It was sweet of Raj to say that but I was still mad at him for derailing Alice and me making up. Though she couldn’t have been that into making up. Probably she wanted to blindside me with fake friendship while she sank her claws even further into Louis.
I was starting to wish that I’d never seen Louis one grey day four years ago and decided that he was a beautiful boy-shaped container to put all my dreams and fantasies in. Really.
‘Don’t use me to score points,’ I told Raj sternly. ‘God, you can be a real dickhead sometimes.’
Raj mumbled something under his breath, then reminded me that he he’d just bought me a diet Coke so he wasn’t all bad.
I decanted some of the vodka into it and sat there drinking while Raj slagged off every track the DJ played and every single person that walked past. He obviously regretted being my plus one. I should have trusted my instincts and stayed home because tonight had been a complete waste of time.
I didn’t even dare move from the table because I didn’t want to see Alice and Louis all over each other like a bad case of nits. And I didn’t want to see Francis and it wasn’t like Raj would dance with me and I wasn’t going to dance on my own. There wasn’t enough vodka and watered-down diet Coke in the world to make me dance on my own.
I was just about to ask Raj if we should call it a night and head to the Market Diner to get some chips when a crowd of girls suddenly surged around us. Lexy plonked herself down next to me. ‘Hey, Franny. Can we sit down? We’ve always wanted to sit here. Best seat in the house.’
‘Er, yeah, sure.’
Someone went to scavenge for spare stools and soon Thee Desperadettes were sitting round the table. Raj had buttoned up his shirt to hide the stain and was sitting up straight. I was surprised he hadn’t fashioned his hands into little paws and stuck out his tongue – he was practically panting.
‘This is my mate, Raj,’ I sighed. ‘This is Lexy, Kirsten, Bethany…’
I was going to kill Raj if he went all gangsta but he didn’t. Instead he was charming and polite and made such a funny joke about Mark the mad dancer that Kirsten and Bethany even snorted.
It was tiny, Merrycliffe, so of course Raj knew three of Thee Desperadettes’ younger brothers and he’d seen the others around and soon they were all chatting about the crappy Merrycliffe youth club that everyone went to until they turned fifteen and could sneak into The Wow.
‘My mum stopped me going for a while because she’d heard one of the volunteers was a paedo, but it turned out he was training to be a paediatrician,’ Bethany was saying and Raj was nodding and making loads of eye contact and she kept biting her bottom lip and nudging Lexy, who was sitting next to her, so that was nice for both of them.
We left them to it and went to dance and maybe I wasn’t having such a bad Saturday night when I’d just become an honorary Desperadette.
Inevitably the music stopped, the lights went up, we booed and stomped our feet and that was when I saw them: Alice and Louis against the bar, their heads close together. Not close enough that they were kissing, but too close for comfort, close enough that they could have an intimate, private conversation and Louis could look down the front of Alice’s dress.
I turned away because I didn’t want to see what might happen next, which had to be a kiss, and there was Francis standing in front of me.
22
‘Hey,’ he said. ‘You going to The Market Diner?’
‘Well, yeah, but…’
‘If we go now, we can beat the queue and get a table and chips, before they say that it will be another ten minutes for chips,’ he told me, like we were cool and anyway…
‘It doesn’t matter what time you get there, they always say it will be another ten minutes for chips,’ I pointed out. ‘Anyway, I’m going to the Diner with my friends and I think we’ve already established that we’re not friends because you think I’m a pretty crap excuse for a human being.’
‘I don’t think that,’ Francis said. ‘That was my turn to be a twat. I’m trying to say sorry and I’d really like to do it by buying you a polystyrene container full of chips.’
I didn’t want to give in that easily, because I never gave in that easily. ‘It’s styrofoam, not polystyrene,’ I said, but I was walking off the dance floor with a sideways glance at Francis so he knew to follow me as I went to get my jacket and my bag.
‘Seriously, do you even know the difference? Does anyone?’ he asked and because he was talking to my back, he couldn’t see me smile.
Raj and Bethany were nose to nose and he just flapped a hand at me when I said I was going to the Market Diner, even though he’d promised to walk me home so I didn’t get abducted by sex traffickers.
We were the first people to leave The Wow. Everyone else was slowly congregating in the foyer and huddling in preparation for what would be an icy, windy dash to the diner because we were deep in November now and those Atlantic Ocean winds took no prisoners.
‘Shall we save all our breath for walking superfast and keep the rest of my apology for when we’re sitting down with hot chips?’ Francis shouted. I wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to hear my reply over the howl of the nor’-easter.
As it was, my eyes were watering and it was a relief when Francis tucked his arm in mine and we half walked, half ran to the Diner.
It was a miracle but the chips, all golden and sizzling, were ready and as Francis went to get ours I repaired my mascara, which had run down my face in grimy black rivulets. Then I patted down my fringe, and decided against more lipgloss. It would only disappear after the first sip of tea and it was only Francis. He didn’t care if my lips were glossy or not.
