great joy and relief.
All of the years of solitude and loneliness in life began drifting away from my mind. Athen’s hand lightly caressed my back. It brought me back to the first night I met him. How secure I felt in his embrace, so sure of his comforting gestures as if I had experienced them before. He was so self-assured, now I knew why. I didn’t understand what he was saying, yet I knew it was true. It had to be. I knew in time I would fully understand. For the moment, I was purely content holding him and not letting this moment disappear.
I looked out under the eaves and saw the snowflakes falling and quietly melting on the heated path, wondering if that was what my life had done. I hoped with every part of my being that I would be able to recover all of the past that I couldn’t remember now. I hoped my memories would come back. I didn’t ever want to think that I couldn’t recover any second with Athen.
“Athen, what are you telling me?”
“What do you say we get back to Matilda? I’m sure she is missing us,” Athen spoke softly in my ear.
I nodded and slid off his lap as he grabbed my hand, and we walked back to my condo. I looked around the village seeing things that I had overlooked the last while of living here. It was as if the rocks had become alive. The beautiful curvatures melded with a harshness that always existed in nature. The streetlights welcomed me to my life once again. I didn’t know what the future or the past held for me, but I was truly invigorated. I knew it could only get better from here, and this was pretty perfect already.
“Athen, if I’m not human, then what am I? Will the nightmares go away?”
“I’ll let Arie and Cyril know to meet us at your place. It’s going to be a long night. We won’t be able to cover everything tonight, but we do have eternity for that,” he laughed and squeezed my hand, realizing it wasn’t that funny to someone who had no idea what he was talking about.
I looked at Athen and knew instantly that he wasn’t kidding. Life as I knew it was gone. I couldn’t wait to find out why. There was no sadness, only expectation filled with hope.
As we got into the elevator, I pressed my floor. Athen grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. He held me with all his might. I could feel the restrained strength in his arms. I had never felt this level of intensity come from him before. As he was holding me, he whispered in my ear that he would never lose me again. His warm and gentle lips skimming my forehead bringing me back to the first night I met him. I was yearning for him, thankful he sensed it as he slowly brought his lips down closer to mine. There was so little that I understood, but one thing I knew with all my heart was that we were meant to be together for all eternity, whatever that might mean. I was hoping the elevator would take longer than usual as Athen’s hands r
an up the back of my spine, his breath lingering on my lips, before his lips parted on mine at first softly, but intensifying with every floor that we went up. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me gently onto the elevator railing. I continued to feel the nettle-like stinging that intensified with every kiss.
As if on cue, when I was sure I couldn’t handle anymore, the doors to the elevator opened. He brought me down to the floor so that we could exit the elevator. We walked to my door, which I noticed wasn’t closed all of the way. Athen must have noticed my body stiffen because he got in front of me and turned around.
“It’s only Arie and Cyril. They got here already but good job on trusting your senses.”
“How did… Never mind -I guess their speed will be explained tonight too?” I asked, smiling up at him, attempting a laugh. He shook his head as he pushed my front door open, and my eyes instantly became blinded by the light that was pouring out of my living room. I closed my eyes as fast as I could, but the light was penetrating through my closed lids as if I was staring directly into a spotlight. It took his idea of a prism to a whole new level.
“Whoa, what is it, I can’t see. Can you stop doing that?”
“Ana, we aren’t doing anything. This is how we look to you in your initial reintroduction process. Your eyes are adjusting to seeing us in our true form. It won’t last long, I promise. Athen is leading you to the couch, and you’ll be ok.” Hearing Arie’s voice was calming, but I was still worried about what I was about to encounter.
Athen placed his hand around my waist, as he led me into my living room. Approaching the couch, the light was almost unbearable. Matilda’s snoring was coming through the wall softly from my bedroom, which was a source of great comfort. It was the only sense of normalcy that I had.
“Tonight will overload your senses beyond anything you have experienced. At times it may seem intolerable, but we’ll be here and everything will be ok. You will get through it.” Athen squeezed my hand. I tried to return the favor but couldn’t. My fingers were detached from my body.
“Can I get a glass of water?” I asked, hoping my voice was somewhat recognizable, since nothing much was coming out “My mouth feels like cotton.”
“Sure, Ana. I’ll go grab one for you.”
I could feel Cyril bounding off of the couch in front of me. I had the familiar sense of feeling movements rather than seeing movements, especially in this moment with the blinding light.
“Thanks. Can someone please start to explain what is going on here?”
I could hear Arie take a deep breath in and knew she would be the one beginning the story of our lives, my life, and giving me my future. Too many things had happened to me in the short time since Athen and his family, my family, had come into my life not to believe what they were telling me.
“Ana, we have been waiting a very long time for you. We have followed you for decades eagerly waiting for the right time for you to come back to us. I’m sure what we are going to share with you will seem unbelievable, but we need to share with you the truth, our history, and that is how I will begin.”
