Chapter x.
_The author is surprised at meeting Julian the apostate in Elysium; butis satisfied by him by what means he procured his entrance there. Julianrelates his adventures in the character of a slave._
As he was departing I heard him salute a spirit by the name of Mr Julianthe apostate. This exceedingly amazed me; for I had concluded that noman ever had a better title to the bottomless pit than he. But I soonfound that this same Julian the apostate was also the very individualarchbishop Latimer. He told me that several lies had been raised on himin his former capacity, nor was he so bad a man as he had beenrepresented. However, he had been denied admittance, and forced toundergo several subsequent pilgrimages on earth, and to act in thedifferent characters of a slave, a Jew, a general, an heir, a carpenter,a beau, a monk, a fiddler, a wise man, a king, a fool, a beggar, aprince, a statesman, a soldier, a taylor, an alderman, a poet, a knight,a dancing-master, and three times a bishop, before his martyrdom, which,together with his other behaviour in this last character, satisfied thejudge, and procured him a passage to the blessed regions.
I told him such various characters must have produced incidentsextremely entertaining; and if he remembered all, as I supposed he did,and had leisure, I should be obliged to him for the recital. He answeredhe perfectly recollected every circumstance; and as to leisure, the onlybusiness of that happy place was to contribute to the happiness of eachother. He therefore thanked me for adding to his, in proposing to him amethod of increasing mine. I then took my little darling in one hand,and my favourite fellow-traveller in the other, and, going with him toa sunny bank of flowers, we all sat down, and he began as follows:--
"I suppose you are sufficiently acquainted with my story during the timeI acted the part of the emperor Julian, though I assure you all whichhath been related of me is not true, particularly with regard to themany prodigies forerunning my death. However, they are now very littleworth disputing; and if they can serve any purpose of the historian theyare extremely at his service.
"My next entrance into the world was at Laodicea, in Syria, in a Romanfamily of no great note; and, being of a roving disposition, I came atthe age of seventeen to Constantinople, where, after about a year'sstay, I set out for Thrace, at the time when the emperor Valens admittedthe Goths into that country. I was there so captivated with the beautyof a Gothic lady, the wife of one Rodoric, a captain, whose name, out ofthe most delicate tenderness for her lovely sex, I shall even at thisdistance conceal; since her behaviour to me was more consistent withgood-nature than with that virtue which women are obliged to preserveagainst every assailant. In order to procure an intimacy with this womanI sold myself a slave to her husband, who, being of a nation notover-inclined to jealousy, presented me to his wife, for those veryreasons which would have induced one of a jealous complexion to havewithheld me from her, namely, for that I was young and handsome.
"Matters succeeded so far according to my wish, and the sequel answeredthose hopes which this beginning had raised. I soon perceived my servicewas very acceptable to her; I often met her eyes, nor did she withdrawthem without a confusion which is scarce consistent with entire purityof heart. Indeed, she gave me every day fresh encouragement; but theunhappy distance which circumstances had placed between us deterred melong from making any direct attack; and she was too strict an observerof decorum to violate the severe rules of modesty by advancing first;but passion at last got the better of my respect, and I resolved to makeone bold attempt, whatever was the consequence. Accordingly, laying holdof the first kind opportunity, when she was alone and my master abroad,I stoutly assailed the citadel and carried it by storm. Well may I sayby storm; for the resistance I met was extremely resolute, and indeed asmuch as the most perfect decency would require. She swore often shewould cry out for help; but I answered it was in vain, seeing there wasno person near to assist her; and probably she believed me, for she didnot once actually cry out, which if she had, I might very likely havebeen prevented.