But he did care enough to bring me a choice of condiments on the tray with my chips and my tea. I snagged a couple of sachets of brown sauce and spent long moments drizzling them over my chips and when there wasn’t anything left to drizzle I had to look up at Francis.
He was staring at me. Not in a creepy way, but a thoughtful way. ‘So, sorry,’ he said. ‘For behaving like a twat and jumping to conclusions.’
Just this once, I realised I had to let something go. ‘I think you have a free pass on the twatdom because your dad’s not well, but don’t push it.’
He smiled ever so faintly. I’d forgotten how much cuter he looked when he smiled. ‘Reckon I won’t be able to use it for at least another month.’
I really wanted to smile too. ‘At least.’ I took a sip of tea. ‘How is your dad then? Is he over what he had to go to hospital for? I tried to ask Louis what was wrong with him but he wasn’t very helpful.’
I took another sip of tea and it turned to ashes in my mouth because I’d mentioned Louis and just as Louis had brought Francis and me together, he also pulled us apart, but Francis shook his head and smiled again.
He’d put on a grey woolly beanie before we’d left The Wow and he hadn’t taken it off, so for once, without his hair in the way, I could see his face. The strain of the last week had put hollows underneath his cheekbones and painted dark circles around his eyes. ‘My dad had an infection and it gunked up his kidneys. That’s the proper medical explanation. It made him go a bit daft in the head, until they pumped him full of drugs and put him on a rapid drip to kickstart his kidneys again. I bet the explanation you got from Louis was a bit more basic than that.’
‘Way more basic than that.’ I rested my elbows on the table. I was vaguely aware of the door opening and letting in an icy blast of air along with the first wave of Wow-ers, but mostly my attention was focused on Francis. ‘I’m glad he’s better. Must have been scary.’
‘It was. Still is. It’s like we know how our bodies work. That they need food and water and sleep and then they pretty much do what we want them to do when we want them to, but my dad’s body…’ He stopped to eat a chip and almost choked on it. I reached across the table and rested my tea-warmed hand on his.
I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing, but curled my fingers round his taut, white knuckles and
stared at our hands until I heard Francis take a deep breath and I knew it was all right to look up.
‘My dad’s body has become a prison,’ he said quietly. ‘He’s trapped inside it. It’s stopped doing what it’s meant to. Now it does all this weird, unpredictable stuff and he’s in pain all the time. I can’t even imagine being in pain all the time.’
‘Neither can I.’ In that moment I felt closer to Francis than I’d ever felt to anybody, even Alice. No one had ever been this honest with me, this brave. ‘I’m glad you told me. You can tell me anything and you don’t have to worry that I’d tell anyone else. I’m really good at keeping secrets.’
‘Oh, don’t, Franny. You’re making me feel even more of a twat than I was already,’ Francis said and in the time it took him to smile crookedly, he shifted so I wasn’t holding his hand any more and for one brief second he was holding mine instead. Then he patted it clumsily and let go so we weren’t touching and were simply two people sharing a table. It still felt intimate. ‘Anyway, I spoke to Louis again and he said that when you saw him in the library all you wanted to talk about was me.’
‘Well, no, not quite,’ I said quickly, because even though Francis and I were having a moment – or so many moments all strung together that actually they went beyond anything as temporary and disposable as just a moment – I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. ‘I just wanted to make sure your dad was OK. Though we all wondered if you’d been sacked for hanging out with us when you were meant to be working.’
‘Yeah? They wouldn’t sack me. I’m the only one who knows how to repair the overlocker that you guys keep jamming up.’ Francis grinned. He wasn’t looking so sad now and there was the tiniest twinkle in his eyes, though that could have been the reflection of the strip lighting. And with all his hair tucked away, I suppose you could call him attractive. Not really hot, he was a bit too sharp for hot, and he could never come close to Louis for sheer male beauty, but he was all right to look at.
‘I never jam the overlocker,’ I protested, and I had to tell him about Sandra and Karen sexually harassing Amir. Then I had to tell him about Julie Christie in Billy Liar and then I had to tell him that the purple lady had a new shopping trolley, which was purple too and then, when he could finally get a word in, Francis told me about a video he was making where he edited together lots of clips from old sci-fi movies set to a track from the last Daft Punk album. And then he reminded me that Thee Desperadoes’ gig in London was next weekend and I was just giving him a tenner towards the petrol when the last stragglers from The Wow turned up.
‘Ten minutes for chips!’ went the cry and I barely had time to glance up before a hand was descending towards my plate.
‘Budge up, Franny B,’ Louis demanded, sliding into the booth next to me. ‘And don’t hog the chips!’
At the counter a blissed-out Raj was surrounded by Desperadettes, and Louis was eating all my chips and grinning at us. ‘So, have you two kissed and made up, then?’
‘We’ve made up,’ I muttered as Francis told Louis to ‘shut it’.
