The child was still quiet, riding peacefully on her knee, its head nestled against its mothers arm and side, snug, safe, free. She finished the soda and frowned for a moment, trying to remember exactly how long it be since she be seein Bobby. Sometime it seem like jus a short time, like maybe couple hours…then sometime it seem like forever since she be seeinim. It be strange. She be seeinim for 13 years now seem like everyday, an now he be gone somewheres an she not knowin where or how he is, only that he be hurt an she caint remember how long it be an it dont seem to make no difference anyhow cause gone be gone but it do feel like jus a couple days…like could be 2 days since he be here an it sure feel like somethin missin…somethin jus gone like if you be losin a arm or somethin…but dont make no never mine cause gone is gone an he be seein me sometime…yes, he surely will be seein his momma soon he can an then the kids stop yellin at me where he be???? where Bobby this an where Bobby that???? an I tells them over an over I dont be knowin where he be….
an that sure enough be the truth…I dont be knowin where he be
but he mus be alright or I/d be hearin something
yeah, yeah, he mus be alright
She picked up the empty soda can and shook a drop or two into her mouth, looked at the can for a moment, blinked her eyes a few times then looked around the room for a while, seeing the beds, the sheets and blankets, the clothes, doorknob on the closet, the peeling paint and cracks in the wall and ceiling, hearing the rats and the groan of the bed as she stood and walked slowly from the room, Guess I bes be movin Jesse in Bobbys bed, lease for now…he be liken that. He all the time talkin bout how cool Bobby be an axin moren anyone where he is. Guess thas the bes thing I be doin, move Jesse into Bobbys bed…lease ways for now.
From time to time Moishe would look at Bobbys eyes to see how he was feeling. If he asked Bobby always said he was fine, but Moishe knew his eyes revealed the truth. So, from time to time he would give him a couple of aspirin and suggest he lie down for a while and Bobby would shrug and say, I be doin it if you think I should. You the doctor Mush—and Bobby would giggle and stretch out on his bed and Moishe could see his eyes sigh a loud sigh of relief and gratitude to be lying down and not have to look cool as he forced his bruised and painful body to move around.
Moishe didnt bother with meal times, but just kept putting bowls of chicken soup in front of Bobby, along with bread and butter which Bobby devoured with such joy it almost made Moishe cry. He also gave him bowls of ice cream with chocolate sauce which Moishe said was even healthier than chicken soup and penicillin put together, Its making already the angels to sing in your heart and your stomach to feel like your best friend.
Moishe also knew when Bobby was feeling strong, not only by his eyes, but when he started talking about how he was going to get those spic muthafuckas an get up side their heads. When Bobby said this his eyes would flare and his entire body stiffen with rage and Moishe would feel the coldness of death inside himself and would stare at Bobby for a moment, then be forced to walk away and putter with something to help him keep from saying anything, and to keep himself from crying.
Even as he moved away from Bobby he could feel the tension and venom, and when he started to relax Moishe could feel that too, and knew Bobby would then start talking about Maria, and his mother, They mus both be wonderin where I be. Damn, I gotta be gettin outta here Mush an be seein my girlfren and the Moms. Bobby looked into a mirror at his face, then gently touched a few parts of his rib cage, then looked at Moishe, But you be right Mush, I go lookin like this they be screamin and hollerin all up an down. I bes be waitin….How long you be thinkin before this face be lookin better?
Moishe frowned and pursed his lips, deliberately taking as much time as possible before answering, needing to desperately free himself from the cold anxiety knotting his gut, We see how it heals—shrugging—The cuts they look like they heal very good, but bruises…who knows? We see. Maybe only a week an—Week? What the fuck you mean a muthafuckin week? I need to be gettin back to the hood Mush, I caint be stayin here no week, I—Bobby—touching him gently on the shoulders—Its always at least a week a cut takes to heal…something deep like that…maybe more—looking into Bobbys eyes, his expression gentle, compassionate—You want already to look well when you see them…is only a few days more….
