He smells of familiar aftershave. My heart doesn't react like when Gabriel touched me, but I kiss George back as wholeheartedly as I can. From the corner of my eye I can see Gabriel who is staring at me and the satisfaction hits me unexpectedly. His body shifts, showing his annoyance, but within a few seconds he is still again. I feel like a child for making him jealous but I don’t care.
‘Well, hello to you too,’ I answer. ‘It's too cold to stand here, let's go.’
When we get to my car, George holds my hand and talks about his day in London. As I listen, I am also regretting that I deliberately tried to make Gabriel feel jealous, buy maybe I was just imagining that he was angry. I ignore my heart and decide to follow my head. The mixed emotions are galloping all over me. It is late when we get to the house. Amy is watching TV with Richard and it looks like Carl and Michael are out. After a short introduction and delicious dinner, I am able to relax. The scowling image of Gabriel finally fades away. I try to enjoy a long evening with the people close to me. Close to 1 o'clock in the morning I am sleepy. George has his arm around my waist. Richard and Amy have just left to get to bed.
‘Let's go. You’re tired,’ says George. Reluctantly, I get up and we walk to my room. ‘At last but not least, I have you for myself.’
He wraps his body around mine. I am quite dizzy and I know it's because of the wine that I drank earlier. He begins kissing my neck gently, moving his hand around my body. The memorable heat extends to my stomach. He has always been rough with his touch and I used to enjoy it but I am not sure if I still do. He takes off my T-shirt and we move to my bed while he is trying to get rid of my trousers. I don’t protest, as I want to feel his warm body next to mine.
‘Gently,’ I whisper when he starts kissing my stomach. I am trying to enjoy his urgent, forceful touch on my skin. He laughs and takes off his clothes. He presses his lips against mine urgently, looking for my tongue while spreading my legs with his. I can feel the excitement but in the back of my mind, everything he is doing doesn't feel right. I am gaining pleasure from his aroused body, but then I realise that George isn’t Gabriel. That’s when reality hits me and I push him away saying, ‘I’m sorry; George but I can’t do this.’
He stops kissing me and looks at me, confused. ‘What’s wrong?’
I bite my lips, contemplating how to begin.
‘I can’t make love to you, I’m sorry.’
He gets up as if he can't understand what I am saying.
‘You never had a problem having sex with me before, so what’s changed?’ he asks, bemused as if this is some kind of joke.
I can't believe what’s going through my mind, but I know that my feelings for George are false and pretending to be with him and using him to push the thoughts of Gabriel out of my head isn't right.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t explain it but I just can’t do this, George. I don’t love you.’
We had never discussed our feelings before; we had just enjoyed each other's company, but this is the truth – I don't have any feelings for him.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Ania. I am horny so let’s just get on with it.’ He continues to move closer to me and touches my hand. I realise that he still doesn't grasp what I am trying to tell him and this makes me angry.
‘You have to leave, George, there’s someone else. I’m sorry but I didn’t mean for it to come out this way.’
His jaw drops as he sits back down on the bed, staring at me with disbelief.
‘You think I could honestly believe that you have managed to find someone better than me?’ he says in a patronising tone. ‘What did you invite me here for, then?’
‘I thought …’ I don't know what to tell him. I stumble over the words and I feel ashamed of myself, that I was full of revenge and stooped so low as to drag him all this way.
‘Don’t worry about it, Ania. I thought we could work out this misunderstanding between us before your mother …’ He doesn't finish, realising that he has said too much. I tense at hearing the last word and look at him.
‘My mother? What the hell has she got to do with this?’ I shout, getting out of bed. I can feel my pulse rising, but he starts dressing and avoids any eye contact with me.
‘It’s nothing,’ he mumbles under his breath, putting his trousers on. He looks around the room for the rest of his clothes. At this point, I am so angry that I can't control myself anymore and step closer to him.
‘My mother told you to make up with me?’ When he looks at me again I know that I have hit the nail on the head. I should have known that my mother had something to do with this and George is so stupid that he had listened to her. My heart is hammering in my chest as I try and process this situation. George stares at me, terrified.
‘I’m sorry, Ania, she just suggested it and you were not meant to know about this. I want to be with you. I’ve missed you.’
I am not listening to his pathetic excuses. Something inside me breaks and I pick up the rest of his clothes and shout, ‘GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!’
‘But darling, where will I go? It’s late.’