Shutting it was not something Louis liked doing – I was starting to realise that. ‘Like I said, Franny doesn’t need an excuse to come and talk to me. You can talk to me any time,’ Louis offered kindly. I slumped down in the seat and wondered whether I could make my head completely disappear into my neck. ‘Anyway, all we talked about was your dad’s piss.’
I didn’t care that Louis was the walking embodiment of my teenage dreams made real. I elbowed him so hard that he almost landed on the floor. ‘Don’t start all that again.’
‘See, I told you she goes bright red every time I talk about piss.’ Louis actually had the nerve to laugh and maybe it was just as well that he wasn’t the most… intellectually gifted boy on the planet otherwise he might have guessed that a) I went bright red most times I spoke to him and b) that was because I was pining for him so hard.
Maybe I hadn’t been pining quite so hard for Louis lately but I’d had a lot on my plate and as soon as I thought it I was swivelling round in my seat. ‘Where’s Alice?’ I asked. I couldn’t even say her name now without my mouth twisting into a horrible shape.
‘Her dad came and picked her up. Apparently she has to be in by eleven-thirty. How lame is that?’
I wasn’t going to be that girl who ran other girls down but… ‘So lame,’ I said with my best sneer. When I looked over at Francis he was sneering too, but it wasn’t about Alice having to be home before midnight.
‘Don’t,’ he said, very quietly, so only I heard because Louis was shouting across the Diner to ask Thee Desperadettes how much longer the chips were going to be. ‘Just don’t, Franny.’
He was right. I was being all wrong so I nodded and Francis raised his eyebrows at me, before he relented and smiled another one of his crooked smiles and then Raj, Lexy and Bethany came over and insisted that we all scooch even though our table was only meant to have four people sitting round it.
Later, when the last cold chip had been mopped up in the last congealed slick of ketchup and no one had money for any more tea, we left the Market Diner.
Thee Desperadettes and Raj all lived on the wide avenues off the High Street. Raj cast a longing look at Bethany who smiled encouragingly, then he turned to me. ‘I’ll walk you home, right?’ He sighed.
I didn’t want to get in the way of someone else’s potential snog, but I also didn’t fancy getting abducted on my long, lonely walk along the seafront. ‘Well, it’s just…’
‘I was heading that way,’ Francis cut in casually. I would much rather Francis walked me home so we could talk about films and stuff, instead of Raj moaning that I’d cock-blocked him. ‘If that’s cool with you, Franny?’
‘Supercool,’ I said and that just left Louis, who slung an arm round our shoulders and said he’d come with us.
It was everything I’d ever wanted. Well, not everything: there was no kissing, no gazing into each other’s eyes, no chance for Louis to tell me that he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that the world was a more magical place with me in it.
But even so, it was still Louis walking me home. With Francis.
I was bookended by Desperadoes. Louis tucked his arm into mine, demanded that Francis, who seemed lost in thought, take my other arm, and off we went with Louis trying to persuade us that we should launch into ‘Follow The Yellow Brick Road’ from The Wizard of Oz.
‘It will be fun! Franny, you can be Dorothy and we’ll do the dance and everything,’ he pleaded. When I laughed because he had to be joking, Louis pouted. ‘Oh, come on.’
‘Please don’t make me,’ I said, as I tried to fight back the giggles. ‘You do not want to hear me sing.’
‘But you can’t sound any worse than Francis.’ Louis tried to skip but Francis and I refused to join in.
‘Seriously, you’re like a six-year-old girl trapped in the body of a twenty-year-old dude,’ Francis said. ‘Pipe down, you’ll frighten the seagulls.’
There were no seagulls. They usually stuck around during winter, but you never saw them at night. That was Louis’s next topic of conversation. ‘Do you think they hang out underneath the arches by the old marina, shooting the breeze? What does shooting the breeze actually mean anyway? How could you shoot a breeze? Why would you want to?’
It was as if every single thought that entered Louis’s mind came out of his mouth at the same time. It was kind of entertaining and Louis was tucked up in a navy peacoat and I didn’t even mind that he’d popped the collar because he looked so cute and snuggly but in a rock ’n’ roll way, but I also wished he’d shut up for even thirty seconds. I wanted to ask Francis if he knew any other cool bands from the sixties, and just before we’d left the Diner and Louis had been chatting to Lexy, Francis had quietly asked me how my mum was.
But I’d barely had a chance to tell him before the others had decided that it was time to leave.
It was all right though. Francis and I were friends again and on Monday we’d w
atch clips from black and white films and I could tell him stuff that I couldn’t share with anyone else because he was the kind of person who’d take your secrets to the grave with him.
That didn’t mean Francis was boring or dull, but he was a steady presence on my left, matching his pace to mine, while on my right Louis pranced and swung my hand and tried to pull me faster than I wanted to go.
23
My goal for the next week was to finish my leather dress to wear on Saturday when we went to London. My other goal was to get Mum to pay me back for all the money I’d loaned out to her when Dad was away.
On Wednesday evening she finally handed over one hundred and thirty pounds in used notes. She actually owed me closer to one hundred and twenty but she said that the extra was interest.