they looked at each other…then Bobbys shoulders suddenly sagged as he let go of his defiance and tension, Sheeit….Sheeit—walking away and sitting at the kitchen table, Moishe watching him for a moment, wanting to allow him all the time he needed to adjust to his disappointment, to dissipate his anger…
then filled two bowls with ice cream and sat at the table with Bobby. Moishe watched Bobby as he toyed with the spoon for a moment, then started eating absent mindedly, then when he was about half finished he turned his head toward the bowl and concentrated on what he was doing. Moishe started eating his ice cream too, Im all out of chocolate sauce…its a terrible thing I know, but Im getting more later. I think maybe Im buying a six pack—grinning at Bobby who fought laughter for a moment, then grinned back at Moishe, You sure be a crazy muthafucka Mush—smiling and licking his spoon—but you be a righteous dude. They continued grinning at each other as Bobby wiped the bowl with his finger.
Marias fear lessened when she held her mothers hands and felt the warmth of her grandmothers on her legs, hearing the soothing sound of the barely audible prayers. But sometimes, at night, especially in the dark if it suddenly got silent, completely and totally silent even for a moment, she shivered with panic and grabbed at the sheet with her hands and twisted and squeezed until it felt as if her fingernails would pierce her palms, and she would instantly be covered with cold sweat and her face would rage with pain and she would try to remember how to call the nurse, how to get something for the pain, but all she could do was lie rigid, stiff to the point of shattering, her head trembling so violently it felt as if her neck would snap and then there would be the inevitable sound from the hall or the moan of pain from another patient or the conversation of employees floating from some distant place and she would just as suddenly let go of the sheet and her body would feel as if it crumbled into a little pile on the bed and she would hear and feel the air rushing into her lungs and shots and shocks of light would pierce her closed eyes and she would lose herself in the sounds, the noise, of the hospital and something within her would remind her where she was and that her mommy and grandmother had been there just a short time ago and would be back the next day and spend the day sitting and talking to her and that this place was safe and they told her she would be alright that she didnt have to worry, that they would take care of her and she would live a long life and some of the women working here were very nice and smiled at her and reassured her and she remembered that she woke up each morning and that the goblins of the night never chewed her up and sooner or later the lights came on and sooner or later there was daylight outside the window and sooner or later they gave her something and the pain went away and sooner or later her mommy and grandmother would be there sitting by her bed and she would know that she had survived another night in a strange place, a place away from her home, a place away from her family, and though she still didnt understand what had happened or why, she slowly accepted the fact that she had to be here, like her mommy said, and soon she would be able to leave and go home, but for now she had to be here and they would take care of her, and maybe the confusion would go away and she wouldnt have all the things going around in her mind, wondering why Raul was so mad he did this to her and why Bobby didnt come see her but maybe no one was allowed to see her only her mommy and grandmother, yes, thats what it must be or Bobby would be here, and she would look from the darkness of her closed, pinched eyes to the darkness of the room, and the room seemed to get so much brighter, and soon she could see things like the end of her bed, the door, the wall, and the little pile of crumblings on the bed would form into ‘her’, and she would lie there blinking her eyes, seeing the edge of the bandage, and soon
the nurse would come into the room and give her an injection and turn off her light and she would realize that she had pushed the button, and she would lie there with her eyes closed, feeling warm and safe and know nothing else until she awoke the next morning, and started the routine of another day, anxiously waiting to see her mommy and grandmother come into the room.
Maria was also able to talk briefly with the woman in the bed next to her who had burns on her back and had to lie on her side facing Maria. She asked Maria how old she was and she told her 13 going on 14.
Geez, just a kid, uh? Pretty lousy bein in here, eh?
Maria nodded her head slightly, I dont like it…I want to go home really bad.
Yeah, I bet. That ya mother and grandmother comes each day?
Yes—Maria already feeling the strain of talking.
Hurts when ya talk, eh?
Maria nodded her head.
I figured. You a porto?
Huh?
Porto…Porto Rican
She nodded again.