‘I don’t care, George, just get out!’ I scream, throwing his clothes down the stairs. I’m shaking with anger. I push him out of my room and slam the door shut.
I don't even know when the tears start covering my cheeks. The noise of the door closing downstairs suggests that for the first time in his life, he has listened to me. How could I have been so stupid? Obviously, it wasn't his free will that brought him back to me, but instead it was my interfering mother. How could she have known about us? The tears are streaming down my cheeks and I sit on the edge of the bed, humiliated. George felt sorry for me and that’s why he came back, pretending to be this new, perfect boyfriend. My mother had caused all this by trying to sort my love life out for me. Why the hell did she have to get involved? I bury my head between my knees, wondering how much longer this could have gone on for. I lose control of my tears but I need to stop crying, feeling that I have brought all this on myself and deserve for it all to have blown up in my face.
‘I don't like to look at you when you are so sad.’
I instantly recognise this voice. I lift my head, making sure that I am not hallucinating and see Gabriel standing in front of me. The room is surrounded by darkness but I know it is him. My heart begins to race when he kneels by me. His blue eyes are shining. He is seeing all of me and I want to sink deep into the ground but I can’t take my eyes off him. For a long moment, we hold each other's gaze. I feel myself getting breathless as he leans closer to me and wipes my cheeks, clearing the tears. The wave of stimulating current passes down my spine.
‘You came here to humiliate me even more?’ I ask, hiding my face with my hands, but he locks his hands onto mine and looks deep into my eyes.
‘Shush, I’m here because I can’t stay away from you,’ he whispers, and then he leans even closer.
My whole body tenses when I notice that his deep blue eyes are filled with lust. I shift to the side when he exhales. My blood begins to coarse through my veins. Then his lips touch mine gently, trying to test me again. This time I follow my heart and I return the kiss. He leans even closer to me, pressing his body to mine and pushing me against the door. I can't breathe when he kisses me more urgently. His lips are warm and sweet and my hands brush against his hair. My heart is hammering in my chest while his hand is stroking my naked back. I want to push him away to ask millions of questions, but I am locked underneath his body, unable to move. He stops kissing me and looks into my eyes.
‘I know you want this as much as I do. I can feel it in your heart,’ he whispers and playfully bites my ear.
I shiver, unable to respond. He can’t wait any longer as he lifts me and puts me onto the bed. My mind is blank, but I feel the heat spreading around my whole body when he starts to undress me. My mind is blank, but I feel the heat spreading around my whole body when he pulls off my trousers and undergarments. When I am completely naked, he begins kissing me again, tou
ching every inch of my flesh, testing me again.
‘Sleep now,’ he whispers in my ear. I want to protest because I want him so badly that my whole body shivers under his touch, but I can't open my eyes. My lids are heavy and soon I find that I am drifting off into a dream.
Gabriel doesn't come back the following night and for some reason, I am glad that I can have a night for myself. The thought about what may happen next is surreal and I don't want to dream too much in case I get ahead of myself. I don’t care about George; he is never going to change.
Amy leaves Swansea tonight to go to her parents’ and Carl and Michael are leaving after me. My suitcase is packed and while I am putting everything in my car, I begin to wonder how I am going to challenge my mother. No one apart from Gosia knew about my relationship with George, so I can't understand how my mother found out about him. Seeing Gabriel outside just adds more frustration to my bitter mood today. I can't look at him and not blush.
An hour later, I am ready to leave Swansea and mentally prepare myself for the four weeks ahead of me in which I will spend Christmas break in London with mum. During the three-hour drive, I am torn between being angry with her and being happy that she made George see me. If she hadn't, maybe what happened between Gabriel and me wouldn't have taken place. I hate that she always wants to interfere with my life. Even being 300 miles away from me didn’t stop her from finding a way into my personal space.
I get to London in the early evening. The weather is even worse than in Swansea. It's snowing and being stuck in traffic for two hours doesn’t help my already sour mood. When I get to my house in Kingsway, I smile, knowing that I am home. Mum is outside and I notice that she looks so different. She changed the colour of her hair and she is wearing makeup. Her clothes are more defined and elegant.
‘Finally home,’ she says, hugging me tight. She smells differently and I recall that she never used to wear any perfume before.
‘Hi Mum! You look great!’ I start looking at her from top to bottom and she giggles like a little girl as I take in the new and improved look. She has dyed her short, black hair to a shiny, light brown that makes her look younger. I’m not sure if she lost any weight but she looks better in her new clothes.
