FOUR BEASTS IN ONE--THE HOMO-CAMELEOPARD
Chacun a ses vertus. --_Crebillon’s Xerxes._
ANTIOCHUS EPIPHANES is very generally looked upon as the Gog of theprophet Ezekiel. This honor is, however, more properly attributable toCambyses, the son of Cyrus. And, indeed, the character of theSyrian monarch does by no means stand in need of any adventitiousembellishment. His accession to the throne, or rather his usurpation ofthe sovereignty, a hundred and seventy-one years before the comingof Christ; his attempt to plunder the temple of Diana at Ephesus; hisimplacable hostility to the Jews; his pollution of the Holy of Holies;and his miserable death at Taba, after a tumultuous reign of elevenyears, are circumstances of a prominent kind, and therefore moregenerally noticed by the historians of his time than the impious,dastardly, cruel, silly, and whimsical achievements which make up thesum total of his private life and reputation.
Let us suppose, gentle reader, that it is now the year of the worldthree thousand eight hundred and thirty, and let us, for a few minutes,imagine ourselves at that most grotesque habitation of man, theremarkable city of Antioch. To be sure there were, in Syria and othercountries, sixteen cities of that appellation, besides the one to whichI more particularly allude. But ours is that which went by the name ofAntiochia Epidaphne, from its vicinity to the little village of Daphne,where stood a temple to that divinity. It was built (although about thismatter there is some dispute) by Seleucus Nicanor, the first king of thecountry after Alexander the Great, in memory of his father Antiochus,and became immediately the residence of the Syrian monarchy. In theflourishing times of the Roman Empire, it was the ordinary station ofthe prefect of the eastern provinces; and many of the emperors of thequeen city (among whom may be mentioned, especially, Verus and Valens)spent here the greater part of their time. But I perceive we havearrived at the city itself. Let us ascend this battlement, and throw oureyes upon the town and neighboring country.
“What broad and rapid river is that which forces its way, withinnumerable falls, through the mountainous wilderness, and finallythrough the wilderness of buildings?”
That is the Orontes, and it is the only water in sight, with theexception of the Mediterranean, which stretches, like a broad mirror,about twelve miles off to the southward. Every one has seen theMediterranean; but let me tell you, there are few who have had a peep atAntioch. By few, I mean, few who, like you and me, have had, at the sametime, the advantages of a modern education. Therefore cease to regardthat sea, and give your whole attention to the mass of houses that liebeneath us. You will remember that it is now the year of the world threethousand eight hundred and thirty. Were it later--for example, wereit the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and forty-five, we should bedeprived of this extraordinary spectacle. In the nineteenth centuryAntioch is--that is to say, Antioch will be--in a lamentable stateof decay. It will have been, by that time, totally destroyed, at threedifferent periods, by three successive earthquakes. Indeed, to say thetruth, what little of its former self may then remain, will be found inso desolate and ruinous a state that the patriarch shall have removedhis residence to Damascus. This is well. I see you profit by my advice,and are making the most of your time in inspecting the premises--in
-satisfying your eyes
With the memorials and the things of fame
That most renown this city.--
I beg pardon; I had forgotten that Shakespeare will not flourish forseventeen hundred and fifty years to come. But does not the appearanceof Epidaphne justify me in calling it grotesque?
“It is well fortified; and in this respect is as much indebted to natureas to art.”
Very true.
“There are a prodigious number of stately palaces.”
There are.
“And the numerous temples, sumptuous and magnificent, may bearcomparison with the most lauded of antiquity.”
All this I must acknowledge. Still there is an infinity of mud huts, andabominable hovels. We cannot help perceiving abundance of filth inevery kennel, and, were it not for the over-powering fumes of idolatrousincense, I have no doubt we should find a most intolerable stench.Did you ever behold streets so insufferably narrow, or houses somiraculously tall? What gloom their shadows cast upon the ground! Itis well the swinging lamps in those endless colonnades are kept burningthroughout the day; we should otherwise have the darkness of Egypt inthe time of her desolation.
“It is certainly a strange place! What is the meaning of yonder singularbuilding? See! it towers above all others, and lies to the eastward ofwhat I take to be the royal palace.”
That is the new Temple of the Sun, who is adored in Syria under thetitle of Elah Gabalah. Hereafter a very notorious Roman Emperorwill institute this worship in Rome, and thence derive a cognomen,Heliogabalus. I dare say you would like to take a peep at the divinityof the temple. You need not look up at the heavens; his Sunship is notthere--at least not the Sunship adored by the Syrians. That deity willbe found in the interior of yonder building. He is worshipped under thefigure of a large stone pillar terminating at the summit in a cone orpyramid, whereby is denoted Fire.
“Hark--behold!--who can those ridiculous beings be, half naked, withtheir faces painted, shouting and gesticulating to the rabble?”
