money really. Sure, it was nice to get paid well for something that I was very good at. But I could walk away from it any moment if there was any threat to myself or, most importantly, to you. That is my over-riding belief now - if there’s any possibility that any of you can get caught up in the maelstrom of my clandestine affairs, then I would be out forever.
“You are my life, my raison d’etre. I know I am getting long in the tooth for someone in my secondary line of work so maybe the walk-away day isn’t too far in the future. But, until it comes, life (and death) will continue.
“All my love, Leonard.”
As Glen took a deep breath and folded the note, Uncle Ken took the opportunity to explain:
“I was your Dad’s brother first, his colleague second and his attorney last. Any one of those three roles would have sworn me to secrecy by themselves – I really trust that you can understand that. I would have taken this secret to the grave if those were his wishes. For many years I doubted that I would ever reveal your father’s background at all - especially so when Julie was alive. I think it would have broken her heart to know what he did. But, now that it’s only you Glen, I figured you could handle the truth. You are much more like your father than you realise.”
Uncle Ken was right - Glen had his father’s personality in many ways. Glen had taken over the business in the last few years as Leonard’s health deteriorated. Glen had the same pragmatic, steely determination his father had. He had the ability to remain focussed and calm even when those around him were heated and animated. Glen knew that he, too, had that killer instinct, that singular drive.
Joey had it as well - but he was so hotheaded, so emotional. It was what caused his downfall in the end. Glen’s mother was the temperamental one too; she was fiery and had no problem expressing her emotions. Joey had that part of her temper, but he also had his father’s instincts.
Glen often thought of Joey, his younger brother. He wished he could turn back the clock and be there for Joey, help him out, talk him out of things. He missed him so much, an ache ran through his heart each time he thought of that life cut short - a tragic waste that affected Glen every day.
“This is the second will,” Uncle Ken said as he passed Glen the sealed paperwork. It was sealed with a wax stamp, like an official communiqué from the Queen to a far away land in the 1800’s. “Your Dad had a flair for the dramatic – another thing he kept well hidden. He liked the idea of the wax seal even though he knew it wasn’t all that secure really. I simply indulged him.”
Glen smiled as he opened the will up. This was written five years after the last one – his Dad had just turned 50. The first part of the will read exactly as the previous one had. But the second part…that revealed more.
“I’ve just turned 50 and it’s time I sorted things out. By now you will have read the first will I wrote five years ago and I have to apologise for dumping that onto you all like that…it was probably a bit much to absorb. I am so glad I now have the opportunity these five years later to try and put stuff into perspective.
“And also to tell you what I’d like you to do with that off-shore cash.
“But first…let me tell you I have officially retired. Not from business – as you know that is continuing to flourish. I mean that I will no longer be accepting those missions for money. Over the past few years I have declined more and more opportunities – to the point where most of my various employers have virtually stopped contacting me. I do have a concern that, one day, I will be eliminated as I leave for the office or turn on the ignition in the car but that concern is diminishing.
“It is my job to make sure that these things are not a concern for me.
“There’s no point beating around the bush here with hyperbole or politically correct rhetoric. I’ll just tell you straight – I am eliminating these risks.
“Over the years I have had four major employers – all ex-military guys that I have dealt with through SE Asia and the Middle East for almost thirty years. These guys know my identity, they know my real life…they know my family. I needed a solution and, for me, that was simple. All four of these guys are dead. They pose no threat to me – to you, to our family, to anyone.
“It is important you know that.
“It is also important you know that the reason I am finally out is because of a woman named Jasmeen al-Hawati.
“Don’t worry, this is not a confession of infidelity or a second family or anything like that. Jasmeen was the daughter of General Waled al-Hawati. The General was a Yemeni employer I needed eliminated – he was the main one I was concerned about because he knew I had a family here in Australia. He knew you, where you lived, and he knew how to get to me through you. He used you as collateral to get me to continue working for him long after I said I wanted out.
“He would have had me killed if I refused him.
“He would have had me killed if I walked away.
“But he would have killed you, Julie, first and both of my boys.
“I couldn’t have that. So I got rid of him first.
“Jasmeen was like a sister to me – I knew her children and loved them as family. I knew her husband, Mohammed, well too. He was an engineer, a good man who provided for his family, despite Jasmeen’s wealth through her father. That was why I felt conflict when the General paid me to kill Mohammed. It was the first time in my life as a death merchant that I felt conflicted about my role, my task.
“Up until this time, those that I killed were simply targets. I justified things to myself with thoughts like ‘if someone wants them dead, then they must have done something pretty bad to deserve that’ and words to that effect. It helped with the nature of what I did. I couldn’t think of them as human beings, of people with families. It never occurred to me that someone would mourn their passing - it was simply a transactional relationship I had with that person at that time.
“But, with Mohammed, that was totally different. I knew him well - hell, I liked him. He was the sort of man I wanted to be - honourable, moral, strong. He stood up for his beliefs and he was a man to be admired. Mohammed had learned of the General’s past and he vowed to keep it a secret out of respect for his wife…but that wasn’t enough for Waled. The General’s paranoia was complete and he needed Mohammed out of the picture – even if it meant breaking his daughter’s heart.
“Mohammed was my last assignment for the General.
“And the General was my last assignment…ever.
“That was the last one for me - I have been out ever since. I have vowed to atone for my past in many ways and I am working towards that.
“This letter is a part of that - to try and gain you an understanding of how it feels to be me. It doesn’t feel good at all let me tell you! I see the faces of my targets in my sleep, their shocked expressions frozen in a split second between being shot and knowing they will die. It is an expression of surprise and disappointment.
“I see lives cut short and I wonder what effect I have had upon humanity as a result? Have I killed a potential curer of cancer? Have I killed the person who could have prevented war in the Middle East?
“Alternatively, have I killed someone who would have gone on to be a mass-murderer? A genocidal maniac that made Pol Pot look like a school-boy? Thoughts like this muddle me, confound me - I cannot escape them and I have to avoid them. They will send me insane if I dwell upon them too much. Perhaps that is part of my penance.
“The money in the off-shore account is blood money – it is tainted with the poison of terror, assassination and evil. There is no way I want my beautiful family infected with the virus that I have stored in that Swiss bank. That money is black, it doesn’t belong to the light and beauty that Julie and my sons have brought into my life. They cannot be sullied with that toxin, besmirched with that stain of humanity that has eaten away at my soul for thirty years.
“At the moment there are about 400,000 Swiss Francs in that account – I want it all to go to Jasmeen and her children. It can never
replace the loss of their husband and father, but hopefully it can help ease their pain in some way. A lot of it was the General’s money anyway (or that of the Yemeni people from whom he embezzled, rorted and generally stole) so it deserves to stay with her.
“I hope you will understand Julie, I really do. The years I spend with you keep getting better. I know I don’t talk about this stuff much, you know, feelings and things like that. But I honestly feel that my journey from the shroud of darkness that I have always been ensconced within is slowly leading me into the light.
“Its hard to explain just how much I love you – and just how much more I love you with each and every passing day. Part of it comes from the boys, watching them grow and start to turn into young men. But most of it is my knowledge that you are changing me…and it’s all for the better. If it weren’t for you, I would be dead, I have no doubt. Even before the boys came along, you gave me reason to survive.
“You made me think twice before rushing into what could be certain death.
“You showed me that I am not invincible.
“You proved to me that I have a life worth living.
“You remain my unwitting hero.
“All my love, Leonard.”
Glen put down the letter and felt the tightening in his throat it swelled with emotion. These were words his father never said in person