"When she found her virtue thus subdued against her will she patientlysubmitted to her fate, and quietly suffered me a long time to enjoy themost delicious fruits of my victory; but envious fortune resolved tomake me pay a dear price for my pleasure. One day in the midst of ourhappiness we were suddenly surprized by the unexpected return of herhusband, who, coming directly into his wife's apartment, just allowed metime to creep under the bed. The disorder in which he found his wifemight have surprized a jealous temper; but his was so far otherwise,that possibly no mischief might have happened had he not by a crossaccident discovered my legs, which were not well hid. He immediatelydrew me out by them, and then, turning to his wife with a sterncountenance, began to handle a weapon he wore by his side, with which Iam persuaded he would have instantly despatched her, had I not verygallantly, and with many imprecations, asserted her innocence and myown guilt; which, however, I protested had hitherto gone no farther thandesign. She so well seconded my plea (for she was a woman of wonderfulart), that he was at length imposed upon; and now all his rage wasdirected against me, threatening all manner of tortures, which the poorlady was in too great a fright and confusion to dissuade him fromexecuting; and perhaps, if her concern for me had made her attempt it,it would have raised a jealousy in him not afterwards to be removed.
"After some hesitation Rodoric cried out he had luckily hit on the mostproper punishment for me in the world, by a method which would at oncedo severe justice on me for my criminal intention, and at the same timeprevent me from any danger of executing my wicked purpose hereafter.This cruel resolution was immediately executed, and I was no longerworthy the name of a man.
"Having thus disqualified me from doing him any future injury, he stillretained me in his family; but the lady, very probably repenting of whatshe had done, and looking on me as the author of her guilt, would neverfor the future give me either a kind word or look: and shortly after, agreat exchange being made between the Romans and the Goths of dogs formen, my lady exchanged me with a Roman widow for a small lap-dog, givinga considerable sum of money to boot.
"In this widow's service I remained seven years, during all which time Iwas very barbarously treated. I was worked without the least mercy, andoften severely beat by a swinging maid-servant, who never called me byany other names than those of the Thing and the Animal. Though I used myutmost industry to please, it never was in my power. Neither the ladynor her woman would eat anything I touched, saying they did not believeme wholesome. It is unnecessary to repeat particulars; in a word, youcan imagine no kind of ill usage which I did not suffer in this family.
"At last an heathen priest, an acquaintance of my lady's, obtained me ofher for a present. The scene was now totally changed, and I had as muchreason to be satisfied with my present situation as I had to lament myformer. I was so absolutely my master's favourite, that the rest of theslaves paid me almost as much regard as they shewed to him, well knowingthat it was entirely in my power to command and treat them as I pleased.I was intrusted with all my master's secrets, and used to assist him inprivately conveying away by night the sacrifices from the altars, whichthe people believed the deities themselves devoured. Upon these wefeasted very elegantly, nor could invention suggest a rarity which wedid not pamper ourselves with. Perhaps you may admire at the close unionbetween this priest and his slave, but we lived in an intimacy which theChristians thought criminal; but my master, who knew the will of thegods, with whom he told me he often conversed, assured me it wasperfectly innocent.
"This happy life continued about four years, when my master's death,occasioned by a surfeit got by overfeeding on several exquisitedainties, put an end to it.
"I now fell into the hands of one of a very different disposition, andthis was no other than the celebrated St Chrysostom, who dieted me withsermons instead of sacrifices, and filled my ears with good things, butnot my belly. Instead of high food to fatten and pamper my flesh, I hadreceipts to mortify and reduce it. With these I edified so well, thatwithin a few months I became a s
keleton. However, as he had convertedme to his faith, I was well enough satisfied with this new manner ofliving, by which he taught me I might ensure myself an eternal reward ina future state. The saint was a good-natured man, and never gave me anill word but once, which was occasioned by my neglecting to placeAristophanes, which was his constant bedfellow, on his pillow. He was,indeed, extremely fond of that Greek poet, and frequently made me readhis comedies to him. When I came to any of the loose passages he wouldsmile, and say. 'It was pity his matter was not as pure as his style;'of which latter he was so immoderately fond that, notwithstanding thedetestation he expressed for obscenity, he hath made me repeat thosepassages ten times over. The character of this good man hath been veryunjustly attacked by his heathen contemporaries, particularly withregard to women; but his severe invectives against that sex are hissufficient justification.