I sat back against the couch leaning into Athen, gratefully swallowing down the water as fast as I could hoping to rid myself of the terrible thirst I couldn’t make go away. My mouth continued to feel as though it was full of cotton, and the water only seemed to make it worse.
“I’m sorry, honey. That is part of the process.” I heard Arie telling me. It sounded a bit muffled because all I could do was concentrate on how thirsty I was. In order to not go crazy, I knew I had to relinquish myself. The thought of not quenching my thirst or being able to open my eyes was more than I could handle on a human level. I had to let go. I had to trust the process since I seemed unable to control any of my senses or natural human tendencies. I heard Arie begin to speak and knew I had better pay attention.
“OK, sweetie.” Athen kissed the top of my head, but instead of the normal warmth and comfort I normally felt, there was a sharp pain, kind of like what I had experienced earlier this evening. It made me pull away, which he recognized, “ I’m sorry. I guess all of your senses are beginning to adjust.”
I could feel Arie move back to her chair and begin to suck all of the air out of the room as she began a speech that I’m sure she practiced many times before. Her voice was very soft, and she sounded a bit nervous.
“The most common folklore that the human race has been able to come up with surrounding our existence is all pretty entertaining. It does manage to grab bits and pieces of what we are about. It’s amazing how astute humans are when they want to be. However, they only seem to dwell on the unexplained - the darker side of our existence. That being said, they certainly are missing out on the more positive side of our existence. It’s not all evil. There are two sides. Some terms that we’ve heard about ourselves in the human language range from a subclass of death, to angels who were demoted, or floating spirits, and of course, demons. The truth of it is, though, those are all based on human forms to begin with when in actuality it’s something quite different and much more spectacular.”
“Please, that can’t be. You are scaring me. That stuff doesn’t even exist.” I ventured to get out, but my words were only falling to a slight mumble.
“I’m sorry, Ana. I practiced this speech for decades, and I still can’t get it out. Here goes again, in the Bible it’s written, ‘the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves of all whom they chose. And the Lord said, “My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, for he is indeed flesh; yet his days shall be one hundred and twenty years.” There were giants on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men they bore children to them.’”
I interrupted Arie.
“Why are you quoting me Bible verses from Genesis, Arie? I don’t understand what that would have to do with anything, and in all honesty, I don’t even understand what you’re getting at.”
“Well, Ana, that is the beginning of our existence.”
“You mean mankind? Why would that explain everything that is going on if we are supposedly something different?” My body began to quiver, and I could do nothing to control it. Whatever these people were talking about was a horror and not one that I was part of.
“Because that verse does not just describe the beginning of mankind. It details our first existence too. There is a whole world that exists within the human world that goes unnoticed. All of the legends and myths that you have grown to know are generally true or have some form of truth to them. There is this inner working between good and evil in the world. It isn’t being controlled by humans, as much as they would like to think it is. There is an underworld. God didn’t ever intend for humans to fall to the demons that exist, but unfortunately, the demons found a way to get around that. The dark side figured out early on what kind of race could be made between humans and angels.”
“Could you fast forward a little and tell me where this is going or what I am? Maybe give the history lesson after?” I was surprised at my shortness, but they didn’t seem bothered by it. Thankfully, they must have expected it.
“Sure. Plainly, we are the children of fallen angels. Our fathers fell in love with human women. We were the result. However, that wasn’t how it was for all families. Some of the fallen angels had ill intent when mating with the women, and an evil was created that was most unimaginable. Since there were many couplings and children created between the mystic world and human world, God felt it needed to be stopped before it became out of control. He wanted to teach the fallen angels a lesson.”
Cyril began next, “Many of the children were killed in the flood, but there were some who survived. In the meantime, the fathers, our fathers, were condemned to a life most unimaginable, even though they had no impure intentions. God thought that the act of mating between angels and human women wou
ld cease after examples were made, but indeed, it was more difficult to control, if not impossible, and more children like us were born, even after the flood. Even our fathers who had pure hearts were condemned and labeled as fallen angels. It didn’t matter what the intent was between the angels and the humans, God treated any angel who overstepped the immortal boundaries the same. This has created new races wherein good and evil was literally created and a line drawn. There are children who chose to take the wrong path, and those of us who have chosen to take the more righteous path, but with that, we are often forced to fight for the good of humanity. We are The Watchers of mankind, Ana. There is a network of us, and we try to intercede when possible and guide humans to make the right choices when they’re tempted to fall. We are not evil.”
I don’t know what I was expecting to hear from Arie, Cyril, and Athen, but this was not it. I imagined common ideas, like vampires or werewolves, but nothing like this. My stomach was in knots, and there was a dull aching pain at the base of my neck. My hands were clammy. The room was spinning.