‘Thank you, darling,’ she beams. ‘I am so glad that you're here. I have so much to tell you,’ she continues, helping me with my luggage from the car. My anger somehow fades away when I see her so happy and realise that I had missed her a lot. I decide not the ruin the moment by talking about George and instead put that conversation to the back of my mind as we make our way inside from the cold.
‘I need to know everything about this guy that you have been seeing,’ I say, staring at my mother who has changed so much already.
‘He is from Russia, but there isn’t much to talk about,’ she says, waving it off as if it isn’t such a big deal.
‘Are you kidding me? I am not going to sit here and pretend that nothing happened. C’mon, tell me now!’
‘What do you want to know?’
‘What does he do for a living?’
‘He runs his own business. He does something with property development. I am not sure; we don’t talk about work much.’
‘So how many times did you go out?’ I ask, barely restraining my excitement. My mother blushes again and I can tell that she likes him. Maybe that’s why she stopped nagging me all the time.
‘I don’t want to talk about me. I am more interested to hear about you,’ she chuckles.
‘No news,’ I snap, ‘C’mon, you've got to tell me everything. What’s he like and do you think that you are going to see him again?’
‘Oh, I don’t know Ania, it’s just been a few dates, but I feel that he is looking for something serious,’ she finally says, looking slightly irritated.
‘So when am I going to meet him?’
‘Will you stop it!’ she says, raising her voice. I laugh; she never was very straightforward about men.
‘Okay, fine,’ I say, giving up. ‘Let’s talk about me, then.’
‘Good, but before you start you have to eat something. You probably haven’t had a proper meal since you left!’
I roll my eyes and start talking about university, avoiding the recent rendezvous with George. I don’t want to ruin her good mood and get into another argument. My mother starts preparing food.
Later on as I eat the traditional Russian supper Mum made for us, I wonder if I will ever be as happy as her. I have a few weeks where I can stop thinking about coursework and university and enjoy the Christmas festivities the month has to bring. Tradition being valued in our household, I invite Gosia over for the Christmas feast. When I mentioned the differences of traditional Russian Christmas to my housemates, they didn't understand why we have to wait until the seventh of January to open presents and why we don’t have a turkey for Christmas dinner. They were surprised with the way Russians celebrate Christmas. Later that evening, I go to bed happy that I am at home and that Mum is adapting well to the fact that I am no longer living with her.
When I get upstairs, I have a shower and go to bed straight away. I feel myself falling into a hazy sleep. Gabriel slides into my warm bed, awakening me by kissing my lips. I open my eyes, smiling.
‘Morning,’ I say, as he wraps his body around mine.
‘I shouldn't have come here today but I wanted to talk to you.’ He starts kissing my neck gently and the familiar electric current connects us.
‘I know you belong to someone else, but you can feel the connection between us,’ I say, looking at him. His blue eyes are shining.
‘These feelings that I started to have when I am around you,’ he begins, still looking at me. ‘They scared me at first, but then I realised that’s how humans feel about each other when they have chosen the one they want to be with. You influenced me.’
I don't want to help him to label how he feels. ‘I am sorry, Gabriel, that no other Sprite ever experienced it. It's sad to be pushed to live with someone that you don't love.’
‘We are here to influence humans and our feelings are not important,’ he says, and he kisses me again more urgently.
During this delightful night, I lose myself to his touch, wanting him to seduce me. His body is so firm as he moves on top of me. He begins to kiss my neck, moving down to my collarbone. He wants to taste me slowly, like a delicious dessert that he doesn't want to finish. As my mind is hesitating to give in, my heart wins instead and my body slowly subjects itself to his gentle movements. He takes off his cotton shirt, revealing a strong chest and I inhale the lust-filled air, trying to lock his perfect body into my memory. His skin is so soft and I can no longer fight with my pleasure. The room is dark but I still notice his light smile when he removes my night T-shirt and stares at my half-naked body underneath. My mind is blank when he begins to kiss my breasts, his soft tongue tantalising my nipples, caressing them gently. I close my eyes, unable to take this any longer as my breathing quickens and I know that I am ready to taste him. When he breathes through my underwear I moan, feeling the heat that rises inside me. His hands caress my thighs and venture down between my legs, teasing me to the point that I want to beg him to take me. Suddenly he stops and I open my eyes, wondering what's happened.
‘I need to get rid of this,’ he says smoothly and stands up to take off his trousers. My heart pumps the blood quickly round my body, the pulsating feeling in between my legs deepens in anticipation of seeing him – all of him.
