A car alarm sounded in the distance, and the heat in the apartment kicked on. Max rubbed his palm over his face and looked back at her. “I don’t talk about it. It’s one of those things where in my head, I know I’m not responsible for what happened, but deep in the pit of my gut…that’s different. And it doesn’t take a shrink with fifteen letters behind her name to figure out where some of my commitment issues stem from, you know?”
Was that what this was? Max feeling like he needed to explain why he wasn’t built to love her? Why he didn’t think he could?
Her spine straightened, and she walked over to stand by the window with him. “I guess I could see that.”
“When we met in college, all I could think was that you were a girl who wanted something different from what I had to give. And so I tried really, really hard to make sure I didn’t push for something I shouldn’t take. I liked your plans, your goals. I wanted you to reach them.”
Her breath caught. “Because you didn’t want me to resent you if I didn’t.”
“Yeah.”
That single word hung heavy between them. Sarah reached for his hand, waited until he was looking at her, and then smiled. “Not gonna lie, I kind of wish you’d been just a little less of a good guy about that.”
Max laughed, nodding before he looked back down to the street. “Me too, Sarah. From the minute I realized it was too late to change how you saw me, I wished I could take it all back.”
“What?” Her smile was gone, a strange prickling feeling replacing that bit of warmth in her chest.
“I never should have warned you off. Not that I’d have lied to you. Never. But telling you I’d be no good for you, trying to prove it with that fucked-up kiss at the party and, worst of all, letting you go that last night—those were quite probably the worst mistakes of my life.”
Her breath felt funny moving in and out of her lungs, too thin when she asked, “Why?”
Max’s eyes met hers, stormy and dark. “Because I was in love with you. And if I’d been less afraid of getting in the way of your plans”—he swallowed and closed his eyes like it pained him to say the words—“if I’d been willing to fight and prove to you that I could be the man you deserved, then maybe…”
“What?” she asked with a humorless laugh. “We could have saved each other a few years of mistakes apiece? No Cory, no Joan, no adult sex ed class necessary?”
“Then maybe I’d never have had to let you go. Maybe I’d have been able to convince you to stay with me, to love me too. To want more than just one night with the guy who realized too late that he was ready to give you every night he had for the rest of his life. To be a part of your dreams coming true, rather than the reason you gave them up.”
She was shaking, torn between tears and laughter over the bittersweet revelation that she’d been so wrong about such a pivotal moment in her life. He’d loved her.
But Max wasn’t through breaking her heart. “Maybe I’d have been able to make you happy, Sarah. Maybe I’d have had you in my bed every night all these years. Maybe we’d have a baby between us by now. I mean, if you wanted.” He turned away and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Hell, maybe you’d have made Sean’s dreams come true for the Chicago Wyse from the start.”
It was too much. She couldn’t take another beautiful maybe that might have been.
“No.” She needed to set the score straight.
Max swallowed, his eyes going to the floor. Sarah stepped closer, pressing her lips to that spot at the center of his chest. “The job I had lined up in Chicago before we moved for Cory’s wasn’t with Wyse. So no, but just to the part about Sean. Yes to the rest. To me loving you, to a happy life together. To everything that could have been ours.”
She felt the air leave his lungs in a whoosh and then a single shudder pass through his big body that might have been a laugh, or might not. All those maybes sounded so right it hurt her heart to know they weren’t. “Where does that leave us now?”
Max’s arms came around her in a hold she wished would never end. “It leaves us with me, years later, on the brink of losing you again because I’ve been so fucking scared that if I go after you, I might wake up one day and find the only woman I’ve ever really loved wishing she’d left me.”
She wanted to promise him that he wouldn’t. That she loved him and it was real. But she knew it couldn’t come from her. So she waited.
Max cupped her face in his hands, his work-rough palms as gentle as could be. “It leaves me too in love with you and all the possibilities not to take the risk, Sarah. I love you. I’ve never stopped. And I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through, but baby, I’m willing to fight for you now. For us. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for you to feel like I’m the man you can count on.”
Her brow crumpled in confusion. “You’re going to fight for me?”
She was right here, waiting for him.
He nodded, letting out a tight breath. “I can’t fucking stand the idea of another man putting one finger on you. And it’s not because I’m some caveman who doesn’t want to share—okay, part of it’s a caveman thing—but it’s not about keeping anyone else from having you. It’s about believing deep down inside that you’re mine, the way I’m yours. That I’m the guy who can make you happy. But, Sarah, if you feel like there’s even a possibility this Dave fucker could be the man for you… Damn it, I’m not going to step aside. Screw that. But I’ll fight for you. I’ll show you that even though I didn’t get it right before, I can make it right now.”
Her fingers were balled in Max’s shirt, a bubbling laugh pushing up her throat. “Max, it does crazy things to me knowing that you want to fight for me. But I haven’t seen Dave since that first date. He’s a nice guy, but we’re definitely only friends.”
Max’s chin drew back, and then suddenly everything about him seemed to change. “No second date? You aren’t supposed to go out for a third tonight?”