Some few are mountebanks. Others more particularly belong to the raceof philosophers. The greatest portion, however--those especially whobelabor the populace with clubs--are the principal courtiers of thepalace, executing as in duty bound, some laudable comicality of theking’s.
“But what have we here? Heavens! the town is swarming with wild beasts!How terrible a spectacle!--how dangerous a peculiarity!”
Terrible, if you please; but not in the least degree dangerous. Eachanimal if you will take the pains to observe, is following, veryquietly, in the wake of its master. Some few, to be sure, are led with arope about the neck, but these are chiefly the lesser or timid species.The lion, the tiger, and the leopard are entirely without restraint.They have been trained without difficulty to their presentprofession, and attend upon their respective owners in the capacity ofvalets-de-chambre. It is true, there are occasions when Nature assertsher violated dominions;--but then the devouring of a man-at-arms, or thethrottling of a consecrated bull, is a circumstance of too little momentto be more than hinted at in Epidaphne.
“But what extraordinary tumult do I hear? Surely this is a loud noiseeven for Antioch! It argues some commotion of unusual interest.”
Yes--undoubtedly. The king has ordered some novel spectacle--somegladiatorial exhibition at the hippodrome--or perhaps the massacre ofthe Scythian prisoners--or the conflagration of his new palace--or thetearing down of a handsome temple--or, indeed, a bonfire of a few Jews.The uproar increases. Shouts of laughter ascend the skies. The airbecomes dissonant with wind instruments, and horrible with clamor of amillion throats. Let us descend, for the love of fun, and see what isgoing on! This way--be careful! Here we are in the principal street,which is called the street of Timarchus. The sea of people is comingthis way, and we shall find a difficulty in stemming the tide. They arepouring through the alley of Heraclides, which leads directly from thepalace;--therefore the king is most probably among the rioters. Yes;--Ihear the shouts of the herald proclaiming his approach in the pompousphraseology of the East. We shall have a glimpse of his person ashe passes by the temple of Ashimah. Let us ensconce ourselves in thevestibule of the sanctuary; he will be here anon. In the meantime letus survey this image. What is it? Oh! it is the god Ashimah in properperson. You perceive, however, that he is neither a lamb, nor agoat, nor a satyr, neither has he much resemblance to the Pan of theArcadians. Yet all these appearances have been given--I beg pardon--willbe given--by the learned of future ages, to the Ashimah of the Syrians.Put on your spectacles, and tell me what it is. What is it?
“Bless me! it is an ape!”
True--a baboon; but by no means the less a deity. His name is aderivation of the Greek Simia--what great fools are antiquarians! Butsee!--see!--yonder scampers a ragged little urchin. Where is he going?What is he bawling about? What does he say? Oh! he says the kingis coming in triumph; that he is dressed in state; that he has justfinished putting to death, with his own hand, a thousand chainedIsraelitish prisoners! For this exploit the ragamuffin is lauding him tothe skies. Hark! here comes a troop of a similar description. They havemade a Latin hymn upon the valor of the king, and are singing it as theygo:
Mille, mille, mille,
Mille, mille, mille,
Decollavimus, unus homo!
Mille, mille, mille, mille, decollavimus!
Mille, mille, mille,
Vivat qui mille mille occidit!
Tantum vini habet nemo
Quantum sanguinis effudit!(*1)
Which may be thus paraphrased:
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand,
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand,
We, with one warrior, have slain!
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand.
Sing a thousand over again!
Soho!--let us sing
Long life to our king,
Who knocked over a thousand so fine!
Soho!--let us roar,
He has given us more
Red gallons of gore
Than all Syria can furnish of wine!
“Do you hear that flourish of trumpets?”
Yes: the king is coming! See! the people are aghast with admiration,and lift up their eyes to the heavens in reverence. He comes;--he iscoming;--there he is!
“Who?--where?--the king?--do not behold him--cannot say that I perceivehim.”
Then you must be blind.
“Very possible. Still I see nothing but a tumultuous mob of idiotsand madmen, who are busy in prostrating themselves before a giganticcameleopard, and endeavoring to obtain a kiss of the animal’s hoofs.See! the beast has very justly kicked one of the rabble over--andanother--and another--and another. Indeed, I cannot help admiring theanimal for the excellent use he is making of his feet.”
