Chapter xxii.
_What happened to Julian in the person of a taylor._
"Fortune now stationed me in a character which the ingratitude ofmankind hath put them on ridiculing, though they owe to it not only arelief from the inclemencies of cold, to which they would otherwise beexposed, but likewise a considerable satisfaction of their vanity. Thecharacter I mean was that of a taylor; which, if we consider it with dueattention, must be confessed to have in it great dignity and importance.For, in reality, who constitutes the different degrees between men butthe taylor? the prince indeed gives the title, but it is the taylor whomakes the man. To his labours are owing the respect of crouds, and theawe which great men inspire into their beholders, though these are toooften unjustly attributed to other motives. Lastly, the admiration ofthe fair is most commonly to be placed to his account.
"I was just set up in my trade when I made three suits of fine clothesfor king Stephen's coronation. I question whether the person who wearsthe rich coat hath so much pleasure and vanity in being admired in it,as we taylors have from that admiration; and perhaps a philosopher wouldsay he is not so well entitled to it. I bustled on the day of theceremony through the croud, and it was with incredible delight I heardseveral say, as my cloaths walked by, 'Bless me, was ever anything sofine as the earl of Devonshire? Sure he and Sir Hugh Bigot are the twobest drest men I ever saw.' Now both those suits were of my making.
"There would indeed be infinite pleasure in working for the courtiers,as they are generally genteel men, and shew one's clothes to the bestadvantage, was it not for one small discouragement; this is, that theynever pay. I solemnly protest, though I lost almost as much by the courtin my life as I got by the city, I never carried a suit into the latterwith half the satisfaction which I have done to the former; though fromthat I was certain of ready money, and from this almost as certain of nomoney at all.
"Courtiers may, however, be divided into two sorts, very essentiallydifferent from each other; into those who never intend to pay for theirclothes; and those who do intend to pay for them, but never happen to beable. Of the latter sort are many of those young gentlemen whom we equipout for the army, and who are, unhappily for us, cut off before theyarrive at preferment. This is the reason that taylors, in time of war,are mistaken for politicians by their inquisitiveness into the event ofbattles, one campaign very often proving the ruin of half-a-dozen of us.I am sure I had frequent reason to curse that fatal battle of Cardigan,where the Welsh defeated some of king Stephen's best troops, and wheremany a good suit of mine, unpaid for, fell to the ground.
"The gentlemen of this honourable calling have fared much better inlater ages than when I was of it; for now it seems the fashion is, whenthey apprehend their customer is not in the best circumstances, if theyare not paid as soon as they carry home the suit, they charge him intheir book as much again as it is worth, and then send a gentleman witha small scrip of parchment to demand the money. If this be notimmediately paid the gentleman takes the beau with him to his house,where he locks him up till the taylor is contented: but in my time thesescrips of parchment were not in use; and if the beau disliked paying forhis clothes, as very often happened, we had no method of compelling him.
"In several of the characters which I have related to you, I apprehend Ihave sometimes forgot myself, and considered myself as really interestedas I was when I personated them on earth. I have just now caught myselfin the fact; for I have complained to you as bitterly of my customers asI formerly used to do when I was the taylor: but in reality, thoughthere were some few persons of very great quality, and some others, whonever paid their debts, yet those were but a few, and I had a method ofrepairing this loss. My customers I divided under three heads: those whopaid ready money, those who paid slow, and those who never paid at all.The first of these I considered apart by themselves, as persons by whomI got a certain but small profit. The two last I lumped together,making those who paid slow contribute to repair my losses by those whodid not pay at all. Thus, upon the whole, I was a very inconsiderableloser, and might have left a fortune to my family, had I not launchedforth into expenses which swallowed up all my gains. I had a wife andtwo children. These indeed I kept frugally enough, for I half starvedthem; but I kept a mistress in a finer way, for whom I had acountry-house, pleasantly situated on the Thames, elegantly fitted upand neatly furnished. This woman might very properly be called mymistress, for she was most absolutely so; and though her tenure was nohigher than by my will, she domineered as tyrannically as if my chainshad been riveted in the strongest manner. To all this I submitted, notthrough any adoration of her beauty, which was indeed but indifferent.Her charms consisted in little wantonnesses, which she knew admirablywell to use in hours of dalliance, and which, I believe, are of allthings the most delightful to a lover.
"She was so profusely extravagant, that it seemed as if she had anactual intent to ruin me. This I am sure of, if such had been her realintention, she could have taken no properer way to accomplish it; nay, Imyself might appear to have had the same view: for, besides thisextravagant mistress and my country-house, I kept likewise a brace ofhunters, rather for that it was fashionable so to do than for any greatdelight I took in the sport, which I very little attended; not for wantof leisure, for few noblemen had so much. All the work I ever did wastaking measure, and that only of my greatest and best customers. Iscarce ever cut a piece of cloth in my life, nor was indeed much moreable to fashion a coat than any gentleman in the kingdom. This made askilful servant too necessary to me. He knew I must submit to any termswith, or any treatment from, him. He knew it was easier for him to findanother such a taylor as me than for me to procure such another workmanas him: for this reason he exerted the most notorious and cruel tyranny,seldom giving me a civil word; nor could the utmost condescension on myside, though attended with continual presents and rewards, and raisinghis wages, content or please him. In a word, he was as absolutely mymaster as was ever an ambitious, industrious prime minister over anindolent and voluptuous king. All my other journeymen paid more respectto him than to me; for they considered my favour as a necessaryconsequence of obtaining his.
"These were the most remarkable occurrences while I acted this part.Minos hesitated a few moments, and then bid me get back again, withoutassigning any reason."