She looked down at the pj’s and robe she’d hastily grabbed off her bedroom floor, not sure where he would have gotten that idea. “I ordered a pizza to eat alone. It’s supposed to be here in the next fifteen minutes. I actually thought you were the delivery guy here early when I answered the door.”
Max ducked down, his mouth capturing hers in a firm kiss she was just sinking into when he broke away.
“Molly,” he growled at the ceiling. Then looking down at Sarah, he asked, “Any chance you told her about our little schedule of dates?”
Sarah bit her lip, the tender just-kissed one. “Umm, it may have come up after you and I broke up. She’s a really good listener.” Wincing, she asked, “So I’m guessing she used it against you?”
“Yeah,” Max laughed, not looking angry at all. “You could say that.”
“But it worked?” Sarah asked. “I mean, you’re here. All agitated and telling me you love me. Which you can’t take back, even though I don’t actually have another date lined up with Dave. Because I could totally get one, but I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you.”
Max wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, his nose buried in her hair. “Please don’t. Just tell me I haven’t blown it too badly over the last month. Tell me—”
“I love you.” The words came from the very heart of her. “But here are a few things I think you should know going in.”
Backing her across the living room, he stopped in front of the couch and pulled her into his lap as he sat. “I’m listening.”
“Whatever choices I make, Max, they’re mine. I won’t hold you accountable.” He was nodding like he understood, but she wasn’t sure he really did. “Even when I was with Cory—”
“That douche,” Max graciously supplied.
“Yes, even when I was with him, and I felt like my world was closing in on me, getting smaller all the time, I didn’t actually blame Cory. Yes, he cheated
on me and lied to me and everything else, but the part where my life wasn’t really what I’d hoped it would be…that part was on me. That part I never blamed Cory for, because I could have changed it.”
Max nodded, stroking his hand through her hair. “I never want to hold you back from anything, Sarah.”
She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. Melting into his hold. “You won’t. With you, my world gets bigger with every breath. There are so many things I want to do, to see, to taste and live. But I like the idea of us doing them together.”
“Me too.” Then pulling back, he looked into her eyes. “Were you really okay with just being friends?”
She wagged her head, squinting one eye. “Full disclosure? I was about ninety-seven percent sure you were in love with me too and just needed to figure it out for yourself. You’re a man worth waiting for, Max Brandt. Besides, I was banking on you being way too smart not to see the truth sooner or later.”
“I know I’ve loved you for eight years, Sarah. That was never a question. What I needed to accept was that it wasn’t a bad thing.”
“It’s the best thing. All I could ask for.”
Pressing his forehead to hers, he grinned. “Christ, I love you.” Then after a breath. “Earlier, you said Molly’s antics were what got me here. And yes, it’s what brought me that minute, but, Sarah, I’d already realized how wrong I’d been before her text. I was already trying to make it right.”
Her brows rose in question.
“Any chance I can convince you to pack a bag and come home with me? Maybe we can talk more about it there.”
* * *
The pizza arrived while she was changing and throwing a few things into an overnight bag, and then they’d headed back to his place. When they walked through the door, Sarah stopped, shooting him a curious look when she saw all the plastic, cardboard, and brown paper piled in the front hall.
He’d forgotten about that stuff.
“I ran out of here in a hurry.”
One slender shoulder shrugged. “Since you were running to me, I think I can overlook it.”
Damn that smile. He was going to spend the rest of his life making sure she never lost it.
“Come on upstairs.”
Leading the way, she looked back over her shoulder. “Did you move the bedroom up here? Oh, I can’t wait to see it.”
“Not the bedroom. Not yet, but I will.” He’d have the yellow room done in a few days, and if that was the one she liked, he’d move them up the minute it was ready. “It’s the office, actually. With the bay window.”
Her smile spread wide, as she practically skipped down the hall. “Oh, I love that room! Nice spot for your office, with that gorgeous view and…”
Her words trailed off as she opened the door and saw what he’d done. Stepping into the room, she trailed her fingers over the polished wood of the solid yet feminine desk she’d admired that day they’d spent at the furniture mart. Eyes gone wide with disbelief, she turned around twice, taking in everything from the espresso leather couch they’d sat on together to the ergonomic executive chair she’d commented she needed for her office at Wyse, the area rug with bold script that had made her smile, and the black-and-white Parisian print she hadn’t said a word about but he must have known she loved.
There were tears in her eyes when they met his. “This isn’t your office,” she whispered.
He shook his head and took her hand. “I want you to have everything you want, Sarah. I want to make you happy. And I want you to be fulfilled in every possible way.”
“You make me happy. You didn’t need to do any of this.”
Pulling her closer, he pressed his forehead to hers. “I think I did. I want you in my life, Sarah. I want you in our home. Because that’s what you’ve made this place feel like to me.” Then taking her shoulders in his hands, he pulled back to meet her eyes. “But if you’re not ready—”
She pushed to her toes and kissed him, an eager smile curving her lips. “I’m ready.”
“But if you don’t like any of it—”
Her arms linked around his neck, and she kissed him again. Longer. “I love it. All of it. And I’m keeping everything. Especially you.”