Yeah, I figured. The way ya talk, you know? I can usually tell those things—She looked toward the door, then lowered her voice—You know that nurse thats on nights sometimes, the one with the blond hair??? ya gotta look out forer, she a real nasty bitch…ya know, like she thinks who she is. Theres a lot ofem like that in here. But some ofem are all right. Theyre nice. I was here once for appendix. This time I got burned on the job. You can bet Im gonna sue the shit outta them. A chance to get some money. What happened to you, looks like ya got a face full a somethin.
Somebody threw something in my face
Oooo, thats awful. Like what?
Maria was struggling but felt obligated to answer and her words came out slowly, almost inaudible, They say lye.
Lye? Geez, what a rotten thing to do. I hope they kill the son of a bitch did that to ya.
Maria tried to continue the conversation but was unable and just closed her eyes, still hearing the womans voice but unable to respond. In time the woman noticed that Maria was asleep and stopped talking and went back to silently waiting for each minute to pass and for some break in the monotony.
Bobby checked out his face a couple of times each day, carefully inspecting it, doing what he could to convince himself that it was healed enough to go see Maria and his family, but when he touched it he had to accept that he was kidding himself and would go lie down for a while, just being up for a few hours and talking with Moishe tiring him.
Moishe would watch him look in the mirror and smile, Its better you dont look so much, you cant notice when its different.
Hey man, I/ll be seein when its ready.
Ya…but in meantime you worry. In same time it will heal if you look always or not.
Bobby was quiet for a moment…You mean like I dont see my kid brother grown none, but see his clothes too small.
Moishe chuckled, Ya, ya, like children growing.
But you got kids in the house how you not look atem?
Moishe laughed and nodded his head, So dont think about a white monkey, ya, ya—
White monkey?
Moishe waved his arms and shook his head in dismissal, Nothing, nothing. You look. I/ll get for you a bigger mirror, a three way so youre seeing too the back of your head—Moishe laughed louder—So simple, how do you not look at your own face—still laughing, tears forming in his eyes—So…sometimes I dont see—and he continued laughing, Bobby staring at him and shaking his head, smiling. Moishe was shaking his head energetically, laughing, crying, all of his body seeming to be having a good time, and Bobby watched, smiling, shaking his head until he too was laughing as loud and hard as Moishe.
Bobby spent more time out of bed each day, Moishes heart feeling more and more filled with gratitude at the speed and strength of Bobbys recovery. Bobby loved the whirlpool bath and spent more and more time in it, then screaming and hollering when Moishe would force him into the cold shower, calling him a torturing muthafucka, weirdo and sicko…and Moishe would laugh so hard he would double up….I thought you were a man…why you snivel like little boy???? Gaudamn Mush it be fuckin cold in here yo—So how else your getting better so you can go home? By lockin you in this muthafucka till you lookin like Santa fuckin Claus—Moishe leaning against the door immobilized with laughter—no matter how many times Bobby said, Santa fuckin Claus, Moishe always crumbled with laughter, not knowing why, but it was just about the funniest thing he had ever heard, Santa fuckin Claus, and he was always doubled over when Bobby got out of the shower, stretching his arms up as far as possible so Bobby could put on the robe and Bobby would try to shiver his way into the sleeves, Gaudahm Mush, caint you hold this mutha up so I can get in the muthafucka, and he would look at Moishe all bent and laughing, arms up holding the robe, tears falling from his eyes….
Eventually Moishe would stand erect and Bobby would put his arms into the sleeves of the robe and hug it around him and tie the belt and they would stagger into the kitchen and collapse at the table and wait until the hysteria passed so Moishe could heat the soup.
Moishe had a table set up in the living room for putting picture puzzles together. He dumped the pieces of a 1,000 piece puzzle on the table, Damn Mush, how we ever gonna be puttin that thing together?
Moishe smiled and shrugged, One piece at a time…soon we have this picture—pointing to the picture on the cover of the box.
Sheeit…where we start, this be a big mutha.
You never before put together a puzzle?
Sheeit, where I be gettin a puzzle?
Okay. So…first we turn all the pieces face up, so—turning a few over—and put over here the outside pieces, ya?
Outside?