He looks at me with his eyes full of lust; in the darkness his eyes are more intense. As he removes the rest of his clothes, I open my mouth, unable to take my eyes off his naked body, but he doesn’t allow me to stare any longer and begins kissing the side of my thighs, exploring me further.
‘Are you going to take off the rest of your clothes?’ he asks as he continues to tease me with his fingers. My hands shake when as I take off my underwear and within seconds I am lying naked underneath him. He eases his fingers inside me and I groan with p
leasure. His touch is incredible, gentle, stimulating and desire bursts throughout my body. My body isn’t perfect but he treats it as if it is. He doesn't stop and he continues to caress my body as the blood pumps through me.
‘Are you ready?’ he whispers, but I am unable to respond, lost in heavenly thoughts.
‘Mmm.’
He laughs and then enters me slowly, with his blue eyes piercing into mine. He groans loudly, saying something in a language that I don't understand. I try to keep up with his fast movements but I am slowly losing my mind in the joy and bliss. His hands guide my hips as he picks up the pace; I feel like my heart will tear my chest apart but I don't want him to stop. Ecstasy fills my body and I am trying not to scream, wondering if my Mother will hear me. I cover my mouth with the pillow and my breathing becomes harsher. Within seconds, a blissful orgasm fills both our bodies and I explode underneath him. I open my eyes to look at him. His eye colour is the most intense that I have ever seen. The sight of perfect sapphire blue.
When I open my eyes a few hours later it’s dark outside and Gabriel is still lying next to me. My body feels sore, but I don’t mind feeling this way when he is beside me. He isn't sleeping and I begin to wonder if he needs to rest at all. It's been so long since I slept with a man, but I have never experienced this exhilarating lovemaking with an extraordinary creature.
‘Thank you,’ he says, noticing that I am not asleep. I smile.
‘What are you thanking me for? I think that I should be thanking you.’
He doesn't respond at first and just leans in to kiss me gently. ‘You make me so happy,’ he says. ‘I have never felt this way about anyone. Sex was always just sex before, but now, I finally realise how much I could enjoy it when getting so much pleasure from it. You are the first human that I have shared a bed with.’
‘Lucky me?’ I say, amused.
‘You are very lucky, actually, to enjoy the body of a Sprite,’ he says. ‘Most women would kill for me.’
He is as arrogant as usual but it doesn't matter. That’s his character and I can't change it; I don’t want to change it.
‘Tell me more about your life,’ I say, changing the subject. Gabriel is probably not used to small talk. He smiles lightly.
‘I think I said enough. The council amongst us makes a decision about assigning a particular Sprite to a human, and I feel lucky that I have you. All my life I felt that something was missing. I told my father that I didn’t want to marry Rose but he didn’t want to listen. He said that this is just the way it is.’
‘What would happen if your father finds out about me?’ I ask, subconsciously knowing the answer. His eyes narrow and he looks out the window, silent for long while.
‘My father was matched with my mother so she could give birth to more Sprites; Rose was chosen for me so she could give birth to our Sprites. Our population depends on the decision of the higher class and no one from my community knows that I can really feel. If they did, they would do all in their power to make sure I suffer for it and that others don’t end up like me,’ he explains in an uneasy tone. ‘I don’t know what my father would do, he was always difficult to read.’
‘Who are the council?’
‘The oldest Sprites that have been living for thousands of years. One of them is particularly important: Lord Alcott. The rules they adhere to aren’t new. It's been that way since anyone can remember so no one can really question them.’
‘That’s so sad,’ I say, looking at him and wondering why no one has ever rebelled against this convention.
‘When are you supposed to marry Rose?’ I ask, trying to sound normal, but I know that this conversation will hurt me. He sighs.
‘The time is not settled yet, but she is expected to have a child before next winter,’ he explains.
‘What if that doesn't happen?’
‘There is nothing that I can do to stop it; it's been predestined and we are expected to follow the rules, even if we don't agree with them.’
I don't say anything else. What happened between us tonight was so magical and overpowering, and continuing the conversation about him and Rose makes me feel guilty about our actions tonight. Despite the feeling between us, it’s too dangerous for us to repeat it; Gabriel is risking his own life to be with me. I’m allowing myself to become attached to him. I am doubtful that he will ever be able to leave Rose and follow his heart. He leaves in the morning and I am not sure if I want to see him again. We are not meant to be together. We live in two different worlds that are not supposed to meet.
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