"From the service of this saint, from whom I received manumission, Ientered into the family of Timasius, a leader of great eminence in theimperial army, into whose favour I so far insinuated myself that hepreferred me to a good command, and soon made me partaker of both hiscompany and his secrets. I soon grew intoxicated with this preferment,and the more he loaded me with benefits the more he raised my opinion ofmy own merit, which, still outstripping the rewards he conferred on me,inspired me rather with dissatisfaction than gratitude. And thus, bypreferring me beyond my merit or first expectation, he made me anenvious aspiring enemy, whom perhaps a more moderate bounty would havepreserved a dutiful servant.
"I fell now acquainted with one Lucilius, a creature of the primeminister Eutropius, who had by his favour been raised to the post of atribune; a man of low morals, and eminent only in that meanest ofqualities, cunning. This gentleman, imagining me a fit tool for theminister's purpose, having often sounded my principles of honour andhonesty, both which he declared to me were words without meaning, andfinding my ready concurrence in his sentiments, recommended me toEutropius as very proper to execute some wicked purposes he hadcontrived against my friend Timasius. The minister embraced thisrecommendation, and I was accordingly acquainted by Lucilius (after someprevious accounts of the great esteem Eutropius entertained of me, fromthe testimony he had borne of my parts) that he would introduce me tohim; adding that he was a great encourager of merit, and that I mightdepend upon his favour.
"I was with little difficulty prevailed on to accept of this invitation.A late hour therefore the next evening being appointed, I attended myfriend Lucilius to the minister's house. He received me with the utmostcivility and chearfulness, and affected so much regard to me, that I,who knew nothing of these high scenes of life, concluded I had in him amost disinterested friend, owing to the favourable report which Luciliushad made of me. I was however soon cured of this opinion; forimmediately after supper our discourse turned on the injustice which thegenerality of the world were guilty of in their conduct to great men,expecting that they should reward their private merit, without everendeavouring to apply it to their use. 'What avail,' said Eutropius,'the learning, wit, courage, or any virtue which a man may be possestof, to me, unless I receive some benefit from them? Hath he not moremerit to me who doth my business and obeys my commands, without any ofthese qualities?' I gave such entire satisfaction in my answers on thishead, that both the minister and his creature grew bolder, and aftersome preface began to accuse Timasius. At last, finding I did notattempt to defend him, Lucilius swore a great oath that he was not fitto live, and that he would destroy him. Eutropius answered that it wouldbe too dangerous a task: 'Indeed' says he, 'his crimes are of so black adie, and so well known to the emperor, that his death must be a veryacceptable service, and could not fail meeting a proper reward: but Iquestion whether you are capable of executing it.' 'If he is not,' criedI, 'I am; and surely no man can have greater motives to destroy him thanmyself: for, besides his disloyalty to my prince, for whom I have soperfect a duty, I have private disobligations to him. I have had fellowsput over my head, to the great scandal of the service in general, and tomy own prejudice and disappointment in particular.' I will not repeatyou my whole speech; but, to be as concise as possible, when we partedthat evening the minister squeezed me heartily by the hand, and withgreat commendation of my honesty and assurances of his favour, heappointed me the next evening to come to him alone; when, finding me,after a little more scrutiny, ready for his purpose, he proposed to meto accuse Timasius of high treason, promising me the highest rewards ifI would undertake it. The consequence to him, I suppose you know, wasruin; but what was it to me? Why, truly, when I waited on Eutropius forthe fulfilling his promises, he received me with great distance andcoldness; and, on my dropping some hints of my expectations from him, heaffected not to understand me; saying he thought impunity was the utmostI could hope for on discovering my accomplice, whose offence was onlygreater than mine, as he was in a higher station; and telling me he hadgreat difficulty to obtain a pardon for me from the emperor, which, hesaid, he had struggled very hardly for, as he had worked the discoveryout of me. He turned away, and addressed himself to another person.
"I was so incensed at this treatment, that I resolved revenge, andshould certainly have pursued it, had he not cautiously prevented me bytaking effectual means to despatch me soon after out of the world.
"You will, I believe, now think I had a second good chance for thebottomless pit, and indeed Minos seemed inclined to tumble me in, tillhe was informed of the revenge taken on me by Rodoric, and my sevenyears' subsequent servitude to the widow; which he thought sufficient tomake atonement for all the crimes a single life could admit of, and sosent me back to try my fortune a third time."