Chapter xviii.
_Julian passes into a fool._
"The next visit I made to the world was performed in France, where I wasborn in the court of Lewis III., and had afterwards the honour to bepreferred to be fool to the prince, who was surnamed Charles the Simple.But, in reality, I know not whether I might so properly be said to haveacted the fool in his court as to have made fools of all others in it.Certain it is, I was very far from being what is generally understood bythat word, being a most cunning, designing, arch knave. I knew very wellthe folly of my master, and of many others, and how to make my advantageof this knowledge.
"I was as dear to Charles the Simple as the player Paris was toDomitian, and, like him, bestowed all manner of offices and honours onwhom I pleased. This drew me a great number of followers among thecourtiers, who really mistook me for a fool, and yet flattered myunderstanding. There was particularly in the court a fellow who hadneither honour, honesty, sense, wit, courage, beauty, nor indeed any onegood quality, either of mind or body, to recommend him; but was at thesame time, perhaps, as cunning a monster as ever lived. This gentlemantook it into his head to list under my banner, and pursued me so veryassiduously with flattery, constantly reminding me of my good sense,that I grew immoderately fond of him; for though flattery is not mostjudiciously applied to qualities which the persons flattered possess,yet as, notwithstanding my being well assured of my own parts, I past inthe whole court for a fool, this flattery was a very sweet morsel to me.I therefore got this fellow preferred to a bishopric, but I lost myflatterer by it; for he never afterwards said a civil thing to me.
"I never baulked my imagination for the grossness of the reflection onthe character of the greatest noble--nay, even the king himself; ofwhich I will give you a very bold instance. One day his simple majestytold me he believed I had so much power that his people looked on me asthe king, and himself as my fool. At this I pretended to be angry, aswith an affront. 'Why, how now?' says the king; 'are you ashamed ofbeing a king?' 'No, sir,' says I, 'but I am devilishly ashamed of myfool.'
"Herbert, earl of Vermandois, had by my means been restored to thefavour of the Simple (for so I used always to call Charles). Heafterwards prevailed with the king to take the city of Arras from earlBaldwin, by which means, Herbert, in exchange for this city, had Peronnerestored to him by count Altmar. Baldwin came to court in order toprocure the restoration of his city; but, either through pride orignorance, neglected to apply to me. As I met him at court during hissolicitation, I told him he did not apply the right way; he answeredroughly he should not ask a fool's advice. I replied I did not wonder athis prejudice, since he had miscarried already by following a fool'sadvice; but I told him there were fools who had more interest than thathe had brought with him to court. He answered me surlily he had no foolwith him, for that he travelled alone. 'Ay, my lord,' says I, 'I oftentravel alone, and yet they will have it I always carry a fool with me.'This raised a laugh among the bystanders, on which he gave me a blow. Iimmediately complained of this usage to the Simple, who dismissed theearl from court with very hard words, instead of granting him the favourhe solicited.
"I give you these rather as a specimen of my interest and impudence thanof my wit--indeed, my jests were commonly more admired than they oughtto be; for perhaps I was not in reality much more a wit than a fool.But, with the latitude of unbounded scurrility, it is easy enough toattain the character of wit, especially in a court, where, as allpersons hate and envy one another heartily, and are at the same timeobliged by the constrained behaviour of civility to profess the greatestliking, so it is, and must be, wonderfully pleasant to them to see thefollies of their acquaintance exposed by a third person. Besides, theopinion of the court is as uniform as the fashion, and is always guidedby the will of the prince or of the favourite. I doubt not thatCaligula's horse was universally held in his court to be a good and ableconsul. In the same manner was I universally acknowledged to be thewittiest fool in the world. Every word I said raised laughter, and washeld to be a jest, especially by the ladies, who sometimes laughedbefore I had discovered my sentiment, and often repeated that as a jestwhich I did not even intend as one.
"I was as severe on the ladies as on the men, and with the sameimpunity; but this at last cost me dear: for once having joked on thebeauty of a lady whose name was Adelaide, a favourite of the Simple's,she pretended to smile and be pleased at my wit with the rest of thecompany; but in reality she highly resented it, and endeavoured toundermine me with the king. In which she so greatly succeeded (for whatcannot a favourite woman do with one who deserves the surname ofSimple?) that the king grew every day more reserved to me, and when Iattempted any freedom gave me such marks of his displeasure, that thecourtiers who have all hawks' eyes at a slight from the sovereign, soondiscerned it: and indeed, had I been blind enough not to have discoveredthat I had lost ground in the Simple's favour by his own change in hiscarriage towards me, I must have found it, nay even felt it, in thebehaviour of the courtiers: for, as my company was two days beforesolicited with the utmost eagerness, it was now rejected with as muchscorn. I was now the jest of the ushers and pages; and an officer of theguards, on whom I was a little jocose, gave me a box on the ear, biddingme make free with my equals. This very fellow had been my butt for manyyears, without daring to lift his hand against me.
"But though I visibly perceived the alteration in the Simple, I wasutterly unable to make any guess at the occasion. I had not the leastsuspicion of Adelaide; for, besides her being a very good-humouredwoman, I had often made severe jests on her reputation, which I had allthe reason imaginable to believe had given her no offence. But I soonperceived that a woman will bear the most bitter censures on her moralseasier than the smallest reflection on her beauty; for she now declaredpublicly, that I ought to be dismissed from court, as the stupidest offools, and one in whom there was no diversion; and that she wondered howany person could have so little taste as to imagine I had any wit. Thisspeech was echoed through the drawing-room, and agreed to by allpresent. Every one now put on an unusual gravity on their countenancewhenever I spoke; and it was as much out of my power to raise a laughas formerly it had been for me to open my mouth without one.
"While my affairs were in this posture I went one day into the circlewithout my fool's dress. The Simple, who would still speak to me, criedout, 'So, fool, what's the matter now?' 'Sir,' answered I, 'fools arelike to be so common a commodity at court, that I am weary of my coat.''How dost thou mean?' answered the Simple; 'what can make them commonernow than usual?'--'O, sir,' said I, 'there are ladies here make yourmajesty a fool every day of their lives.' The Simple took no notice ofmy jest, and several present said my bones ought to be broke for myimpudence; but it pleased the queen, who, knowing Adelaide, whom shehated, to be the cause of my disgrace, obtained me of the king, and tookme into her service; so that I was henceforth called the queen's fool,and in her court received the same honour, and had as much wit, as I hadformerly had in the king's. But as the queen had really no power unlessover her own domestics, I was not treated in general with thatcomplacence, nor did I receive those bribes and presents, which had oncefallen to my share.
"Nor did this confined respect continue long: for the queen, who had infact no taste for humour, soon grew sick of my foolery, and, forgettingthe cause for which she had taken me, neglected me so much, that hercourt grew intolerable to my temper, and I broke my heart and died.
"Minos laughed heartily at several things in my story, and then, tellingme no one played the fool in Elysium, bid me go back again."