Rabble, indeed!--why these are the noble and free citizens of Epidaphne!Beasts, did you say?--take care that you are not overheard. Do you notperceive that the animal has the visage of a man? Why, my dear sir,that cameleopard is no other than Antiochus Epiphanes, Antiochus theIllustrious, King of Syria, and the most potent of all the autocratsof the East! It is true, that he is entitled, at times, AntiochusEpimanes--Antiochus the madman--but that is because all people have notthe capacity to appreciate his merits. It is also certain that he is atpresent ensconced in the hide of a beast, and is doing his best to playthe part of a cameleopard; but this is done for the better sustaininghis dignity as king. Besides, the monarch is of gigantic stature,and the dress is therefore neither unbecoming nor over large. We may,however, presume he would not have adopted it but for some occasionof especial state. Such, you will allow, is the massacre of a thousandJews. With how superior a dignity the monarch perambulates on all fours!His tail, you perceive, is held aloft by his two principal concubines,Elline and Argelais; and his whole appearance would be infinitelyprepossessing, were it not for the protuberance of his eyes, which willcertainly start out of his head, and the queer color of his face, whichhas become nondescript from the quantity of wine he has swallowed. Letus follow him to the hippodrome, whither he is proceeding, and listen tothe song of triumph which he is commencing:
Who is king but Epiphanes?
Say--do you know?
Who is king but Epiphanes?
Bravo!--bravo!
There is none but Epiphanes,
No--there is none:
So tear down the temples,
And put out the sun!
Well and strenuously sung! The populace are hailing him ‘Prince ofPoets,’ as well as ‘Glory of the East,’ ‘Delight of the Universe,’ and‘Most Remarkable of Cameleopards.’ They have encored his effusion,and do you hear?--he is singing it over again. When he arrives at thehippodrome, he will be crowned with the poetic wreath, in anticipationof his victory at the approaching Olympics.
“But, good Jupiter! what is the matter in the crowd behind us?”
Behind us, did you say?--oh! ah!--I perceive. My friend, it is wellthat you spoke in time. Let us get into a place of safety as soon aspossible. Here!--let us conceal ourselves in the arch of this aqueduct,and I will inform you presently of the origin of the commotion. It hasturned out as I have been anticipating. The singular appearance of thecameleopard and the head of a man, has, it seems, given offence tothe notions of propriety entertained, in general, by the wild animalsdomesticated in the city. A mutiny has been the result; and, as is usualupon such occasions, all human efforts will be of no avail in quellingthe mob. Several of the Syrians have already been devoured; but thegeneral voice of the four-footed patriots seems to be for eating up thecameleopard. ‘The Prince of Poets,’ therefore, is upon his hinder legs,running for his life. His courtiers have left him in the lurch, andhis concubines have followed so excellent an example. ‘Delight of theUniverse,’ thou art in a sad predicament! ‘Glory of the East,’ thou artin danger of mastication! Therefore never regard so piteously thy tail;it will undoubtedly be draggled in the mud, and for this there is nohelp. Look not behind thee, then, at its unavoidable degradation; buttake courage, ply thy legs with vigor, and scud for the hippodrome!Remember that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes. Antiochus theIllustrious!--also ‘Prince of Poets,’ ‘Glory of the East,’ ‘Delight ofthe Universe,’ and ‘Most Remarkable of Cameleopards!’ Heavens! what apower of speed thou art displaying! What a capacity for leg-bailthou art developing! Run, Prince!--Bravo, Epiphanes! Well done,Cameleopard!--Glorious Antiochus!--He runs!--he leaps!--he flies! Likean arrow from a catapult he approaches the hippodrome! He leaps!--heshrieks!--he is there! This is well; for hadst thou, ‘Glory ofthe East,’ been half a second longer in reaching the gates of theAmphitheatre, there is not a bear’s cub in Epidaphne that would nothave had a nibble at thy carcase. Let us be off--let us take ourdeparture!--for we shall find our delicate modern ears unable to endurethe vast uproar which is about to commence in celebration of the king’sescape! Listen! it has already commenced. See!--the whole town istopsy-turvy.
“Surely this is the most populous city of the East! What a wildernessof people! what a jumble of all ranks and ages! what a multiplicityof sects and nations! what a variety of costumes! what a Babel oflanguages! what a screaming of beasts! what a tinkling of instruments!what a parcel of philosophers!”
Come let us be off.
“Stay a moment! I see a vast hubbub in the hippodrome; what is themeaning of it, I beseech you?”
That?--oh, nothing! The noble and free citizens of Epidaphne being, asthey declare, well satisfied of the faith, valor, wisdom, and divinityof their king, and having, moreover, been eye-witnesses of his latesuperhuman agility, do think it no more than their duty to invest hisbrows (in addition to the poetic crown) with the wreath of victoryin the footrace--a wreath which it is evident he must obtain at thecelebration of the next Olympiad, and which, therefore, they now givehim in advance.
Footnotes--Four Beasts
(*1) Flavius Vospicus says, that the hymn here introduced was sung bythe rabble upon the occasion of Aurelian, in the Sarmatic war, havingslain, with his own hand, nine hundred and fifty of the enemy.