“We made a choice in the beginning to be good, do good and not follow the ways of some of our cousins, if you want to call them that. You, along with us, made the choice to be a white demon. Unfortunately, in some cases the mating that occurred between certain fallen angels and women created children who became known as…”
“Nephilim. I know what those are. You don’t need to explain that to me.” I was unable to move by this point. I looked around and noticed that the light started to dissipate. I could see the figures of Cyril and Arie, not in any detail, but that was something at least. I wanted to leave. I wanted them to leave. For the first time since meeting these people, I didn’t want to be around them. I’m not related to demons. I cannot believe I got myself wrapped up with people who believe they’re descendants of such creatures. The one time I let myself fall in love and gravitate toward a family, this was what I came up with. Anger started building inside of me. I heard Athen’s voice but wasn’t listening to what he was saying. All I could hear was my heart’s rapid pace. Tears welled up in my eyes. There was nothing I could do to control my emotions. How could these ineffable people be descendants of something so wrong and evil, and how could they be trying to include me in that? I heard Cyril’s voice and looked over at him and could see him clearly now. The light had diminished. His eyes were as green as always, but there was sadness in them, mixed with great kindness. He came over to me and knelt down, grabbing my hand.
“Ana, we are not descendants of evil. Our fathers were not banished for those reasons. Our fathers fell in love. They couldn’t help who they fell in love with. Ana, we, you included- have worked our entire lives to make things right. I’m not saying there are not demons out there who are doing bad things, but we are trying to stop them. We are not part of that, Ana. We are not evil. You are not evil. You are a Watcher, like us, Ana. We are here to help the world, not destroy it.”
I knew deep in my heart what Cyril was saying was true. I also knew I might not be able to accept it. I wasn’t sure of my fate any longer and didn’t care. I didn’t know if I could ever consider myself such a being of the underworld, good or not. Maybe I should just try to end it now. I was looking into Cyril’s eyes and saw nothing but love and kindness, and I was completely torn. I found the strength to speak. Only a few words ventured out.
“Athen, is this true? Are we truly descendants of fallen angels? Are we demons?”
“Ana, it’s true. But our fathers were not considered fallen angels until after their relationship with a mortal. That is a key difference. One not to ever forget. Our fathers were good angels and acted with love. They were in love with the mortal women. That can’t be said for some. We are white demons, fallen angels, not what you are thinking. There are a lot of us on earth, and we’re all trying our hardest to defeat evil.”
“I can’t believe this. It doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t I remember this?”
“Once the reintroduction process is complete, you’ll be able to remember everything. It takes time.”
“How did I get to this point where I don’t remember anything?”
“We have been in a battle since the beginning of time, our time. We have been in a constant struggle on this earth to protect humans from the evil that was born by the angels mating with the women. It created evil beings that were set on controlling earth, the humans that resided on it, their intentions. The only thing that can stop them is our kind. That is what we are here to do. However, sometimes they do inflict injury, and in those instances, this is what can happen. They can’t kill us, but it can feel like a death for the families, like us, who are left behind waiting for the right time to begin the phasing of their loved one. Getting the Awakening started as soon as possible is crucial. As soon as one of us is taken, we start the Awakening to begin the process to get our loved one back. It’s the very first step in a very long process. If the Awakening isn’t done properly, it can take centuries to reunite.” He paused.
“We’ve been waiting for you for a very long time. It has been so painful not being able to communicate with you or hold you but to still see your existence on this earth, roaming from stage to stage. My time has been filled with watching you, waiting for you. Every few years, your process would begin again. A new city, a new identity, and we were just waiting. It’s not over. We still have a long process, but the fact that we have gotten this far is a great sign. We’ve never been able to get here before.”
I could see Arie’s eyes fill with tears as she stood up from where she was sitting. She came over and knelt before us, placing her hand on my knee, and Cyril went back to sit in the chair. As Arie’s hand touched me, a searing pain went through my head, directly behind my eyes, and images started flashing into my head as if memories were being placed. They were so fast, there was no way I could make any sort of semblance out of it. The pain was getting more intense, and I wasn’t sure that I could endure it much longer. When Athen held me as tight as he could without crushing me, I made myself hold on.
“I’m so sorry, Ana. She’s almost finished.”
The images continued pouring through me. I saw Athen dressed in clothes from all different eras flashing through my mind; some I didn’t even recognize. I would then see Arie and Cyril, and every so often, a picture of myself flash in. More memories continued to flood through my mind and penetrate different emotional areas. I would feel great happiness but not before crashing down to great sadness, and with every emotion came great pain. I saw us all briefly at what looked like a university during the turn of the century, and then before I could focus on that memory, a new one flashed in with us all surrounding a Christmas tree, but this time it looked like it was set in the thirties. I couldn’t believe all of the pictures that were resurfacing, but with each new memory, an excruciating pain whipped through my veins. Athen moved me to the couch, sitting next to me on the floor caressing my head. I couldn’t do anything other than wince from the next flash of life that would appear in my mind. I heard Cyril tell Arie that it was going to be a long night. Upon those words my body exploded into needles, and I fell into darkness.