Like so, with the straight edge.
O yeah…okay, so we sit here like a couple a nuts and turn little pieces a cardboard upside down…man, I dont get it.
Moishe smiled, Time passes…you see, sometimes youre not wanting to stop.
Seem like simple minded bool shit to me, but—shrugging—what the fuck.
Time did pass and soon Bobby got caught up in putting the puzzle together, feeling more and more challenged by the dumb pieces of cardboard and the impossibility of finding a particular piece in the huge pile of pieces scattered on the table. Moishe silently laughed with joy as he watched Bobby becoming more and more involved in putting the puzzle together, watching Bobbys face, the increasing excitement as Bobby found pieces that fit together, Damn, lookit that, dont even look like they should fit but they do.
Ya, it takes a good eye.
These muthafuckas tryin to run a scam on us Mush, but we be settinem straight—holding out his hand and Moishe slapping it and turning his palm over, laughing, Bobby grinning as he slapped Moishes palm, Right the fuck on Mush.
They continued and soon Bobby was totally immersed and addicted to putting the puzzle together. From time to time he would put a piece in and sit back for a moment, See that Mush, that be a key piece, now we really be cookin—and they would continue to sit there, staring at the pieces, picking one up here and there, time disappearing much faster than the puzzle was being put together, and soon Bobby was studying the pieces, scrutinizing them meticulously, and much to Moishes glee would suddenly lunge at a piece and attach it to another and lean back and look at Moishe with a big grin on his face, There ya go Mush, it be nothin to it now with that key piece in…damn Mush, I caint be doin this all by my own self, you gotta be helpin some—and Bobby would tap Moishe on the shoulder, Guess your eyes aint be doin too well you crazy muthafucka—and he would giggle louder and go back to scrutinizing the pieces and all of Moishes being would rejoice, the warm glow on Bobbys face filling Moishe with happiness.
Maria continued to spend most of the time lying rigidly in bed. She still focused primarily on her fear and pain, the rushing about of people, the clanging of wagons and gurneys and stretchers, the sharp clash of voices, the squeak of shoe on linoleum, reminding her of the chaos of the streets and so was familiar, her life seeming to always have bee
n surrounded with noise, noise that seemed an almost pleasant distraction from her surroundings, just as the endless noise of the hospital seemed to lessen her pain and fear, its familiarity having a sense of comfort.
The personnel, too, reflected the streets, her neighborhood. One woman who wheeled her to the treatment room was very nice, but there was another woman who wouldnt hold the chair while she got up and would make her wait in the hall a long time before taking her back to her room. And there were some who wouldnt help anyone do anything, who would look at you as you asked them for help then walk away and Maria would watch them and wonder why they were like that, and when it happened to her she wondered what she had done for them to be that way.
Each time she was in the treatment room she tried to force herself to ask them how she was doing, if everything was alright, but she was unable, frozen into silence by the angry stare of the nurse who unwound her bandages and helped the doctor when he got there. An aide was taking the bandages and throwing them away and noticed Maria wincing as the nurse roughly unwound the remaining strips from her face, You alright?
The nurse glared at her, Shes doing just fine—looking at Maria with contempt.
Maria tried to answer but was completely subdued by the nurses attitude and sat trembling and frightened.
The aide looked at Marias face and shivered, the flesh a searing red, twisted and swollen, almost covering her eyes, the burns so severe her face looked as if many layers of skin had been ripped away exposing the inner flesh and had been raked with a grater so that it looked as if it were constantly screaming. Maria blinked at the aide who eventually realized she was staring at Marias face and averted her eyes, desperately trying to think of something she could say or do, but, nothing came out of her mouth until she finally touched Maria on the shoulder and said, It will be alright—then quickly turned her back so she wouldnt get sick.
The nurse noticed the procedure and glared at the aide before applying the medication, Dont worry, theyll patch her up…at our expense of course—wrapping the bandages around Marias face—drug addicts and street whores, and god knows what else, while still in their teens…while decent people have to work hard to pay for all this. Makes a person wonder if theres any justice in this world. If I had my way….