Max laughed, his chest aching but this time with the purest pleasure. “Sarah.”
She blinked up at him. “I love you. No buts.”
“That’s good.” He picked her up and set her on the edge of the desk so her knees hugged his hips. “Because in the name of full disclosure, you should know I’m thinking this is one of those forever kind of loves. So you should maybe get used to the idea now.”
She pulled him down for the sweetest kiss of all. “I love the sound of your maybes.”
Epilogue
Fucking show-off.
Sean stood at the front of the Wyse Hotel circle drive and watched Max rev his engine and pull his bike to a stop. The pair of shapely legs—which was a fair fucking observation, not some pervy, inappropriate last-minute play on his part—bracketing Max’s shifted, and then Sarah was stepping off the bike, somehow managing that frothy pile of white dress enough to keep her decent in the process. The girl had skills.
Max climbed off the bike, and despite the guy’s inexplicable refusal to tux up for the big day, the off-white suit and open shirt collar looked damned good. And Sarah, well shit, she was a knockout. Total boner material—or she would be if she wasn’t marrying one of his best friends.
“Sarah, you’re breathtaking. Absolutely radiant,” Sean offered, the filter between his brain and mouth fully engaged on Wyse Hotel ground.
“So awesome!” Molly squealed, bouncing over to her brother and future sister-in-law. Her feet were bare, and there was a bruise the size of a quarter next to her shin. How the hell had she gotten that? Sean felt a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. With Molly, it could be anything. Like with that shock of hair in the front. When he’d seen her at eleven the night before, it had been purple, but now it was the hottest pink he could imagine.
“The ride of my life,” Sarah beamed, toeing off the clunky motorcycle boots that had served as her “something borrowed” for the ride over and exchanging them for the pair of strappy heels dangling from Molly’s fingers.
“You ready to do this, Big Brother?” Molly asked, sticking her feet into her boots.
The grin said it all.
“Like eight years ago.” Then checking his watch, he looked back to Sarah. “Why’d we have to get here so early again?”
Sean knew why. Molly had clued him in the night before while making that little squick face of hers. Turns out Sarah was all about giving Molly too much information so she’d stick within a set of boundaries. No one had managed that before. Any time Molly even edged into inappropriate-question territory, Sarah gave her an answer sure to scar her for life. This time, the answer had to do with how hot it made her remembering Max pulling up to CJ’s wedding in a tux, and that actually being the bride on the back of Max’s bike this time might mean a little alone time was in order before the ceremony.
Hence the additional room booked for the pre-wedding activities. Definitely information Sean didn’t need about his fucking favorite employee, but since Molly had to bear it, he got to too.
Sarah tugged Max down to whisper in his ear, and Molly grimaced beside Sean.
Max’s brows rose, and then his expression darkened and Molly wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with the way the heat had just cranked up there on the sidewalk.
Without taking his eyes off his bride, Max tossed his bike keys to Sean. “Yeah, so we’re gonna go get cleaned up some before the ceremony. See you in about an hour.”
Sarah had her finger hooked into a button on Max’s shirt and was walking backward, leading him into the hotel.
Damn, Max had found his perfect match in that girl.
One of these days, Sean
would find his own perfect match. He’d been looking. Even thought he might have found her once or twice. But despite everything on paper being right—the right name, the right school, the right looks and connections—he hadn’t been able to pull the trigger. Then again, after the shit storm with his family these past few months, that was probably a good thing.
He’d been looking at things…differently.
But that was an issue for another day. Today he was Max Brandt’s best man, and he had one last gift for his groom.
“Hey, Mol,” he said, catching her hand in his before she could dart off. “Hang back a sec.”
“Yeah?” She peered up at him with those vast sky-blue eyes and that open, excellent smile.
Dropping her hand, he took a step back, giving her a jut of his chin. “You get the rent from your roommate yet?”
The big blues cut away, and her smile firmed into a flat line. “I said I was going to take care of it.”
She had. Six months ago, when the dick cheese holed up in her spare room stopped paying rent on time, sometimes skipping a whole month before giving her half of what he owed. Why the fuck did she have to be so stubborn? If she’d let him, Sean would’ve had the rent paid in full and the guy out within a week. But no. Not little Miss Independent-to-a-Fucking-Fault.
That tightening sensation across his chest warned him he needed to rein it in. Because as pissed as he was that this bullshit was still an issue—that Molly wouldn’t let him help her—going nuclear beneath the awning of his hotel wasn’t the image he was pushing, and it wasn’t the answer either. But he knew what was.
“You remember what I told you, Mol?”
She didn’t answer, but the subtle tensing of her shoulders told him she remembered just fine.
“If you didn’t take care of it, I would.” He’d warned her, but she hadn’t listened.
Turning on her thick black heel, that sheer creamy skirt twirling around her pretty knees, Molly glared up at him. Her arms crossed, turning her into a miniature version of her brother. Well, a miniature hot and cute and not-quite-as-tough-as-she-wished-she-was version. Not that Sean would ever tell her that.